Post by purple on Sept 25, 2018 5:18:07 GMT -6
I think this is a bit long for the weekly thread...
So I'm on CD9 and I haven't had any significant depression this cycle, for the first time since we lost Gracie Wren in May 2016. This is really significant in terms of my mental and emotional health. So H and I sat down on Sunday to have a much needed conversation about how long we can keep TTC.
I had already said that if I am not pregnant by Christmas, I would like to ask my GP to refer me to the infertility consultant in the New Year. I expect there won't be anything they can do. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility when we were TTC L. There wasn't any treatment they could offer, and in the event we conceived naturally that very day. But that was four years ago, so things might have changed. In January it will be a year since my last chemical pregnancy, so if we get that far I would like to be checked out again.
Over here, eligibility for IVF and related treatments is based on BMI. When we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, the consultant told us that I would need to lose seven stone (98lb) to be considered for IVF, even if we were to fund it ourselves. She agreed with us that it's a ridiculous rule. BMI doesn't measure anything useful. At that time I was swimming a kilometre three times a week and walking up mountains for fun in my spare time, so I was fitter than many thin people. I'm one of those people for whom being fat is my body shape, however little I eat and however fit I am. But it's a rule that can't be bypassed, unfortunately.
I would not be considered for infertility drugs because of my type II diabetes and the fact that I have a five chambered heart, which is exceptionally rare.
So most of the options that people consider when facing infertility are simply not available to us. So I am expecting that there won't be any treatments available, but if we get to January without a pregnancy I'd like to make sure.
I might be prepared to consider surrogacy, but H would not. I'm forty-one, so too old to adopt.
My older brother died of SIDS before I was born. I vividly remember my younger brother's death when I was three. My parents never stopped trying to have another baby and I will not subject L to that. I already feel guilty about the extent to which she has been affected by my grief and depression and physical illness. Whatever happens, as she gets older we will need to help her learn how to live with the fact that she has six younger siblings she has never been able to meet. But if she is going to be an only child, we need to accept that sooner rather than later. I don't want her to wonder why she isn't enough. And she's been asking for a sibling for ages. We all pray for a baby nearly every day. There will be a time when we have to stop.
We are not stopping TTC straight away, and who knows, maybe this will be our month. But it might never happen, and we need to recognise that and be prepared to draw a line under it.
So I'm on CD9 and I haven't had any significant depression this cycle, for the first time since we lost Gracie Wren in May 2016. This is really significant in terms of my mental and emotional health. So H and I sat down on Sunday to have a much needed conversation about how long we can keep TTC.
I had already said that if I am not pregnant by Christmas, I would like to ask my GP to refer me to the infertility consultant in the New Year. I expect there won't be anything they can do. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility when we were TTC L. There wasn't any treatment they could offer, and in the event we conceived naturally that very day. But that was four years ago, so things might have changed. In January it will be a year since my last chemical pregnancy, so if we get that far I would like to be checked out again.
Over here, eligibility for IVF and related treatments is based on BMI. When we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, the consultant told us that I would need to lose seven stone (98lb) to be considered for IVF, even if we were to fund it ourselves. She agreed with us that it's a ridiculous rule. BMI doesn't measure anything useful. At that time I was swimming a kilometre three times a week and walking up mountains for fun in my spare time, so I was fitter than many thin people. I'm one of those people for whom being fat is my body shape, however little I eat and however fit I am. But it's a rule that can't be bypassed, unfortunately.
I would not be considered for infertility drugs because of my type II diabetes and the fact that I have a five chambered heart, which is exceptionally rare.
So most of the options that people consider when facing infertility are simply not available to us. So I am expecting that there won't be any treatments available, but if we get to January without a pregnancy I'd like to make sure.
I might be prepared to consider surrogacy, but H would not. I'm forty-one, so too old to adopt.
My older brother died of SIDS before I was born. I vividly remember my younger brother's death when I was three. My parents never stopped trying to have another baby and I will not subject L to that. I already feel guilty about the extent to which she has been affected by my grief and depression and physical illness. Whatever happens, as she gets older we will need to help her learn how to live with the fact that she has six younger siblings she has never been able to meet. But if she is going to be an only child, we need to accept that sooner rather than later. I don't want her to wonder why she isn't enough. And she's been asking for a sibling for ages. We all pray for a baby nearly every day. There will be a time when we have to stop.
We are not stopping TTC straight away, and who knows, maybe this will be our month. But it might never happen, and we need to recognise that and be prepared to draw a line under it.
