Ridiculous things you said during labour and delivery

[snowmoon]

Here's my incomplete list. I'm sure I'll remember and be told more as the days go by.

- fuck this shit, fuck that
- this is ridiculous
- who's idea was this?
- babies are dumb
- when she was crowning and they told me her hands were on top of her head i said "this one too? Asshole." (Ds was also delivered with a hand on his face.)

I feel horrible that those things came out of my mouth. Help me feel less alone and someone tell me the rude things you said during labour.

[ArielMermaid]

“I’m dying” (repeat x 10,000)
“I will never do this again”
“Why is this a thing people do?”
“Fuck babies. Fuck every baby. Fuck this baby. I hate babies.”

Unflattering things I said while waiting an hour for the anesthesiologist:
“Where the fuck is he?!”
“Does he have something fucking better to do?”
“I’m going to fucking kill him when he gets in here.”
“Seriously, fuck this guy”
“I will kill him”
“Slowly”
“Where the fuck is this asshole?”

He actually did turn out to be a dick. But I didn’t end up trying to bite him after I got my spinal so he won that round.


I seriously can even remember half the offensive shit that left my mouth. It was not pretty.

[sweetc129]

I remember saying with my first “I’m not really in the mood to do this today”.

Also on the drive down after my water exploded with my first “Is this happening? No really my water broke so I’m having this baby today, like today, right” I think I said this a lot, and DH kept saying “I don’t know this is your area of expertise”.

I went into labor 2/3 times, but only once actually had serious quick labor with close intense contractions before my c/s. I remember saying “Fuck, this really hurts” and “I’m done now”.

When my water broke this time I woke up from sleeping at 3am saying “OMG I’m peeing myself, oh shit that’s not pee”.

[polson]

this is great and making me feel a lot better - my 6 wk check up is with my l&d ob and i was feeling like i should be too embarrassed to see her again...

- i’m scared
- can i go home
- fudge
- i’m pooping!!!
- i’m not ready

this is all pretty lame seen in writing

[tinyjoys]

Not so much what was said during labor/delivery, but I am kind of a wimp when it comes to needles/shots. I have horrible veins & bruise terribly. With my oldest, it took 7 nurses & at least double that "pokes" to get my IV in. I was almost in tears and my sister sat at the foot of my bed doing

[auri]

I'm not good on pain meds and get really loopy...so I don't really remember a lot from when I had DD. The one thing I do remember is comparing myself to King Zora from the Legend of Zelda:Ocarina of Time video game. My DH and the poor nurse had no idea what to say. This is what I was imagining myself as when I was trying to move from one bed to another to go to the OR with my epi in. I can't wait to have this little guy and see what weird things my brain comes up with this time. 

[leatherpants]

I remember the contractions were getting intense when I got my epidural and as they were putting the needle in, the nurse told SO that if he gets queasy to sit down.

I managed to say through gritted teeth “don’t you even dare”. Like I was incensed that he would try to steal my thunder by getting queasy over a fucking needle. Lol.

[whatsit]

I don’t remember a lot of DSs delivery - blame being overtired/loopy on gas I guess. But one thing H constantly brings up is me saying

“Please don’t make me” (push)


This time I remember a lot more. There was a lot of laughing and a lot of talking about poop.

After the epi, literally every contraction

“I feel like I have to poop/shit”
“Is that the baby? Because it feels like I really need to poop”

TMI: I think I annoyed the nurse because when I started pushing she actually said something like “and now you really are pooping”. Oops. Lol.

And when I went to put my legs up and couldn’t feel them, I started laughing. The same nurse said she doesn’t remember anyone else laughing when they couldn’t feel their legs.
...what. It felt weird!

[cornpop]

The first was just a blur of crying and screaming profanities. Although when we checked in I started crying about our dog feeling left out which the nurse thought was off.

This time, it was so quick from relaxing to go time that I didn't have time to say much of anything. After the nurse and midwife came in, I did a practice push and the baby practically came out so while they were gowning/gloving up I was yelling at my H to get my music on. It seemed really important yo have music playing. And honestly it did help.

We got through 2 songs and she was born to "This is Getting Over You" by Alkaline Trio.

[woodenshoes]

With DS1 I just swore a bunch which is not like me. I don’t remember anything else besides that. I know the epidural made me happy and my husband joked that he was going to get me one for Christmas.

This time around was pretty tame. I mostly complained that my back hurt and just wanted to scream at the pain from cervix checks and getting the IV. I was pretty excited that I was allowed to eat popsicles while being induced. I know I was frustrated with DH because he went home to get the mail right before I got my epidural. The epidural almost made me pass out. I remember telling the people in the OR after my c-section that my sleeping legs felt like bricks.

[Rama]

I don't really think I said much of anything ridiculous, tbh. It was too much, too quickly and, again, I have the "I fall asleep to pain" thing.

Things I did say:
-I can't do this
-I don't think I can handle this much longer
-[MRRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
-"Contraction"
-"Higher", "lower", "right", "Left", "harder" (in response to getting MrRama in the right spot for counterpressure)
-"YES" (in response to MrRama asking if he should apply counterpressure)
-This isn't helping/doing anything
-I need to move
-I'm TRYING

Apparently, I was just really clinical about the whole thing, hahaha. I mean, the part where I wasn't screaming bloody murder, that is. That part just didn't have words.

[leatherpants]

Ha, Rama. I said a lot of the “I’m trying” too. I also remember when the nurse was telling me to push, she was like “ok leatherpants, now push push push, keep going” and every time I’d scream at her “I AM!”

L&D nurses must be angels to put up with nonsense like that over and over.

[yianna]

With my second when it came time to push:

Ok but if I start I’m not stopping
No seriously I won’t stop
Oh I feel him stretching me - I’m going to stop a second


With my third, right after she was out:

You have no idea how much relief I feel



Let’s see what happens this time 😂

[mrsmonogrammed]

Mar 26, 2018 2:02:51 GMT -6 leatherpants said:

Ha, Rama. I said a lot of the “I’m trying” too. I also remember when the nurse was telling me to push, she was like “ok leatherpants, now push push push, keep going” and every time I’d scream at her “I AM!”

L&D nurses must be angels to put up with nonsense like that over and over.

I remember being SO ANNOYED with my labor nurse who was counting for my pushes and telling me to push longer. I’m so glad I didn’t tell her to STFU like I wanted to😂

[Rama]

Mar 26, 2018 2:02:51 GMT -6 leatherpants said:

Ha, Rama. I said a lot of the “I’m trying” too. I also remember when the nurse was telling me to push, she was like “ok leatherpants, now push push push, keep going” and every time I’d scream at her “I AM!”

L&D nurses must be angels to put up with nonsense like that over and over.

Breathing was my hardest obstacle. I kept holding my breath or screaming (because I was pushing and no one got that since I wasn't complete) and everyone was trying to get me to breathe.

My nurse was the most hardass angel I could have hoped for. She was exactly who I needed in my care team during labor. 💕

[dizzycooks]

I just yell “baby baby baby” through every push. Constant reminder of the goal is what I need I guess.