I need your help

[wedding]

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[lfig]

Oh wedding, I can only imagine the feelings you are having. There are many factors to think about. I would be honest with YH. Tell him how your feeling, and see how he would feel about it if you were to proceed to have a social drink every now and then. How would it make him feel, if it would change the dynamic in your relationship and how. The decision as to whether to move forward or not is something only you can decide, but I think you need to at least talk to him about it all since so much of your lives have developed within your sobriety together.

[kim22]

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[guster]

I'm sorry you're going through such a struggle with this.

I think I would talk to YH about it. Tell him that you had a sip of wine because you've been thinking about it and that you're considering trying a drink, socially.
Are these conversations that have come up in the past? If they have, what has his reaction been?
How does he do in social settings where there is alcohol?

[chrisy01]

If you are only having the one sip, don't say anything unless he asks then be honest. If you want to have a social drink every once in awhile then I would talk with him. See his thoughts and make sure he can mentally handle it.

This is a huge step for you and him. Big hugs. We are here for you and will support your decision no matter what.

[wedding]

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[guster]

Poof!

[mskatiep]

My mom is a recovering alcoholic, and I know in recovery they told her that there is really no such thing as social drinking for those with the addiction. It's a slippery slope. But, after 19 years, I'm sure your brain has reconditioned and I don't think you would be as much at risk, as your threshold is likely much lower now.

As far as your husband goes, I would definitely talk to him. He may not necessarily need you to remain a nondrinker for him to maintain sobriety. But that's a pretty big risk, and I think he definitely needs to be on board.

I'll be thinking of you, this is a hard decision for sure. If things go south for either one of you, know that you've gotten sober it once, you can certainly do it again.

[wedding]

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[trtlcrzy]

I would talk to your H and see how he feels about it. I come from a long line of alcoholics and seem to have missed that gene so it is possible that you may not go back to it. Do you think you could stop at 1 or 2?

[Sunny41]

wedding first, you and yh have done a great job staying sober all these years. Most of us wouldn't second guess 1 drink and it is good that you are thinking this out. I think you absolutely should tell yh. Not only is it about being honest but also accountability. It is clear you already have some guilt about not telling him. Why don't you want to tell him? Because he will tell you not to? Because it will tempt him?

Since you have been without for so long I would continue to be without. How long did it take for you to decide the 1 drink was ok yesterday? Was it impulsive or long thought out? Would you be able to limit yourself to 1 drink a month? If the drink was impulsive then I would suggest staying away from drinking.

Sorry, these are steam of consciousness questions.

[wedding]

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[trtlcrzy]

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[jewels]

I think you need to discuss your feelings about this with your H. Then make your decision about if you feel comfortable dabbling again after you know his feelings

If he says it’s a deal breaker, would you still want to do it?
If he says it’s not a deal breaker, but it makes him uncomfortable, would you still do it?
But also, he may think it’s no big deal, or just ask you not to drink around him

The only way to know is to talk about it

I definitely agree with others that if you do decide to drink again that you need to be open with him about it

[wedding]

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[slenle]

wedding. You’ve gotten some good advice. I agree that you should talk to dh and be upfront and honest with how you’re feeling. And try not to feel guilty about the one sip you had.

If he is okay with it and you decide to have a drink, I think you’ve got it right to start with your mom or someone you are very comfortable with.

[snoopmommymom]

wedding i think you’ve gotten great advice so far. I definitely think you should talk to YH if you want to try to socially drink. Because I’m sure the last thing you want to do is test his sobriety.

Whatever you decide we are here for you. And if you do start to drink and we (or you) think it might be getting out of hand, i hope we can all be honest with each other. Xoxo

[wedding]

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[trtlcrzy]

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[wedding]

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[trtlcrzy]

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[xolastunicornxo]

First off, hugs wedding. This is a big decision and a tough one and I give you lots of props for being honest with yourself and thinking it out instead of acting impulsively.

I think you should be honest with your dh and see where his headspace is out. I would worry if you weren’t honest and did decide to drink the guilt would really mess with you.

20 years is a long time, and it sounds to me like you were an adolescent going through a really tough time and binge drinking to escape. Personally I think a lot of kids go through periods of drinking WAY to much (myself included) and eventually mature and grow out of it. I think you made the right decision to stop drinking back then with the depression and cutting, but 20 years later as a happily married adult mother and wife I think you have a right to re-evaluate.
That was all very stream of thoughts, so I hope it’s not to jumbled.

Whatever you decide we love you and support you.

[lahdeedah]

Just wanted to say everyone gave great advice. It sounds like this is something you have thought about for a long time, so maybe just open up the conversation with Yh about it. See where his head is about it and go from there.

Hopefully you and your friend are able to get to the bottom of your feelings so you can move forward with whatever it is you want to do.

We’re here for support no matter what.

[vino]

You’ve gotten some great advice and I think it’s awesome that you’re being honest with yourself and allowing yourself time to navigate through this. I agree to chat with YH about it, start a conversation and see where it goes.

Whatever you decide we’re here for you and love you. Thank you for sharing 💜

[klong11]

What did you do tonight?

Disregard, I went back and read the original post.

[nam2013]

wedding I think others have great advise and I don’t have anything to add, but it felt weird reading all this and not saying anything. Almost 19 years sober is a long time, I think it is a good idea to talk things over with your H and see where he stands and go from there. Where here if you need support or just want to talk.

[peachsmama]

I didn't want to read and not post. I dont have any more advice than you've been given. I think you have a good plan set in place and I hope he is open minded when you discuss with him.

[dapostrophe]

Just seeing this and I also did not want to read without comment. I have some experience with addiction, not personally, but with loved ones. I understand this is a big decision after so long sober (congrats on 19 yrs btw!) I have family members who have had full blown interventions, joined AA, gone completely sober, and then have returned to concious drinking successfully. The key seems to be those who had the will power to quit for a long time, which you and YH clearly do. There also seems to have to be an openness to being accountable to more than one person. Meaning, it could not just be your spouse who you discuss your drinking with, but also another trusted family member or friend. Kind of like a sponsor, but different since you are drinking. Also, what would be the worst case scenario plan if things go awry? You have to be able to allow the thought that you are human and may slip up or overdo it at some point, but it helps to have a clear agreement up front between you and your trusted network on what would indicate a serious problem and what next steps would be.

When you talk to YH I would just be very calm and reiterate it is something you have been considering and maybe check in with him too. You never know where he might be on this after all this time sober (would you be comfortable with him also returning to social drinking)? I would approach it in the sense that you are partners in this and are making decisions as such. I think the sip of wine is less important to mention, unless it has some sort of significant impact on you (such as increasing your urge to drink). But only you know if that is an important part of the story between you two.

Good Luck, and you have our support in whatever you decide!

[wedding]

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[wedding]

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