Help! How do I stop my kid from hitting?

[misspeansmama]

Poof! 

tl:dr - My kid hits and I need advice for how to stop it.

[skategirl128]

Remind me how old she is again...

I'll type up some ideas when I'm back home this evening. Much love- this sounds tough for you.

[misspeansmama]

skategirl128, She's 5.5.

[jillywilly]

I'm sorry you're having this problem, I kind of have a similar problem, but my kid is only two, so I'm sure it's a little different. We've started using time outs with him, so if he hits me (or bites, because I'm lucky enough to also have a biter), I immediately pick him up and put him in his time-out chair, set the timer for two minutes, and then do not interact with him, other than to put him back in the chair if he tries to get down. When it's over, I go to him, tell him time out is over and explain that hitting is mean and hurts. If H is around, he will be the one to pick up DS and remove him from mommy - because for whatever reason, I'm the one that he hits/bites - H almost never gets it. What I like about the method is that it's an immediate consequence, you get physically removed from mommy, and no attention, since at 2 he obviously doesn't understand "if you do x, y will happen later," and I'm honestly not even sure at what age that starts working. Being at the grocery store makes it harder, so I honestly don't know what advice I can give there - I probably would have had H handle it if he were there, but otherwise, I'm still in the phase of just bribing my kid to sit in the cart and be good with a snack and/or some Elmo while I shop, lol. Good luck though, hope the behavior improves soon for you.

[misspeansmama]

Thanks jillywilly! We've done the time out thing, though I don't really think it works for her, which is why I switched to taking toys away from her. When we put her in time out, now and even when she was younger, she would not sit. I'd leave the room and she'd be up following me crying, saying she's sorry. She wouldn't go try to play or anything, she just wouldn't sit.

[NamasteBirches]

Sometimes I feel like we have the same kid in opposite sex form. Lol
A couple of months ago we were having similar issues & he was at the same age. He never ever has had issues hitting other people, kids, etc. He'd mostly do it to DH & then it slowly merged over to me, he'd do this swatting thing. He would usually never do it in public & then again it slowly merged over to it happening in public in exact settings like your example when he'd be pissed about something. It wouldn't be very often but often enough to be frustrating as hell.
I never found a solution, tbh. :/ when he would do it, we would sternly tell him he shouldn't be doing that (which he knows, this isn't new information) & we would try to remove him from the situation. With him, it would usually be because of him wanting something that we're not getting him so DH would typically take him away from the area. Sometimes the change of the scenery would help, sometimes he would just be screaming on the way to the car, etc. It would just be a way to get him out of where we were to not cause a scene &/or cause a scene somewhere else. He was usually infamous for doing this towards the end of said activity so we were usually heading to the car anyways so DH would just get there early while I check out or do whatever I'm doing by myself. Interestingly enough, I can't remember him doing it too often with him & I by ourselves. It would mostly happen with the 3 of us together.
It eventually stopped. Now he's just obnoxiously loud & whines when he doesn't get his way so I guess that's better? Idk. Not sure if that helps.

[misspeansmama]

Thanks NamasteBirches! I agree. It is crazy how similar our kids seem to be even though they are opposite sex and we live thousands of miles apart. Maybe it's because they are so close to the same age that they are going through things at relatively the same time. While you don't have a solution for me, at least it's nice to know I am not alone.

I hope the behaving this way does't continue when in public. This was the first time for it to happen when we weren't home or at a close family member's house. Maybe I will have to adjust the way I answer questions that I know I am going to say no to while we are out.

I suppose I'll take loud obnoxious whining over hitting, so if she follows the same path I have something to look forward to. LOL!

[NamasteBirches]

Aug 2, 2017 11:43:25 GMT -6 misspeansmama said:

Thanks NamasteBirches ! I agree. It is crazy how similar our kids seem to be even though they are opposite sex and we live thousands of miles apart. Maybe it's because they are so close to the same age that they are going through things at relatively the same time. While you don't have a solution for me, at least it's nice to know I am not alone.

I hope the behaving this way does't continue when in public. This was the first time for it to happen when we weren't home or at a close family member's house. Maybe I will have to adjust the way I answer questions that I know I am going to say no to while we are out.

I suppose I'll take loud obnoxious whining over hitting, so if she follows the same path I have something to look forward to. LOL!

Hey, iirc we're not that far apart, more like hundreds of miles apart
Also, maybe it's a preemie thing Lol

[misspeansmama]

Aug 2, 2017 11:54:31 GMT -6 NamasteBirches said:

Aug 2, 2017 11:43:25 GMT -6 misspeansmama said:

Thanks NamasteBirches ! I agree. It is crazy how similar our kids seem to be even though they are opposite sex and we live thousands of miles apart. Maybe it's because they are so close to the same age that they are going through things at relatively the same time. While you don't have a solution for me, at least it's nice to know I am not alone.

I hope the behaving this way does't continue when in public. This was the first time for it to happen when we weren't home or at a close family member's house. Maybe I will have to adjust the way I answer questions that I know I am going to say no to while we are out.

I suppose I'll take loud obnoxious whining over hitting, so if she follows the same path I have something to look forward to. LOL!

Hey, iirc we're not that far apart, more like hundreds of miles apart
Also, maybe it's a preemie thing Lol

True!  I am a bit of an over-exaggerator when it comes to distance and time...LOL!

Could be a preemie thing!   I had a feeling from day 1 that "miss in a big hurry to be born" was going to cause me a lot of trouble in her lifetime!

[Deleted]

I have no advice, but offer hugs. DD never seemed to be physical like that. Preschool/kindergarten age is still tough.

[yellowwallpaper]

I wish I had advice, we are having this problem with our son as well. Hugs.

[LED]

Have you tried giving her alternatives to hitting? Like, tell her something along the lines of we don't hit people when we're angry because it hurts, but we can (fill in the blank) when we're angry to get out our frustration. And then practice that when she's not over the top angry and hitting.

Sorry you're dealing with it, though. Hopefully you're able to find something that helps.

[misspeansmama]

Aug 4, 2017 5:52:37 GMT -6 LED said:

Have you tried giving her alternatives to hitting? Like, tell her something along the lines of we don't hit people when we're angry because it hurts, but we can (fill in the blank) when we're angry to get out our frustration. And then practice that when she's not over the top angry and hitting.

Sorry you're dealing with it, though. Hopefully you're able to find something that helps.

Yes, I have told her that if she is angry she should say something like "that makes me mad" or "I am angry because..."  She'll do that sometimes, but not all the time.  Hitting seems to be her first reaction.  

She has been good the last few days.  She knows that to get her toys back she has to be hit free for a week.  And if she hit's me again during that week, not only does she start a whole new countdown for being good, she'll lose another toy as well.  So usually what happens is she is good during the time it takes to earn her toys back, but then shortly after the old habits creep back in.

This morning she was grunting because she was angry.  While it's annoying, I am just glad she was doing that instead of hitting. 

[punkypower]

My son is much older. I do not think it was wrong that you pinched her bottom. I had a friend whose daughter was biting everyone. It was bad. One day she had it and bit the child. Not hard enough to leave a bruise but hard enough. I think that shortly after the biting stopped.

When in public, stop what you're doing, get down to her eye level, grab both hands firmly and tell her not to do that again-we don't hit/pinch etc. Repeat every single time. I think the rest of the consequences were appropriate. DS gets embarrassed being reprimanded in public but I'm past caring.

[misspeansmama]

Aug 6, 2017 12:41:12 GMT -6 punkypower said:

My son is much older. I do not think it was wrong that you pinched her bottom. I had a friend whose daughter was biting everyone. It was bad. One day she had it and bit the child. Not hard enough to leave a bruise but hard enough. I think that shortly after the biting stopped.

When in public, stop what you're doing, get down to her eye level, grab both hands firmly and tell her not to do that again-we don't hit/pinch etc. Repeat every single time. I think the rest of the consequences were appropriate. DS gets embarrassed being reprimanded in public but I'm past caring.

Thanks!

Getting down to her eye level is a good tip!  I don't do that often enough.  

We have gone a full week without any incidents!  Hopefully the good behavior will keep up.