When to tell your older child?

[auri]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. DD is 4, she'll be almost 5 when the baby arrives. When are you planning on telling your older children that they are going to have a sibling? I know I definitely want to wait until I have my dating u/s in a couple of weeks, but not sure if waiting until second trimester might be better. What is everyone else planning on doing or have done in the past? 

[babybean]

I was literally going to start this same thread with the same title lol.

When I was pregnant with DS my stepson was 8, turning 9. I told him around 8 weeks, which is early. I had a 'big brother' cake and balloon for him and tried to ensure he didn't feel left out. His mom and I were pregnant at the same time so it was overwhelming going from zero siblings to two. I felt more comfortable once I saw a heartbeat. If I had a loss I would have told him too, so that might be different for others and change their judgment.

I'm 10 weeks now and he's 11, turning 12 before the baby's born. I still haven't told him. It's summer break so there's longer stretches between visits which has made it easier to avoid. I have a bad feeling I can't shake and think the amount of loss we see on the board influences that too. I have another scan next Wednesday and will probably share with him then.

I don't know what I'd do with a 4-5 year old. At the very least I'd wait until my dating scan and seeing a heartbeat. I think it depends on your child's personality as well and how receptive you think they'll be. Basically I don't have answers either lol.

[cornpop]

We already told our 2 year old. It just seemed odd to keep it a secret. But she's young enough that if something happened and we never mentioned the baby again, I don't think she'd remember on her own. If she was older and more cognizant I'd probably wait awhile.

[auri]

Great minds think alike babybean!

[girlmom]

My oldest is 4 1/2 also. We waited until we were ready to tell family (in our case after the dating ultrasound at 10 weeks) and then we told our kids the night before we were going to see family. They got to be part of telling our families then, which they were really excited about. Now they are both telling everyone they see though, so we've ended up sharing the news of this pregnancy earlier than we otherwise maybe would have. So my advice is to wait until you're ready to tell people!

[Leaf 🌱]

We're not telling our 2yo until we're comfortable with the whole world knowing. She's got a mind like a trap and big mouth. We probably won't tell her until well into second tri.

We have started talking in hypotheticals: would you like a baby to live here with us? Should we bring a baby to our house? Can we share XYZ with a new baby? Then we model things with her baby dolls, like the baby crying and me cuddling it or putting it in "her" spots like the stroller, car seat, and changing table. DD is very jealous when I give other kids attention so I'm hopi g that a lot of play will help. The

[cp3]

We've already told our 2.5 year old and she has therefore told everyone at her daycare. We told our immediately family when I was 5 weeks and we've started telling more family friends and I'm 8 weeks today. With DD, we waited a bit longer to tell people but I've been a lot sicker this time and with parties and events we've had it's just been easier to tell people.

She talks about the baby a lot and is really excited so I'm not sure how she will handle things if something were to happen.

[sammysam]

DD is 3.5 and will be just over 4 when this LO arrives. She understands everything and never forgets anything. Ever. We haven't really talked about it but I'm not going to say anything to her until I have to. I'm thinking at least until after the AS if possible.

[smilesp]

We haven't "told" our 2 YO but we talk about it front of him. Obviously, we don't talk about it that much because I'm only 6.5 weeks so there isn't much to say at this point. He doesn't really talk so we aren't worried about him telling anyone. In the last couple months before the baby's born I'm sure we'll make a bigger deal and get books from the library about babies and stuff. Plus, we'll be getting the baby's room ready which he'll notice.

[mrsmonogrammed]

DD just turned 2, will be almost 3 when baby arrived. We haven't told her because she is one who remembers everything and loves to talk! We haven't decided when to officially tell her, could be after a good ultrasound or possibly into 2nd tri.
We have been asking her for the past few months if she wants a baby brother or sister and she always replies that she wants a baby brother "for the bathtub". Not sure how to break it to her that he would be here for other stuff too😂

[calendula]

DS is 5. We have had multiple m/cs in the past so I am hesitant to tell him before we really have to, just in case. I'm waiting at least until after 1st tri. As a STM I have no idea when I will start showing, but ideally I would like to wait until then.

I had a moment this weekend where I wanted to tell him, though. We had friends over who are expecting and DS knew the mom had a baby in her belly. He asked "When are you finally going to get one of those? Go to the baby store and get one!". Lol. It was really hard to give the same vague "maybe someday" answer we have been giving him for years.

[auri]

calendula That's cute. If only it was as easy as going to the baby store to get one.

[calendula]

Aug 21, 2017 7:40:03 GMT -6 auri said:

calendula That's cute. If only it was as easy as going to the baby store to get one.

Lol right? I mean technically we might be able to call the IVF clinic a baby store. A very...expensive....baby store. 

[sweetc129]

DH insisted on telling our almost 4 year old first. I was super against it for a few reasons, but he said she should be the first to know and he didn't even want to tell our parents until she knew, so we told her. We don't talk about it much around her though so she does occasionally talk about the baby in my belly but I think she forgets because my belly isn't big yet. She remembers what it was like with her little sister. I have no doubt that she has told everybody lik edaycare teachers and her friends/parents at some point and most people are just playing polite and not saying anything until we do.

[woodenshoes]

DH and I told DS who is 3.5 when we were 6.5 weeks pregnant. DS went with DH and me to our 6.5 week ultrasound. I don't think DS has told anyone. He is not overly excited about having a sibling. He actually told me last week that he wants to be an only child...I told him he has 7 months left.

[shadesofgold]

DS is only 16 months, so we have plenty of time before he could even understand what that means. He'll be 23 months at the due date. In the meantime, I've been trying to show him how to rock and kiss this baby doll he has, but he just throws the baby. So we have some work to do on being gentle.

[jewel]

My biggest thing here would be not telling until you felt ok if he/she told other people, because you never know what kids are going to say or when they are just gonna blurt stuff out!

[yianna]

we told them as soon as we got our positive.. No sense in hiding it. #4.. i mean.. the oldest would have guessed pretty soon anyway.

[sweetc129]

Aug 22, 2017 9:27:53 GMT -6 shadesofgold said:

DS is only 16 months, so we have plenty of time before he could even understand what that means. He'll be 23 months at the due date. In the meantime, I've been trying to show him how to rock and kiss this baby doll he has, but he just throws the baby. So we have some work to do on being gentle.

My DD#2 is 22 months and she has no idea what is going on. Our oldest was 2y3m old when her little was born and she only got it once the baby was actually born.

[shadesofgold]

Aug 22, 2017 12:15:34 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

Aug 22, 2017 9:27:53 GMT -6 shadesofgold said:

DS is only 16 months, so we have plenty of time before he could even understand what that means. He'll be 23 months at the due date. In the meantime, I've been trying to show him how to rock and kiss this baby doll he has, but he just throws the baby. So we have some work to do on being gentle.

My DD#2 is 22 months and she has no idea what is going on. Our oldest was 2y3m old when her little was born and she only got it once the baby was actually born.

That's kind of what I assumed! How'd your oldest do at that age with the new baby? Indifferent or engaged or outraged?

[sweetc129]

Aug 22, 2017 12:22:24 GMT -6 shadesofgold said:

Aug 22, 2017 12:15:34 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

My DD#2 is 22 months and she has no idea what is going on. Our oldest was 2y3m old when her little was born and she only got it once the baby was actually born.

That's kind of what I assumed! How'd your oldest do at that age with the new baby? Indifferent or engaged or outraged?

She was a bit apprehensive, but did surprisingly well. She loved and still does her little sister so much. Never acted out or had unusual behavior. Now current little sister is a bit more attached to me and gets mad even when big tries to come near me, so I am not expecting as smooth of a transition this time. They will have the same age gap as my first 2 (literally could be to the day same gap).

[sunshinedaisies]

Aug 22, 2017 9:27:53 GMT -6 shadesofgold said:

DS is only 16 months, so we have plenty of time before he could even understand what that means. He'll be 23 months at the due date. In the meantime, I've been trying to show him how to rock and kiss this baby doll he has, but he just throws the baby. So we have some work to do on being gentle.

Haha this is DS exactly. He has no interest in the baby doll and uses it for throwing or banging its head on something.

We speak about it in front of DS and we've "told" him but he's only 2 and I don't think he gets the concept other than repeating the word baby. I'm not concerned about him saying anything bc he doesn't go to day care and we don't live near family. The first time we will see family is in 2 weeks when we plan to tell them anyways (I'll be 13 weeks then).