phone/ipad monitoring software (ie bark, etc)

[jewels]

I have been researching them all and am hoping for some help from people who have used them.  I know this is asked periodically but I searched through and couldn't really find answers to what I was looking for.  Here is what I want:

• Multiple devices - ipads, iphones
• 2 kids - different needs
• Kid 1 - 10 y/o, has iphone and ipad.  want to monitor correspondence.  as of now I am just picking up his phone and checking it periodically.  Lots of text chain chats I want to make sure are ok.  Not as concerned with internet usage and he is pretty responsible, but still would like to block inappropriate sites and certain types of youtube videos while still letting him use youtube
• Kid 2 - 7 y/o, only has ipad.  Not responsible at all.  Does not listen and tries to go to blocked/unallowed sites.  Want something to monitor what he is doing but also extensively block things. 

I have been struggling on the various sites to find one that seems to be compatible with imessages.  Anyone find one that does?  It is very confusing to me and I am not super tech savvy.

I have some blockers on the iphone family account like school time, etc. But looking for something more robust.  I've been looking at:

Bark, Qustodio, Family Time, Net Nanny, Kaspersky and a ton more, but I just can't figure out what is best for us.  And need advice.  

Thanks!

[CurlieWhirlie]

I have never found anything that has allowed me to read the text messages on a kid's device. When my son was that age I used to do what you do - periodically pick up the phone and check it, with my kid's awareness, asked questions and had conversations about what I was seeing, etc.

For everything else I have found Apple's ScreenTime works just fine for blocking sites and setting limits on specific apps, plus overall downtime.

[bobyn]

I use a combination of Bark and Apple screen time controls. Bark will flag whatever you ask it to monitor for, from bullying, sexual or inappropriate content, to anxiety/depression/concerning content. It will show you snippets of text conversations with any flagged content. We've used it to start conversations about how certain things can be considered "hate speech" but I'm not interfering with how he interacts with his friends otherwise.

[piratecat]

This is not my area of expertise since my kids aren't old enough but do you have an Apple computer and could you log into your kid's Apple ID on your computer and get their messages that way?

[jewels]

Feb 16, 2024 12:12:16 GMT -6 piratecat said:

This is not my area of expertise since my kids aren't old enough but do you have an Apple computer and could you log into your kid's Apple ID on your computer and get their messages that way?

It's not so much the getting of the messages that I'm concerned with, since I regularly check his phone, it's more something to scan it I guess?  Something to alert me if there is something concerning.  I also do not have an apple computer, my H does but he's not likely to be focusing as much on it as I would.  So I'd like something that could all be in one place I think, like 1 app on my phone to open and get alerts that can also block anything I think is concerning, esp for the little one.  

[jewels]

Feb 16, 2024 10:12:52 GMT -6 bobyn said:

I use a combination of Bark and Apple screen time controls. Bark will flag whatever you ask it to monitor for, from bullying, sexual or inappropriate content, to anxiety/depression/concerning content. It will show you snippets of text conversations with any flagged content. We've used it to start conversations about how certain things can be considered "hate speech" but I'm not interfering with how he interacts with his friends otherwise.

This seems to be what I am looking for.  So Bark works with imessages? That was the one thing I wasn't sure about.

[bobyn]

Feb 16, 2024 13:20:17 GMT -6 jewels said:

Feb 16, 2024 10:12:52 GMT -6 bobyn said:

I use a combination of Bark and Apple screen time controls. Bark will flag whatever you ask it to monitor for, from bullying, sexual or inappropriate content, to anxiety/depression/concerning content. It will show you snippets of text conversations with any flagged content. We've used it to start conversations about how certain things can be considered "hate speech" but I'm not interfering with how he interacts with his friends otherwise.

This seems to be what I am looking for.  So Bark works with imessages? That was the one thing I wasn't sure about.

It does, yes. What it doesn't do is prevent your child from moving to a different chat service that you can no longer monitor, like Discord, which is another thing we're dealing with.

KIDS ARE SO FUN.

[jewels]

Feb 16, 2024 13:28:10 GMT -6 bobyn said:

Feb 16, 2024 13:20:17 GMT -6 jewels said:

This seems to be what I am looking for.  So Bark works with imessages? That was the one thing I wasn't sure about.

It does, yes. What it doesn't do is prevent your child from moving to a different chat service that you can no longer monitor, like Discord, which is another thing we're dealing with.

KIDS ARE SO FUN.

Thanks.  As of now I am not too concerned with that as he has to ask before downloading any new apps so I *think* that would stop him from doing that.  And I am really more concerned with the little one who is more likely to try to sneak something past me, and he doesn't have a phone yet, only the ipad. With the older one I am more concerned with him viewing something harmful (he showed me some videos that popped up on his youtube that were not great), or cyberbullying, etc.

Sounds like Bark, the first one I looked at, is probably enough for us.  I could have saved myself some time lol.

[sweptaway]

Feb 16, 2024 13:28:10 GMT -6 bobyn said:

Feb 16, 2024 13:20:17 GMT -6 jewels said:

This seems to be what I am looking for.  So Bark works with imessages? That was the one thing I wasn't sure about.

It does, yes. What it doesn't do is prevent your child from moving to a different chat service that you can no longer monitor, like Discord, which is another thing we're dealing with.

KIDS ARE SO FUN.

Hi again fellow mom of a device obsessed tween boy. 
Today my kid downloaded twitter and made himself an account even though we told him we had to think about it after he asked no less than 5 times this week. After I've told him to stop using his gmail account to log in to everything. AND HE KNOWS I GET A NOTIFICATION ANYTIME HE INSTALLS AN APP (well, now he actually needs my permission- just changed that!). 
He said "Oh I thought you said it was ok"

No. No you did not. 

[bobyn]

Just be aware that Discord can be accessed via web browser, it's not app only.

God speed!