klong11
Emerald
Posts: 14,684 Likes: 85,058
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Post by klong11 on Mar 2, 2019 20:41:20 GMT -6
Go plug in your phone and ask to use his real quick to look something up because your phone is dead. He'll either plug in the password himself or tell you what it is. Casually walk to the other room, open his messages and look for names or numbers. Unless he follows you, then type in some random recipe in Google search and be done with it. Did you see the name or number when the text popped up? Did you FB search the name? Was it immediately afterwards that he said something about going out? Hey MH, I saw some things on your computer coupled with some suspicions. Who is X? Why are you co-signing property for them? Who are you message? I donβt think subterfuge is what she needs. This was more about getting more information for herself. She said she needed receipts. I was showing her how to get them. I never said ask him shit directly. If she was just going to ask him directly, then she that's what she would do. No need for his phone or other information.
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 20:42:01 GMT -6
Two years of no sex would tell me he's gotten sex somewhere barring a medical condition. Heβs had problems keeping an errection in the past but nothing major.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 20:43:26 GMT -6
shan-ah-doo hugs. OP, Im sorry you are going through this. To me, there are a lot of red flags. Honestly, Iβm trying to think of an innocent explanation for the βinvestmentβ and I just canβt get there. Iβm always amazed at the risks men take with their real lives, all to get attention from dumb bitches who donβt know their flaws. Hold up, why is the other woman a dumb bitch? I donβt like that narrative at all. Even if she knows heβs married, she owes his wife no loyalty. What I have learned is that itβs so easy to blame and hate the other woman or man because itβs still part of the denial. If it werenβt for her he wouldnβt have cheated. But guess what? If it wasnβt βthat dumb bitchβ it would have been another one. He made a conscious decision to be a coward. He made the decision to step out instead of being a grownup and use his words. And btw, Hβs affair partner was told by him he was already separated and in a bad marriage. He made her believe he was in a terrible marriage all the while Iβm in the belief that we were fine. So whoβs really the dumb bitch? Um, my H. He was the dumb bitch.
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zoeylucy
Amethyst
Posts: 7,164 Likes: 26,489
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Post by zoeylucy on Mar 2, 2019 20:43:55 GMT -6
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
Posts: 55,026 Likes: 234,926
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Post by thatgolfb on Mar 2, 2019 20:44:40 GMT -6
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,231 Likes: 296,814
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Post by McBenny on Mar 2, 2019 20:45:21 GMT -6
I don't have to know the wife to not fuck with married men. It's about honoring myself and not being an interloper in someone's marriage. Not about loyalty to a wife or to him.
Plenty of women like married men. He can find someone else.
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Post by icedcoffee on Mar 2, 2019 20:46:07 GMT -6
Did he suspect you saw anything or was him staying home a coincidence? Just wondering if you decided to mention anything yet or keep digging or what I donβt think he suspects anything. His behavior didnβt change and it was a long week and he stayed up late last night. I did read messages between him and the friend he was supposed to meet up with and he was actually going to his home. This girl is a fan of the sport they were going to watch so I guess he asked her to come along since her SO was working. Well I'm glad he didn't do anything shady tonight. I do think from what you've posted there are some red flags though, some things you should talk about. I hope it all works out for the best
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brux
Diamond
Posts: 35,355 Likes: 282,658
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Post by brux on Mar 2, 2019 20:46:18 GMT -6
Two years of no sex would tell me he's gotten sex somewhere barring a medical condition. Heβs had problems keeping an errection in the past but nothing major. π¬ Girl. Youβve mentioned a whole lot of individual list items that are a big deal even on their own. You have a lot of them. It sucks to swallow and really digest. I know.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,693 Likes: 442,555
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Post by Cher on Mar 2, 2019 20:48:37 GMT -6
I donβt think he suspects anything. His behavior didnβt change and it was a long week and he stayed up late last night. I did read messages between him and the friend he was supposed to meet up with and he was actually going to his home. This girl is a fan of the sport they were going to watch so I guess he asked her to come along since her SO was working. Well I'm glad he didn't do anything shady tonight. I do think from what you've posted there are some red flags though, some things you should talk about. I hope it all works out for the best βSomeβ
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 20:48:45 GMT -6
OP, have you guys talked about the intimacy in your relationship at all? Iβm just surprised there seems to be issues for almost 5 years and it didnβt seem to be a problem until you saw a thread about it this week. Itβs always been in the back of my mind that thereβs a problem but I think Iβve been thinking it will some how get better on itβs own. That if I lose weight or change my hair colour or get rid of my old yoga pants I wear around the house that the spark will come back. Weβve had casual joking conversations like so are we ever going to have sex again? And then nothing. Iβm parially to blame initially since I did shut things down on occasion after our first but some health issues, my hormones going crazy, and PPD were all contributing factors. I did start making an effort then we got pregnant with our 2nd and he was no longer interested once I got bigger in pregnancy. Then nothing since.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,693 Likes: 442,555
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Post by Cher on Mar 2, 2019 20:49:30 GMT -6
If I read my husband was offering up 50k, I wouldβve turned Po, Private Eye with him directly. What50k? My 50k? Where you getting 50k from? Then Iβd take my half of the liquid cash. But silent I could not be for 50k. I literally just said that to SweetPotato and brux. Thatβs not a small investment. Youβre offering up $50k?! What?
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Post by icedcoffee on Mar 2, 2019 20:49:45 GMT -6
Well I'm glad he didn't do anything shady tonight. I do think from what you've posted there are some red flags though, some things you should talk about. I hope it all works out for the best βSomeβ You're right. A lot
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Post by veganontuesdays on Mar 2, 2019 20:50:35 GMT -6
If I read my husband was offering up 50k, I wouldβve turned Po, Private Eye with him directly. What50k? My 50k? Where you getting 50k from? Then Iβd take my half of the liquid cash. But silent I could not be for 50k. Me. I'm also an over communicator and can't NOT talk about shit once it's bothering me. So.
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Post by PandaWatch on Mar 2, 2019 20:52:04 GMT -6
If I read my husband was offering up 50k, I wouldβve turned Po, Private Eye with him directly. What50k? My 50k? Where you getting 50k from? Then Iβd take my half of the liquid cash. But silent I could not be for 50k. Me. I'm also an over communicator and can't NOT talk about shit once it's bothering me. So. Same. I agree with others to get more info before you confront him, but I donβt think I could actually wait.
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 20:55:25 GMT -6
Heβs had problems keeping an errection in the past but nothing major. π¬ Girl. Youβve mentioned a whole lot of individual list items that are a big deal even on their own. You have a lot of them. It sucks to swallow and really digest. I know. I know right!??!? Like what even is my life. You guys are all saying stuff and Iβm nodding along because itβs all true and I guess Iβve been thinking everything on itβs own isnβt a big deal.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,231 Likes: 296,814
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Post by McBenny on Mar 2, 2019 20:57:08 GMT -6
If I read my husband was offering up 50k, I wouldβve turned Po, Private Eye with him directly. What50k? My 50k? Where you getting 50k from? Then Iβd take my half of the liquid cash. But silent I could not be for 50k. I would also be moving funds and shit before talking to him. #securethebag
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 20:58:06 GMT -6
I literally just said that to SweetPotato and brux. Thatβs not a small investment. Youβre offering up $50k?! What? Thatβs a lot of cash. Weβd be fighting. I want to get more receipts, which is what I tried to do tonight. We had the kids around and I didnβt want to start a fight this afternoon. Iβm working an overtime shift tomorrow so we wonβt be able to talk until tomorrow night.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,693 Likes: 442,555
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Post by Cher on Mar 2, 2019 20:58:44 GMT -6
π¬ Girl. Youβve mentioned a whole lot of individual list items that are a big deal even on their own. You have a lot of them. It sucks to swallow and really digest. I know. I know right!??!? Like what even is my life. You guys are all saying stuff and Iβm nodding along because itβs all true and I guess Iβve been thinking everything on itβs own isnβt a big deal. Im sorry. I think youβre seeing that something is going on and that sucks. I want you to know that all the things youβre worried about are valid. I donβt know your life at all but I can tell you from what you said, i would be really upset and having a sit down with MH ASAP.
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klondike
Sapphire
OHIO
Posts: 4,412 Likes: 12,161
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Post by klondike on Mar 2, 2019 20:58:52 GMT -6
Whether you ultimately find anything else suspicious, you still need to talk about your relationship and what is going on. The massage therapist conversation needs an explanation. Maybe it was ego inflating flirtation or could be more that you don't see. Also, frequently checking out on the weekends creates bitterness & affects intimacy. Don't get me wrong, I get missing prekid freedom and everyone deserves to let loose, but it sounds like there is more going on here. There are a lot of little factors all contributing to the current status of your relationship.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 21:00:52 GMT -6
So you said you guys have gone to therapy, has none of this come up? Can I ask what initially got you guys going to therapy? Iβm fine with you telling me to mind my own business tho.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,231 Likes: 296,814
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Post by McBenny on Mar 2, 2019 21:00:56 GMT -6
OP, have you guys talked about the intimacy in your relationship at all? Iβm just surprised there seems to be issues for almost 5 years and it didnβt seem to be a problem until you saw a thread about it this week. Itβs always been in the back of my mind that thereβs a problem but I think Iβve been thinking it will some how get better on itβs own. That if I lose weight or change my hair colour or get rid of my old yoga pants I wear around the house that the spark will come back. Weβve had casual joking conversations like so are we ever going to have sex again? And then nothing. Iβm parially to blame initially since I did shut things down on occasion after our first but some health issues, my hormones going crazy, and PPD were all contributing factors. I did start making an effort then we got pregnant with our 2nd and he was no longer interested once I got bigger in pregnancy. Then nothing since. this don't your fault. Every day sexers and even Jlo, Beyonce and them get cheated on. This don't a pass to chest. I just want to be clear that for me five years of sexual issues to no sex would be a major red flag alone. We would need to be actively working on this problem for me.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 21:02:12 GMT -6
Thatβs a lot of cash. Weβd be fighting. I want to get more receipts, which is what I tried to do tonight. We had the kids around and I didnβt want to start a fight this afternoon. Iβm working an overtime shift tomorrow so we wonβt be able to talk until tomorrow night. Get your cell phone bills and take a look at all of your accounts.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,231 Likes: 296,814
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Post by McBenny on Mar 2, 2019 21:02:43 GMT -6
Thatβs a lot of cash. Weβd be fighting. I want to get more receipts, which is what I tried to do tonight. We had the kids around and I didnβt want to start a fight this afternoon. Iβm working an overtime shift tomorrow so we wonβt be able to talk until tomorrow night. move money tonight. Is there no alert to your phone for money moves? I would not be able to sleep over my money. His dick meh.
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Jesslfar
Ruby
Posts: 22,589 Likes: 75,099
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Post by Jesslfar on Mar 2, 2019 21:05:27 GMT -6
For me: I wouldnβt need a thread if I saw my husband offering up cash and co-signing. Iβd just not. So all these red flags. I wouldnβt need to gather more evidence. Screenshot that conversation or take a take a picture with my phone and peace out. Iβm serious about financial shit. Agree. OP needs to look at their retirement accounts, phone bills and make sure he doesnβt have a P.O. Box other bills she doesnβt know about are being sent to.
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wasabi
Moderator
Posts: 18,858 Likes: 119,882
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Post by wasabi on Mar 2, 2019 21:07:04 GMT -6
If I read my husband was offering up 50k, I wouldβve turned Po, Private Eye with him directly. What50k? My 50k? Where you getting 50k from? Then Iβd take my half of the liquid cash. But silent I could not be for 50k. I would also be moving funds and shit before talking to him. #securethebag Yes. Ffsc SO and I actually got into a pretty bad fight last year and I sent pretty much all the money in our bank acct to my dad. My dad was like, what is this money for? And I was just like βum safe keeping.β I asked him for it back like the next day because I realized I was being a crazy drunk bitch (in my situation I was, but in this situation even sober me is like girl move some money around for real).
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 21:07:07 GMT -6
For me: I wouldnβt need a thread if I saw my husband offering up cash and co-signing. Iβd just not. So all these red flags. I wouldnβt need to gather more evidence. Screenshot that conversation or take a take a picture with my phone and peace out. Iβm serious about financial shit. You are a very strong woman. Shit, I can tell that just from being on this forum. However, not everyone is as strong and assertive. When youβre vulnerable you tend to question things that are so obvious to others.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,231 Likes: 296,814
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Post by McBenny on Mar 2, 2019 21:10:21 GMT -6
If there's is a withdrawal over a certain amount my phone lights up.
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klondike
Sapphire
OHIO
Posts: 4,412 Likes: 12,161
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Post by klondike on Mar 2, 2019 21:10:29 GMT -6
move money tonight. Is there no alert to your phone for money moves? I would not be able to sleep over my money. His dick meh. Absolutely. Tell me you've cheated on me & I'm going to flip out and tell you to get out. Tell me you've gambled away $50k of our money, run cause I'm going to kill you. Twice.
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wasabi
Moderator
Posts: 18,858 Likes: 119,882
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Post by wasabi on Mar 2, 2019 21:11:45 GMT -6
Itβs a lie to say that I am sober right now I am not.
50k is so much money to be handing over all Willy nilly with no input from your spouse. I hadnβt even fully digested the amount at hand but fuckk
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bazi
Opal
Posts: 8,731 Likes: 54,666
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Post by bazi on Mar 2, 2019 21:19:51 GMT -6
I want to get more receipts, which is what I tried to do tonight. We had the kids around and I didnβt want to start a fight this afternoon. Iβm working an overtime shift tomorrow so we wonβt be able to talk until tomorrow night. move money tonight. Is there no alert to your phone for money moves? I would not be able to sleep over my money. His dick meh. Agreed. If it was me - If this $50k is actually sitting liquid in an account he can just withdraw from without my signature, I would be moving $$.
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