Intro and vent (LC mentioned)

[sammysam]

I don't really have anyone to talk to who understands so I'm hoping I can vent or something.

I had a MMC that was confirmed at 10 weeks. I started to actually miscarry at around 11 weeks. At 13 weeks I had a severe hemorrhage and almost bled out...which led to the ER, emergency surgery, 2 doses of misoprostal, a D and C a week long hospital stay and I finally stopped bleeding at would have been 15 weeks.

It will take 3 months for my hemoglobin and iron levels to start resembling something normal.

No one seems to understand what I'm going through.

My SO wants to start trying for another right away...but we have an almost 4 year old DD and there were moments during the hemorrhage when I thought I was never going to see her again and it terrified me. I don't know that I can go through that again. Plus I'm 38 and closing in on 39 so the chances of it happening again are higher.

Everyone else just wants to tell me stories of how they bled during pregnancy and how scary it was for them...but they all went on to have healthy babies...or they down play what happened.

I thought I was over the MMC but for some reason everything else that happened made the feelings worse. Maybe it's that I know I'm too scared to try again so I'm sadder now thinking about the baby we won't have because it is unlikely we'll ever try again...I don't know. But I'm sad. And it's not that I want another baby...I just want people to let me grieve in my own way on my own time but it's like everyone just expects me to be over everything already. And I'm not.

Sorry for the vent.

[hawkward]

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're not being heard now.

I think one of the hardest parts of pregnancy loss is the loneliness that comes afterward. It's hard for those who haven't experienced it to understand, and even when someone has, the circumstances are so unique to everyone that someone else's story isn't all that helpful (especially those happy ending ones that people so like to share...). There is no right or wrong way for you to feel, and there's no timeline for grief.

[Rama]

Oh, Sam. That's terrifying. I'm sending nine hundred thousand hugs. You come vent or cry or whine or anything to us any time. I am so, so incredibly sorry things turned out this way.

You grieve however you need to grieve. Screw everyone else that downplays what you went through. I gladly offer my fist to punch those that need it most. <3

[flippinchica]

I'm so sorry for your loss and the trauma that came with it. Having someone to talk who can understand is so necessary. I'm sorry people are expecting you to be over it. My biggest regret after my loss is not finding someone irl I could really talk to. Eventually I found a pregnancy loss group which was led by a professional and it was helpful. Vent here any time you need but if you can make the time and money consider talking to a therapist.

[oldbaylover1024]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

As other have stated, pregnancy loss is a really complicated thing. And many folks who have not experienced it have a hard time understanding why there's a period of grief. As others have said, each experience is so unique it's hard to compare stories/emotions/feelings, and sometimes people IRL just don't get it.

Your experience sounds very traumatic. I hope you are able to find someone IRL - either a friend, family member, even a counselor - who can help you work through your feelings. It's a really hard thing to go through. And of course, vent/ramble/cry/ask questions here. We're here for you {{hugs}}

[boxerific]

I'm so sorry. For your heartache as well as everything you've had to go through since. That's so hard, and I know that it's really, really hard to go through all of it with a living child. You are all at once falling apart in every possible way, but still somehow managing to hold it together because you have to. It feels impossible.

Huge hugs. Take the time you need (as much as you can) to process all of this, and know we're here whenever you need to talk to someone who "gets it." <3

[sammysam]

Thank you so much to everyone for the support and the kind words. It really helps knowing that I have a place I can come to just vent. I'm not someone who likes to show my emotions IRL so knowing I have this place makes a big difference. Thanks:)

[DrHooch]

I am so sorry for your loss and everything else. All I can say is I am there with you 100%, and your story has been bouncing around in the back of my brain over the last week with my experiences.