TFAS (poll and chat)

[danib]

Baby Fever seems to have started! How strong is yours? What are your ACTUAL plans?

[danib]

We are technically undecided. I REALLY want another baby. I'm fairly certain DH wants another as well (we always talked about having 3 or 4). But I'm not sure if we will realistically be able to have another. Between my health and finances it's hard to say what we will do. Another baby will require a bigger house (and bigger vehicle). We'd also have to figure out how to manage 2 kids during my high-risk pregnancy (it was hard enough arraning all of my appointments with 1 kid). Plus my hip.

We plan on taking the next 1.5 years to pay off debt and get through the baby-stage with H (I have a tendency to get incredibly sick when pregnant, and do not want to do that while caring for an under-2-year-old). So that puts me at a minimum of 32 before we consider trying again. Keeping in mind that C took 4 years to conceive and H took 2 years, even if we DO decide to try again (assuming everything falls into place financially and nothing happens to set back our schedule of paying stuff off) we still may not have another. As I have enough risks as it is, I'm not willing to add AMA. So we will have a short period of around 2 years where we could potentially TTCAS.

TL;DR: I've looked at all the angles, and of the stars align properly, I'd like to try for another in around 2 years. Hopefully. And hopefully will get pregnant within 2 years of trying or else we will stop.

[hangry]

I voted "will be, but not yet", but could have also hit undecided. I still have to convince H! He has never said no and has never threatened vasectomy so I feel like he just doesn't want to admit that he would be ok with another in the future.

Somehow related, my mom recently told me she's planning to fully retire after next school year. Even though she lives a 12 hr drive away, this somehow made having a 3rd more attainable. I know, doesn't make much sense bc it's not like she would move here, but it was comforting to know she could come for a month around when a baby was born. I excitedly told H just the fact that she was planning to retire and he was like, so what? He would have thought I was crazy if I explained why I was happy! So I just said I thought it was interesting, haha!

This is still far out though, I think an ideal baby for us would be spring/summer 2019. So have at least another year before we would start trying.

[hangry]

Obviously you know this danib, but keep in mind that although the diagnosis is given, 35 and 5 months is not that different from 34 and 11 months. If you were looking at 38,39,40, I could see more concern.ight just give you a little more breathing room to think of it that way.

But I fully appreciate how difficult a decision this would be with your health issues.
I'm 36 now, so 2 years from now I'll be 38. That also gives me pause.

Why can't this be easy?!

[annabegins]

I clicked "will be, but not yet" then went back and tried to change it to undecided LOL. I want a third, my husband is ambivalent (so would likely defer to me). If I could guarantee the outcome of another healthy baby it would be a no brained. But the idea of going through another miscarriage is heartbreaking to contemplate. So we may be done. I don't know!!!

[flamingo]

I voted "no, thanks". I guess I'm mostly there, and I dip a toe into "undecided" every so often. DH used to be adamantly opposed to a third; he has recently said he would consider it if it's something I *really* want.

I mostly feel like our family is complete, though. I love babies but don't know if I want to go through it all again. From a practical standpoint, I love our life and feel comfortable financially as things stand now; we like to travel and 2 is easy; and I'm solo a lot with the kids--nature of being a SAHM and also DH's job--so 2 is probably a good number for us. 

[jubilantsquirrel]

I said undecided. I would love another baby! I've always wanted 4 kids, and I still do, but I know MH isn't on board with that many. I don't know if he wants a 3rd, it's too soon to talk about it with him. I'm not ready to be done so I hope there's another baby in our future.

[dashook]

We definitely want another baby. Ideally we'd love to have 4 children but I'm not sure it's going to happen for us. Three is more realistic.

I still don't have my period back. It took 10 months after I had DS and we started trying immediately. This was mainly because it took me about a year and a half to get pregnant with him so we didn't want to wait too long to start in case it took a while again, and also I just felt really ready.

Now, I got pregnant with D on my 4th PP cycle so that was awesome and lucky and how we ended up with 2u2. But I'm not naive enough to think that it will happen so quickly again the third time.

The biggest thing stopping us from TTC right away as soon as my cycles come back this time is my job. I certainly talk about it enough on here so you guys know, but things are kind of taking off for me right now and although I work in a very supportive environment, both the nature of my work (litigation) and the legal profession in general are not as forgiving. I don't want to be the girl that takes 5-6 months off every other year. Being visibly pregnant doesn't do me any favors when I have to appear in court or at depositions (and I carry like a whale from mid-first trimester on).

I came back to work from maternity leave in April of this year, so if I could plan things perfectly I would like to have another baby in April or May of 2019 (giving me a solid two continuous years of working here). This would have me getting pregnant in July or August of next year. As to when we actually start TTC, that remains to be decided, since we all know that TTC =/= getting KU right away.

Oh and my sister is getting married in November 2018. So the big issue here is that if we start TTC earlier in the year, we run the risk of being successful early on again and me having an EDD very close to her wedding (wtf is it with my siblings and their November weddings?!). I braved my brother's wedding at 38 weeks but I'm not sure I want to do it again, especially since this time the wedding will be even further away, I'll have two little ones to wrangle, and I'm also the Matron of Honor so there is a lot more expected of me.

TL;DR: we are going to start TTC again sometime in 2018, but we don't know when yet. Work and weddings are factors.

[waitwhat]

I chose undecided. My H would like to stop at 2 but I know I could convince him for another. I would stop at 3 though.

I find myself wavering back and forth. J is such a good baby (aside from the sleep issues we had earlier that seemed to have worked themselves out) so that's making the idea of a 3rd easier because he's been a breeze. But on the other hand, I know I would probably not get another baby like him so that's making the idea of stopping now tempting. And the thought of never dealing with the newborn stage again is also very attractive. And being done breastfeeding FOREVER. And getting consistent solid sleep. But I do love babies.

Oh and I don't think I could endure a 3rd C section.

[cookswithwine]

I always imagined having 2 children. After Os newborn stage, I changed my mind and thought I never wanted to go through this (hell) again lol. But now at 6 months it's easier (not easy by any means). My H still says 1 and done lol but I can tell he's not being serious. The thought of being pg right now completely freaks me out though, that's why I switched from the mini pill to an IUD. It took us 6mo to conceive O. I think we will start trying again when O is 2.

[flamingo]

Jun 6, 2017 7:57:15 GMT -6 waitwhat said:

And being done breastfeeding FOREVER. 

So much this. I'm fortunate that I had an easy time of it with both kids, but b/n a three year old and a nursing baby, I am just completely touched out. I feel like I have a kid on me literally all my waking hours, in one form or other. I really have to force myself some times to hug or snuggle with DH (his love language is touch, mine is...not.) 

[waitwhat]

Jun 6, 2017 8:07:02 GMT -6 flamingo said:

Jun 6, 2017 7:57:15 GMT -6 waitwhat said:

And being done breastfeeding FOREVER. 

So much this. I'm fortunate that I had an easy time of it with both kids, but b/n a three year old and a nursing baby, I am just completely touched out. I feel like I have a kid on me literally all my waking hours, in one form or other. I really have to force myself some times to hug or snuggle with DH (his love language is touch, mine is...not.) 

Yep. I've been nursing since July 2015. I'm approaching 2 GD years. I'd like my body back!

[flamingo]

Jun 6, 2017 8:11:56 GMT -6 waitwhat said:

Jun 6, 2017 8:07:02 GMT -6 flamingo said:

So much this. I'm fortunate that I had an easy time of it with both kids, but b/n a three year old and a nursing baby, I am just completely touched out. I feel like I have a kid on me literally all my waking hours, in one form or other. I really have to force myself some times to hug or snuggle with DH (his love language is touch, mine is...not.) 

Yep. I've been nursing since July 2015. I'm approaching 2 GD years. I'd like my body back!

Phew! That's impressive, I don't think I could have done back-to-back like that. I nursed B for about 10 months but then had a nice 2 year break before C was born. 

[waitwhat]

Jun 6, 2017 8:13:08 GMT -6 flamingo said:

Jun 6, 2017 8:11:56 GMT -6 waitwhat said:

Yep. I've been nursing since July 2015. I'm approaching 2 GD years. I'd like my body back!

Phew! That's impressive, I don't think I could have done back-to-back like that. I nursed B for about 10 months but then had a nice 2 year break before C was born. 

Ha! The positive is that my nips were already conditioned so I never had any pain with J like I did with B.

[dashook]

Jun 6, 2017 8:13:08 GMT -6 flamingo said:

Jun 6, 2017 8:11:56 GMT -6 waitwhat said:

Yep. I've been nursing since July 2015. I'm approaching 2 GD years. I'd like my body back!

Phew! That's impressive, I don't think I could have done back-to-back like that. I nursed B for about 10 months but then had a nice 2 year break before C was born. 

Yeah, I got 6 months off from nursing because I weaned DS when I was about 12 weeks along with D.  The thought of nursing another one doesn't bother me that much now because my boobs are past the point of no return anyhow.

Idk how long I will nurse D; probably as long as she wants to.  DS was just so ready to be done at 16 months.  I'd go longer with her if things were still going well.  But it is kind of crazy to think about what I've put my body through.  I got pregnant with DS in April 2014 so it has now been over three years that I have been consistently pregnant, breastfeeding, or both.

[sarahwithanh]

I had always planned on tfas as soon as muy first hit a year, because it took 2 years to conceive M. Then I had a medically complex kiddo and a really gassed pregnancy. My GI says I will probably always have HG. So I don't know when we will try. It will be after his cleft surgery for sure.

[danib]

Jun 6, 2017 7:43:52 GMT -6 hangry said:

Obviously you know this danib, but keep in mind that although the diagnosis is given, 35 and 5 months is not that different from 34 and 11 months. If you were looking at 38,39,40, I could see more concern.ight just give you a little more breathing room to think of it that way.

But I fully appreciate how difficult a decision this would be with your health issues.
I'm 36 now, so 2 years from now I'll be 38. That also gives me pause.

Why can't this be easy?!

Thanks hangry. I don't think I'll be counting months, but I just know once I get to that general timeframe we would choose to stop. I really struggle with guilt, and I know it's absolutely rediculous, but I guess it's that my existing conditions I have no control over whereas the age thing I do?

[goldenlove]

H and I had discussed this before and decided to try (ie do an embryo transfer) at the end of next year so hopefully baby would be born in 2019 when C is ~2.5. That's assuming that the transfer takes. If I can convince H, maybe we'll start NTNP early next year. I would just hate to do another round of IVF without trying naturally for a while, but wouldn't want to wait if the transfers don't work.

[danib]

So I found out I was pregnant in Dec 2012. I nursed C until I found out I was pregnant on H. And am currently nursing H.
So I have been pregnant/nursing since Dec 2012. My body has not fully been my own in 4.5 years. And I will likely nurse H for another 2 years or so (at which point I MAY be pregnant again).

[classymrsa]

I said undecided because technically we haven't made a final decision (DH will get a vasectomy when we do), but I'd say we're about 95% done. I can imagine having another baby maybe and I wanted 3 before I went through this pregnancy. But I really didn't enjoy being pregnant or giving birth. I'm stretched pretty thin with two as it is, I want to get my body back, and I'm planning to go back to work in 2 years. Plus, even with us both working full time, it's going to be financially tough to do until Lilah is in school. I don't really want to wait until I'm 35. So...unless something changes I think this is it. I'm ok with that, but we won't decide for sure for another year. The baby phase is just not a good time to make a final decision. I will be getting an IUD, though, because I REALLY don't want to get pregnant now.

[cookswithwine]

waitwhat I thought you said you recover well from c sections. What do you mean you couldn't do a 3rd? I know your risk goes up each time and it's no walk in the park. But I'm considering a 2nd one when the time comes.

[cookswithwine]

And I really wish someone would click 'Already trying!' because that's exciting! Lol

[waitwhat]

Jun 6, 2017 9:09:49 GMT -6 cookswithwine said:

waitwhat I thought you said you recover well from c sections. What do you mean you couldn't do a 3rd? I know your risk goes up each time and it's no walk in the park. But I'm considering a 2nd one when the time comes.

It's hard to explain. Recovery both times have been a breeze for me so that isn't a concern. The procedure itself the second time was more difficult for me. I'm not sure why. I was much more naseous, I was shaking uncontrollably throughout the whole thing, and I almost needed a blood transfusion because I lost so much blood. Thinking about it now it's not a big deal but I remember in that moment it was awful.

I hope I didn't scare you! It could have just been me. If I have another it could be the easiest one yet!

[annabegins]

+1 danib - I have been pregnant, breastfeeding, or newly postpartum for all but 3 months of the last 4.5 years. I can't remember what it's like to just have my body be my own.

[kleigh]

No thanks. I mean, such a weird thing for us. We thought we wanted another, but never thought we would/could have one before I hit 36 (in November) and so we were NTNP. But then after my mc, things changed. I'm fairly certain we are both done. I cannot do the emotional ups and downs and stress and worry on top of these two. Although it has gotten significantly easier in the past two-ish months, there are alot of things that being Pg brought up to us that we had not previously thought about, and once it was here we suddenly thought of all these ways it would affect us and how would we make it work, etc - so going forward we aren't in a position to have one before I turn 36ish and that was our stopping age so, done. Very very sad. I would love another but I've got to think of all the babies, not myself.

[kleigh]

Also, I'm happy to start getting my body back. Alien belly button and all.

[hangry]

Jun 6, 2017 9:33:38 GMT -6 waitwhat said:

Jun 6, 2017 9:09:49 GMT -6 cookswithwine said:

waitwhat I thought you said you recover well from c sections. What do you mean you couldn't do a 3rd? I know your risk goes up each time and it's no walk in the park. But I'm considering a 2nd one when the time comes.

It's hard to explain. Recovery both times have been a breeze for me so that isn't a concern. The procedure itself the second time was more difficult for me. I'm not sure why. I was much more naseous, I was shaking uncontrollably throughout the whole thing, and I almost needed a blood transfusion because I lost so much blood. Thinking about it now it's not a big deal but I remember in that moment it was awful.

I hope I didn't scare you! It could have just been me. If I have another it could be the easiest one yet!

I have a phone date on Thursday with my friend who just had her 3rd c/s in 3 years. I'll be sure to ask about recovery so we can convince you to have another cute little boy! (Or girl)

[hangry]

Hugs kleigh, I hope you come to peace with your decision if you aren't there yet.

[kleigh]

Jun 6, 2017 10:33:51 GMT -6 hangry said:

Hugs kleigh, I hope you come to peace with your decision if you aren't there yet.

Thank you💕

[vino]

We are soooooo done. Vasectomy is completed and he's shooting blanks.

It's almost word for word of flamingo's post, I feel like our family is complete, we are excited to move onto the next chapter of life with the two; school starting, extra curricular activities, we want to buy a summer house/lot and with TTC there is always the hoarding of money so we dont feel a pinch during maternity leave. Also, being a military family I'm alone with the two a lot, months on end sometimes, and that's never going to change.

Also, what kleigh said rings true for me personally, after my miscarriage the emotions/anxiety of TTC and being pregnant was completely different, it took away the happiness of it until she was born. I know I couldn't go through that again.