Baby shower dilemma (XP w Pregnancy)

[addymac]

Hey ladies...

So here's my situation. We don't live near ANY family at all. Most of our close friends have moved away in the last year since everyone moved here for graduate or medical school and recently graduated. Our college friends are on either coast, not the Midwest. So I can count on one hand how many girlfriends I have left here to invite to a baby shower.

My sister is flying in and visiting the weekend of July 1. She offered to throw me a baby shower. I have 4 friends I can invite because my bff is moving this weekend and my other close friend is OOT that weekend. No clue if the other 4 have plans (probably- it's the 4th of July weekend...). It just seems really lame and sad to have a shower with *maybe* 5 people total. And two are work friends, who should be planning a work shower, and one already sent me a gift, so I feel like I'd be double dipping into their time.

So my sister suggested just going out to brunch or going for mani/pedis with everyone. But she's not going to pay for everyone- so that seems wrong. Like if it were a legit baby shower she should host with food and what not... so I feel like she's trying to do the equivalent of a "bridal tea" and then friends can bring a gift if they want. But it doesn't seem like a baby shower, where the point is to bring the baby a gift. It seems like a hang out sesh, which is cool, but I don't think particularly appropriate to label as a baby shower of sorts.

But it makes me a little sad to think we won't have a shower to celebrate this baby. But my family didn't throw me a bridal shower either, so I get that it's not their thing. And work usually throws one for everyone, but I'm already 30+w and there's been nothing planned for work, so I'm feeling a little hurt that my friends at work may not throw me one, since that is the culture (and I had to suck it up and throw one for my work friend less than a month after my MMC because no one else cared to, or cared to think it might be hard for me to plan it.)

So, thoughts? Should I accept a brunch / girls day where they could bring a gift even though it will be like 4 people there? Or just decline? It just seems lame/sad and honestly DH and I have been struggling with the friends department since everyone started moving and are hoping DHs new job will help us find new friends.

[cali]

I'm sorry addymac. I kind of feel your pain on making friends, it's hard as an adult! Ever since we moved to the burbs I feel like my and I have so few friends! If I didn't have a large family nearby I'd be in your same situation.

It's really a personal decision as to what you feel comforable with. I think having a small girls get together sounds kind of fun but I can see where you would feel weird about asking people to pay their own way, especially if it's mainly work friends and you think work people might throw you a work shower.
Will some of your family come into town once baby is born? Can you maybe have a small party to celebrate baby then? And if work doesn't end up doing something, maybe you can include your work friends then? Just an idea.

[elliecat17]

addymac Making friends really is hard! MH and I have none left in the area. Our one couple friend moved away last year, and since then we haven't managed to make any new friends. I don't even have family in the area, so we aren't having a shower at all because no one has offered. However having a girls get together might be fun, but asking them to pay is a little odd. You could always reach out to them and see how they feel about it. If they don't like the idea of paying, maybe there is something else you could do, like host a small tea at your place. Perhaps even plan a craft or two that everyone could make for baby, then they don't feel like they have to bring a gift!

[flippinchica]

I had a similar issues and we had a small shower and it was fine. There was my mom, mil, 2 sisters, my next door neighbor my one friend in town and my DH best local friend's wife. We played a game and ate and opened gifts and it wasn't weird. I say do whatever you feel most comfortable and it will be fine. Even if it isn't a shower per se people will probably bring gifts. Enjoy it.

[LED]

My baby shower was "lame," with only my friend and her husband, two of her friends that I had met 2-3 times before, my sister, and my aunt. We went out for dinner and a few of them brought gifts. It wasn't the baby shower I had been dreaming of for seven years, but I don't live near much of our friends or family anymore. It was still a good time and better than nothing. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice, though. Just that you can still do something even if there are only a few of you there.

[addymac]

Thanks for everyone's thoughts/advice/suggestions, ladies! I guess lame isn't the best term - more like awkward? But I think I'll just enjoy time with my sister and let it go, as someone else mentioned that doing something the weekend of the 4th July it's kind of late to invite people to something. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oh well. I know this baby is loved and that's what matters.

[addymac]

Jul 2, 2017 3:26:02 GMT -6 @starzia said:

addymac I know I'm bumping and old thread and this might already be resolved but did you make a registry? I think your friends and family would still like to support you even if they can't physically be there. And also is your sister there now ? How's that going ?

We did make a registry.. and the only people who have bought us some stuff have been my parents and a cousin. And my friend from work who would be the person throwing the shower - and when I thanked her for the gift she was like of course! What else would I do for you and the baby? Sooo I have a feeling a work shower may not even happen, which whatever- I need to let it go, since people keep asking me when my due date is and what I'm having.

She is here. It's been good so far, actually. She's obsessed with touching my belly and yelps every time he kicks - I'm like stop yelping! It's been three days, get used to it lol. But I'm kind of like ok enough with touching the belly!! But also I feel like I'll be ready for her to leave tomorrow and she's here for another entire week.... we will see.