I need your advice, loss mamas! (XP to PGAL)

[addymac]

Hey ladies,

Okay- so I had my "40w" appointment today (39+5) and apparently my body is ready to go - I'm 3cm dilated and 90% effaced... so my dr said he could induce me any day (that he's on call) between now and 41weeks... so I'm faced with a dilemma - do I get induced or do I let things progress naturally?

Issues if I choose to be induced:

1) Option of dates for induction:
- 8/18 (born on 8/19) - TOMORROW?! am i ready for this kid to come TOMORROW?! I would have to miss one 12hr day of work, which would cut my leave time (it's based on how many hours i have saved for vacation/sick time) and I would have to go back to work a week earlier than I wanted to...

- 8/21 (born 8/22) - 8/22 is the date we found out loss baby died. I really, really, didn't want him born on that day. But, it seems like a nice option - Baby born on Tuesday, DH would be off from work Tues/Wed/Thurs, Id have Friday to myself with the baby and then my parents would arrive on Saturday. But, it's an awful day in my mind and it will be the one year anniversary and I don't know how I would handle the one year anniversary AND baby being born that day.

- 8/24 (born 8/25) - 8//25 is the day I had my d&c. Again, not a date I wanted him born on. Same reasons. I wanted to be NOWHERE near the hospital. I'm scared it will trigger too much, with pregnancy and labor and mom hormones, and how will I feel towards new baby with all the feels about loss baby

- 8/26 (born 8/27) - 41weeks - This is really petty but my dad's birthday is 8/27 and I really don't want them to share a birthday. I get along fine with my parents but our relationship really suffered during my last pregnancy and the loss, and I haven't recovered from the way they acted and their version of support (it was as if I had to support them through my loss,, not them supporting me) and I just want my kid to have his own day. I just don't want him to share with him because I feel like it gives him more of a "claim" or something to the baby. Like, they're so excited, which is great, but because I'm still resentful towards them, I have issues with them being so close to the baby and they call it "our baby" and I am like NO IT"S MY BABY NOT YOURS. (i have issues, I know i need to work through them).


I am quite uncomfortable and ready to get him out, but suddenly the idea of scheduling him to come out before 41w is terrifying to me...

WWYD?!?

[hawkward]

LC mentioned



Thinking of having DS1's birthday also be a loss date for me, I'd choose the date not associated with loss even though it's less convenient. I'm always happy it's his birthday because it's his birthday, but it's hard to take some time to myself (like I like to do on those days) without mom guilt.

ETA I just re-read and saw it would decrease your leave by a week. How long would your leave be? Would they be willing to start the induction on the evening after you get off work? DS1 was an evenin induction and I really liked that I got quite a bit of sleep that night before shit got serious.

[addymac]

hawkward thanks! I actually work night shift- so my last shift would be Saturday into Sunday, which is incredibly unhelpful this week. It would make this weekend induction not possible unless I wanted to lose that week. I get ~3.5mo so I shouldn't complain, but that week could mean I don't return until the Tuesday after Christmas vs the week before and would make life really easy.

[addymac]

enchanted I'll have used up all my vacation time to be paid during those 3+ months.... we are not sure we can financially swing me being on leave and unpaid, but it's a possibility.

That must have been really difficult for you- I'm sorry. I do like your idea of making one of the days a happy day. I think it's just extra hard because it's the first anniversary. I think if it were a year or more removed I would have an easier time accepting the dates overlapping.

I guess we will see. Hoping I can walk this baby out this weekend and it will all be a moot point

Thank you for your input and response!! 💜

[chknma]

Personally I would wait for things to come naturally and go from there...I've had 2 medically necessary inductions and one spontaneous labor and the inductions were much harder births.

Also I would think that the induction day doesn't guarantee birth day. My two inductions from "start to finish" were 12 and 17 hours but I've had friends that took 48 & 72 hours

I feel you on the shared birthdays...my newborn was born on my mom's bday and I desperately didn't want that day, but that's how it happened and I might feel differently when she has her first bday, but for now I'm not going to worry about it

Good luck with all the walking! Hopefully baby will decide for you before you need to make a decision!!