Hi. Can I come in here for a bit?

[Cher]

Somehow at 7 1/2 months pregnant, I'm having a tough time with my loss in September.

I don't know. I guess because I'm reaching the end of my pregnancy and realizing I didn't do anything to acknowledge this pregnancy. Because I realize I'm supposed to have a little boy now. I don't know. It's not even anxiety. Just sadness. I feel like I have a runner-up pregnancy and no one knows what to say/do. That's horrible to say.

There's a whole component with my mom too...

I don't mean to burst into your board and dump all my shit. But I'm not sure where to dump all my shit.

ETA: and this was meant to be an intro but somehow it fell apart, lol.

[oldbaylover1024]

:::: grad/lurker :::

Hi, Cher! This is EVERYONE'S board! I'm glad to see you here

First, congrats and welcome! Second, I'm so sorry for your loss. Being pg after a loss is so so very hard. And being pg again doesn't eliminate the emotions you went through (and are going through). Managing the 'what ifs' and thinking about what could/should have been are a natural part of the process.

Regarding your mom and other folks not knowing what to say... well, that's unfortunately so common. My ILs and mom said some pretty insensitive stuff to me when I was expecting my first rainbow. As if being pg again is supposed to automatically heal your heart. That's not how it works.

And there's nothing wrong with having your guard up. You went through something that is so foreign to a lot of people. Protecting yourself is okay.

Huge {{hugs}}.

[hawkward]

I'm glad to see you over here. Well, not exactly but you know what I mean.

[ldubhawksfan]

Hi and welcome. You are welcome here at any point! And we are here for you! I understand the feeling of having your guard up for this pregnancy. It's totally normal to protect your heart. People who have not been through a loss never know what to say and often say insensitive things. This is not a replacement baby. You will always remember your little angel boy.

[Cher]

Oh I'm crying. Thank you. I don't mean to burst in with my shit but I have had a lot of strange anxiety this pregnancy and kept telling myself I need to come intro. Then I try to intro and I'm a hot mess. I look forward to talking with you guys.

[oldbaylover1024]

Cher - Your anxiety is not strange. We've been there.

And I'm usually a hot mess, so you fit right in!

[ldubhawksfan]

Your anxiety is definitely not strange and this is absolutely the place to have a sounding board. Our weekly checkin shows how the anxiety and worry strike at multiple times throughout the pregnancy.

[cnf]

Oh Cher, please know you're welcome here no matter what. Second, congrats on your brewing little one. Third, enormous hugs coming your way. Please feel free to unload any anxieties you have here. This is very much a safe place to do so. Hugs.

[cali]

Hi and welcome! I'm so sorry you're struggling but you'll definitely find you are in good company here with PgAL anxiety. I hope we can help provide some of the support you need to get through. I don't think it matters where you're at in your pregnancy, it is never easy.

[poppy]

Cher, How have you been doing lately? I'm just now catching up here. It's so hard. I remember feeling so strange about my son's pg. There's a shadow of sadness and pain cast over the whole thing. You'll still love that baby like crazy. It's just the journey is different. If you ever need to talk or have a shoulder to cry on we are here for you. After loss is an ongoing thing. It's life. It doesn't stop or have neat bow to wrap it up. Things still hurt and that's ok. One of my favorite quote is about how grief is the price we pay for love. It's so true. Your hear hurts because you loved that little boy so much.

[Cher]

Oh, poppy, thank you so much. I'm okay. I was feeling better this week but I ended up in my loss thread last night and I'm just in a weird place. I wanted to thank you because I blocked out a lot of things from that time and you said such kind things to me.

[muscari]

Late comment is late but I wanted to just say hi and welcome and that I get your feelings. 32 weeks into pregnancy I am suddenly struggling with a lot of emotions and having a tough time with esp my first loss (a MMC early 2015). Just overwhelmed by a lot of sadness and also what ifs at times. It is rough.. AL never really goes away. Please feel free to reach out to us whenever you feel like it.