Not baby-related: who's invited to your kid's birthday?

[shadesofgold]

DS1 turns 2 in April and I'm taking my mind of looming labor to try to plan his party a bit. I'm glad for the opportunity to let him have a special day after the baby comes.

For his 1st, we weren't close to other daycare parents yet, so most guests were dear adult friends without kids (like his many honorary aunties.) I know the 1st bday is usually for the parents and that was the case for us. This year we've had a baby boom among our acquaintances, plus we've been doing monthly play dates with daycare friends. When we add them, the guest list is much longer than last year. I'm trying to decide whether to a) invite everyone, b) limit to families with kids, c) limit to our closest friends (of ours) again. (Limited space requires a limiting factor. If we invited everyone, I'd probably send the invitation later than usual to naturally suppress RSVPs.) I want to maximize enjoyment for him and us, and minimize hurt feelings.

Who do you invite to your kid's birthdays at 2 yo and beyond? Because we don't have a lot of local friends with little kids yet, I'm not sure of the convention.

Thanks in advance!

[cornpop]

I've actually been thinking about this a lot.

For Em's first we did just family.  We weren't too close with anyone that had kids so it was just easiest to keep it at family.  For her second we did the same amount of family and then 6 of our friends with kids.  It was too large in my opinion.

I'm thinking in the future I may just do a kids only get together during the day.  Not even like a party just invite some of our friends with kids over for them to all play together.  Then family in the evening for pizza and stuff. 

I don't know if that really helped you or answered your question at all.

[ArielMermaid]

For us it is less complicated because DD isn’t in daycare and we only have one friend who has one kid. But we have just done family at parties. She has 4 cousins on her dads side so there are kids there she enjoys playing with and that’s been enough.

This year I won’t be “throwing a party” DD2 is supposed to arrive 2 weeks before DD1’s 3rd birthday. I’m going to call the grandparents and tell them what time they can visit and that’s it. I’m not making foood or anything 😂
I might make a cake... but MIL is a cake decorator so maybe I can farm that out too.

[shadesofgold]

Thanks cornpop and ArielMermaid. We live across the country from family - we have our "framily" out here, which is mostly a crew of 30-something child-free career gals who love on our kid.

[mrsmonogrammed]

My DD will turn 3 in June and we will invite all of our family and friends. She does not go to daycare and we haven’t done play dates with kids in her dance class so nobody extra like that. The party will still probably be about 40-50 people though😬

[shadesofgold]

Mar 20, 2018 14:28:06 GMT -6 mrsmonogrammed said:

My DD will turn 3 in June and we will invite all of our family and friends. She does not go to daycare and we haven’t done play dates with kids in her dance class so nobody extra like that. The party will still probably be about 40-50 people though😬

That's what we're looking at including kids if we invite everyone!

[Leaf 🌱]

We just invite local friends and family and throw a big BBQ with lots of kids activities set up. We bought a little bounce house second hand for about $75 and had the water table and a few other things out. And a lot of booze.

[snowmoon]

If it were up to me it would be family and close friends until he's school age. We didn't even have a second birthday party but went to the zoo instead.

He'll be 3 in May and my mom went ahead and booked a party at the gymnastics place. She knows a lot of the kids and parents in our playgroup because she works in the same building doing parenting programs. We'll invite my cousins and the few friends who have kids around the same age. I want nothing to do with it except to sit and watch them bounce around.

[ArielMermaid]

I wish DD’s birthday was in summer. Early May in MI is a crap shoot on weather. If we could have people outside we could have a lot bigger party. Our house is just too small for more than a few people.

[tinyjoys]

... did I know ArielMermaid was also a Michigander?

[ArielMermaid]

Mar 20, 2018 15:59:18 GMT -6 tinyjoys said:

... did I know ArielMermaid was also a Michigander?

Possibly not? I don’t bring it up much.

[tinyjoys]

ArielMermaid, you have a PM.

[woodenshoes]

Mar 20, 2018 16:15:12 GMT -6 ArielMermaid said:

Mar 20, 2018 15:59:18 GMT -6 tinyjoys said:

... did I know ArielMermaid was also a Michigander?

Possibly not? I don’t bring it up much.

Oh...I am a Michigander too. I thought I was the only one.

[woodenshoes]

For DS1 we haven’t done anything big for any of his birthdays so far. Parties have just been my parents, my aunt, my cousins family, and my sister, her husband, and their son. Pretty much everyone we would invite to a party lives an hour away so we just keep them small for now. We will do bigger parties with friends when he is school aged.

[ArielMermaid]

Mar 20, 2018 17:41:59 GMT -6 woodenshoes said:

Mar 20, 2018 16:15:12 GMT -6 ArielMermaid said:

Possibly not? I don’t bring it up much.

Oh...I am a Michigander too. I thought I was the only one.

[nevertoomanyshoes]

For DS’s first we had a brunch at our place with our friends and their kids if applicable and then a family afternoon tea at our place (MH’s extended family is huge and all expected an invite).

For his second, we decided to set the precedent of having extended family only for first birthdays, as an aside, MH’s extended family have trouble differentiating between generations so they kind of seem to think of DS as another nephew not a great nephew so therefore their relationships with him are as important or more important than his relationships with his actual aunts and uncles (our siblings) if that makes sense? We disagree on that one so for his second and all future birthdays we will only have our immediate families and as he gets older, his friends.

For his second birthday we had immediate family (17 people total) at a cafe that has a play area and we paid for afternoon tea for everyone. Was really nice, but caused ongoing drama with some of MH’s extended family (see above).

This year, I’m not sure what we will do, thinking maybe one last year of just immediate family then do a friends party next year when he’s a bit clearer on who his good friends are. Currently he has a heap of daycare friends but we aren’t really at play date, meet parents stage yet.

[mintyblueair]

I'm a fan of small, at-home parties. For L's first birthday we had my parents, my siblings, and my cousin. For his second birthday I think it'll be the same plus my cousin's baby and my aunt and uncle.

He doesn't go to daycare and I don't have any friends with kids, so he won't really have playmates his age at his parties until he starts preschool after his third birthday (unless I miraculously make a mom friend between now and then).

[calendula]

I think it just depends what you're up for. We did a blowout bbq for our friends when DS was 1, but by the time he turned 2 we had moved and hosting parties like that wasn't ideal due to space.

Once your kid has friends from school, it may sound easier to "just invite the class" but until the kids are old enough for drop off parties, you're still committing to entertaining not only kids but parents and siblings. 10 classmates easily turns into a party for 40+ people. Which some people like to do. I don't have the space or time for that honestly.

He doesn't have a party every year and when he does, it's usually out somewhere (nature center, water park, bowling, etc), just his closest friends (a mix from school and the kids of my friends). You know, the 2 hour activity+cake for $250 bucks special and everyone goes home. Family doesn't come--we will celebrate with ILs and stuff over dinner another time. But DS has always been in daycare so he has always known a group of kiddo friends really well.

[mattsgirl2004]

For DS1 I went all out, big parties every year. At first it was great, but got harder to match or top the party he had from the previous year. We keep things pretty low key now.

For my girls, we've just had parties at home with myself, DH, and our kids. We make a cake together and decorate it, I make their favorite meal, we open gifts, etc. It's so nice to not have to entertain others and can solely focus on the birthday kid. I also buy one of those helium tanks at Walmart and air up lots of ballooons the night before. They love waking up to so many balloons all over the house. It's become a tradition now. Once they're in school and older, they'll want to invite kids and classmates. So, we're enjoying how low key it us right now.

[auri]

For DD's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd birthday we've pretty much had the same guest list. My parents, DH's grandparents, his uncles and their families, and a few friends that have kids DD's age. DH complained every year because it was a lot of people and he doesn't like hosting. For DD's 4th birthday we had DH's mom and just our friends with kids. I'm guessing this year it will be pretty small again since I'm looking at us going to visit my parents for a couple of weeks this summer, and we'll be gone on DD's birthday.

[smilesp]

DS will be 3 in May. We’ve only had family parties until now but I’m planning to invite friends this year. We have a really good group that we hang out with. My plan is to do it at the picnic shelter at the local park on a Friday morning. I’ll get pizza and have fruit, snacks and cupcakes and the kids can play.

[sweetc129]

We’ve only don’t family parties, but there are a bunch of cousins so there are a number of kids around. Our oldest is 4, and I don’t know when we’ll start friend parties.

[Leaf 🌱]

Mar 22, 2018 7:20:56 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

We’ve only don’t family parties, but there are a bunch of cousins so there are a number of kids around. Our oldest is 4, and I don’t know when we’ll start friend parties.

My parents always offered a fun activity or bigger gift in lieu of a party and we almost always picked one of those options. I hope by the time DD is old enough for friend parties, she does the same.

[sweetc129]

Mar 22, 2018 7:37:38 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

Mar 22, 2018 7:20:56 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

We’ve only don’t family parties, but there are a bunch of cousins so there are a number of kids around. Our oldest is 4, and I don’t know when we’ll start friend parties.

My parents always offered a fun activity or bigger gift in lieu of a party and we almost always picked one of those options. I hope by the time DD is old enough for friend parties, she does the same.

My mom always had me pick one friend and took us to the amusement park. I loved it and it was way easier and cheaper for her.

[shadesofgold]

Mar 22, 2018 7:37:38 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

Mar 22, 2018 7:20:56 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

We’ve only don’t family parties, but there are a bunch of cousins so there are a number of kids around. Our oldest is 4, and I don’t know when we’ll start friend parties.

My parents always offered a fun activity or bigger gift in lieu of a party and we almost always picked one of those options. I hope by the time DD is old enough for friend parties, she does the same.

That's a great idea!

I think the main reason this feels important is that we like to host parties and know we won't have energy for much of that with two little critters. I'm very torn between "seize the day!" and "eek."

[Leaf 🌱]

Mar 22, 2018 7:56:19 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

Mar 22, 2018 7:37:38 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

My parents always offered a fun activity or bigger gift in lieu of a party and we almost always picked one of those options. I hope by the time DD is old enough for friend parties, she does the same.

My mom always had me pick one friend and took us to the amusement park. I loved it and it was way easier and cheaper for her.

I think it is SO smart and is a great lesson about budgeting that younger kids can understand. It also made me appreciate the fact that you don’t just get whatever you want bc you ask for it on your birthday or for Christmas. If there was anything we ever REALLY wanted, we understood the dollar value and my parents would work with us so we could earn or contribute to the item/experience if it was above and beyond what they felt was appropriate.

[Leaf 🌱]

Mar 22, 2018 8:05:35 GMT -6 shadesofgold said:

Mar 22, 2018 7:37:38 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

My parents always offered a fun activity or bigger gift in lieu of a party and we almost always picked one of those options. I hope by the time DD is old enough for friend parties, she does the same.

That's a great idea!

I think the main reason this feels important is that we like to host parties and know we won't have energy for much of that with two little critters. I'm very torn between "seize the day!" and "eek."

I think when it’s the kid’s decision you can release all of the guilt and pat yourself on the back for teaching them a great lesson about cost/benefits analysis 😂 Is your LO specifically asking for a party?

[yianna]

Typically we don’t do parties.... usually do something at home with grandparents etc.

[shadesofgold]

Mar 22, 2018 8:26:38 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

Mar 22, 2018 8:05:35 GMT -6 shadesofgold said:

That's a great idea!

I think the main reason this feels important is that we like to host parties and know we won't have energy for much of that with two little critters. I'm very torn between "seize the day!" and "eek."

I think when it’s the kid’s decision you can release all of the guilt and pat yourself on the back for teaching them a great lesson about cost/benefits analysis 😂 Is your LO specifically asking for a party?

Not yet, but I'm not sure he knows about birthdays yet. But I predict he'll have a hard time with losing only kid status and want to do something special... (I totally see that this is about ME and not him. Don't think I don't see that!)