Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Aug 9, 2018 10:01:23 GMT -6
Oh my god I wasn't even thinking about the fact that the progesterone would keep me from spotting making it obvious I was miscarrying. Shit. Ugh, I wish I could fast forward this pregnancy. Well I obviously didn't help, sorry 😬 Realistically there would be other symptoms, and some women say they did spot while on progesterone, so it's not a fact. Just another thing my brain won't let me let go. No girl, it's fine. I'm just right there with you. I can't calm down about it. ❤ Most pregnancies proceed normally. Most pregnancies proceed normally. Most pregnancies proceed normally.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 10:33:07 GMT -6
Big PGAL hugs to anyone who needs one. It’s really hard.
**TW, Previous Early Pregnancy Loss**
This is just me, and my experience and my feelings, but I thought I’d share in case it’s helpful to someone.
My last loss was a CP, but when I got the first positives I was so freaking excited after over a year of TTC to finally see a line, I was going to burst. I told our good friends and their reaction was priceless, we jumped around the living room happy dancing. When my lines faded out a few days later, I felt so awful having to tell them and make them feel sad too. This was hardly my first rodeo and I felt ashamed, like I should have known better. Our friends were amazing, they left a care package and a card and they came for dinner soon after. They made us feel so much less alone and left me with memories of love and joy that I otherwise would not have had regarding that short little time pregnant. I can’t help but smile now when I think about how excited they were for us. I keep the card from them in my nightstand with my positive wondfos taped inside, and I’m not normally one to hang on to stuff. The gist is that I’m just so happy I had some memories for that pregnancy and got to celebrate it a little. It helped my grief a lot to have things to look at and touch and remember. My previous losses were in silence, lonely, and just sad. I went out and bought a few baby shirts as soon as my 2nd beta confirmed pregnancy this time (real talk, I almost threw up with nerves buying them). I’m crocheting little things for this baby, and pinning cute stuff on Pinterest, and most of our good friends and closest family members know already that we’re pregnant. It’s vulnerable AF but after my last loss experience I wanted to have some memories to smile about because that really helped my healing. I’m usually the superstitious, cautious type but I have flung myself into “hope doesn’t make bad things happen” because of my last experience with loss. All that said, I totally get it if you aren’t there right now. I respect it, I understand it, I have been there too. I’m just putting this out there as something that’s been really helpful to me, this time, in my current shoes. It’s also just good to reflect on where one is at PGAL wise, I guess, so there’s a bit of that here too.
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Aug 9, 2018 10:45:47 GMT -6
Total Anecdote and TW but with my miscarriage last year the baby stopped growing at 8.5 weeks. I didn't spot until 10+6. The actual miscarriage was the day after that. But in that 2 week period my symptoms really diminished. I wasn't as hungry, no nausea, i wasn't exhausted. And TMI I wasn't constipated anymore. Also The baby measured smaller than really possible based on the date my positive pregnancy test and when we had sex at my first doctors appt. So I would take comfort in symptoms and good ultrasounds with babies measuring correctly. I hope that helps.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 10:54:25 GMT -6
jewelsofthenile I’m so sorry for your loss and how hard that must have been. It’s tricky too because they always say symptoms lessening as first tri progresses is totally normal as the placenta takes over. I get what you mean about looking for comforts where they exist re: symptoms being present and having healthy scans. It’s helpful to look for reassurance where it exists.
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Aug 9, 2018 11:00:05 GMT -6
A day date sounds fun @jewelofthenile! What did y’all end up doing? So somehow I missed this. We watched a few episodes of orange is the new black, ate chipotle, and stacked firewood. It was romantic haha. I wanted to do dinner and a afternoon movie but this was cheaper and I pretty sure my husband enjoyed stacking firewood just as much as a movie.
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Aug 9, 2018 11:17:46 GMT -6
jewelsofthenile I’m so sorry for your loss and how hard that must have been. It’s tricky too because they always say symptoms lessening as first tri progresses is totally normal as the placenta takes over. I get what you mean about looking for comforts where they exist re: symptoms being present and having healthy scans. It’s helpful to look for reassurance where it exists. yes you are right about the symptoms lessening at the end of first tri, but my 2 previous pregnancies they started lessing after 10 weeks I remember being 9 weeks and thinking this is too early to feel this good. Tlex Thanks for the sympathy. It was definitely an experience. If it happens again this time I have no plans to ttgp again. I will take it as the universe telling me 2 kids is the right amount for me. 😊
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 11:22:49 GMT -6
jewelsofthenile I’m so sorry for your loss and how hard that must have been. It’s tricky too because they always say symptoms lessening as first tri progresses is totally normal as the placenta takes over. I get what you mean about looking for comforts where they exist re: symptoms being present and having healthy scans. It’s helpful to look for reassurance where it exists. yes you are right about the symptoms lessening at the end of first tri, but my 2 previous pregnancies they started lessing after 10 weeks I remember being 9 weeks and thinking this is too early to feel this good. Tlex Thanks for the sympathy. It was definitely an experience. If it happens again this time I have no plans to ttgp again. I will take it as the universe telling me 2 kids is the right amount for me. 😊 I hear you. They consider “mother says something doesn’t feel right” as a legit reason to follow up on a pregnancy in triage etc for a reason. And I’m in the same boat. After making it this far this time, if things don’t work out I will feel my feelings but let it be. I just cannot go through :::gestures::: all this again.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Aug 9, 2018 13:08:04 GMT -6
Thanks everyone. I'm trying to believe this will happen, because my losses were "only" cp's and I lost them the week I found out, with betas at only 6 a few days after the first positive test . Meaning that the only time I got this far (7 weeks) everything turned out fine. I just had such a hard time ttc, it was a long 15 months, and my h isn't super gung ho 2nd kid, he's just happy because he knows it's what I desperately want. It was rough to get him to "perform" on time each month, super stressful to our relationship. So I really don't want to go through all that again. He'd be happy to be OAD.
I am knitting a rainbow blanket and bought a onesie so I'm trying to believe it's really possible I could have another kid. Lots of people do, why not us?
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 13:14:40 GMT -6
Feelings can’t be helped or stopped,you’re doing great Yogurt. I have all the hope in the world for you. Can you AW that blanket please? At least when it’s done!
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remi
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Post by remi on Aug 9, 2018 13:18:27 GMT -6
I got rescheduled....again. And this time it’s just with the nurse. I’m so emotional and just wrung out by everything right now. I feel like symptom wise things are slowing down and it’s terrifying me. But there’s nothing I can do if I am miscarrying. So I guess it’ll just happen if it does. My boobs are still big but hey don’t hurt as bad. Nausea hasn’t been bad the past few days and I’m not really that tired. I’m constipated and gassy and bloated but that’s about it. I just want to scream.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Aug 9, 2018 13:19:50 GMT -6
Feelings can’t be helped or stopped,you’re doing great Yogurt. I have all the hope in the world for you. Can you AW that blanket please? At least when it’s done! Aw thanks. Right now its just a blanket corner and also I'm spending my last week of summer break as a lump, so this pic is from my bed, lol. Eta, tapatalk won't load the pic
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 13:21:13 GMT -6
Wish I could do something to help remi. I’m sorry it’s so torturous right now. I think early prenatal anxiety could be way better managed medically than it currently is.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 13:21:36 GMT -6
Feelings can’t be helped or stopped,you’re doing great Yogurt. I have all the hope in the world for you. Can you AW that blanket please? At least when it’s done! Aw thanks. Right now its just a blanket corner and also I'm spending my last week of summer break as a lump, so this pic is from my bed, lol. Eta, tapatalk won't load the pic It’s not letting me load pics either today, how rude.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Aug 9, 2018 13:23:10 GMT -6
Oh remi. I wish I could hug you. I'm no better, as I am a total anxious mess, but I am hoping all is well. Most pregnancies proceed normally, etc. Hey do you have an android? If yes, check out this app called FertiCalm. It had some good strategies in it. ❤ stay strong.
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remi
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Post by remi on Aug 9, 2018 13:26:03 GMT -6
Oh remi. I wish I could hug you. I'm no better, as I am a total anxious mess, but I am hoping all is well. Most pregnancies proceed normally, etc. Hey do you have an android? If yes, check out this app called FertiCalm. It had some good strategies in it. ❤ stay strong. I don’t have an Android. Maybe I’ll make H download it for me in his phone though. I’m sorry you’ve been here as well. I just feel more fraudulent because I haven’t gone through anything like you or the rest of the group has. So I feel guilt for feeling this way because I’ve never suffered. But I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because I’ve been so fortunate.
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remi
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Post by remi on Aug 9, 2018 13:29:29 GMT -6
I’ve been googling things all week and reading other forums and specifying missed miscarriages because I’m a glutton for punishment. It’s like all the positivity and hope has been drained from me. And I’m extra scared because DD knows and I had wanted to wait so much later to tell her anything. So if have to manage her pain as well as my own whenever something happens. And the nurse today was not listening to me and hearing what I was asking when she called to reschedule me. I’m like, really not stupid to be asking these questions or being upset because this is the 3rd time I’ve been rescheduled. I work for an OB provider and was just going off of what they have done with the pregnant women we see. And she just kept interrupting me and upping my anxiety. I don’t want to just talking to a fucking nurse. I want to speak with my doctor.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Aug 9, 2018 13:35:56 GMT -6
Oh remi. I wish I could hug you. I'm no better, as I am a total anxious mess, but I am hoping all is well. Most pregnancies proceed normally, etc. Hey do you have an android? If yes, check out this app called FertiCalm. It had some good strategies in it. ❤ stay strong. I don’t have an Android. Maybe I’ll make H download it for me in his phone though. I’m sorry you’ve been here as well. I just feel more fraudulent because I haven’t gone through anything like you or the rest of the group has. So I feel guilt for feeling this way because I’ve never suffered. But I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because I’ve been so fortunate. Oh don't feel like you don't "deserve" to be worried. Honestly from what I've read miscarriages don't even really significantly increase your chance of another miscarriage, so we are all equally likely to have good and/or bad outcomes. I was anxious my successful pregnancy too, from what I recall. Though, sometimes I have felt the same way, that I don't "deserve" to be as stressed because my losses were only chemical pregnancies and not "real" miscarriages. But I know that's bullshit. Hugs. Big hugs.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 13:43:12 GMT -6
remi My BFF worked in an OB ward before having kids and for her first pregnancy she was absolutely stressed by knowing about all the things that can go wrong. It’s part of being an empathetic person, so don’t berate yourself for being concerned about things you’re educated on. You love and very much want your baby, of course you’re worried about it. Do you want to brainstorm strategies for dealing with anxiety? These days I feel like everyone is in therapy and knows some so if you’re well covered in that department, great. 🤗
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remi
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Post by remi on Aug 9, 2018 13:54:16 GMT -6
remi My BFF worked in an OB ward before having kids and for her first pregnancy she was absolutely stressed by knowing about all the things that can go wrong. It’s part of being an empathetic person, so don’t berate yourself for being concerned about things you’re educated on. You love and very much want your baby, of course you’re worried about it. Do you want to brainstorm strategies for dealing with anxiety? These days I feel like everyone is in therapy and knows some so if you’re well covered in that department, great. 🤗 I have no good coping strategies with stress. Aside from the breathing that I’ve done in yoga. And speaking of yoga I should do that because it does help with my stress but up until today I’ve been so tired and I can’t even do my normal stuff I should be doing around the house. So it ends up at the end of my list.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Aug 9, 2018 14:05:30 GMT -6
remi some of mine are: - picture the bad thing happening, imagine it as you dread it most. Let yourself ugly cry, feel scared, and feel whatever comes with it. Then picture yourself continuing life after the bad thing. Picture your depressed self still getting up and taking a shower, hugging your daughter and taking comfort in her love, feeling sun on your face again and knowing you’ll never be the same but you’ll live. - write down the thoughts in a private place like a journal or the notes section on your phone. When they don’t lurk in the dark corners of your mind, they have less power. - tell the thoughts to a friend, that makes them even more powerless. - if you have a friend who would be good for this, tell them you need a reality check. I have a friend I can say “I’m spiralling and I need help snapping out of it” and she will calmly reply “don’t borrow trouble. Stop. Put google down. Go breathe outside, go pet the dog, go make a snack, have a shower.” She doesn’t even have to know all the details, she just knows I need someone to tell me to stop. - read the mantras from PGAL, save them in your phone in the notes section and use them often - find a way to ground yourself in the present. Usually this involves engaging at least one of your 5 senses. Burn a candle, diffuse some oil, have a glass of water or a snack, pet an animal, colour a page in a colouring book, stretch, move around some furniture, reorganize a cupboard, listen to a song I’ll add more if I think of them!
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remi
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Post by remi on Aug 9, 2018 14:10:08 GMT -6
remi some of mine are: - picture the bad thing happening, imagine it as you dread it most. Let yourself ugly cry, feel scared, and feel whatever comes with it. Then picture yourself continuing life after the bad thing. Picture your depressed self still getting up and taking a shower, hugging your daughter and taking comfort in her love, feeling sun on your face again and knowing you’ll never be the same but you’ll live. - write down the thoughts in a private place like a journal or the notes section on your phone. When they don’t lurk in the dark corners of your mind, they have less power. - tell the thoughts to a friend, that makes them even more powerless. - if you have a friend who would be good for this, tell them you need a reality check. I have a friend I can say “I’m spiralling and I need help snapping out of it” and she will calmly reply “don’t borrow trouble. Stop. Put google down. Go breathe outside, go pet the dog, go make a snack, have a shower.” She doesn’t even have to know all the details, she just knows I need someone to tell me to stop. - read the mantras from PGAL, save them in your phone in the notes section and use them often - find a way to ground yourself in the present. Usually this involves engaging at least one of your 5 senses. Burn a candle, diffuse some oil, have a glass of water or a snack, pet an animal, colour a page in a colouring book, stretch, move around some furniture, reorganize a cupboard, listen to a song I’ll add more if I think of them! I love all of these and it exactly what I needed.
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pambee
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Post by pambee on Aug 9, 2018 14:16:29 GMT -6
Oh remi. I wish I could hug you. I'm no better, as I am a total anxious mess, but I am hoping all is well. Most pregnancies proceed normally, etc. Hey do you have an android? If yes, check out this app called FertiCalm. It had some good strategies in it. ❤ stay strong. I don’t have an Android. Maybe I’ll make H download it for me in his phone though. I’m sorry you’ve been here as well. I just feel more fraudulent because I haven’t gone through anything like you or the rest of the group has. So I feel guilt for feeling this way because I’ve never suffered. But I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because I’ve been so fortunate. You are carrying a precious baby inside of you, that qualifies you to worry just as much as anyone else. Please do not think that any of us are thinking that or would ever, there are no levels to how someone can cope or struggle. My first pregnancy after E I was so on high alert, for no real reason, I didn't have any obvious signs I was going to mc before I did, but I just KNEW so. much. more. at that point, and knowledge can be scary! I've been down the Google rabbit hole more times than I can count, and sometimes I found it comforting, other times it just put me more on edge, so I get it. Did you express your concerns with the nurse when she called to reschedule? Maybe if you called and let them know you were worried they would get you in sooner? I'm sorry you're having a hard time with them, I think so often they get in the groove of things and it's just day to day and forget that the name on the chart is a real patient, with real feelings and worries. One thing I've learned, it doesn't matter if your nurse/office thinks you're worrying too much or are annoying. You are your best advocate. And I'd rather my nurse roll her eyes when she sees I've called AGAIN than not and regret it. Hugs. Fx it's nothing, and I'll say try not to dwell on it but I know how that goes it can be totally normal for symptoms to come and go. ❤
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pambee
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Post by pambee on Aug 9, 2018 14:18:46 GMT -6
Today you are pregnant, and you love your baby!
You are pregnant until someone tells you otherwise. ❤
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remi
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Post by remi on Aug 9, 2018 14:37:26 GMT -6
I don’t have an Android. Maybe I’ll make H download it for me in his phone though. I’m sorry you’ve been here as well. I just feel more fraudulent because I haven’t gone through anything like you or the rest of the group has. So I feel guilt for feeling this way because I’ve never suffered. But I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because I’ve been so fortunate. You are carrying a precious baby inside of you, that qualifies you to worry just as much as anyone else. Please do not think that any of us are thinking that or would ever, there are no levels to how someone can cope or struggle. My first pregnancy after E I was so on high alert, for no real reason, I didn't have any obvious signs I was going to mc before I did, but I just KNEW so. much. more. at that point, and knowledge can be scary! I've been down the Google rabbit hole more times than I can count, and sometimes I found it comforting, other times it just put me more on edge, so I get it. Did you express your concerns with the nurse when she called to reschedule? Maybe if you called and let them know you were worried they would get you in sooner? I'm sorry you're having a hard time with them, I think so often they get in the groove of things and it's just day to day and forget that the name on the chart is a real patient, with real feelings and worries. One thing I've learned, it doesn't matter if your nurse/office thinks you're worrying too much or are annoying. You are your best advocate. And I'd rather my nurse roll her eyes when she sees I've called AGAIN than not and regret it. Hugs. Fx it's nothing, and I'll say try not to dwell on it but I know how that goes it can be totally normal for symptoms to come and go. ❤ I wasn’t able to tell her everything because she wasn’t really listening anyway. She just wanted to reschedule me and get me off the phone. So maybe I’ll call tomorrow again. Thank you so much for you encouragement, it helps to hear it.
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Post by tapdancer on Aug 9, 2018 16:56:41 GMT -6
Thank you for all the posts in this thread. I've been dealing with some bad PGAL brain lately and trying to think of ways to cope. Hang in there ladies.
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Aug 9, 2018 18:00:45 GMT -6
remi big hugs. I hope you can calm your fears and anxiety. I think yoga or a workout would help somewhat. You know endorphins. And hopefully your ob can check you out for some reassurance asap.
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Post by photomama2013 on Aug 12, 2018 7:32:01 GMT -6
I'm late to the game but here's my stats 😊
Weeks pregnant: 11+1
Baby is the size of a: fig
FTM/STM/TTM/etc: TTM
Team: green!
Appointments: I have a MW appointment Tuesday
Symptoms: headaches!
Raves: I am a car seat tech and I was doing checks at the local breastfeeding group. I was able to have the LC who is an RN find the heartbeat with the doppler last week! We saw it on the ultrasound but to hear it was amazing. The freestanding homebirth house I go to doesnt use a regular doppler, so I dont usually get to hear it. I was so excited!!
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Post by orangehibiscus on Aug 12, 2018 7:48:38 GMT -6
Welcome and congrats photomama2013! Glad you got to hear the heartbeat!
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bridge
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Post by bridge on Aug 12, 2018 13:18:11 GMT -6
There are such wonderful reposnses in this thread. This stage of pregnancy is so stressful ( I guess all stages are really for different reasons...) so it’s nice to hear different perspectives. I spent the first tri of my last pregnancy convinced I would have a miscarriage so I’m trying to be calmer this time around. I’m trying to shake the thought that if I worry that it will somehow prevent something bad from happening. I know it’s irrational but worrying has always seemed helpful in the the past. It’s been my body’s natural state for years but at this point it’s like a bad habit.
Anways, ive been meaning to contribute here for a while..
Weeks: 5+6
Baby is the size of a pencil eraser
STM
Team: Will be finding out!
Appts: I have my first appt tomorrow just to confirm the pregnancy and get a referral to the OB. I have to go to a high risk clinic because I had cholestasis during my last pregnancy
Symptoms: exhaustion, slight nausea but nothing too bad. I’ve also had some sharp pulling type pains on my left side when I stretch funny. I’m hoping that’s just muscles stretching or something..
Rants/raves: my in laws are current living with us while they build a new house and they are lovely people but totally overbearing so I really don’t want them to know yet. I’m hoping to keep it a secret at least until they move out in September but it’s going to be difficult because there are three family birthdays in the next few weeks and normally I would be drinking. I hate hate lying but I’m considering pouring ginger ale into a beer bottle because I just really don’t want the attention. I’m rolling my eyes at myself but they will drive me crazy if they find out..
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Aug 12, 2018 14:11:09 GMT -6
I've been on vacation all week, so I haven't been around much. A little late, but here we go!
Weeks pregnant: 8w0d
Baby is the size of a: kidney bean
FTM/STM/TTM/etc: STM, 4th pregnancy
Team: Finding out
Appointments: Finally this Thursday. I'm going to a new office. However, work wants to send me out of town for the day, and I really don't want to reschedule again (appt was supposed to be last week, and I rescheduled for vacation). I think I'm going to tell work I can't go on the trip, which seems very extra to me but I don't care.
Symptoms: Tired. Occasional nausea. Boobs hurt when my 3 y.o. jumps on me.
Milestones: I am hoping for a good appt and ultrasound, then I would be past 1 of 2 milestones.
Rants/Raves/Vents: I don't want to go back to work tomorrow! Haha.
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