TTCAL 2/13

[sammysam]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.


If you get a BFP, kindly either spoiler alert it or do not post it here at all.


**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**



How are you doing?



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):



Diagnosis (if applicable):



Updates/questions:



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : 

[sammysam]

Sorry. Posting early because I need to vent and I might not have time tomorrow.

How are you doing? Crap.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC



Diagnosis (if applicable): NA



Updates/questions: Nope



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : I might be just about the only one left here...so I may be venting to myself but whatever. I'm super sad. Like really really sad. I don't know why I was so sure this was going to be our month but I just was. I'm so happy to see others get to move out of here and on to new BMBs. It sucks being here. Every month that passes the sadder I get. The more I start believing it just isn't going to happen for us again. And the harder it gets to see negatives. And deep down I'm starting to blame SO for things not happening quicker and for our timing not always being great (and it is totally his fault) but I'm trying not to show him how upset I am. And he still doesn't get it anyways. He has this stupid "if it's meant to be" crap that he likes to spout but I feel like I'm the one doing all the work. I'm just so discouraged and upset. And CD 1 will be in the morning which is making me even sadder. And that's all. Just not sure how many more months I can keep feeling like this. If I'm not out of here by May I may just pull the plug on the whole thing. It's just getting too hard. And I don't want to be sad anymore.

[akwild]

Sorry you are still here. I think it’s easier for the H because he’s not the one testing, or temping, or tracking. He just has to show up when you need him. I don’t think they understand what a mindfuck TTC really is.

[Yogurt]

How are you doing? Shitty, sad, discouraged, frustrated



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC



Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a



Updates/questions: annoyed by it all. Having a hard time with all the pregnant people in my life. I know they have nothing to do with me, but I just can't engage.


Debbie downer (a place to vent ) I'm so sick of ttc. I know others have done this for far longer, but it's just dragging on and I never expected this to still be my world. I am frustrated with my husband, he's so blase about the whole thing. We have terrible timing, we only ever hit once or on seldom occasion twice in my fw. He can't be bothered to have ttc sex if he isn't feeling it. Doesn't want it to be some big baby making chore. Which obviously hinders our chances each month and puts this huge emotional load on me and he's all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Meanwhile I'm the one temping every day, peeing on sticks and while he says he wants another kid, he's like, " it'll happen". So fucking frustrating.

[Yogurt]

sammysam, we are the same.

[sammysam]

akwild you're totally right. It's just frustrating since he was the one who wanted to TFAS in the first place and now I feel like I'm the one dealing with everything yet he's the one that gets to decide if it's going to happen...if that makes sense. Blah. Hoping for a good month ahead. Thanks for the support:)

[sammysam]

Yogurt Your life is my life. We can complain about our SOs together:) Here's hoping they both put in more of an effort this month.

[purple]

TW: Multiple losses. LC mentioned.

Hi. It's two years since we started trying for a sibling. To our surprise, I fell pregnant the first month. We saw the heartbeat at a scan at six and a half weeks. I started spotting at ten weeks and asked for a scan after a week, when it was confirmed that we'd lost the baby. I was offered options for managing the miscarriage and opted for natural miscarriage. Four days later I heamorrhaged and had to have life saving surgery in the middle of the night.

I had chemical pregnancies in September 2016 and February 2017. After that we stopped trying for a while as we were about to move house. But I fell pregnant unexpectedly. We found out the day before we went away for two weeks, so I wasn't able to have a scan for about three weeks after my BFP. When I finally did have a scan, on my fortieth birthday, we found out that it was twins, and also that it might not be a viable pregnancy. Worst birthday ever. Another scan a week later showed a lot of growth, so we were hopeful. But six days after that I lost them both - the fourth and fifth lost babies in thirteen months. I had a series of investigations but they didn't find any cause for the recurring loss, except that the likelihood of miscarriage increases once you get to forty. If I have another miscarriage, they will test the foetus.

I had another chemical pregnancy in January, because it's relentless.

How are you doing? I'm sad.

Status: TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: This is my intro, so none at present.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm still active on my BMB, which moved to a private board when everyone left TCF. I started tfas before anyone there, mostly because of my age. Two calendar years later, all I have is six angels and many months of not getting pregnant. I'm not the only person there who's had a loss in that time, but so many people seem to be falling pregnant on their first or second month of trying. People are lovely and very supportive, and they really don't understand. Which is great for them.

[purple]

sammysam and Yogurt, I'm sorry that your SOs are being so unhelpful.

[charliefox]

sammysam & Yogurt, so many creepy hugs. I totally get it, it's just so much easer for SOs to be disinterested in all of this because it's not their body or whatever. And it sucks.


How are you doing? Still angry.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Pretty much just waiting.


Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained 2IF


Updates/questions: Currently on Provera, never O'd after my d&c so no we have to force AF.


Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm just still really angry about all of this. Some days are better than others, and some days I'm super stuck in my anger. Blah.

[sammysam]

purple I'm so glad you made it over here. I had the same experience with hemorrhage as you it seems. We found out about our loss at 10 weeks but my body held on to it until 13 weeks when I had a massive hemorrhage and emergency surgery also as I almost completely bled out. I'm finally off the iron supplements but I'm terrified it will happen again.

I'm so sorry for your many losses. Hopefully you'll at least feel some support here. I completely understand how hard it is seeing other people getting pregnant while you just feel like you're treading water and not getting anywhere:(

ETA: I'm 39 in a couple of weeks. We started TFAS when I was 37 so I totally get the age thing. It just makes the ticking of the clock that much louder.

[sammysam]

charliefox I full on cried myself to sleep last night knowing CD 1 was coming today. I still feel angry too...especially since it took so long to even get pregnant. And then m6 body held on to it so long... And now it's just month after month of negatives and I'm starting to have a harder and harder time with the whole thing.

I'm so sorry AF still hasn't shown. Do they know why? Hopefully what they have you on now will get it started. Once they get your cycle going again will you have to stay on the meds or will your body take over from there? Sorry you're having to deal with this.

[sammysam]

charliefox purple Yogurt akwild I just wanted to say thanks for being here this week. I really needed support and having all of you here posting makes it easier. So thank you. You all make a huge difference in me being able to cope and not feeling totally alone:)

[charliefox]

I am so very sorry for your losses, but glad you've founds us, purple. I think I can speak for Yogurt (we're on the same BMB) in saying that we totally understand how hard it is to be on a board where everyone is getting pregnant and having babies and you're just here, stuck, not moving forward. I was also one of the first (literally the 2nd person) to start TFAS on my BMB and so many people have had babies and gotten pregnant since then, I have to take periodic breaks because it can be hard to be around (even if they are all very supportive and sweet - it's still sucks). There are a whole new set of guilts and troubles when you're TFAS and dealing with losses and/or infertility. Giving you allllll the creepy internet hugs.

[Yogurt]

I've "snoozed" people when I just can't face the big bellies and newborns. I just can't. I'm happy for them yadda yadda, but I'm just sad for me.

[purple]

There's one lady on my bmb (who posts very rarely) who is pregnant with her third. Our LOs aren't three until June!

[Yogurt]

How are you doing? Optimistic for this cycle

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): ttc

Diagnosis (if applicable):none

Updates/questions: none

Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : ready for this cycle. Super hopeful. Why the fuck not.

[sammysam]

Haha Yogurt ! Expressed perfectly:)

[charliefox]

Feb 14, 2018 14:50:03 GMT -6 purple said:

There's one lady on my bmb (who posts very rarely) who is pregnant with her third. Our LOs aren't three until June!

Whoa. That's a lot. I want to be pregnant, but not THAT pregnant.