First Time Away

[lovescheese]

I’m leaving my almost 2yo DS overnight for the first time.(he will be with my mom at our house). I’m going to do an overnight trail race a few hours away as a way to do something for myself.

I’m kind of freaking out. I know he will be happy and safe but I still have a little anxiety about it. I had really bad PPA and it took me a while to trust anyone else to watch him. Logically and in my heart I know everything will be fine, but do you guys have any suggestions on how to make myself feel a little less worried so I can enjoy my trip?

[byjove]

Even when I know things will be just fine, leaving the kids over night, especially (x100) if it is both H and I, really ramps up my anxiety. It helps me to go over everything (my DD2 has severe food allergies) with whomever is watching our girls (family so far) and to leave detailed instructions. They love having grandparents watch them and get all that special attention and usually little treats. They both generally sleep better and are more cooperative for family than for H and I. Then I try to immerse myself in what ever I am doing (or not doing!) and trust that they are safe and happy. We generally abide by the no news is good news and don't facetime/update unless there is an issue (but if this is your first time away, maybe frequent updates might be helpful in the beginning?). But like I said, the bigger issue for me is when DH and I are both gone (I travel for work about once a month with much less anxiety). One thing I like doing is to have the girls pick out a little stuffed animal of theirs to take with me. I don't know if any of this is helpful.

Are you more worried about your mom, or your DS, or yourself?

[pobre]

OK, I normally wouldn't do this for just one overnight and you being so close. But, it might make you feel better.

Type out a sheet with his typical schedule, doctors names and numbers, and any other pertinent info. Also included your hotel address, number, etc.

It's kind of OTT for this instance but maybe it will give you some peace of mind?

[lovescheese]

byjove this is really excellent advice.

I suppose the biggest issue is that I feel a little guilty, my husband is away right now for work and will be for quite some time. I don’t want him to think both of his parents are leaving. I worry also that he will wear my mom out, but she seems to be doing well. I also worry because I am the only person who has ever gotten up with him in the night. (My husband would try to, but I never let him, something I regret now). I don’t want DS or my mom to struggle. He STTN generally so it should be fine.

My mom purposefully came a week early as she lives very far away so DS could get to know her. They get along well now and he has been staying with her all day while I go to work. He even says “bye mom” and doesn’t care when I leave. He even put himself down for nap, which he never does with me.

[lovescheese]

pobre that’s exacrly what I need to do, my mom also does not live here and doesn’t know her way around. Just think about doing that has made me feel a little better, I can’t believe I didn’t think to do that.

[byjove]

Apr 12, 2018 9:34:16 GMT -6 lovescheese said:

byjove this is really excellent advice.

I suppose the biggest issue is that I feel a little guilty, my husband is away right now for work and will be for quite some time. I don’t want him to think both of his parents are leaving. I worry also that he will wear my mom out, but she seems to be doing well. I also worry because I am the only person who has ever gotten up with him in the night. (My husband would try to, but I never let him, something I regret now). I don’t want DS or my mom to struggle. He STTN generally so it should be fine.

My mom purposefully came a week early as she lives very far away so DS could get to know her. They get along well now and he has been staying with her all day while I go to work. He even says “bye mom” and doesn’t care when I leave. He even put himself down for nap, which he never does with me.

I know when my mom stayed with DD2 when she was just 2 and not STTN yet, my mom really loved getting a chance to snuggle. And like I said, she was 10x less trouble for my mom then for me or H And if they do struggle a little bit, it's ok. 

[misskilljoy]

The first few times I left DD overnight, whoever was watching her sent me pictures. It was good to see her happy and playing because she had bad separation anxiety, so when I left, she was always working up to a meltdown. The pictures reassured me (even if rationally I already knew) that she wasn't just crying the whole time. I didn't ask them to do it, they just did it, but it helped immensely. Is that an option?

Now that DD is 3, we don't really worry about her at all and she does overnights with her grandparents frequently, but she likes to call us or face time to say goodnight. Depending on the kid, that could potentially make them more upset if they were having a hard time, so YMMV.

[gussie]

I’m actually leaving my kids today for a weekend trip (not the first time) and I’m feeling a little sad and anxious. I feel like that every time before I leave, then as soon as I’m gone, I feel much better. It helps to check in at home a few times a day and to FaceTime at least once.

But they have so much fun with their grandparents and they are literally begging me to leave right now so nana and papa can come. It sounds like your DS feels the same way about your mom, so just trust that they are having a great time. Kids look at it as a fun adventure, not that their parents are abandoning them. Plus, it’s a such a short time, he will be completely fine.

[redbears]

Make sure (I.e watch) her put him in his car seat. I don’t love people driving my kids around, but I need reassurance my kids are in their seats properly

[kmkd]

Apr 12, 2018 9:31:12 GMT -6 pobre said:

OK, I normally wouldn't do this for just one overnight and you being so close. But, it might make you feel better.

Type out a sheet with his typical schedule, doctors names and numbers, and any other pertinent info. Also included your hotel address, number, etc.

It's kind of OTT for this instance but maybe it will give you some peace of mind?

I did his my first time away. I was 100% sure MH wouldn’t read it even if he wasn’t sure about something but it made me feel better anyway.

[milano]

I still get anxious every time I leave my kids with anyone and I've done it many many times now. One thing that helps me chill is just writing everything down. Sometimes I'm not even writing it down for the caregiver but rather for myself and then I hand it to them and I'm like "listen I'm sure you're going to be fine, but just in case I wrote out everything in my head for you to reference in case shit goes south".

And I also don't expect them to read it. I just know the answers to some of the questions they may have are going to be in that paper, just in case they need it.

Also, the anxiety leading up to your trip is the worst. More than likely, once you're out the door you will feel much calmer and be able to enjoy yourself. I consider cancelling every single trip I take without my kids, but thankfully never have and I always enjoy myself.

[scorpioscuba]

Jumping in with a little caution on FaceTime especially with the 2 year old range. I travel for work fairly frequently and I have a nanny and my mom who help out H when I’m gone. My dd turned 2 in January. She does great if I FaceTime her when she is with her daddy. If she is with my mom or anyone else she absolutely loses it and gets so upset and cries (“mama come home!”) and makes it much harder for the caregiver. So I don’t do FaceTime anymore unless she is with my husband when I’m away.

Obviously YMMV but I wouldn’t do this on a first time trip away from your child unless you know how they will handle it. At that age it can be hard for them to grasp why they can see/hear you but not get to you if they are not used to it.