Any experience hosting a foreign exchange student?

[inthekitty]

We are considering doing it but I think I might be crazy to add something else to our plate. It would be for the full school year starting in the fall. The kids in the program have travel insurance so they have access to medical care if needed. We would have our girls (4 and 6) share a room for the year so the exchange student (between 15-17) would have her own space. They would attend the local HS. We can take them on vacation with us. The program has a mediation/behavior plan in place in case there are issues but the kids have been heavily screened so major bx issues seem unlikely. They have kids available from various countries.


What questions should I ask the program coordinator?

Have you done it before? What was your experience?

Any advice?

[benandjerrys]

I worked for a company that did this. Find out if the organization is non profit or for profit. If it's for profit find a different company. Find out the actual numbers of kids from other countries. They often have one or two "token" kids from other countries and the rest from China.

I know all the ins and outs and horror stories so I don't think I'd ever do it, but lots of people have good experience with non profit organizations where the kids attend the public schools.

[brux]

My random anecdotes:
My former boss has had a grand old time with a high school senior from China as her exchange student. She helped with college applications, took her on cross country college visits, and the girl has settled in as a daughter.

My Step sister in law (who posts or posted here - hi thatblondie!) has hosted two different girls, I believe. I'm going to PM her to see if she has an account here to come talk about her experiences.

When I was in junior high (and my siblings in early elementary school), my family informally hosted a masters degree student for two years. We really enjoyed it. I think it can be fun for the kids to have an older person in the hosue to interact with

[charlotte]

My family did when I was in HS. After that experience (albeit I was a teen and not the adult of the household) hosting is not something I myself have a desire to do, though I can’t say our experience was bad.

[inthekitty]

May 8, 2018 12:22:15 GMT -6 charlotte said:

My family did when I was in HS. After that experience (albeit I was a teen and not the adult of the household) hosting is not something I myself have a desire to do, though I can’t say our experience was bad.

Can you expand on this? Did you just not like having to share space with another teenager?

[loony]

We had two boys from Hong Kong come while I was in high school. One broke his arm riding a bike for the first time and never spoke to us again and the other one has come to Christmas every year since and considers my mom a parental figure. He made a special trip to Napa just for his 21st birthday so we could take him wine tasting.

If I had time and space when my kids are a little older, I would totally host for short periods. These guys came for three months and through the summer.

[blurnette989]

MH and his family hosted a young Colombian man when they were all in high school. It was a great experience for them and MH is 40 and they are still friends today. We are planning a vacation to visit him and his family who now lives in France. So positive anecdote here.

[potatocakes]

We hosted two different students through YFU (would recommend this company/group over any others that I know of) - one when I was in high school (we shared a room) and one when my sister was in high school (they had their own rooms since I had moved out). It was a great experience for our family - I learned a ton about their culture (German), and we've been able to visit on various European trips, as well as having them come visit us in the years since. My exchange student came out for a Western US road trip last summer, and we got to spend time with her and her family, and we picked up where we left off, and very much have a sibling-like relationship, where we joke around, and can still come out of it as friends.
Between our two students, and my parents best friends hosting 2 students (one Norwegian, one Swiss) we have "family" all over Europe to stay with, which is its own perk!

[charlotte]

May 8, 2018 12:44:29 GMT -6 inthekitty said:

May 8, 2018 12:22:15 GMT -6 charlotte said:

My family did when I was in HS. After that experience (albeit I was a teen and not the adult of the household) hosting is not something I myself have a desire to do, though I can’t say our experience was bad.

Can you expand on this? Did you just not like having to share space with another teenager?

Well LBH that was probably part of it ha.

It was nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s certainly a commitment. I remember it being kinda tough on my mom. He of course couldn’t drive, so it was another kid to shuttle around to activities and events and such. All of the typical teenager issues were obviously present— mood swings, hormones, etc. I felt at one time that he was inappropriate towards me. Not with bad intentions, but I wasn’t super comfortable after that. Like I said, it certainly wasn’t a bad experience but it’s just that I personally wouldn’t be eager to take that on.

Because of having our own FE student we were in contact with others at my school. AFAIK, everyone had good experiences except for one FE student who got caught with weed and was immediately detained and sent home.

[mrsbliz]

We hosted 2 students when I was in high school, both from Germany. The first one was amazing and was a great experience. We have visited her and her family and they have come to visit us several times and we keep in contact very often. We consider her another part of the family. She even came back during my wedding. The 2nd one wasn't a great experience. She was in general just very difficult to live with and I attribute it to her being spoiled as a child, never having had to share anything or always getting her way from her parents. She came to our home because she couldn't get along with her original host family so we only housed her about half a year. She would throw fits if my parents wouldn't take her places or out to eat instead of our cooked meal.

I really thinks it's a luck of the draw on these things. It's going to be specific to their personality. Just like biological children. Some may be more outgoing then others and easier to fit in. Some chose to be an exchange student and some are forced to by their parents. I wonder if that doesn't play a role.

If I were to do it, I would inquire what the steps or if it isn't a fit for our family. Are you stuck or could you work out another placement?

[inthekitty]

Thanks for all the good information everyone.

mrsbliz, I will clarify this, but from what I've been told if it doesn't work out they will look into other placements. Honestly, some of my hesitation is I'd imagine to participate in a program like this I'd assume the kids would come from money and therefore you could end up with a spoiled child who isn't used to our basic lifestyle. I'm very on the fence about it but this gives me ideas of what to ask the coordinator when I call back later today.

[honda]

My high school hosted numerous exchange students through the years. Which is strange to me because we live in the middle of nowhere but anyway....

One of my friends families hosted many students (and I think still did until recently so 10+ years). Some they had we're great and they still keep in touch like many pp have said, others ehhhh not so much. I remember one was not friendly at all. She would go to school, come home, and just go to her room. She didn't socialize with the family or anyone at school. She just seemed miserable her whole visit.

Another exchange student our school hosted was a handful. She would sneak out, drink, drive other kids cars without a license, etc. I'm still friends with her on social media and she travels the world with her husband and 3 kids.

My former boss hosted 2. The first she loved the second she "sent back" (her words). She said they girl was awful.

The majority had great experiences, but there were some that weren't stellar. My mom still works at the school and said one of the students went home pregnant last year 😬

[honda]

Most of my firends we're in high school when their families hosted kids. I think that made it a bit easier because 1) the biological child can probably drive and 2) most of the kids had shared sports/extra curricular activities as the host kids or would at least try it.

[potatocakes]

I will add that our two girls have VERY different personalities, and came from very different wealth levels, and those things contributed to different (but good) experiences. I think it was useful for them to go to school with us, because we could be their drivers, go to activities and dances together, etc.

[marygracerich]

MHs Aunt is currently hosting her second exchange student. The first was from Andorra and the current one is from Brazil. She loves having someone to care for because she is a widow and is used to caring for others. She lives in another state and brought one up here for Christmas last year. She loves it and will probably host again.

[benandjerrys]

May 8, 2018 13:47:49 GMT -6 inthekitty said:

Thanks for all the good information everyone.

mrsbliz, I will clarify this, but from what I've been told if it doesn't work out they will look into other placements. Honestly, some of my hesitation is I'd imagine to participate in a program like this I'd assume the kids would come from money and therefore you could end up with a spoiled child who isn't used to our basic lifestyle. I'm very on the fence about it but this gives me ideas of what to ask the coordinator when I call back later today.

If they come thru a non profit amd go to public school they'll be wealthy but not exceptionally so. If they come through a for profit and go to private school they'll be insanely wealthy and probably used to an extrodinary level of living.

We used to get requests to change host families because they got the cheapest grade gasoline and therefore were not worthy of hosting our student. For real.

A huge problem was smoking since it's more common at younger ages in lots of other parts of the world. And if they were forbidden from smoking they would try to smoke in their bedroom and hide it.

Kids who come thru nonprofits for just an "exchange experience" (one year or less) are not transferring their credits back home and therefore are often not academically motivated (why would they be) and therefore will party more than kids thru for profit programs coming for the whole year.

[lucilleaustero]

My parents hosted several when I was a kid through my high school years. The kids were from France, Russia, Sweden, Argentina, and Japan. It was a super positive experience for us as a family and I would love to host a student when my kids are older.

[lucilleaustero]

They were short stays, I should add. We never hosted for a full school year. I think our longest was Clothilde, who stayed for 3 months.

[inthekitty]

It's great to hear so many different perspectives. I'll also ask about if this program does shorter exchanges, like a semester long because that seems much less intimidating.

[addymac]

Little late but I’ll add. We hosted a French HS student when my sister was in HS and I was in MS. It wasn’t for very long but i remember it wasn’t a big deal to me, he was nice and we stayed in touch with him and his family so a few years later they sent the little brother for a summer to stay with us (not program related) and when we went to France we visited them, and when my sister lived in Paris (they were from Nice) she went out to stay with them. So as a younger child it was cool and no real life disruption to me and we made lasting family friends. Good luck!

[bunnyfungo]

May 8, 2018 16:21:49 GMT -6 inthekitty said:

It's great to hear so many different perspectives. I'll also ask about if this program does shorter exchanges, like a semester long because that seems much less intimidating.

Have you checked any of the language/culture centers in your area? I know our german society does an exchange for 3 weeks that sends kids from our metro to Germany and brings students from there here. It might be a good way to try it out without the commitment.

[shellbell]

My family hosted 3 exchange students when I was in high school/college. The first was great, the second was ok, and the third was a nightmare -- she ended up needing to move out mid-year.

The one that didn't work out happened at a time when my family really didn't need another thing on their plate. My dad and I recognized that, but my mom and sister insisted it would be fine. I don't know if she wasn't a good fit or if our family chaos was too much or a combination. But it was terrible. So if you're thinking it may be too much, take that seriously.

[shellbell]

I'm curious why you're considering this now when your girls are so young? I'm not asking snarkily, I'm just honestly curious. If I ever considered this in my home, I feel like I'd want my kids to be similar in age to the exchange student.

[aprilz81]

My family hosted an exchange student from Sweden when I was really little, like 4-5. I don't remember much, but she has come back to visit a few times and I remember those visits. We lost touch with her but finally found her again on Facebook. We keep trying to coordinate a visit but it never happens.

I would be interested in hosting an exchange student when Faith (and any future children) are old enough to remember and possibly gain something from the experience. I'm thinking maybe late elementary school or middle school

[inthekitty]

May 8, 2018 18:27:07 GMT -6 shellbell said:

I'm curious why you're considering this now when your girls are so young? I'm not asking snarkily, I'm just honestly curious. If I ever considered this in my home, I feel like I'd want my kids to be similar in age to the exchange student.

Originally I was thinking of when my girls were older. One of the ladies I was talking to about it claimed this is a great age (she probably says this to everyone). My girls idolize teenagers now but maybe when they actually are teens it would feel more like an invasion of their space? Easier to have younger kids share a room and my husband is still a SAHD for another year.

[petrichor]

I don't have personal experience (although I wanted to be an exchange student in Austalia when I was in HS and my dad wouldn't let me).

I just wanted to share a similar but less commitment experience that may be out there. At our local university there is a program for hosting international students. You pick them up at the airport and typically host them in your home for a few days before they move to their campus housing. Then you involve them in activities such as holidays on your home throughout the year.

Minimal commitment and not the same deep relationship building but perhaps a way to get your feet wet.

[Dramaphile]

My grandparents hosted several exchange students over the years (after their own children were grown and out of the house) and maintained relationships with them for decades after. They used to travel a lot and would visit their old exchange students if they were in the same country(and even struck up a close friendship with the parents of one girl from Germany. My Grandmother still writes and calls her mother and they visited each other many times over the years.) and have had their old students come to visit them and send letters and cards. I always thought it was neat how they made these lasting relationships.

We had an exchange student once when I was in maybe 6th grade, but just for a few weeks, I think she shared a room with my sister who was close in age. I don't remember much except she was French and very nice and her name was Fanny. We took her around a touristy shopping area once and she saw a display of "Fanny Packs" and we didn't have the heart to tell her what "Fanny" refers to in the US.

[thatblondie]

I am so sorry that I missed this tag! I was looking for it on the wrong board.

My husband and I hosted a 16 year old exchange student from Spain in 2012 before we had kids. She is almost 22 now and she is still like a daughter to us. The first two months were very hard because her English was horrible, plus she didn't want to open up to us. However, we all got past it. She was unique in that she prefered hanging out with us vs kids at school so we really got to know her. Saying goodbye was awful, but the experience was amazing. (And actually, my 6 years of infertility ended when I got pregnant 1.5 months into her stay. She missed my son's birth by just 8 days. That part is unique, haha)

My kids are 3 and almost 5 now. It isn't the right time for us to do it again, but I think it is totally doable if you want to do it. Our girl came back for a five week visit two summers ago and it was wonderful. The kids adore her. We're doing a big road trip this summer and I'm hoping she will come with us.

Best wishes!

May 8, 2018 11:16:50 GMT -6 brux said:

My random anecdotes:
My former boss has had a grand old time with a high school senior from China as her exchange student. She helped with college applications, took her on cross country college visits, and the girl has settled in as a daughter.

My Step sister in law (who posts or posted here - hi thatblondie!) has hosted two different girls, I believe. I'm going to PM her to see if she has an account here to come talk about her experiences.

When I was in junior high (and my siblings in early elementary school), my family informally hosted a masters degree student for two years. We really enjoyed it. I think it can be fun for the kids to have an older person in the hosue to interact with

[inthekitty]

thatblondie aw! I love your story. Especially about overcoming infertility! We decided to hold off this year, but are still interested in it next year. It's neat to hear you developed a lasting relationship with your student.