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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:12:49 GMT -6
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Post by badges on Jun 4, 2017 6:12:49 GMT -6
Hi ladies, What a way to make an intro I know but I am very alone, and feel very isolated in what I think is postpartum depression. I know I'm new to all of you but I've lurked for quite some time so I don't feel new, haha. I just need....I don't know, support? Someone to tell me this will get better? That I'm not the monster my brain is telling me I am? My baby is 6 months and I have two other kids, and a husband who works a very demanding job. No family nearby. Lots of life changes in a very short amount of time. I'm not doing well :/. I am nervous about medications but I guess I have no choice, I'm not really functioning and I have to get better for my kids. Thanks for reading...this is a lonely road.
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pesto
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:21:26 GMT -6
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Post by pesto on Jun 4, 2017 6:21:26 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're going through this, it is an awful feeling. You are not alone and things will get better, I promise.
Luckily there are actions you can take to make it better. I encourage you to see your doctor. Medicine seems scary but an ssri can really do wonders to improve your outlook. I went on Zoloft at 6 weeks pp and it has changed my life. I had untreated ppd after my first and I can tell you that this time around I am enjoying my second son's first year 500% more than I did my first's. I've had no adverse side effects.
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mkrupar
Moderator
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:24:10 GMT -6
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Post by mkrupar on Jun 4, 2017 6:24:10 GMT -6
I do not have experience with PPD/PPA, but I think an important step is recognizing you need help. Can you make an appointment with your OB to discuss options? I know meds cam be scary, but just like any medication for physical ailments, there is a time and place for them, and they may be just what you need right now.
I'm sending you T&P's.
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mb3
Sapphire
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:34:11 GMT -6
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Post by mb3 on Jun 4, 2017 6:34:11 GMT -6
Hi, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It makes everything that is already hard with kids even harder. I think recognizing that you need help is a humongous step. I had pretty severe PPA and managed to convince myself I was getting better and didn't need medication. I was more functional but...definitely not better enough. Finally, when my kids were 2.5 I finally hit a breaking point and started Zoloft. I was worried about it but it was 100% the best thing for our family and I wish I had done it sooner. Good luck to you and I'm hear to listen and maybe make this seem a little less lonely for you.
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:34:32 GMT -6
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Post by cassafrass on Jun 4, 2017 6:34:32 GMT -6
I wish I could give you a big hug.
I struggled with PPD/rage issues immediately after my kids were born and finally got help when they were around 3 months. It was so hard, but once I finally made the call to my OB they had me come in that day and he put me on Zoloft with a requirement that I find a psychiatrist to manage the dosage. No one judged me, they just wanted to make sure I got the help I needed.
My kids are 2 now and I'm still on a low-ish dosage of Zoloft. It has made such a huge difference in my quality of life. I understand being nervous about it, but it really is worth a try if it will help.
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:40:16 GMT -6
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Post by badges on Jun 4, 2017 6:40:16 GMT -6
Thank you all. Just feeling really really hopeless. I am breastfeeding and really don't want to stop, am worried I'll have to if I go on meds. In a time where I feel like I am doing nothing but failing my kids, for whatever reason that's the one thing it feels I'm able to do for him (not sure of a better word, I promise that's not a judgey statement there, and I am 100% fed is best, this is just my clearly not very rational brain interpreting these feelings). Anyway. Thank you all. I'm going to try my OB. I just wish I had more IRL support. My husband is not handling this very well but I guess how can I blame him? I can't even make sense of myself :/. I just know I need to get better for my kids.
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leo91
Gold
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Post by leo91 on Jun 4, 2017 6:46:01 GMT -6
badges I'm sorry you're having trouble, lots of hugs. If you need some ongoing support, we do have a mental wellness board. Those ladies have helped me tremendously. Hugs 💕
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:49:35 GMT -6
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Post by babybean on Jun 4, 2017 6:49:35 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're suffering badges. I'm in the same boat and feel like I'm at a breaking point. I'm planning to get to the doctor soon to discuss medication. I'm kind of tied up ATM so don't have a ton to add, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. ♥️
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pesto
Sapphire
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:51:16 GMT -6
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Post by pesto on Jun 4, 2017 6:51:16 GMT -6
badges you absolutely do not have to stop breastfeeding if you don't want to. You can research yourself but there are many studies on the effect of ssris on breastfed babies and it is safe. I am still nursing at 9 months.
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Post by Bubblegum on Jun 4, 2017 6:55:43 GMT -6
You're not alone, I'm here with you. 2 month old, 2 year old, husband has demanding job, no family close enough to help. I started Zoloft and therapy about a month ago and that has helped. I'm always reminding myself that the way I'm feeling is not forever, it's just right now and it will get better. I try to focus on small things that are directly in front of me and not think about the future. This is a great place with very supportive people that have helped me tremendously through my struggles. Welcome ❤️
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 6:56:49 GMT -6
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Post by babybean on Jun 4, 2017 6:56:49 GMT -6
You can safely breastfeed while taking anxiety/depression meds is my understanding. So try and take that worry away. You're going to get great input from some wonderful ladies, so I'll just add you should keep posting here. Don't be a lurker. I'm also isolated from family and I don't have friends, so this place, and these ladies, helps me a lot.
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Post by wayfarerson on Jun 4, 2017 6:57:52 GMT -6
Welcome! I'm so glad you are reaching out.
You are not a monster. You are not a failure. There is hope, and you won't feel this way forever. Hugs to you.
If you are in despair, you can contact the Text Crisis Hotline at 741741.
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Post by pictureitsicily on Jun 4, 2017 7:03:12 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're struggling. I was prescribed Zoloft when I was still breastfeeding and my doctor said it was ok to continue on the meds. And you are not failing your kids, I'm sure of that.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Sparkly
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Post by Sparkly on Jun 4, 2017 7:03:32 GMT -6
I know you are an awesome mom, because you are able to recognize that you need help, and you want to be better for your children. Hugs, mama. A lot of women have been in your place before. You're not crazy, you're not a monster, you're not alone.
Please call your doctor and get in as soon as possible. They have seen and heard it all before, and they want to help you.
You can absolutely go on meds and continue breastfeeding! I went on meds at 10 weeks postpartum after my first, and continued nursing her until she was almost 3. I stayed on those throughout my second pregnancy and have now been nursing DD2 almost 18 months. So you absolutely do not have to stop, there are many options to try that can help you and allow you to continue.
New or not, we're here. We're good listeners, shoulders to cry on, and we've helped lots of women and each other through some very dark places before.
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wedding
Emerald
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Post by wedding on Jun 4, 2017 7:07:02 GMT -6
I had PPA/PPD and started meds about six weeks post partum. Once my dosage was right things got better quickly. My OB started me on them and my PCP refilled and I started seeing a therapist, although not regularly because of the time constraints. I was pumping at the time and Zoloft is pretty safe for BFing. My husband tried to be supportive but I think he had PPD as well and it was really really hard. I wasn't near family and felt I had nowhere to turn. The meds helped give me the boost I needed to get my butt out of the house daily which helped a ton. I also read this book www.goodreads.com/book/show/722580.This_Isn_t_What_I_ExpectedWhich helped me conquer some of the negative thoughts in my head and make me feel less alone. PPA/PPD was one of the hardest things I've been through. Even 3 years later I steel feel some guilt about having it, like it was my fault. Even though I know it wasn't. Hang in there and take some baby steps to make change.
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Kida
Emerald
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 7:07:36 GMT -6
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Post by Kida on Jun 4, 2017 7:07:36 GMT -6
Huge ::hugs:: badges. I'm so sorry you're going through this and feel so lonely. You are not alone and I'm glad you have decided to talk to your dr. Like others have said, you don't have to quite breastfeeding, and I can understand feeling like that's all you can do for your child and that's great but not true. You're doing so much by reaching out for help. Please come check out the mental wellness board if you'd like. The posters there are really supportive and sweet. 💜
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 7:09:56 GMT -6
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Post by badges on Jun 4, 2017 7:09:56 GMT -6
I really can't thank you all enough. It's a really dark place. Today is a hard day. My husband has the kids and they are outside playing, I can hear them laughing and I want to be with them but I'm a mess of tears and I don't want to scare them. Reading your replies is helping me so much, thank you. I emailed my OB so I hope I can get in this week. I have tried for so long but I just feel like the load is way too heavy now.
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Post by bookworm on Jun 4, 2017 7:33:33 GMT -6
Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I know how hopeless and isolating it can all feel. I'm glad to hear you are reaching out to your OB. It took me way too long to get any kind of help and I really regret that now.
In the meantime, please be gentle on yourself. You are not failing your children and you absolutely are not a monster! I know it's hard to see the light right now but things will get better.
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Post by August Blooms on Jun 4, 2017 8:24:22 GMT -6
badges PPD/PPA send me to a really dark place when my daughter was born. The other ladies gave you some really great advice. I went on a low dose of Paxil when my DD was six months old and kept breastfeeding, I also started counseling. I started feeling better after I went back to work and adjusted to my new normal. Im off the Paxil but still check in with my psychologist. I hope your OB can see you soon and know that your not alone, you will not feel like this forever and the help you need is out there. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by ellewoods on Jun 4, 2017 8:39:50 GMT -6
I have never had PPD or PPA but I do have OCD and medicine has been life changing for me. Please do not feel alone - we are here for you.
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Post by oceanblue on Jun 4, 2017 8:48:44 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is very isolating. Even though it may feel like it, you are not alone in feeling this way and it isn't your fault.
PPD/PPA hit me hard after my second kid was born. I was crying all the time. I had rage over little things which I never realized could be part of PPD. My anxiety was through the roof to the point where I sometimes felt like I was crawling out of my own skin. It felt hopeless. I too had concerns about taking medicine while breastfeeding, but in hindsight I realize some of that was my anxiety talking. I kept hoping things would get better with time but they didn't. Finally, I decided things could not go on this way and it was negatively impacting my relationships with my kids and husband so I had to get help.
I wish I had gotten help sooner. I still feel guilty that I wasn't as good of a mom to my kids during that time as I could've been. Starting Zoloft has made the world of difference in my quality of life. There are still hard days, but there good ones far outweigh the bad now. Taking the medicine has made me feel more like myself than I had in a long time.
If you do go the medicine route and are concerned about it, just remember that it doesn't have to be forever. If you start taking medicine and don't notice a difference, there's nothing saying you have to continue taking it or can't look for another alternative. One thing to keep in mind, is that it takes a bit of time to start getting the full affect and if you do decide to stop then make sure you ask your doctor so they can advise you how to wean off of it.
Please feel free to come here and express how you feel anytime. The women of this community are so knowledgeable and supportive and it really helped me during the worst times of my PPD to have them here openly discussing the issue. It made me realize that just because nobody I know in person seems to understand, there are many women out there who have gone through the exact same thing. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and we will be here to support you on your way to it.
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pumpkin
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Post by pumpkin on Jun 4, 2017 8:50:12 GMT -6
First of all (hugs). I think the hardest part of PPD is just realizing that you have it. And then admitting it. I hate the stigma attached with it, it's such a common occurrence, but women are afraid to talk about it because they might seem "less than". You are not less than.
Making the call to my OB was the HARDEST part of the process after my 2nd was born. Honestly, I probably had it after my 1st, but didn't realize what it was. My OB was very compassionate when I went in to talk about it, and prescribed Zoloft. And I kept breastfeeding (for 16 months!), so it is perfectly safe to use. Can I also make a suggestion to ask your doctor? My OB actually called me back after my appointment and asked me to come back in for lab work. She wanted to check my thyroid- because symptoms of hypothyroidism can mimic PPD. Guess what? She was right! I was crazy underactive. She said that pregnancy can wreck a thyroid- sometimes temporarily (approx 1 year PP) and sometimes it's permanent (mine is). So I started on Synthroid as well as my Zoloft and slowly (it was slow), I started to feel like me again.
And I know most days you aren't going to want to, but try to get out of the house. I have to convince myself even now to go places, but I always feel recharged when I do. Even if it's just a walk with the kids around the block!
Hang in there, it does get better!!
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 9:58:49 GMT -6
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Post by elbowmac on Jun 4, 2017 9:58:49 GMT -6
I'm a lurky mclurkerson, but I made this account to respond to your post.
I'm currently dealing with PPA/PPD after the birth of my second child. I allowed the stigma of psychiatric illness and taking medications stop me from seeking help a lot sooner. Please don't make the same mistake I did. Starting medication and therapy has made a tremendous difference.
You're an amazing mother. You deserve to seek help and you deserve to feel better. You are worth it and you can do this!
And you aren't alone. Please feel free to seek support here whenever you need.
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 10:03:21 GMT -6
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Post by elbowmac on Jun 4, 2017 10:03:21 GMT -6
Wanted to add. SSRIs take up to 6 weeks to reach a true steady state in your system. If you start meds and don't immediately feel better, this is why. The right medication can make a huge difference once it starts working though!
Seeking support where ever you can find it--be it through therapy, support groups, online forums etc--is an important component too, not to be overlooked.
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 10:12:58 GMT -6
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Post by millimeter314 on Jun 4, 2017 10:12:58 GMT -6
I'm so sorry, PPD and PPA are so hard. I felt like a horrible mother too and was afraid if I asked for help, they would take the twins away.
You are NOT a horrible mother, I promise you that. And PPD/PPA are very common.
I went to my OBGYN and was put on medication and it felt like I could see again. I wasn't swallowed in darkness anymore and it made me a much better mother. I was no longer getting frustrated easily or afraid to hold my babies.
There are medications that are safe for breastfeeding and the ladies here are a wonderful support. I'm sending you huge hugs, I know how hard it is!
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Minerva
Ruby
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Post by Minerva on Jun 4, 2017 10:14:04 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
I had untreated PPA with my first. I normalized my level of anxiety in my mind and didn't realize that the anger I felt toward my H was stemming from PPA. I started having increasingly frequent panic attacks when DS was a toddler. I saw my doctor, and was diagnosed with PMDD, but it all started when DS was born. The way my doctor put it, my brain is just way too sensitive to sex hormones. A low dose of Prozac has done wonders. I just gave birth to my DD two months ago and the experience has been night and day different from the birth of my son. I had no idea that the newborn phase could actually be fun!
Talk to your OB about how you are feeling. Ask if they have therapist recommendations - some therapists specialize in this stuff. See if there are any PPA/PPD support groups in your area.
If you are having intrusive scary thoughts, remember that they are the anxiety speaking. They were the most unsettling part of the PPA experience for me. I would imagine DS experiencing accidental harm and be overwhelmed with fear and horror. Medication has done wonders in preventing most of them and giving me the space to know that they aren't real.
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 10:19:03 GMT -6
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Post by Hotcoconuts82 on Jun 4, 2017 10:19:03 GMT -6
I had ppd/ppa with all 3 of my kids. Things will get better but you need to get treatment. I was never diagnosed with ppd after the birth of my first child. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to feel like that. I didn't realize it wasn't normal to hate myself so intensely. It wasn't until after the fact, that I realized that I did in fact have ppd. I promised myself that I would not hesitate to get help if I felt like that ever again. I feel sad when I look back to when my first dd was a baby because honestly, I missed the first 6 mo of her life. I wasn't myself. A small dose of Zoloft allowed me to be so much more present and to be myself when my other kids were babies.
So the short of it is, call your doctor. And hugs to you.
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PPD/PPA
Jun 4, 2017 10:56:41 GMT -6
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Post by pianolove on Jun 4, 2017 10:56:41 GMT -6
I had undiagnosed PPD that I didn't realize I had until much much later. I'm so glad to see that you have taken the first step and emailed your OB. I hope they can help you find the right dose/course of action. I wouldn't wish that darkness on anyone. Hugs, lady.
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gangy
Banned
Banned
I'm thirsty...
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Post by gangy on Jun 4, 2017 11:50:27 GMT -6
badges big hugs to you! I had pretty horrible PPD/PPA and was in denial for such a long time. I'm so proud of you for reaching out for help and realizing that this is no way to live. Once the medications kicked in I was like a whole different person. I wish I got help sooner and the guilt still haunts me as I was unable to really enjoy DD's first few months of life because I was struggling so bad. You've gotten some good advice here and I hope you no longer feel alone. Like others have said there is a mental wellness board and a lot of support there. Just know that even though it doesn't feel like it now things will get better. Again so proud that you are reaching out and taking these steps for a better, happier, healthier life. If you ever need to talk/vent/cry or whatever you can always PM me. PPD/PPA is no joke. Sending love and light your way. ❤️ Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by Uncaripswife on Jun 4, 2017 11:59:49 GMT -6
Hugs to you badges. I don't have additional advice beyond what others have said. See your doc is the first step. You aren't a bad mother. You have us for support. Please stick around and lean on us.
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