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Post by pearlofwisdom on Oct 30, 2021 16:29:05 GMT -6
This is the only place I could come that I knew people would understand. Fortunately, this is not a very active board because no one should experience this.
I had a loss almost two weeks ago. Some days are better than others. I was carrying this child for a friend who has had multiple losses. I am struggling and grieving for a baby that essentially wasn't going to be mine (biologically it was). My loss was at 13 weeks. I am sad for her as well. I cried a lot yesterday. Feels like I am about to now (I'm drinking).
all the what ifs are killing me.
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addymac
Emerald
Posts: 12,706 Likes: 54,158
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Post by addymac on Oct 30, 2021 21:48:53 GMT -6
I’m so, so sorry. Give yourself time and space for your feelings. Sending you a lot of love and hugs.
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Post by enchanted on Oct 31, 2021 9:01:34 GMT -6
I am so sorry. ❤️
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Post by enchanted on Oct 31, 2021 9:05:06 GMT -6
It's cliche, but time is what it takes. It doesn't take the grief away, but time changes it into something not all consuming. I would say to not dwell on the "what ifs" but I know that's not going to happen because we all do/did it. Just please know that this isn't your fault.
Keeping you, your family, and your friend in my thoughts.
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hawkward
Global Moderator
Loss, Infertility
Posts: 19,638 Likes: 123,092
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Post by hawkward on Oct 31, 2021 10:06:50 GMT -6
I’m so sorry. I can imagine there are a ton of layers to your situation and please feel free to reach out as you process it.
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Post by pearlofwisdom on Oct 31, 2021 13:06:40 GMT -6
Thank you all for the kind words. I feel like I am already PMSing. I have the rage, anxiety, and other super negative thoughts. Hopefully it passes.
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Post by Carmichael on Nov 1, 2021 21:24:14 GMT -6
I am so sorry ❤️
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Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Nov 2, 2021 9:42:09 GMT -6
I am so sorry this happened, POW. I empathize with difficult position you have. I'm sure it's all very confusing, but it is absolutely okay for you to mourn this loss even if it wasn't going to be your take-home baby. I can't make you stop thinking about all the what-ifs, but I can serve as a reminder that sometimes there is nothing that could be done differently to change the outcome. Be gentle on yourself.
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Post by pearlofwisdom on Nov 8, 2021 19:42:38 GMT -6
I am so sorry this happened, POW. I empathize with difficult position you have. I'm sure it's all very confusing, but it is absolutely okay for you to mourn this loss even if it wasn't going to be your take-home baby. I can't make you stop thinking about all the what-ifs, but I can serve as a reminder that sometimes there is nothing that could be done differently to change the outcome. Be gentle on yourself. She really wants to be a mom and I was so happy to do this for her. I had even imagined all the possibilities and and still being there in a way. Today was tough. I returned to work. I also fell down (more like slid) basement steps this morning. I scraped my elbows. I just sat and cried at the bottom.
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Post by enchanted on Nov 8, 2021 20:25:44 GMT -6
Aw man. I'm sorry you fell. I hope your scrapes heal quickly. And in your shoes, I would have sat there and cried, too. Hugs.
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