Delivery Anxiety

[Foxy]

Can any STM+ help me with delivery anxiety. I'm planning on taking classes but I also know that plans go out the window. Did you have anxiety before you delivered your first LO? Was it anything like what you thought?
I'm really scared that something is going to happen to me or my LO. It's something I can't even fathom going through.

[TashaLa]

I’m kinda a control freak, so the idea of giving birth was a little terrifying knowing that so much was out of my hands.
With that being said, I had a plan and prepared a lot. I wanted a natural met free birth, so read everything I could get my hands on. I also did self guided hypnobirthing recordings.
The fear is completely normal. I do think knowledge is power. The classes will help and hopefully empower you, but ask to hear about people’s birth stories. The more positive birth experiences I came across, the better I felt.

[sammysam]

I didn't take any classes at all...but I didn't have anxiety surrounding my first. I was mostly naive to all the possible complications. I went med free for 27 hours before having an ECS. I was not upset about it at all. It doesn't matter how LO gets here as long as you are both safe.

From someone who has gone through 2 nearly fatal pregnancy situations let me tell you this: the doctors are amazing. They know what they are supposed to do. Trust in that. They will make sure you and LO are safe.

I have lots of anxiety this time around because the thought of DD having to live without me makes me lose my breath. But then I remember what I said above. I've had 2 crap situations that both could have ended very differently. But they didn't. The doctors know what they are doing. We will ALL be fine!

[dashook]

Foxy my first birth was difficult, probably worse than I anticipated going in, but I got through it just fine. I took a class but probably could have prepared more. The only real anxiety I had going in was that my body wouldn’t dilate (which is what happened to my mom) and that I would need a c-section. I was just scared about having surgery but you know what, if it had happened it would have been fine too. I think it’s important that you have a medical team that you trust to listen to you but also to guide you through decisions as they come up.

With my second I really didn’t want to be induced again but it happened anyway because my blood pressure spiked in week 39 again. For her I did a lot more prep and wanted to learn more about pain management. I listened to hypnobirthing CDs and read the book. I also read TONS of birth stories and even watched birth videos on YouTube (especially unmedicated births). I was very calm and trusted my body a lot more during my second time giving birth. I highly recommend watching the videos if you aren’t too squeamish. They are beautiful and very empowering. Your body can do amazing things and if you have trouble your doctors and nurses will be right there to help.

[tngrl3]

I hesitate to respond because I don't want to add to your anxiety, but I think being prepared for all possible scenarios is important. With my first I was determined to have a med free birth. I did my research and trusted that my body could do it. I was 30 and in the best shape of my life before getting pregnant so I had no reason to think anything could go wrong. At 32 weeks all my plans went out the window when we discovered DS had IUGR (intrauterine growth retardation) and I ended up delivering at 34w via emergency c-section. I wasn't prepared for this at all so I struggled with processing it for a while. But I trusted my doctors and because I listened to their advice, I was okay and so was my son.
With DD I was prepared to try for a VBAC and again did my research. Clearly my kids like to screw with my plans even before they are born, because my BP spiked out of nowhere to ridiculous levels and my OB made the decision to go ahead and deliver immediately via c-section. Again not at all what I planned for, but I had complete trust in my OB and because of that once again we were both safe and healthy.
Finding a doctor you trust to me is so important. If you dont have a good feeling about them or question their advice, find a new doctor. Make plans and do your homework but also be prepared to scrap those if needed to make sure you and your baby are healthy in the end.

[Foxy]

Thank you ladies for sharing with me. My ectopic was almost missed by a Dr i'm not seeing now. It really made me question my own safety with Drs. I think I might tell my current Dr that. I wish I was like some of the other naive FTMs. 😕

[TashaLa]

Jun 21, 2018 20:15:54 GMT -6 Foxy said:

Thank you ladies for sharing with me. My ectopic was almost missed by a Dr i'm not seeing now. It really made me question my own safety with Drs. I think I might tell my current Dr that. I wish I was like some of the other naive FTMs. 😕

I would absolutely share that concern with your current OB, especially as you get further along.

[sammysam]

Jun 21, 2018 20:15:54 GMT -6 Foxy said:

Thank you ladies for sharing with me. My ectopic was almost missed by a Dr i'm not seeing now. It really made me question my own safety with Drs. I think I might tell my current Dr that. I wish I was like some of the other naive FTMs. 😕

This is the reason I'm going with the OB that I am this time. He was the one on call when I was admitten to the ER with my hemorrhage and he has already listened to a lot of my crazy at post op appointments so he knows I'm already super stressed. I figure him knowing this about me will be helpful. But if I feel uncomfortable about him at any time I'll have no issue switching so someone else.

[notagoddess]

+1000 to having health providers you trust. I would also recommend hiring a doula. I had one and it made me feel very prepared for birth.

Things didn't go quite as planned for my delivery. I had hoped for a med-free birth. After 16 hours of labor and no sleep overnight, in which I was throwing up and shaking nonstop, I decided to go for an epidural because I was utterly exhausted. Then I needed pitocin because I got stuck at 4cm. And I ended up having some complications -- I had a fever that was affecting DD's heart rate and I had to have a forceps delivery (otherwise a c-section) to get her out ASAP since she wasn't tolerating pushing. Everything was fine, but it was scary for a while.

Even though I didn't have my ideal experience that I hoped for, I felt great about everything and I was very happy with the delivery overall. I think this was because of my trusted team of providers, as well as being emotionally and physically prepared for multiple possibilities for how the birth went. I read a lot about natural birth, but I was also open to medical intervention and not hung up on some idea of "not doing it right." I do know many women who were devastated that their birth did not go as planned, and I think there is some unnecessary idealization of the birth process that can be harmful. You can plan for what you prefer, but in the end, you don't have that much control of how things will go.

[notagoddess]

Oh and Foxy, I don't know if this is something you would be interested in, but my provider did give me the option of requesting an elective c-section. I didn't consider it, but a friend of mine went that route and that was what she wanted.

[Foxy]

@notagodess i'm not sure about the planned c- section. I have my next appointment with my OB the week of the 4th and I'll share my concerns and see what she says. She might and probably will say something I didn't think of. I really like the Dr I have now. She is the one who did my laparoscopic. I just worry because you deliver with who ever is on call that day. I don't really want a c section but anxiety wise it might be better if i'm with someone I trust and everything is planned. I've got a lot to think about.

[notagoddess]

Foxy, definitely talk to your OB about your concerns.

Does your office rotate providers so you get a chance to meet all the OBs before you deliver?

[sammysam]

Foxy FWIW even though I didn't plan for a CS and the situation in which we found ourselves was...not the best...the CS it's self ended up being a great experience. I'm glad the next one for me has to be a CS and that I don't even have to make that choice. It takes the stress and the uncertainty of labour out of it for me.

Being the vain person I am I was most worried that I would have this ugly scar and wouldn't be able to wear a bikini again. Wrong. My incision was so low down that even the skimpiest of bikinis covers it. I was back in a bikini that summer and you can't even see the scar at all anymore. No one would ever know I had a CS if I didn't tell them.

I'm hoping they can make the second one as virtually invisible as the first.

[Foxy]

Jun 22, 2018 7:50:10 GMT -6 notagoddess said:

Foxy, definitely talk to your OB about your concerns.

Does your office rotate providers so you get a chance to meet all the OBs before you deliver?

They said I could rotate if I wanted to, but I don't. The dr that missed my ectopic is in the same practice. I just don't want to see her again. She was really nice, they are all really nice there, but nice doesn't make you competent.

[Foxy]

sammysam - i'm not really worried about the scars per say. I'm more scared that it's another surgery. The scars from my ectopic are barely noticeable and healing well, what's one more if it means bringing home a baby. 😍 I was reading the C section stories from the GD thread not to long ago, and it actually made me feel more comfortable getting one. I pretty much am expecting for something bad to happen and have to have an emergency C if it's planned it sounds like it's way less stressful. It really really helps hearing everyone's stories. It mentally prepares me for all of the things that can happen