baptisms/christenings/naming ceremonies/etc

[calendula]

Talk to me about religious ceremonies for our March/April babies. 

We are Protestant and had DS baptized at our old church. We didn't find a new church once we moved. We haven't renounced our faith or anything, but it just doesn't play as much of a role in our life as it once did. There is a UCC church in our town we could go to, but part of the liturgy around baptism is about the congregation pledging to support the child, and I feel uncomfortable about going through those motions if its not genuine. Like a "driveby" baptism. 

My mom proposed having it done at my parents' church. They are 5 hours away, so some of the same issues remain, but its a church home to my family at least, and I do know their pastor fairly well. Most of the people who we would be inviting would have traveled from out of town to us, but its an equal distance in the opposite direction for them to get to my parents, so most family members wouldn't be traveling any further. And as an added bonus my brother is chief lieutenant of the volunteer fire department in that town, so we could use the hall and host a reception very inexpensively. 

Other options would be to not do it at all or host a non-religious alternate ceremony. I don't really like either of those options despite not feeling motivated about joining a church. 

What would you do? 

And tell me about your ceremonies and family traditions. What have you done, what are you not doing?

[cornpop]

I would do it at your parents church. I think they'll love that it was at a church that is important to them.

We are not religious at all, but I do love the concepts of godparents. I always felt a special relationship with my godparents and I wanted my girls to have that, just without the religion aspect (please don't hate me). So E has a non-god godfather (my brother) and a non-god godmother (my H's sister). N only has a non-god godmother (my best friend). There's no other male in our lives that we're as close to that I'd want to be her godfather.

[Leaf 🌱]

I would do it at your parents’ church for sure. I’m sure your parents will love showing off your family and their friends will understand not having a great local option.

We don’t do anything bc I’m surrounded by ultra conservative baptists and super hardcore Catholics. No church home for us here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[clementine]

+1 to doing it at your parents’ church. I’m sure it would be special for your parents to have it there, and it seems like you have closer ties to that church than any other one.

I was actually just thinking about this the other day. I grew up Lutheran, baptized, confirmed, but don’t attend a church here. We still go when we’re at my parents for Christmas, but that’s it. I still believe and practice in my own way, but like calendula, my faith doesn’t play a huge role in my life at this point. H’s family never really did church or anything, and he’s really not into religion. We’ve discussed L’s future with regard to religion, and decided that we’ll leave it up to him to decide when he’s old enough, although I’m not really sure how this will work in reality. So do we even baptize him? I know it’s super important to my parents, I’m on the fence, and H is a no.

I guess baptism is just a small part of our overall plan for raising L with/without religion. Like how would he realistically choose religion/faith if it’s not something he grew up learning? I mean I know at some age, he’ll hear about it or experience in some way, and then may choose to pursue it further. But I feel like that’s a lot less likely. I’m perfectly fine with whatever he chooses, I’m just not quite sure how to balance raising him with religion vs. teaching him about it vs. making him aware of it but not pushing it on him. Ahh I keep putting off these questions, but I know H and I need to figure this out.

[cp3]

I would do it your parent's church. It would be special for them and you will be close to your family to celebrate.

We are in a similar boat as you. We both grew up Catholic and baptized D1 at my mom's church which we registered at and attended. We both knew the priest as he was from our hometown and really liked him. He retired last year and we do not like the new priest. I also know him from when I was younger and used to alter serve for him.

There aren't any other Catholic churches close to us so I'm debating about just getting her baptized at the church we are registered at even though we don't like the priest and haven't been attending much since he took over. I'm also torn on picking Godparents. As most of our family has kind of faded away from the Catholic church and there are certain requirements for Godparents so it's hard to think of who would be a good fit all around.

[mrsmonogrammed]

I would totally do it at your parents church!

I was just thinking about this the other night. I’m not sure when the best time for his baptism is, not to mention who we would pick for god parents. My DD was baptized at 2 months and we just did a small reception at our house. I’m wondering if we could get away with doing it early October? I’d just host a brunch afterwards but maybe at a restaurant this time so cut down on clean up!

[alwayscheese]

We are Christian and it plays a big part in our life, as does our church. However we don't baptize until they are old enough to make the decision on their own, usually in their teen years.

I did choose an unofficial "godfather" for DS, basically just a special mentor.

[babybean]

I’d do it at your parents church.

So, I don’t like my MIL but I thought it’d be nice (for her) to get to do DS’s naming ceremony, which she did last September. I don’t think I want her doing DD’s but we’ll do her naming ceremony in Ojibwe tradition too. I kind of liked that DS was older for his so we could see his personality, but I’m interested to see what name DD would get at a younger age before her personality has really blossomed.

[woodenshoes]

I think doing the baptism ceremony at your parents church sounds like a good option especially if you are pro infant baptism.

Religion is very improtant to our family. We are active members in the church we attend. DH and I were both raised in a denomination that does infant baptism. DS1 was baptized around 4 months at the church we were attending then. It caused a bit of an uproar because they generally do infant dedication and baptism when you profess your faith are old enough to understand what it means to be baptized. Do to the uproar it caused it caused we transferred churches to a church that was my husband’s denomination growing up and the denomination I was growing up is a break off of the denomination. DS2 was baptized the beginning of July. There were about 20!family members there. Most of our family lives out of town (10+ hours away) so that was a big number for us. After church we had a celebration (brunch and cake) at a nearby restaurant. It was perfect for us.

[calendula]

Jul 26, 2018 19:10:40 GMT -6 babybean said:

I’d do it at your parents church.

So, I don’t like my MIL but I thought it’d be nice (for her) to get to do DS’s naming ceremony, which she did last September. I don’t think I want her doing DD’s but we’ll do her naming ceremony in Ojibwe tradition too. I kind of liked that DS was older for his so we could see his personality, but I’m interested to see what name DD would get at a younger age before her personality has really blossomed.

Can you tell me more about Ojibwe naming ceremonies? I would love to learn more about those traditions! Is the heritage on your side too or your husbands?

[babybean]

calendula I messed up quoting so copied and pasted with a tag instead.

MH’s, he’s only part Ojibwe and he isn’t extremely involved but aspects of the culture are important to us both. In Anishnaabe teachings everything has a name, given by the Creator. I’m not good at articulating, but when someone is named the Creator ‘sees’ them for the first time, makes a place for them in the afterlife and there’s better means of connection to their ancestors. You offer tobacco to an Elder/medicine person and in time the Creator tells them the child/persons name, often done through dreaming or fasting. The Elder bestows the name at the naming ceremony. (When people make “spirit animal” jokes or comments, this is essentially what they’re referring to. It irks me and is inappropriate IMO, but anyway!) it was a very special experience having DS named. I’m not Indigenous but it brought me a sense of joy and peace and I cried a little. DS loves berries and there were a bunch at his ceremony so he talks about that when you talk about his spirit name lol.

[calendula]

Jul 26, 2018 21:23:13 GMT -6 babybean said:

This is really neat, thanks for sharing. So you selected your MIL to be the Elder for your DS's naming? Can I ask what his name is? 

As an aside, I've long known that "spirit animal" jokes were a cultural appropriation and disrespectful at best, but didn't know the full story. You're right to be irked! 

[babybean]

Poof

[calendula]

babybean, sorry I'm grilling you, lol! I like learning about other people's traditions.

beautiful meaning!

[dizzycooks]

We did baptism last weekend. If you don’t have a church home I’d certainly see no reason to do it at a grandparents curb if it’s important to you. I struggled with godparents this time around, choosing who we want vs who we should pick. We followed it with a lunch at our home. I’m glad it’s done, but it was a lot of work.