9yo accessed adult content on school laptop.

[unicornofthesea]

Hey guys.

So this weekend I made an awful discovery that my son has been Google searching explicit adult content from his school laptop.

I guess somehow my Google email is logged in on his computer so Friday night when I went on my phone to Google something all these body part/sex related searches popped up.

A lot of it was mis spelled and my son even searched his full name along with his favorite YouTuber so that’s how I knew it was for sure him.

I have all of their devices on lockdown but immediately went through his Nintendo, Fire tablet then school laptop. He 100% did these searches AT SCHOOL DURING SCHOOL HOURS.

My ex and I sat him down together with a game plan to talk to him in a safe space and find out where he even heard this stuff, about internet safety, curiosity is normal, etc.
he flat out denied it. Like will not budge on admitting it.

my #1 concern here is some of these search words....there we mild ones like penis,vagina, boobs etc but the other were "penis covered in c*m”, gyat, sexy girls, c*ck, d*ck…to name a few…I just can’t believe he’d come up with that on his own. These were put in the actual search bar, not clicks from links that came up from the search.
He’s a quiet kid with perfect grades and keeps to himself. I have no idea where he could have heard this stuff.

I’m baffled. I want him to tell the truth because I’m worried that it was an adult that taught him this stuff. I know that’s probably naïve because kids tell each other this stuff but I want to know so I can protect him.

I still need to contact the school and principal but I’m not sure what else to do for him besides remind him to come to us if he’s curious about this stuff so we can teach him/show him age appropriate stuff. I don’t know what he’s already seen (some of the pics are blurred out and you have to click on the them) and I’m livid he did this at school, literally in class around other kids and a teacher present.

Just looking for other parental advice. I feel embarrassed to talk to friends irl about it😞

[adelbert]

I read what you posted and couldn't not comment as I imagine you feel pretty alone right now, and I understand feeling embarrassed.

I haven't experienced this specific situation but my 11 year old did recently do something pretty stupid at school (he got into a physical fight and crossed a line in terms of how far he took it, although he admitted it which helped) and I was so disappointed because he does know better but I just have to keep reminding myself that his brain is developing and every time he makes a stupid choice he can grow and learn from it and that one decision isn't who he is.

I feel like the first step for me would be getting my son to confess honestly to what really happened. But until that came just being very clear about why it's not acceptable to be looking things like that up, why we don't access those types of images, etc. Which it sounds like you did. I'm sure others will have good advice for the practical next steps.

Hugs.

[peachesncream]

I was guilty of this as a child out of mere curiosity. My parents are religiously conservative and never had the sex talk with me, so everything I learned was from school and friends, and then Google came along and I viewed it as a resource.

I would definitely use this as an opportunity to have a frank conversation about sex and then discuss appropriate resources and venues for him to get questions answered. I don't know boy mom things very well but it might be an opportunity to talk about masturbation as well.

While I obviously understand the inappropriateness of using a school laptop to seek sex-related content on the internet, I guess personally I would hesitate to be too punitive as that might scare him away from coming to you in the future.

[cnf]

Does their school not have any filters or blocking software? Some of the stuff that's blocked when I'm at school is mind boggling, but none of this would ever make it through a filter. And I'm a health teacher, so searching up sex information isn't out of the realm of normal for me when I'm at work. I would honestly contact the IT department at the district and inquire about the Internet safety systems they have in place. None of this should be getting through on the school wifi unless it's educational information on reputable websites. YouTube is the only big question mark, since most schools don't block it.

I agree with others, I'd have a very straightforward conversation with him. If he's already exposed then it's best to lay the ground work of understanding correct information now. He'll learn all sorts of incorrect garbage from other kids at school. Beat them to it and help him know accurate information and why it's not appropriate for school.

I will tell you too, knowing what some of my 10 and 11 year old sixth grade students know in regards to sex, he's far from alone in his queries, if that helps you feel any better.

[snowyowl]

I work in a K-8 school, and I promise he isn’t the only 9 year old who has heard these terms and been curious about them. I’m not saying you should ignore the possibility of an adult being involved, but unfortunately it’s very easy for kids to learn about this stuff very young.
You might also want to consider the possibility that he wasn’t doing this by himself. It could be that other kids were involved and that might be partly why he refuses to admit what happened - the other kids would be mad at him for telling. Just a theory.

I’m wondering if the searches actually worked. I can type in whatever I want at work, but that doesn’t mean the website won’t be blocked. It’s possible that what comes up at home isn’t what he was able to see at school. If the searches DID go through, I’m shocked at how bad the school’s filter is and they need to deal with that ASAP.

[trueblue]

I second the question about the school district’s monitoring software which should have caught and blocked a majority of this search terms. I would definitely give the principal a call tomorrow morning but dibs be surprised if they already know about it. Also don’t be surprised if there are very real consequences for your son from the school for using a school issued device.

As far as the subject matter I think you are handling it well - it’s natural to be curious but also to be age appropriate. I would want to find out where he learned certain terms but that cat is out of the bag. The focus now should be on what sex between consenting parties actually is since porn isn’t it, how bodies work during and after puberty etc. We also went through age inappropriate google searches and I was just a mess over it. I am a DM away if you want to chat.

[GhoatMonket]

Feb 11, 2024 10:00:53 GMT -6 snowyowl said:

I work in a K-8 school, and I promise he isn’t the only 9 year old who has heard these terms and been curious about them. I’m not saying you should ignore the possibility of an adult being involved, but unfortunately it’s very easy for kids to learn about this stuff very young.
You might also want to consider the possibility that he wasn’t doing this by himself. It could be that other kids were involved and that might be partly why he refuses to admit what happened - the other kids would be mad at him for telling. Just a theory.

I’m wondering if the searches actually worked. I can type in whatever I want at work, but that doesn’t mean the website won’t be blocked. It’s possible that what comes up at home isn’t what he was able to see at school. If the searches DID go through, I’m shocked at how bad the school’s filter is and they need to deal with that ASAP.

That was my thought about the other kids. And that might not be the case, and it doesn't change that it was done, but I wouldn't be shocked to learn that.

And I would be lighting their IT department on fire for that. All of that should have been blocked and it should have flagged big time with multiple terms on one district issued device.

[beepers]

The googling of his full name with the YouTuber is weird to me. Like that makes me think someone else was trying to get him in trouble.

I’d be all over school admin that this happened under their watch. Whether it was my kid or someone else on his device.

[icedcoffee]

I second the restrictions stuff. A couple years ago my oldest got in trouble for looking up things she wasn't supposed to on her school computer. I got a call from the assistant principal letting me know what happened, and that she would be talked to at school. This all happened before she even came home because it flagged immediately. It was a mortifying experience for her and she never did it again.

As far as what he was looking up, the other kids thought crossed my mind as well. Is it possible he heard stuff on YouTube? Does he play roblox? Maybe kids are talking on there?

[AmyG]

From history can you see if he googled these things and actually got to click to the pages not just results?

I would definitely be asking school what their search settings are and if he could get around them as a 9 year old what about the bit older kids what are they googling and seeing results for?

A discussion of sex and all the words around sex good bad and inaccurate. Touch on how there's a lot of not age appropriate things he might have tried to see/read about but as a kid he shouldn't have access to those things not because it's a secret that should be giggled about with your friends but because it's actual legally only for adults stuff. We'd talk about the laws about sex and kids and grooming and inappropriate touching and child porn in as specific of ways possible. It's hard topic but for dome kids knowing it's just not legal for you to view these things or to do these things ss a kid and that's why school and parents both are tasked with protecting you.

I would actually change your computer password and your Google password. Because you may not have logged in to his chromebook yourself. Unlikely that 9 yr old would be that sneaky but kids are pretty sneaky. Mine weren't much older when they'd log in as me to try to Google innocuous words or phrases that were blocked by safe search. I can't think what exactly since it was eons ago but luckily I knew what they were doing and why pretty early on and could monitor it.

[babybean]

First, I’m sorry. This is understandably shocking and upsetting. I agree that he might’ve been searching with other students and is afraid to say who and what the circumstances were. Beyond that, kids hear all sorts of things from older students and peers. We can’t shield them from everything unfortunately and the expanse of tech these days is hard to navigate as a parent. I hope you get some clear answers from him soon and can work through this with ease.

[daisy]

Is there a possibility that anyone else has access to the computer at school during the school day?

[jrun2013]

I wouldn’t dismiss the possibility that someone else did this on his computer to set him up.

We had an issue at my school where students forgot to sign out of shared chromebooks, so another anonymous student would use that students log in to send threatening messages to other kids.

I’d consider the fact that he’s telling the truth.

Also, the school should have better blocking restrictions.

[unicornofthesea]

Thank you for all the replies.

He said no one else has been on his computer, kids or adults. He said no kids or adult asked him to or did it with him. He just doesn’t know…he was so calm when we confronted him I feel he just doesn’t even realize the severity of the situation. Neither my ex or I expected him to completely deny it. He’s just not that kid.

He does play Roblox but not often and I have the chat settings turned off, he’s only allowed to play with friends we actually know on fortnight and I monitor YouTube videos they watch….obviously I realize there’s so many ways to be sneaky around this and I’m not perfect on being present 100% when they’re on tablets etc.

I did message his teacher today through the app and she already replied and said this is weighing heavily on her mind and to call her (I was vague in the message about what I found on the computer)

She had me send her screenshots of the searches and said that everything should have absolutely been blocked. She also believes that it possibly wasn’t him and is also shocked. She even said the time stamps of the searches don’t match the time they work on them in class.
She’s going to have their media team look into it first thing tomorrow.

My ex is in IT and confirmed the searches definitely came from that computer.
So who knows.
I would have never even known if it weren’t for my email creepily being logged in on his laptop somehow (I assume by something we signed up for in the past, like an account or something)…. I’m so curious to know how this wasn’t caught by the school sooner because the first search was on Jan 24th.

[mapleme]

If you would generally trust your kid on something that wasn't as serious as this and his denial seems believable, I would start there when trying to figure out what happened. If his teacher says that the timestamps aren't when they're on computers, where are the computers during those timestamps? Are the searches always at the same time of day? Maybe someone knows his login and is nabbing his computer to do the searches. It does seem strange that the school didn't catch it, but maybe their filter just filters and doesn't flag? If the filters are working, he, or someone else, could just be typing in "funny" stuff and getting nowhere. Maybe the search of his own name was him, but others aren't. I imagine that he would have normal reasons to search things too.

Also, as alarming as these searches sound to us, it really could just be curiosity and trying to understand. I remember, around that age, a classmate commenting that someone else didn't even know that d*ck and balls were different things. I had no idea that they were different things at that age, so if google has been available to me, 100% I would have been searching "d*ck and balls" the next chance I got. Maybe, as a quiet kid, he overheard some other kids talking and wants to understand.

I hope that you get to the bottom of this. I would be exceptionally unnerved in your situation.

[melohdy]

No advice other than what has been said and what you've already done. I just want to commiserate with you. DD10 told us recently that she was kissing a boy and we found out this weekend that there was at least a rumor going around that she wanted to go to the bathroom and have sex with this boy. Understandably, we were really freaked out. I felt physically ill thinking about it. We sat her down in a safe and calm place and had a conversation with her about the truth of that rumor (sounds like it was *just* kissing - but rumors can be just as damaging) and reinforced our past conversations around bodies, sex, peer pressure etc. I also found out that an adult may have known about this rumor and nothing was said to H or I about it. I emailed her teacher and the psychologist in the wellness center, and was in the office talking to the Principal and Superintendent about it this morning and I am hopeful we have a good course of action.

This stuff is all so foreign to me and we're all just figuring it out as we go.

[angelashly]

Feb 11, 2024 15:24:05 GMT -6 unicornofthesea said:

Thank you for all the replies.

He said no one else has been on his computer, kids or adults. He said no kids or adult asked him to or did it with him. He just doesn’t know…he was so calm when we confronted him I feel he just doesn’t even realize the severity of the situation. Neither my ex or I expected him to completely deny it. He’s just not that kid.

He does play Roblox but not often and I have the chat settings turned off, he’s only allowed to play with friends we actually know on fortnight and I monitor YouTube videos they watch….obviously I realize there’s so many ways to be sneaky around this and I’m not perfect on being present 100% when they’re on tablets etc.

I did message his teacher today through the app and she already replied and said this is weighing heavily on her mind and to call her (I was vague in the message about what I found on the computer)

She had me send her screenshots of the searches and said that everything should have absolutely been blocked. She also believes that it possibly wasn’t him and is also shocked. She even said the time stamps of the searches don’t match the time they work on them in class.
She’s going to have their media team look into it first thing tomorrow.

My ex is in IT and confirmed the searches definitely came from that computer.
So who knows.
I would have never even known if it weren’t for my email creepily being logged in on his laptop somehow (I assume by something we signed up for in the past, like an account or something)…. I’m so curious to know how this wasn’t caught by the school sooner because the first search was on Jan 24th.

I am assuming they leave them at school? If so someone else who has access maybe is doing it and therefore your son wouldn’t know because he wasn’t around?

[STP]

I don't think there's any reason to jump on the idea that he didn't do it.

Nine is plenty old enough to search things you hear from others.

[sterling]

Feb 13, 2024 13:05:04 GMT -6 STP said:

I don't think there's any reason to jump on the idea that he didn't do it.

Nine is plenty old enough to search things you hear from others.

I agree, and I think the teacher might be incentivized consciously or subconsciously to want that to be the story vs. him doing it in plain sight under her watch.

[STP]

Also, I remember being 9. I was pretty interested in sex. Not in wanting to have it, but really curious about what it was, the feelings the idea caused, etc. Masturbation was a thing at that age. 

OBVIOUSLY there is a lot that needs to be done here in talking about appropriate times, what these phrases mean, what sex is. ETC.

I'm not...overly scandalized tbh. I had absolutely heard a lot of that from the kids around me with older siblings or whatever. I'm a little surprised the teacher is all that bothered on a personal level, this isn't too early for this to come up. I think sterling is right that it's more about covering her ass bc she should have been monitoring a bit closer. 

[notexactly]

Feb 11, 2024 12:36:34 GMT -6 AmyG said:

From history can you see if he googled these things and actually got to click to the pages not just results?

I would definitely be asking school what their search settings are and if he could get around them as a 9 year old what about the bit older kids what are they googling and seeing results for?

A discussion of sex and all the words around sex good bad and inaccurate. Touch on how there's a lot of not age appropriate things he might have tried to see/read about but as a kid he shouldn't have access to those things not because it's a secret that should be giggled about with your friends but because it's actual legally only for adults stuff. We'd talk about the laws about sex and kids and grooming and inappropriate touching and child porn in as specific of ways possible. It's hard topic but for dome kids knowing it's just not legal for you to view these things or to do these things ss a kid and that's why school and parents both are tasked with protecting you.

I would actually change your computer password and your Google password. Because you may not have logged in to his chromebook yourself. Unlikely that 9 yr old would be that sneaky but kids are pretty sneaky. Mine weren't much older when they'd log in as me to try to Google innocuous words or phrases that were blocked by safe search. I can't think what exactly since it was eons ago but luckily I knew what they were doing and why pretty early on and could monitor it.

Yes, this. I follow the "Parenting in A Tech World" group on FB, and this topic comes up all the time.

There's a great book they recommend as a resource to help parents talk to their children when exposed to inappropriate content.

The books are called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr (ages 3-6) and the other one is titled the same, but for ages 6-11. I highly recommend it.

How would I know? Had my son come across inappropriate content on his iPad as well just a couple months ago, and I was devastated, so I completely understand where you are coming from.

[gallagher]

Undoubtedly, he heard these things at school. 9yo seems like the typical age where this stuff comes out. My DD had a boy in her kindergarten class that talked inappropriately about sex and that infuriated me at age 5. This seems like typical age appropriate behavior, although I can understand it to be quite shocking.

[McBenny]

Feb 11, 2024 8:13:00 GMT -6 unicornofthesea said:

penis covered in c*m”, gyat, sexy girls, c*ck, d*ck…to name a few…I just can’t believe he’d come up with that on his own. - he heard other kids saying this

This language is very common among kids especially kids and around the tween age group. 

I am sure it was a child that also let him know the school laptop was not locked down. 

Do not be embarrassed. This is very common to the age. 

Keep the conversation flowing and yes, just imagine that he has seen it all up and out. I would speak to him as though he did and explain to him why it's not appropriate for children. 

My convo went a lot like - not only is it about sex and sex acts which is explicit and meant for consenting individuals all the way around. A lot of these pics and videos are staged and not a good example of real life. Your brain is still growing, and you don't want to be exposed to these pictures and videos and think this is real life. Then when you get older you might have issues enjoying real life because you got used to looking at make believe. 

Again, do not be embarrassed. 

[McBenny]

I find some of the replies here odd but I will ignore.

I believe it was him. So what? This doesn't make him a bad kid. I remember we have talked about this in the past here and I tried to share but it did not go over well. It turned into a very not my kid kind of place. Yes, your kid. It doesn't matter if you do not let your kid have a phone or a tv in their room and that you all watch Disney all weekend. They get in school and they are talking about dick, pussy, cum, all of it. I am just telling you what I have seen through work. I am telling you what I have seen in my area. I am telling you what I have seen with my own children.

[McBenny]

This is also why I have told you all time and time again, I have their google profiles on my phone as well. The school one and personal ones. I can see what has been searched and typed it. What has been clicked on. How long you were on that page. I can see what you searched on youtube etc.

[McBenny]

Feb 13, 2024 13:14:53 GMT -6 sterling said:

Feb 13, 2024 13:05:04 GMT -6 STP said:

I don't think there's any reason to jump on the idea that he didn't do it.

Nine is plenty old enough to search things you hear from others.

I agree, and I think the teacher might be incentivized consciously or subconsciously to want that to be the story vs. him doing it in plain sight under her watch.

I do not know if the teacher was following the vibe of the parent or what but if she's been teaching this age then she should have not been a shocked Pikachu. 

[brux]

Feb 13, 2024 15:01:23 GMT -6 McBenny said:

This is also why I have told you all time and time again, I have their google profiles on my phone as well. The school one and personal ones. I can see what has been searched and typed it. What has been clicked on. How long you were on that page. I can see what you searched on youtube etc.

I don't have this set up.  Could you help me?  How do you have the kids' school google account on your phone?  You're just logged in as them as one of your profile options on your phone and you know their password for that account?  I hadn't considered this, but like the idea of it because DS spends a lot of time on his school chromebook.

[McBenny]

I have shared here before that my daughter heard some boys talking about porn hub at school. She came home and googled it. On the family computer that was out in the open and common areas. Due to the fact that she had no clue what it was going to be about.

Anyway, she had to tell me about it because the next day she came home to do homework and she went in search bar and typed a P and pornhub came up as a suggestion. She was scared her little brother would click on it as we would let him play Papa Louie games.

We had to have those serious talks. She actually was very disturbed by some of the images she saw for a while. I all of a sudden had to discuss porn with her. She had heard of pornography but not porn. I had to discuss some of the things she saw. It was a lot of talking. That's all you can really do. You want them to have your words in their head. Your warnings. Because they will be exposed to outside things and people and kids showing them stuff off their devices.

[McBenny]

Feb 13, 2024 15:14:46 GMT -6 brux said:

Feb 13, 2024 15:01:23 GMT -6 McBenny said:

This is also why I have told you all time and time again, I have their google profiles on my phone as well. The school one and personal ones. I can see what has been searched and typed it. What has been clicked on. How long you were on that page. I can see what you searched on youtube etc.

I don't have this set up.  Could you help me?  How do you have the kids' school google account on your phone?  You're just logged in as them as one of your profile options on your phone and you know their password for that account?  I hadn't considered this, but like the idea of it because DS spends a lot of time on his school chromebook.

I will have to double check how to do this but on my phone I can switch profiles like when I go to my profile there is a drop down box and I have the kids profiles listed. 

[brux]

Feb 13, 2024 15:25:47 GMT -6 McBenny said:

Feb 13, 2024 15:14:46 GMT -6 brux said:

I don't have this set up.  Could you help me?  How do you have the kids' school google account on your phone?  You're just logged in as them as one of your profile options on your phone and you know their password for that account?  I hadn't considered this, but like the idea of it because DS spends a lot of time on his school chromebook.

I will have to double check how to do this but on my phone I can switch profiles like when I go to my profile there is a drop down box and I have the kids profiles listed. 

I can google instructions for myself, if you don't know off the top of your head.  I appreciate you mentioning is as an option!