wedding
Emerald
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Post by wedding on Jun 4, 2017 7:11:18 GMT -6
I do a lot of these but as DS is getting older I've noticed DH is resistant on some of the "feminine" things. For instance, DS likes his toenails painted and I do them on occasion. Dh said he thinks it's "weird" but can't elaborate when I ask him about it. Then at Target yesterday DS wanted these Cinderella pjs and Dh was against it. It's very eye opening because Dh isn't a macho man at all and I had no idea he would care about this stuff. I will definitely share this article with him.
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Post by CurlieWhirlie on Jun 4, 2017 8:42:32 GMT -6
I confess I feel weird letting my son paint his fingernails — the internalization of gender roles is real! I have to work at this.
My H is an amazing role model for the boys. He does all the cooking, he talks with them about their feelings, he is physically affectionate. We both work full time and share chores based on our strengths. (Unfortunately this often means *no one* cleans the bathrooms, lol.)
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hawkward
Global Moderator
Loss, Infertility
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Post by hawkward on Jun 4, 2017 8:50:58 GMT -6
One thing that the article doesn't really talk about that I have witnessed is boys liking feminine things, so they will grow up to be gay. I've seen that in my personal life and it seems like just a different way to get boys to not like "girly" things because being gay is "bad" and I really hate that. I don't understand why people can't just let kids be kids. Oh, so you've met my ILs? They are better about it than they used to be, but when DS1 was little, they would tell us all the ways my parenting is going to make him gay. Finally H told them they had to stop or they couldn't see him anymore. For a while, they were fixated on his diet. DS1 didn't like meat when he was little, and it really bothered him that I would give him alternate protein sources instead of just making him eat meat. So weird.
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Post by dreadpirateroberts on Jun 4, 2017 9:05:36 GMT -6
One thing that the article doesn't really talk about that I have witnessed is boys liking feminine things, so they will grow up to be gay. I've seen that in my personal life and it seems like just a different way to get boys to not like "girly" things because being gay is "bad" and I really hate that. I don't understand why people can't just let kids be kids. Oh, so you've met my ILs? They are better about it than they used to be, but when DS1 was little, they would tell us all the ways my parenting is going to make him gay. Finally H told them they had to stop or they couldn't see him anymore. For a while, they were fixated on his diet. DS1 didn't like meat when he was little, and it really bothered him that I would give him alternate protein sources instead of just making him eat meat. So weird. That is odd that they cared so much about his diet.
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Post by blablabirdie on Jun 4, 2017 14:38:47 GMT -6
This is an interesting article and I think its as a good reflection. I find the hardest balance is the urge to protect your child from bullying vs letting them be themselves. I know we have had some heated discussions about these things about DS1 as he has gotten older even if we live in the 'most feminist' country in the world because DH has a big traumatic childhood memory of dressing as a ballerina for a costume party one year and being the laughing stock for ages.
But I think there are things that are age appropriate and things really have changed where we live anyway. There is a local holiday where the kids all dress up like characters and the main character is a female saint. DS1 begged to be the female saint and I said OK, and DH and I had a long talk about it and agreed we would support him in it but have a back up plan. DS1 turned up in his big white dress and crown and every boy in his class when he got there turned to their parents and went 'But HE gets to dress as the saint ,why can't I'. Dh and laughed about it afterwards and when he asked again the following year it wasn't an issue at all and there were several boys dressed as her. It seems we parents all were overthinking it, but as we were all supporting raising our kids in an open minded way the kids didn't react much at all.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 4, 2017 14:53:40 GMT -6
Oh, so you've met my ILs? They are better about it than they used to be, but when DS1 was little, they would tell us all the ways my parenting is going to make him gay. Finally H told them they had to stop or they couldn't see him anymore. For a while, they were fixated on his diet. DS1 didn't like meat when he was little, and it really bothered him that I would give him alternate protein sources instead of just making him eat meat. So weird. That is odd that they cared so much about his diet. Because real men eat meat. He'll grow up to be a pansy ass if he doesn't. Clearly I've heard the reasoning a time or two.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 4, 2017 15:02:43 GMT -6
Because real men eat meat. He'll grow up to be a pansy ass if he doesn't. Clearly I've heard the reasoning a time or two. They would love my kid. He is pretty much a vegan Mine didn't care for it for years. It was mainly my MIL (shock for anyone that's read my stories about her). You would think that with the things I do and that I'm pretty much a shitty housewife would curb a bit of that crap, but it doesn't. I know I'm not going to change DH's family, but I am making him more aware of even just how he comments on things with DS.
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Post by shadesofgold on Jun 4, 2017 17:55:23 GMT -6
I loved this article. My son is only 1, so we haven't gotten into much of this territory yet but I'm glad to be prepared. I especially like the suggestions about consent, and getting him to pitch in caretaking for family, as well as doing nice things for others in the community. I did insist on buying him a baby doll for his birthday to balance out the cars, but he has given it less than 2 seconds of attention. I think our biggest family challenge will be how we handle naming and supporting expression of feelings. MH also comes from a family where verbal expression is very rare. It's been a challenge our entire relationship. We've already had to talk about not saying "oh, you're okay" when DS whines, but instead saying "you seem frustrated" or "I see you're sad." Practice, practice, practice!
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Post by lahdeedah on Jun 4, 2017 19:45:22 GMT -6
I do a lot of these but as DS is getting older I've noticed DH is resistant on some of the "feminine" things. For instance, DS likes his toenails painted and I do them on occasion. Dh said he thinks it's "weird" but can't elaborate when I ask him about it. Then at Target yesterday DS wanted these Cinderella pjs and Dh was against it. It's very eye opening because Dh isn't a macho man at all and I had no idea he would care about this stuff. I will definitely share this article with him. I got a pedicure yesterday and M noticed almost immediately when I got home. He said wanted his toes like mine, so I got the polish out and painted them. He ran to show MH and I knew I would hear the 'that's for girls' response. I had a few words with him about it, but I was surprised not to get much more push back. MH comes from a family that assigns a gender to everything. Not sure if you remember, but my MIL almost had a heart attack when I told her I was getting M a kitchen for his 2nd birthday. 🙄 She would stroke out if she knew I painted his toes. I think I'll FaceTime her in a bit just so M can show her his toes. 😂😂
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2017 22:45:47 GMT -6
As DS has gotten older (he's 5 now) he's definitely picked up some peer pressure about gender roles. Whenever he brings it up at home we always correct him. He still loves pink, his favorite shirts are purple and teal with rainbows, and he asks me to paint his toenails. At this age at least, I think H and I have a bigger influence on him than his friends.
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sterling
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Post by sterling on Jun 5, 2017 4:01:08 GMT -6
One thing that the article doesn't really talk about that I have witnessed is boys liking feminine things, so they will grow up to be gay. I've seen that in my personal life and it seems like just a different way to get boys to not like "girly" things because being gay is "bad" and I really hate that. I don't understand why people can't just let kids be kids. Oh, so you've met my ILs? They are better about it than they used to be, but when DS1 was little, they would tell us all the ways my parenting is going to make him gay. Finally H told them they had to stop or they couldn't see him anymore. For a while, they were fixated on his diet. DS1 didn't like meat when he was little, and it really bothered him that I would give him alternate protein sources instead of just making him eat meat. So weird. Tofu obviously activates the gay genes.
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hawkward
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Loss, Infertility
Posts: 19,640 Likes: 123,094
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Post by hawkward on Jun 5, 2017 5:09:56 GMT -6
Oh, so you've met my ILs? They are better about it than they used to be, but when DS1 was little, they would tell us all the ways my parenting is going to make him gay. Finally H told them they had to stop or they couldn't see him anymore. For a while, they were fixated on his diet. DS1 didn't like meat when he was little, and it really bothered him that I would give him alternate protein sources instead of just making him eat meat. So weird. Tofu obviously activates the gay genes. It's all the estrogen, ya know.
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