Solo parenting (newborn + toddler)

[itsmemeg]

Cross posted from my old BMB but wanted to ask you all too.

DH just asked me how i would feel about him traveling for work soon after this baby gets here. Would love some thoughts on this based on our scenario:

- We have no local family
- DS would still be in daycare full time
- His trip(s) would be 2-3 nights in NYC
- Baby is due April 27 and he is thinking first trip would be sometime in May (I’m vetoing anything within first 4 weeks)
- Estimating 2-4 of these trips, once a month or once every other month going through September (i go back to work mid August)

I realize people manage and do this everyday but still would like opinions and perspective.

[jessila]

Ugh. I feel your pain. H may or may not be traveling internationally next month for almost 2 weeks. He isn't sure yet and has asked me to stop asking him about it. But he also isn't planning on any more trips probably for the rest of 2018 after this knowing that I'd be solo parenting and not thrilled about it as he traipses around the world.

I would honestly veto anything in the first 6 weeks if you can. There's a hard growth spurt at 6 weeks that led to many sleepless nights with my son.

Obviously, if he can swing it to be every other month trips, that would be best. But two to three nights isn't terrible in the long run. Is your family close enough by that someone could come help you? Are they planning to come visit after the baby is born anyhow? Maybe you could coordinate their visit to line up with your H's trip so you aren't alone?

[itsmemeg]

jessila I could probably line up family to come visit after May but I think my mom already has one trip planned for her vacation in May so she likely can’t take more time off and my MIL keeps her own mother for a couple months at a time and will have her I think April and May timeframe. He can influence the trip timeline so I think he could push the May one off.

[tincupchalice]

My husband is military and right now works a very time intensive job. Fortunately he's got a much easier job next year. But a few days is NBD for me. It takes some practice to figure out the bedtime routine juggling, definitely. So prepare with a bottle of wine for that.

[Deleted]

My H is in the oil field and is usually home for 3-4 weeks, and gone anywhere from 6-12 weeks. He doesn't always have a set schedule, and sometimes when he should be home, he leaves again.

I was induced at 39 weeks with DS, because my H was set to leave again 3 days after my due date. He was able to get home a few days before DS was born, and left again two weeks later. He was gone until DS was 8 weeks. It was SO hard. I honestly am not sure how I got through those weeks by myself, but we somehow made it out okay. Things have gotten better as he's gotten older, but a toddler and a newborn are going to be a whole new ball game.

I don't have family close by, and my ILs don't help me. I work full time, which gives me sanity because I can interact with adults. I would suggest finding someone you trust as a baby-sitter, just to have in case you need a break and your H is gone. I didn't do that until my son turned 3. I wish I would've reached out sooner.

All that to say that it's doable. A few days a week is NBD to me, too. I think in the beginning it will be a big adjustment for you, but you've got this. ((Hugs))

[oreobitsy]

My husband travels a couple nights a month for his work. When my second was born I think my husband did his first time away around the baby being four weeks old, which was tough but ok. It was definitely one of those things I worried about leading up to it and now I can't even remember if it was that bad or not. Can he tentatively plan it and reschedule if things are not meshing well when it is closer?

Having a backup babysitter or mother's helper is a good idea, even if it is just for the hours between 4:00 to 7:00ish to help you with dinner and bath. I wish I would have done that so that it would have been easy to have someone else watch/hold the baby. Toddlers get so moody in the evening and the routine helps them so much.

[itsmemeg]

Feb 9, 2018 22:02:06 GMT -6 oreobitsy said:

My husband travels a couple nights a month for his work. When my second was born I think my husband did his first time away around the baby being four weeks old, which was tough but ok. It was definitely one of those things I worried about leading up to it and now I can't even remember if it was that bad or not. Can he tentatively plan it and reschedule if things are not meshing well when it is closer?

Having a backup babysitter or mother's helper is a good idea, even if it is just for the hours between 4:00 to 7:00ish to help you with dinner and bath. I wish I would have done that so that it would have been easy to have someone else watch/hold the baby. Toddlers get so moody in the evening and the routine helps them so much.

Oh that’s a great idea for the mother’s helper. Yes i think he can tentatively plan and just not book anything til it gets closer.

[sammichcat]

H had to travel to a conference once early on after #2. We had no family in town either, and it was NOT fun. But we made it through. When it happens again this time around, I'm planning on taking it as easy as I possibly can and letting my standards relax quite a bit.
Which will mean frozen pizza or other super easy meals, acceptable movies (we love Homeward Bound right now) or magic school bus more frequently, and reduced baths.