TTCAL 3/6

[sammysam]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.


If you get a BFP, kindly either spoiler alert it or do not post it here at all.


**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**



How are you doing?



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):



Diagnosis (if applicable):



Updates/questions:



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : 

[sammysam]

How are you doing? Not great. I'll rant below.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): NA



Diagnosis (if applicable): NA



Updates/questions: BFN at 11 DPO. I'm counting myself out this cycle which sucks because I felt this was the one.



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : I'm feeling a little hopeless today. I'm sitting at work and trying not to burst into tears. I was so so hopeful for this cycle but if I'm not getting a positive by now I'm pretty sure I'm out. I feel like dirt and actually feel like I did with my first pregnancy which is why I was so sure this was it. But instead on to cycle 6.

I should be having a baby in about 2 weeks...instead I'm still trying to get pregnant. All the other loss moms from my last BMB have graduated to new ones and I'm just feeling like that's it. Like it's just not going to happen for us again. Meanwhile time moves on. And I'm not sure what I want to do. I can't just keep TTC endlessly because I feel like I'm just treading water. I mark time based on my cycle and that's just insane. I pee on sticks and take my temperature and try to time things perfectly and it completely overwhelms every other aspect of my life. And I'm not happy. So I'm going to put a cap on our trying. I'll go 5 more cycles (make it an even 10) and if I'm still here then I'll need to find a way to make SO ok with what we have and not disappoint him too much when I say I'm done. Sorry for the rant. Feeling super sad today.

[purple]

How are you doing? Hopeful in a low key way.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/a

Updates/questions: CD6, so onwards and hopefully upwards.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): sammysam, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's feeling very much like that that brought me back to HIH. What has helped me is to make plans that are completely outwith ttc. We're having two weekends away in April; I'm performing in Much Ado About Nothing in late May and early June; and we're planning a big family holiday in July. I'm also working on getting my business back on track. Obviously there are still rough days and the cycle is still there. But it's no longer the only thing I'm focussing on and that's helped a lot.

[charliefox]

How are you doing? Meh.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC


Diagnosis (if applicable): secondary IF


Updates/questions: I O'd!!! I cannot express the relief after not cycling on my own post d&c.


Debbie downer (a place to vent): Excited about Oing which is pretty much glossing everything else over at the moment.

[Yogurt]

sammysam, I can understand how you feel and I see my husband's perspective in your feelings. I would probably actively try for the ten months and then try to take a more relaxed approach. I have considered throwing in the towel on temping and just rely on secondary signs now that I know my cycle. Just try to chill a bit with letting it rule my life. I'm sorry this is so hard.

[akwild]

sammysam I’m sorry you are having such a down day. I understand you needing to put an end timeline. Because it is consuming. I really hope that it doesn’t come to that but you also need to feel happy.

[sammysam]

Thanks guys. I'm pretty sure CD 1 will be today so I'm going to start counting down our last 5 cycles. I'll talk to SO on Friday when I see him next. Blah.

Of course I destroyed my knee playing basketball last week so I am having a hard time walking up and down stairs...but at least I won the competition I was in:) I'm going to try to focus on other things and try to make TTC secondary to everything else. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have always been happy with our family as is...and as much as a baby would be so wonderful it isn't a driving compulsion for me like it was the first time TTC. And my FW should fall within the March break for me this next cycle (as long as AF shows today) so hopefully we'll be done by the time I go back to work and marking, parent meetings, etc should keep my mind occupied during the TWW. This next cycle is also our last chance at a 2018 baby...so I'm letting go of that hope as well. Oh well. I guess I'm going to try to get a membership in the "if it happens it happens" club. It's just disappointing SO that is the worst part. If I knew he was fine with one I wouldn't be so upset about it.