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Post by sheilathetank on Nov 2, 2017 6:27:38 GMT -6
Does anyone want to talk about their child's behavior? K used to be so easy going and while she doesn't throw drop down drag out tantrums for hours, the attitude lately is something else.
I swear DC is the best and worst thing. Last night she came home yelling "my turn" at the top of her lungs whenever she wanted something. And she hits herself when she's mad, which of course according to her teachers she doesn't do at school.
Anyone else have a kid who goes from 0 to 1000 and back again? I can't be the only one trying to reason with a tiny terror that she ate all the pasta and there is no more and would you like any fucking thing else in the house right now?
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Post by billyhorrible on Nov 2, 2017 7:56:27 GMT -6
Anyone else have a kid who goes from 0 to 1000 and back again? I can't be the only one trying to reason with a tiny terror that she ate all the pasta and there is no more and would you like any fucking thing else in the house right now? We call it "hulk mode" when he goes from mild mannered Bruce Banner to angry green monster in a split second. He's been like that since birth.
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Post by sheilathetank on Nov 2, 2017 8:16:57 GMT -6
Anyone else have a kid who goes from 0 to 1000 and back again? I can't be the only one trying to reason with a tiny terror that she ate all the pasta and there is no more and would you like any fucking thing else in the house right now? We call it "hulk mode" when he goes from mild mannered Bruce Banner to angry green monster in a split second. He's been like that since birth. It's seriously like that! She basically folds in half from the exertion of her scream/anger and then lets loose. And then the falling on the floor and thrashing. Over the stupidest fracking things. I just keep repeating "this is a phase" over and over.
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Radley
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Post by Radley on Nov 2, 2017 11:04:13 GMT -6
DS1 is like this. He is full blown angry over everything lately and then will be back to his smiley self in no time. It drives me crazy. Today he was mad because of course he is starving the very minute DS2 needs to be laid down for a nap. And I told him that if he kept interupting me that it was going to take twice as long to get around to getting him a snack. Of course he interpreted that to mean that I was going to starve him and threw a massive fit.
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 2, 2017 18:37:13 GMT -6
Our biggest issue right now is trying to get him to stay seated at the table while we dinner. He'll take a few bites and then immediately ask to go play and it's just all down hill from there.
We tried using a timer and that worked for a couple days but then he would just sit and wait for the timer to go off and then jump up and run over to his toys.
I was really hoping preschool would help with this, but he got kicked out on Monday.
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Radley
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Post by Radley on Nov 2, 2017 19:21:25 GMT -6
Our biggest issue right now is trying to get him to stay seated at the table while we dinner. He'll take a few bites and then immediately ask to go play and it's just all down hill from there. We tried using a timer and that worked for a couple days but then he would just sit and wait for the timer to go off and then jump up and run over to his toys. I was really hoping preschool would help with this, but he got kicked out on Monday. Aw I’m sorry, that sucks. I haven’t figure it out for my 2 year old yet. Why did he get kicked out? I was unaware that preschools kicked students out.
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 2, 2017 20:32:02 GMT -6
Our biggest issue right now is trying to get him to stay seated at the table while we dinner. He'll take a few bites and then immediately ask to go play and it's just all down hill from there. We tried using a timer and that worked for a couple days but then he would just sit and wait for the timer to go off and then jump up and run over to his toys. I was really hoping preschool would help with this, but he got kicked out on Monday. Aw I’m sorry, that sucks. I haven’t figure it out for my 2 year old yet. Why did he get kicked out? I was unaware that preschools kicked students out. They said they think he has developmental delays and that basically he's not a good fit. They didn't say they were kicking him out but made it clear that they weren't willing to work with him and I wasn't going to fight for him to stay in a classroom with a teacher who has zero desire to help him succeed. Also, the first inkling we got that there might be a problem was 2 weeks ago when they told us he would need a personal chaperone for the field trip because "he's a busy boy". Outside of that the teacher has never said a word to me about any concerns they had for him.
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Post by ilovelamp on Nov 2, 2017 20:40:18 GMT -6
I am with you. We are in this same toddler rollercoaster together. There is no reasoning with a toddler, I have learned the hard way.
My 2 yo is a headbanger for attention and to let out anger. He will freak the fuck out over bed time literally every night. It’s taken me everything to not give in tonight and just lay with him until he fell asleep. Although, I can’t show him that these tantrums are going to get him what he wants when I have already set the limit. He fought and screamed dramatically for about five minutes, kicked the door, then gave up and went to bed. I foresee a few more weeks of this behavior until he realizes that I’ve set that limit and he’s not changing my mind. This is the second time he’s tried to use tantrums to manipulate my actions at bedtime and it worked at first because I was going through some anxiety and was weak and I gave in. I don’t want to be weak anymore I need him to see me as the confident leader again and I’m working on that part of myself. A part of me dies hearing him upset like that. I know he has to let his strong feelings out and I know that it’s okay to let them have these feelings. I just wish I knew a way to get him to express those feelings in healthier ways. He is speech delayed and I know that plays a huge part in these tantrums.
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Post by billyhorrible on Nov 2, 2017 21:09:46 GMT -6
Our biggest issue right now is trying to get him to stay seated at the table while we dinner. He'll take a few bites and then immediately ask to go play and it's just all down hill from there. l I don't know if this would work for you, but in my house it's dinner, bath, bed. No playtime once dinner is on the table. You don't want to sit and eat dinner? That's fine, but then into the bath you go. Then into bed.
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Radley
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Post by Radley on Nov 2, 2017 23:25:53 GMT -6
Aw I’m sorry, that sucks. I haven’t figure it out for my 2 year old yet. Why did he get kicked out? I was unaware that preschools kicked students out. They said they think he has developmental delays and that basically he's not a good fit. They didn't say they were kicking him out but made it clear that they weren't willing to work with him and I wasn't going to fight for him to stay in a classroom with a teacher who has zero desire to help him succeed. Also, the first inkling we got that there might be a problem was 2 weeks ago when they told us he would need a personal chaperone for the field trip because "he's a busy boy". Outside of that the teacher has never said a word to me about any concerns they had for him. Oh that’s awful. I’m so sorry. He deserves better teachers than that and I hope you find a great place soon!
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Post by sheilathetank on Nov 3, 2017 6:31:52 GMT -6
Radley, the screaming for food thing is insane. She acts like I never feed her, when in truth I'm constantly shoving food in her mouth. If I don't come home and immediately put food in her mouth after DC she has a fit. Some days we barely make it to the car before she's screaming for food. I know DC feeds her snack everyday at 3:30 and she eats it. So I'm at a loss with why she's so hungry at pick up. Makes dinner time tons of fun. jubilantsquirrel, that's awful that they a. didn't give you any real feedback and b. aren't willing at all to work with him. Has your pedi given any indication that he may have delays? As far as the sitting down to dinner goes, we have that problem too. We graduated her to an actual chair with no booster since she refused to sit in her booster seat or high chair any more. She wants to sit in either one of our laps to eat. Dinner goes something like: 5 minutes sitting in her seat eating, 5 minutes sitting in my lap eating off my plate (I swear on my life it's the SAME MOTHER FUCKING FOOD AS ON HER PLATE!), 5 minutes on mh's lap eating off of his plate, and then she gets down to play and intermittently comes to the table for us to pop more food in her mouth. This is probably not very helpful to you, but it's a fight I gave up on a long time ago. If she's eating I'm happy. MH and I have ADHD so I understand how hard it is to stop yourself and actually eat. Half the time I eat standing and it drives mh nuts. Can you have him run around the table a few times when he wants to get up and then sit back down again? So he can get up, run around 3 times, and then he has to sit for 3 more minutes? If he's really a "busy boy" (rolling my eyes so hard at that teacher) then maybe he's having a hard time stopping himself long enough to eat and needs to get out some more energy. ilovelamp, K cries every night at bed time and it kills me every time. Every night I question myself as a mother as I sit there an waver between wanting to tell her to go the fuck to sleep and just give her five more minutes of cuddles. It's awful. Add in anxiety on top of that and I can see why this must be so hard for you. I don't have any advice regarding helping him express his emotions. I would just reinforce over and over that you love him and that it's ok to be mad/sad. Does he sign at all?
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 3, 2017 8:14:13 GMT -6
billyhorrible, I might be able to try that. We usually eat dinner at 6 and bedtime was at 8, so there was usually playtime between dinner and bed, but now that's he's dropped his nap he's ready for bed a lot earlier. We're still working on trying to figure out the best time for dinner and bed to avoid overtired meltdowns. sheilathetank, We're currently doing something similar by making him take one or two bites and then telling him he can go play and then calling him back over every couple minutes to have him take a couple more bites. It's definitely not ideal and makes dinner time last forever, but at least he's getting food. We've also noticed that when we say "it's time for bath/bed" he always says "but one more bite!" so we've also started using that as a way to get him to eat a little more. Also, he does the same thing, where he'd rather eat the food off our plates than his own even though it's the same damn thing! I even tried putting his food on grown up plates instead of his little kid ones, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. He does the same with water. Only wants my water even though his water came from the same faucet as mine. RE: preschool. He does have a speech delay. He's been getting a lot better with it but he's still behind his peers. I've been wanting to do speech therapy forever now but for some strange reason MH has been vehemently against it. I truly have no idea why and he can't seem to give me a reason. Aside from that he seems to be on track with all the other kids. His doctor hasn't mentioned anything that he finds concerning, but DS also screams and cries the entire time we're at the dr's office, so it's hard for the pedi to gauge his personality. The director on Monday showed us videos she took of DS last Thursday to give us an example of what they were concerned about. I was fully preparing myself to see my kid acting a a damn fool, but that wasn't the case at all. His worse offense was running down the trampoline and jumping into the foam pit instead of hopping down it and turning around and coming back (they share building space with a gymnastic place and get to have gym time). Other than that he was very quiet and calm. He even sat and ate his snack and when he was done he got up and threw away his trash and then found a toy to play quietly with while the other kids finished up. Sorry, that turned into a novel, I'm still really upset about it all.
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Post by sheilathetank on Nov 3, 2017 8:24:34 GMT -6
billyhorrible , I might be able to try that. We usually eat dinner at 6 and bedtime was at 8, so there was usually playtime between dinner and bed, but now that's he's dropped his nap he's ready for bed a lot earlier. We're still working on trying to figure out the best time for dinner and bed to avoid overtired meltdowns. sheilathetank , We're currently doing something similar by making him take one or two bites and then telling him he can go play and then calling him back over every couple minutes to have him take a couple more bites. It's definitely not ideal and makes dinner time last forever, but at least he's getting food. We've also noticed that when we say "it's time for bath/bed" he always says "but one more bite!" so we've also started using that as a way to get him to eat a little more. Also, he does the same thing, where he'd rather eat the food off our plates than his own even though it's the same damn thing! I even tried putting his food on grown up plates instead of his little kid ones, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. He does the same with water. Only wants my water even though his water came from the same faucet as mine. RE: preschool. He does have a speech delay. He's been getting a lot better with it but he's still behind his peers. I've been wanting to do speech therapy forever now but for some strange reason MH has been vehemently against it. I truly have no idea why and he can't seem to give me a reason. Aside from that he seems to be on track with all the other kids. His doctor hasn't mentioned anything that he finds concerning, but DS also screams and cries the entire time we're at the dr's office, so it's hard for the pedi to gauge his personality. The director on Monday showed us videos she took of DS last Thursday to give us an example of what they were concerned about. I was fully preparing myself to see my kid acting a a damn fool, but that wasn't the case at all. His worse offense was running down the trampoline and jumping into the foam pit instead of hopping down it and turning around and coming back (they share building space with a gymnastic place and get to have gym time). Other than that he was very quiet and calm. He even sat and ate his snack and when he was done he got up and threw away his trash and then found a toy to play quietly with while the other kids finished up. Sorry, that turned into a novel, I'm still really upset about it all. The director showed you a video of your son jumping into a foam pit, at a gym, as an example of him acting out? Oh boy. Run. Run far the fuck away from that place. I would however use this as a way to say to yh. "look, I know you're against ST, but it's now affecting his life and his ability to learn. I am going to at least get a consult and start the process unless you can give me a valid reason why we should not." Regarding food, I've found we have more meltdowns the hangrier she is. It spirals since she gets too hangry to even eat. I know this sounds crazy but have you tried taking snacks to bath time? I started this because I needed to get more food into her, but was on a time crunch. I seriously pop food into my kid's mouth whenever I have a chance up until it's time to brush her teeth.
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 3, 2017 10:28:53 GMT -6
sheilathetank, That's what I'm doing with the speech therapy. He definitely seems to be more open to it now. I've contacted a place in town, so hopefully we can get the ball rolling on that. We haven't tried bringing snacks to bath time. MH will usually bring some snack into his room so can eat a little while they read books and that seems to be working. He does ok when we eat out, so I know he's capable of sitting through dinner, I think the biggest issue is just having all his toys right there in his sight while we're trying to sit and eat. But unless we buy a new house, I don't really have a way to remedy that.
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Nov 3, 2017 10:30:54 GMT -6
ilovelamp, hugs, lady. FWIW I think you're doing the right thing. Hopefully this phase won't last too much longer and he'll be better with bedtime soon.
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jewel
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Post by jewel on Nov 3, 2017 15:12:41 GMT -6
LO cries when she doesn’t get her way but she is super distractible so it’s been fairly manageable so far. For meals we’ve started going back and forth between a booster and a high chair which seems to help with the sitting but she definitely still has bad meals.
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Post by lildiamondeyes on Nov 5, 2017 5:25:27 GMT -6
jubilantsquirrel I'm sorry about the daycare. Being a 'busy boy' isn't a valid reason/excuse for anything. Aren't most toddlers busy and it to freaking everything? The right place is out there for him. Hoping you find it quickly.
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Post by lildiamondeyes on Nov 5, 2017 5:29:02 GMT -6
We have entered the no sleep stage for N. Why does she hate sleep? Bedtime is such a fight. We transitioned her to a toddler bed, so no more screaming. But she won't stay in bed. It doesn't help that the girls room share. And jumping on the bed after emptying the aniaml net is all the rage apparently. This is just a phase, I too keep telling myself.
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Post by ilovelamp on Nov 5, 2017 7:48:46 GMT -6
I’m so over the screaming. I can’t take this much longer. How the heck do I get this kid to stop screaming and find a new way to express his frustrations??
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cmb
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Post by cmb on Nov 5, 2017 7:58:44 GMT -6
jubilantsquirrel have you contacted your local school district regarding speech therapy? Ours classifies it under preschool special education, and kids get evaluated similarly to EI but more thoroughly. We just started the process for DS1 to be evaluated as he’ll be 3 in January and has communication issues that we think are the cause of his behavior issues ilovelamp DS1 did that for over a month when he turned 2. Our pedi reminded us that it is a phase, and what teens or adults do you see doing this? He told us that we just need to grin and bear it to get through it, and suggested that we play hardball on it. We basically accepted we may have to replace the door, but as we were expecting DS2 within the next few months, we had to put the stop on it sooner rather than later. He restarted again after DS2 got here, but it subsided again.
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Post by ilovelamp on Nov 6, 2017 7:17:46 GMT -6
So I got some advice from a mindful parenting group and my only suggestion was from the moderator. I got no other comments about my sons sleep behaviors which usually they get a lot of different comments from the members on what they would do. She basically said “he needs closeness right now and I would provide that. “ Fast forward to this morning when he screamed for me I went in and lay down with him. As soon as I fell asleep he punched me right in the face. I was literally crying y’all. It’s the worst fucking feeling. I can’t live like this. He is now screaming at everything that doesn’t go his way. It’s not just a scream it’s like the most high pitched, blood curdling scream and everyone within earshot is affected by it. He does this in public a lot and at home too. I’m at the end of my rope. I hope this “phase” passes quickly. I need my sanity.
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Post by northernlghts on Nov 6, 2017 7:49:33 GMT -6
DD's "currency" is books. This morning she was refusing to put on her shoes, claiming it was too hard and that she couldn't unstrap them. She thought if she complained enough H would just do it for her but not today. So I took away her car book (she likes to take a new book in the car for the ride to school). She screamed, finally put on her shoes and went to go get the book and we told her no. More yelling and then she told me she was mad and didn't want to give me a hug and kiss goodbye. Ahh, 3 yr olds. But I'm glad H is starting to not give in and just do things for her because it's just easier that way.
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Post by lildiamondeyes on Nov 6, 2017 11:27:09 GMT -6
ilovelamp I'm so sorry. Toddlers are jerks. Can you get different more helpful assistance?
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Post by ilovelamp on Nov 6, 2017 11:31:09 GMT -6
ilovelamp I'm so sorry. Toddlers are jerks. Can you get different more helpful assistance? Well I’m going to therapy today so usually on my therapy weeks (i go biweekly) I have an easier time coping. I’ll report back any progress this week. I’m going to work on my patience level and just be prepared with ear plugs. Currently my situation only allows for me to be there during bedtime stuff so I’m getting help when I need it during the day from family members to get a break.
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Post by lildiamondeyes on Nov 6, 2017 11:42:00 GMT -6
ilovelamp I'm so sorry. Toddlers are jerks. Can you get different more helpful assistance? Well I’m going to therapy today so usually on my therapy weeks (i go biweekly) I have an easier time coping. I’ll report back any progress this week. I’m going to work on my patience level and just be prepared with ear plugs. Currently my situation only allows for me to be there during bedtime stuff so I’m getting help when I need it during the day from family members to get a break. I'm glad to hear you're getting help from family.
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Post by sheilathetank on Nov 6, 2017 11:42:22 GMT -6
We have entered the no sleep stage for N. Why does she hate sleep? Bedtime is such a fight. We transitioned her to a toddler bed, so no more screaming. But she won't stay in bed. It doesn't help that the girls room share. And jumping on the bed after emptying the aniaml net is all the rage apparently. This is just a phase, I too keep telling myself. This is why I'm reluctant to switch her to a toddler bed. At least in the crib she's contained and by some miracle she hasn't attempted to climb out yet.
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Post by lildiamondeyes on Nov 6, 2017 12:12:51 GMT -6
We have entered the no sleep stage for N. Why does she hate sleep? Bedtime is such a fight. We transitioned her to a toddler bed, so no more screaming. But she won't stay in bed. It doesn't help that the girls room share. And jumping on the bed after emptying the animal net is all the rage apparently. This is just a phase, I too keep telling myself. This is why I'm reluctant to switch her to a toddler bed. At least in the crib she's contained and by some miracle she hasn't attempted to climb out yet. She could already climbed out. Oh well, maybe she will sleep eventually.
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Post by ilovelamp on Nov 7, 2017 7:41:26 GMT -6
I always feel so much better after therapy. I mean she seems to have all the answers! It helps that she is also a child therapist. So she mentioned to me that my recent loss of a job(and therefore him being pulled out of Daycare and his normal routine) has a lot to do with his behaviour changes. She said to make a schedule for him that is consistent and predictable. I’m going to include some learning activities he used to do in preschool and also take him to the park a few times a week for social interactions. We both thrive in a natural setting so I think outdoors will do us both some good. The weather has been great lately so I might do wagon walks in the neighborhood to wind down for the evening. I’m excited to get him back to feeling better and myself as well. I’m thinking positive!
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Post by sheilathetank on Nov 7, 2017 7:47:56 GMT -6
This is great that she was able to help you come up with a plan. Im I huge advocate for therapy and it's nice to get some outside perspective. Do you think your son would also benefit from therapy?
I think a routine is a great way forward. Are toddler music classes or library groups you could also go to? This could help mimic story and circle time that he had at DC.
Whatever comes of this, remember that you are doing an amazing job as a mom and that it's ok to have bad days. *hugs*
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Post by ilovelamp on Nov 7, 2017 12:08:43 GMT -6
sheilathetankThank you He is in speech therapy right now twice a week. We are planning to go to a new church that has a wonderful children’s program which I know will be positive for both of us. Our old church is connnected to the old Daycare we just left. Sometimes I feel like he has a lot of trouble going to nursery because he thinks he is going back to Daycare. I know from close friends this is a positive place with lots of groups and activities we can get involved in there.
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