Would it be weird to do my neighbor’s laundry?

[soiree]

My husband says yes. I’m on the fence.
We’re friends but not close. She has a new job which requires a bit of traveling and my daughter pet sits when she’s gone. I go over in the morning and walk the dog. Her normally tidy house is a bit of a disaster right now with several piles of laundry. I really don’t mind doing laundry/ she’s got three kids and it looks to be their clothes. I didn’t inspect, just observed. I would just wash and fold for her using her washing machine. I’m sure it’s just t-shirts, casual clothes.
She’s newly divorced (a-hole ex husband) and I think she’s just really overwhelmed as she’s adjusting to being a single working mom.
Weird or a nice act of kindness?

[sterling]

I’d be mortified if someone did this without asking me first, especially if I’m not close to them. There are a handful of friends who could tell me they’re going to do it and just help me, but I can count them on one hand.

[sudsy]

I think if you broach it as “Hey I know you’ve got a lot going on right now, and I bet it’s really overwhelming…I’d be overwhelmed. Is there anything I can do to help out? Something I can take off your plate?” that’d be fine. Takes a village when you’re a single mom (and likely going through a bit of depression if her house is normally super clean and organized).

[tinyjoys]

I think it can be both. Like I know all the new mom articles are like “hey, wash dishes; do a load of laundry, don’t just hold the baby.” I can see where you’re coming from of wanting to be kind and take something off her plate that is (in your mind) simple & something you enjoy, but could also be an overstep/weird.

[sudsy]

But no, I would not be ok with someone just washing my clothes. I’m a pretty private person and feel like this would be an invasion if not asked first.

[AmyG]

Maybe have your pet sitting child broach it as something they can do for a little cash and you weigh in to say yeah its no big deal and you'd supervise and they help them do it for low cost per load charge

[icedcoffee]

I think that's a nice gesture but definitely ask first if you're not close. If my cousin or my BFF did this for me I wouldn't feel weird, but my neighbor I'm not super close with would feel a little odd

Also I'd be mortified if that was like a donate/too small pile 🤣

[icedcoffee]

Feb 10, 2024 11:25:35 GMT -6 AmyG said:

Maybe have your pet sitting child broach it as something they can do for a little cash and you weigh in to say yeah its no big deal and you'd supervise and they help them do it for low cost per load charge

I dont know, I don't think I'd ask to do it for money. I feel like it needs to be offered as a kindness or not at all

[STP]

Is this a serious question?

Don’t.

Don’t do that.

😳

ETA maybe that’s too harsh but I would be HORRIFIED. And feel a bit shamed. And you’d never be in my house again. Don’t touch my underwear.

[emma]

I’d be mortified if someone other than my mum or sister did my laundry for me unasked.

[McBenny]

Feb 10, 2024 11:20:32 GMT -6 sterling said:

I’d be mortified if someone did this without asking me first, especially if I’m not close to them. There are a handful of friends who could tell me they’re going to do it and just help me, but I can count them on one hand.

I land here.

People are funny about their laundry. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[sewf]

My mom folded my clean laundry without asking and it annoyed me. I am very…particular about my laundry and how it is folded, so this would push me over an edge.

I think it’s ok to text and just ask if there is anything else you can help with, but ASK FIRST.

[claudia]

Your heart is in the right place but absolutely would be weird and (to me) would feel intrusive

[STP]

Feb 10, 2024 12:30:30 GMT -6 claudia said:

Your heart is in the right place but absolutely would be weird and (to me) would feel intrusive

That's the word I couldn't grab on to.

Intrusive. 

[STP]

Sometimes the illusion of having your shit together is what's getting you by, and someone poking a hole in that brings down the whole operation.

Of course help people if it's life or death, or whatever, but sometimes the kindness is in playing along. Like, pretend you don't see the pile of laundry and let me believe I'm pulling it all off here. Because that lets me have pride of self and a sense that I'm not being judged.

And obviously there are forty-bajillion situations that that is not the way to handle it, so projection. But my mom came in and started doing the dishes I had planned to do an hour later, and it enraged me in a way I can't explain. Because on that day I was juggling and snatching one of the balls made me feel like she was saying "you dropped this" when I hadn't yet. And that brought out stress that I was otherwise managing.

If that makes ANY sense.

[gingy]

I've done a (friendly) neighbor's laundry before when her husband was in the hospital and she couldn't keep up with her house and two young girls. But I asked how I could help, and that's what she needed done. I would never have done such a private chore without asking first though.

[marygracerich]

I would feel weird if someone did my laundry. However, I think saying something like “is there anything you would like me to take care of while you are gone? I know you are super busy and I have time. If you need anything, let me know. “

[Pumpkinwest]

Add me to the ‘ask if there is anything you can do to help’ group.


My ILs stay at my house A LOT … and while I know MIL is just trying to help, she has done my laundry several times after I asked her please not to.

Agree with whoever said please don’t touch my underwear lol. Just, no.

[soiree]

I figured. It looks like she’s in the middle of washing her kids’ clothes. Clean clothes are folded on sofa and it looks like 3 piles of her kids’ clothes ready to be washed.
Laundry is a chore I don’t mind at all and I could knock it out so quickly.
I would not wash her clothes.

But you’re right! I know if I asked she’d refuse.

What I really want to do is send my cleaning lady to her house for a day.

She’s super sweet and I’d love to help her some way.

[Lali]

It's very thoughtful that you want to help but I wouldn't touch or comment on her laundry.
Years ago I lived in a two family house with a shared laundry room, one day I left my clothes on the washer and my upstairs neighbor put them in the dryer and folded them for me, I felt weird that other person touched my clothes and it made me feel sooo uncomfortable. Most people are particular about their laundry, I know half of my clothes I don't put in the dryer.

[beepers]

soiree honestly the cleaning lady is probably a better idea.

She knows you know she’s going through some shit. If she isn’t the kind to be mortified at the implication that her house is messier than normal, I’d offer to pay for a cleaning by a professional.

It’s kind of you to want to lighten her load but everyone’s desire for outside help is so personal, only you know your target audience here. An open ended “what can I do” sometimes leads to nothing, so I’d say “here’s some ideas I was thinking, choose A, B, or C. Like the cleaning lady, hiring a laundry service or even some meals or takeout gift cards.

[Pistol]

Even asking would put me in a weird feeling. I admit, I'm quick to feel like people are judging me but yea if someone said hey noticed your laundry, want some help with that? I'm going straight to OMG they think I'm a slob. I wouldn't even mention it unless they said they were interested in a laundry service and you felt the want to offer your help instead.

[hawkward]

soiree some of my friends knew I was going through some shit and sent their cleaning person to my house. I wouldn’t have accepted *them* coming to clean but the person paid to do it, I was cool with. Less personal.

[kittyriot]

I think an offer of gentle help is appropriate. The “hey, I know you have a lot of shit on your plate right now. Is there a way I can help?” And then offer some gentle suggestions (meals, babysitting, build up to laundry…)

Lexapro has really helped me feel less judged. I’ve learned most people offering this level of help are truly just wanting to help lighten someone’s load. But I’m also the person who doesn’t care who does my laundry.

My Mom is more particular than us, so I know my clothes are in good hands. And our cleaning lady regularly does a few loads when she’s in. I don’t mind in the slightest. But I also abhor laundry. So that might be why.

[AmyG]

I'm totally different than most I guess and more like kitty riot.
But it's just clothes. Anybody wants to come and do my laundry are welcome to it. Dishes too and can you please vacuum and dust. I might not ask you to clean the toilet but if you offer then go for it.

Interesting story, I was hugely pg with my first kid. On mostly stsy in bed rest to avoid pre-e try to stay pg longer.

New neighbors move in across the street we meet them. Next thing I know she shows up to say hi with a pitcher of lemonsde and banana bread.
We talk and she's like so your girlfriends and family taking care of all that stuff you just can't do in your condition like laundry dusting and clean behind the toilet? Blunt but I'm like naw my family lives hours away and we moved here recently away from most friends. So hubby does most of that but not very well laugh about inept husband's and cleaning.

She shows up next day with supplies in hand to clean. She does a load of laundry dusts vacuums mops and cleans the bathroom. Of course sounds pushy but it was just matter of fact taking care of stuff that I was struggling with. I had baby not that long after and she came over a few times to do similar stuff.

Anyways we've been close friends for 28 years now.

[AmyG]

Not saying that ops neighbor would take it so well if she just jumps in to do laundry.
Offer help. If she says no, then fine.

offering help to someone you think is in need is not the judgy thing many here seem to think it is.
In this world we live in offering a help or hand up to others that seem to be struggling should be welcomed. Discouraging helping others is weird.
it's just clothes. We all wear them and they all need to be washed.

[babybean]

I’m very private and I would be horrified if someone did this. I understand the sentiment but it feels like an invasion of privacy.

[trueblue]

Another way you could approach it is to send her a ‘checking on you’ text and mention you remember how overwhelming it was to balance work and laundry and dishes and vacuuming (or whatever) were when your kids were that age and offer that IF she wants you guys can occasionally switch loads of kid clothes, empty/reload the dishwasher, etc while she is over taking care of the dog?

Hard pass to anyone touching my laundry but if someone wanted to help out with some of the kid or towel laundry, empty* / reload my dishwasher I am not going to say no.