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Post by AnnPerkins on Jun 13, 2018 13:05:13 GMT -6
There are layers because I'm asking you guys for help on how to get help because I'm an emotional onion.
I'm not one for feelings, or at least sharing my feelings out loud. Serious conversations scare the shit out of me, thus explaining my neverending quest to keep most interactions light and pithy. However, I currently feel like I am suffocating under the weight of all of my repressed emotions. I've been acting very withdrawn or blowing up in people's (my family's) faces for no reason. I always want to cry, but I don't know why.
I felt this way before after my son was born. I took medication and felt much better, but I'm realizing, for me, that a perscription was just a band-aid for my real issues. I'd like to pursue therapy first this time around.
I've contacted my insurance and have gone over my benefits. I have a somewhat overwhelming list of approved providers, but don't know where to go from here. And once I've found someone, how does this all go? What is therapy like?
I would appreciate a hand to hold as I start this journey, but please make sure it's not sweaty. I can't abide by clammy palms.
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gussie
Amethyst
Posts: 6,331 Likes: 18,769
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Post by gussie on Jun 13, 2018 13:15:17 GMT -6
Are there online reviews for any of the therapists? I always found mine through references, but that might not work for you if you don't want to ask around.
I've been to serval therapists at different points in my life. The first meeting was always daunting for me because I have bad anxiety, but they always made me feel super comfortable and I hardly ever got anxious to go back again. You basically just talk the whole time, they will guide you along the way. The sessions always went by fast for me, and every single time I went, it was completely worth it.
I know I should find someone again as life things pop up that are hard to deal with, but the person I saw last is no longer near me and it's hard to just pick somebody from a website. I hope you find what you are looking for, and I'll be here if you need a hand to hold, they aren't sweaty but they are always cold, lol.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2018 13:15:37 GMT -6
First, breath and allow me to internet hug you.
You did the right thing by looking for a provider.
Here’s what I do:
Decide if you have a preference on gender, age, etc. it’s ok if you do. I do. Most people do.
Look by location. You want someone who is convenient to you location wise so that you will follow though.
Then I jot down 5-6 I will research.
I go on their websites and take a look. Read their bio, take a look at their methodology, etc. You will get an idea of personality that way.
If none speak to you, go back and jot down 5 more.
Pick your top 2-3 and call or email them. At least one will not return your call or not take new appointments. Of the 1-2 that do, set up an initial appointment. Give it 2-3 sessions to determine if it’s a fit. It’s kind of like dating. It’s ok if it’s not. They are used to it. They may even recommend someone else.
A word about medication - therapy can take awhile to show results. Especially if you are not going weekly. Sometimes medication can get you over that hump until the results of your therapy work kick in. I’m not saying get on it and stay on it forever, but maybe consider that it is not all or nothing.
What else can I answer for you?
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Post by sheilathetank on Jun 13, 2018 13:16:21 GMT -6
I would take the 3 closest providers and google them for reviews and then pick one from that.
I've been going to my therapist for almost 8 years. At first I found it awkward. I HATE FEELINGS. I'd rather do anything then talk about them. So we talked about light things at first. My job, my family, my life. Then as time passed she would bring up things and relate them to past stuff I'd said and I'd be like "holy shit didn't think of that". She's given me coping mechanisms for when I feel like I'm going to lose it. Now it's more like a conversation. Some days I know what I want to talk about, others I don't and just talk about what happened since I last saw her.
If you don't connect with someone at first then that is ok. It does not mean therapy doesn't work, it just means that person wasn't right for you. Call the next one on your list and keep going. You've got this.
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pixie
Bronze
Posts: 127 Likes: 555
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Post by pixie on Jun 13, 2018 13:17:16 GMT -6
I would try to narrow down what it is you want from a therapist. Last time I therapy shopped I knew I wanted a woman who could offer me tactical solutions to helping me get over some half repressed/half SUPER not repressed family stuff. I also wanted someone in my age demographic. I don't know why, but I did. So I took my list of approved people and I googled them - read what they wrote about how they practice on their websites and psychology today. I called two different women and went with the woman who was the right mix of hippie feelings and concrete steps on working things through for me.
Starting is hard. Asking for help is hard! But you can totally do this. As to how therapy works, every week I sat on a couch and would talk. I told her about my parents, my siblings, and then I'd ask for help on feelings. It feels vague, but it's how it worked out. In those first few weeks I'd have what I called a "therapy hang over"; tired, eyes puffy, feeling too many feelings. It is really like peeling layers of an onion and the work is worth it in my experience. You can totally do this.
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Post by blurnette989 on Jun 13, 2018 13:18:33 GMT -6
For me once I had a list of providers I went to their websites (most had one) and read their bios. Based on what they chose to write about, I chose a few to have initial meetings with. I went in and talked about why I was there (I'd say exactly what you said in your paragraph above) and then they start asking questions. I ended up just meeting with two and liked one so I stayed with him for therapy.
It was a lot of me talking and the therapist asking questions to keep the conversation moving. I'm good at talking about myself so that was never an issue for me, but telling your therapist up front that you have difficulty with that can help them guide the conversation.
Hugs. Most days I came out of therapy feeling meh, but over time it really helped me. Just keep in mind it won't always feel good or easy but it really helps.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2018 13:19:17 GMT -6
In terms of what the actual appointment is like, it depends on their style. In typical CBT, it is discussing issues (recent or long standing) and digging deeper. A lot of it starts with recent/daily stresses and issues and then goes deeper from there. There may be knowledge shared about how the brain and body works, theories on relationships, etc. There may be some “homework”. I’ve even had a therapist that had me do art. That was a miss for me, but now I know. I prefer talking because I bottle everything up daily so it’s nice for me to have someone I can speak honestly to.
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Post by lucilleaustero on Jun 13, 2018 13:20:02 GMT -6
First, hugs. This is never easy. But, be so so proud for taking this first step.
Meds are great, wonderful, but they often work best with therapy.
I started with an appointment with my ob, who wrote a script and sent me on my way to a general family therapist to assess. She determined (correctly) that I need to see a therapist that specialized in post partum OCD. It was at this specialized therapist that I found someone that understood what was happening with me. We tried different techniques to deal with my intrusive thoughts, but found one that worked. My therapy and zoloft were a game changer for me. It was so nice to know that I did not have to live that way.
You are brave for putting yourself out there with this post. I will hold your hand.
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leahcar
Sapphire
Posts: 4,513 Likes: 18,931
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Post by leahcar on Jun 13, 2018 13:48:54 GMT -6
I didn't want to read and not answer given the subject matter.
I asked my primary care doctor for a recommendation and explored those providers. Now, do as I say- not as I do- because none of those recommendations took my insurance and so I just stopped.
You are brave for putting this out there and I think therapy will help lots.
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Post by prontopup on Jun 13, 2018 14:07:36 GMT -6
I was going to write a big thing down, but @juliagulia covered everything I was going to say in her initial post.
I know I may not post a lot, but I am here if you ever need an ear to vent.
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Post by AnnPerkins on Jun 13, 2018 14:25:36 GMT -6
First, breath and allow me to internet hug you. You did the right thing by looking for a provider. Here’s what I do: Decide if you have a preference on gender, age, etc. it’s ok if you do. I do. Most people do. Look by location. You want someone who is convenient to you location wise so that you will follow though. Then I jot down 5-6 I will research. I go on their websites and take a look. Read their bio, take a look at their methodology, etc. You will get an idea of personality that way. If none speak to you, go back and jot down 5 more. Pick your top 2-3 and call or email them. At least one will not return your call or not take new appointments. Of the 1-2 that do, set up an initial appointment. Give it 2-3 sessions to determine if it’s a fit. It’s kind of like dating. It’s ok if it’s not. They are used to it. They may even recommend someone else. A word about medication - therapy can take awhile to show results. Especially if you are not going weekly. Sometimes medication can get you over that hump until the results of your therapy work kick in. I’m not saying get on it and stay on it forever, but maybe consider that it is not all or nothing. What else can I answer for you? Thank you you so much for your insight. I get what you are saying about medication. I'm not at all opposed to it. Praise be to modern medicine and all of its wonders. It's just when I was on it preivously I treated it more like a cure than an aide. Like, "well I feel much better! Now I never have to worry about any of those slimy sludgy feelings again!" I need to learn coping mechanisms and how to express myself more freely. I want to feel better and do better. If meds are part of the plan that will help me get there, cool, but I know now that I need more than just pills alone. If that makes sense?
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Post by AnnPerkins on Jun 13, 2018 14:29:02 GMT -6
First, hugs. This is never easy. But, be so so proud for taking this first step. Meds are great, wonderful, but they often work best with therapy. I started with an appointment with my ob, who wrote a script and sent me on my way to a general family therapist to assess. She determined (correctly) that I need to see a therapist that specialized in post partum OCD. It was at this specialized therapist that I found someone that understood what was happening with me. We tried different techniques to deal with my intrusive thoughts, but found one that worked. My therapy and zoloft were a game changer for me. It was so nice to know that I did not have to live that way. You are brave for putting yourself out there with this post. I will hold your hand. I was thinking about contacting my ob tomorrow and asking for recommendations. She prescribed me the meds to deal with my ppd after my son was born. Thank you for sharing your story and for your support.
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ss265
Silver
Posts: 306 Likes: 915
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Post by ss265 on Jun 13, 2018 14:31:37 GMT -6
Lurker jumping in here. First of all hugs! Asking for help is the first step. I think PP have given you great advice. I've been seeing a therapist for the last 6 months and it's helped me. I was going through some major transitions in my life and I just needed help coping with it all. A good friend of mine recommended my therapist and I've been happy with her.
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Post by cakewench on Jun 13, 2018 14:42:40 GMT -6
Deciding I needed therapy was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, but it was also the most worthwhile. Major kudos to you for taking this step, it is the hardest one. Check to see who near you is in-network and accepting new patients. Most will have websites that share their backgrounds and how they work. See who is near you, read their bio, give them a call. If you don't feel comfortable after the initial appointment, it's totally OK to find someone else. They should make you feel safe and comfortable enough to share, and know how to guide the conversation to work on what you need to work on. Sharing will not always be easy, but a good therapist asks the right questions. They will not take it personally if you need to find someone new - they want to make sure you get the help you need. It is a lot of work, and it's not fast and it's not easy. But it is so worth it. Agree with PPs that if you need medication to help you as you go through therapy, absolutely look into it. Best of luck and lots of hugs. I've been in therapy for 12 years now, so any time you have questions or want to chat, this internet stranger is here.
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hawkward
Global Moderator
Loss, Infertility
Posts: 19,640 Likes: 123,094
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Post by hawkward on Jun 13, 2018 15:00:34 GMT -6
All of @juliagulia's suggestions are exactly what I would recommend.
I also started with my PCM for recommendations, and he gave me some anxiety meds to help me get through until I could get established with the therapist (I was basically in crisis mode by the time I saw him though).
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dc2london
Admin
Press Secretary
Posts: 61,763 Likes: 420,149
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Post by dc2london on Jun 13, 2018 15:36:53 GMT -6
Everyone else has covered the advice I would give you. But first of all, hugs to you.
While you work to find the right provider for you (and seriously, do not be afraid to try more than one. A good provider should always encourage you to find the right fit, even if they aren't it), I highly recommend The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. It opened my eyes to so much of my underlying anxiety and depression and gave me words for the things going on in my head, which helped my time with the therapist really productive.
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willow
Ruby
Posts: 19,642 Likes: 125,347
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Post by willow on Jun 13, 2018 15:38:08 GMT -6
I think you’ve gotten great advice so I don’t have much to add. I will echo that is totally worth it. I see my therapist once a month now and have been seeing her for just over 2 years now (first started seeing her once a week then graduated out). One of my favorite things about it is that I swear she has magical powers. She finds these crazy connections between my emotions and my life experiences that I had never thought of before and I am always blown away. Like how does she know me better than I do? It’s so helpful.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2018 17:57:56 GMT -6
First, breath and allow me to internet hug you. You did the right thing by looking for a provider. Here’s what I do: Decide if you have a preference on gender, age, etc. it’s ok if you do. I do. Most people do. Look by location. You want someone who is convenient to you location wise so that you will follow though. Then I jot down 5-6 I will research. I go on their websites and take a look. Read their bio, take a look at their methodology, etc. You will get an idea of personality that way. If none speak to you, go back and jot down 5 more. Pick your top 2-3 and call or email them. At least one will not return your call or not take new appointments. Of the 1-2 that do, set up an initial appointment. Give it 2-3 sessions to determine if it’s a fit. It’s kind of like dating. It’s ok if it’s not. They are used to it. They may even recommend someone else. A word about medication - therapy can take awhile to show results. Especially if you are not going weekly. Sometimes medication can get you over that hump until the results of your therapy work kick in. I’m not saying get on it and stay on it forever, but maybe consider that it is not all or nothing. What else can I answer for you? Thank you you so much for your insight. I get what you are saying about medication. I'm not at all opposed to it. Praise be to modern medicine and all of its wonders. It's just when I was on it preivously I treated it more like a cure than an aide. Like, "well I feel much better! Now I never have to worry about any of those slimy sludgy feelings again!" I need to learn coping mechanisms and how to express myself more freely. I want to feel better and do better. If meds are part of the plan that will help me get there, cool, but I know now that I need more than just pills alone. If that makes sense? That makes sense to me. It sounds like you have a good sense of self awareness and a strong motivation to work hard in therapy. Keep looking for a provider until you find someone that can help you put that to good use! I’m around if you ever want to talk specifics.
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Post by AnnPerkins on Jun 13, 2018 18:21:59 GMT -6
You guys are the best.
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Post by thebanich on Jun 13, 2018 19:01:34 GMT -6
My pcp gave me a list of people that took our insurance and I just picked at random a few to call. I had a semi-crisis after a bad reaction to some meds last week and I'm starting therapy again tomorrow. For me the most important thing was seeing someone soon. And when she called she was easy to talk to and I liked the sound of her voice. It sounds a little shallow maybe but I felt instantly comfortable telling her my situation.
Glad you are reaching out.
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peaseblossom55
Platinum
Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.
Posts: 1,461 Likes: 3,090
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Post by peaseblossom55 on Jun 13, 2018 19:34:53 GMT -6
I started therapy a month or two after my tfmr. I called therapists on the list. Some I left messages for they never returned my call others I spoke with and just felt meh about. Due to the main reason I was seeking therapy grief and dealing with the emotions of my tfmr I asked each one who I did speak with if they were ok with talking about my situation and not judge me. When I spoke with the woman who became my therapist in the few moments we spoke over the phone I felt a connection and I felt trust. I felt the same when I met with her.
Usually with each session I came to discuss items issues or whatever that was bothering me and my therapist and I would talk through those issues. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and my grief. I hope this was of some help and I hope you find someone wonderful to work with.
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ripper
Opal
Posts: 8,601 Likes: 30,205
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Post by ripper on Jun 13, 2018 21:37:55 GMT -6
I have found therapy to be way more useful than medication, in terms of change and growth. Good luck to you. You have made it through the hardest part, IMO.
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