mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 18, 2017 20:05:30 GMT -6
Eff. I forgot. Please share your self help struggles Shit days happen and that's okay. What was this past week's greatest struggle?
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 18, 2017 21:04:29 GMT -6
I'm struggling with the idea that S needs more than a little bit of speech therapy to help overcome her apparent articulation problems. When the SLP says things that sound awfully close to missed milestones I question all abilities as a parent. I'm trying. Apparently my more passive style of parenting isn't working. And it just makes me feel neglectful of her needs vs fostering independence.
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Post by Dramaphile on Oct 19, 2017 6:43:28 GMT -6
I'm working on communicating with J when something he does is bugging me. I tend to be too subtle, I guess, and he doesn't catch on when something is bothering me or I want him to do something (Like get off his video game so I can make dinner). So then when he doesn't catch on, I end up stewing in my irritation. I need to be more direct and tell him what I want instead of assuming he understands what I mean when I give him a look or ask him how much longer he's going to be instead of saying "I need you to be done". I'm also trying to recognize when my patience is thinning with Nugget and step back. The whining and demands really grind my nerves sometimes.
I've been also making sure I find time to do my crafts, because it's therapeutic for me to do something creative with my hands. And having one evening a week to go to choir and be kid-free is awesome. Last week I went afterward and got a beer and fries with my BFF and it was so great to decompress. I'm realizing 24/7 parenting on the weekends is really draining for me. Especially because I tend to do almost everything kid-related because I have a guilt thing where I feel bad that J is with Nugget all day during the week and I want him to have time off (but then I get no time off between work and coming home and being the primary parent as soon as I walk in the door). Plus Nugget is all Mommy all the time when I am home and Daddy is chopped liver.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 8:24:28 GMT -6
Same stuff different week. I'm really frustrated that my therapist only has availability every other week. But now that I know and like her I'm not about to find someone else.
I've been journaling a little bit. And, ya know, freaking out a lot.
I need to learn to turn off my brain and go back to sleep in the motn. P is general sleeping ok - despite last night - but I often take an hour plus of an anxious brain to get back to sleep - and since she usually wakes up at 330 and then 530 - that essentially means I'm up for the day around 330. Suggestions?
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Post by ovenrack on Oct 19, 2017 9:18:17 GMT -6
Same stuff different week. I'm really frustrated that my therapist only has availability every other week. But now that I know and like her I'm not about to find someone else. I've been journaling a little bit. And, ya know, freaking out a lot. I need to learn to turn off my brain and go back to sleep in the motn. P is general sleeping ok - despite last night - but I often take an hour plus of an anxious brain to get back to sleep - and since she usually wakes up at 330 and then 530 - that essentially means I'm up for the day around 330. Suggestions? Do you think any of this could be addressed by your therapist? She’s prescribing something, right? Maybe upping it, or seeing if a mild sleep aid might help? Going back to sleep is so hard. Blah. I’m glad you have a therapist you like. Is there any hope on the horizon for more frequent appts?
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 9:24:15 GMT -6
Same stuff different week. I'm really frustrated that my therapist only has availability every other week. But now that I know and like her I'm not about to find someone else. I've been journaling a little bit. And, ya know, freaking out a lot. I need to learn to turn off my brain and go back to sleep in the motn. P is general sleeping ok - despite last night - but I often take an hour plus of an anxious brain to get back to sleep - and since she usually wakes up at 330 and then 530 - that essentially means I'm up for the day around 330. Suggestions? Do you think any of this could be addressed by your therapist? She’s prescribing something, right? Maybe upping it, or seeing if a mild sleep aid might help? Going back to sleep is so hard. Blah. I’m glad you have a therapist you like. Is there any hope on the horizon for more frequent appts? I'm on an AD/AA - but nothing for sleep.I have no problem falling asleep at the start of the night usually - cuz exhaustion - its that super early morning that is hard. I have little hope for more apts. I think when she took me on, and when I agreed to every other week - I was resistant to the idea of therapy in general and probably didn't describe my issues in a way that was very urgent/needy. Plus it was summer so there was more availability due to vacations. Well...apparently we've cracked into deeper strings level and now I'm struggling to get by in between. So my NJCD therapists can provide me with some sleep aid, no? Why must therapists bring up the past!?!
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Post by charlotte on Oct 19, 2017 9:32:29 GMT -6
stringy I have a sleep issue recently too. I fall asleep hard like as soon as I get in bed and then usually between 3:30 and 4:30 I wake up with anxious brain and can’t fall back asleep. This is a relatively recent development for me (not sure if it is med related or what) so I don’t have a permanent solution, but a few times this week I’ve woken myself up at like 12ish and taken a melatonin. It’s helped me sleep a little later into the AM. Obviously I can’t do that forever, but right now I’m just trying to get back on track.
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Post by ovenrack on Oct 19, 2017 9:36:37 GMT -6
I was on a half unisom/b6 for nausea so long that since I stopped the half unisom, when I wake up MOTN (kid-caused, or not...) I also have trouble falling back to sleep.
Blah. Sleep.
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sassyq
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Post by sassyq on Oct 19, 2017 9:36:57 GMT -6
I told dh I think I might have an anxiety issue and might need professional help. His response: I need to be able to give you critiques without you feeling like it's the end of the world and getting upset, so if talking to someone means I can tell you issues I have with you without you getting upset then go for it...
I did not find this very encouraging. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. He is a wonderful man, and we have a good relationship, we just have such very different personalities and ways of communicating. In the end I'm just sitting on my feelings and doing nothing for now.
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Post by ovenrack on Oct 19, 2017 9:37:00 GMT -6
I’ve heard a bit about low doses of melatonin - ^
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 9:39:12 GMT -6
stringy I have a sleep issue recently too. I fall asleep hard like as soon as I get in bed and then usually between 3:30 and 4:30 I wake up with anxious brain and can’t fall back asleep. This is a relatively recent development for me (not sure if it is med related or what) so I don’t have a permanent solution, but a few times this week I’ve woken myself up at like 12ish and taken a melatonin. It’s helped me sleep a little later into the AM. Obviously I can’t do that forever, but right now I’m just trying to get back on track. It has always been a problem for me. I've sucked at sleep since I was a kid. I don't know what would happen if a child didn't wake me, but I'm pretty sure I'd still wake. I don't like medication in general..I dunno. I do need to talk about more cognitive strategies I think...
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 9:39:47 GMT -6
I was on a half unisom/b6 for nausea so long that since I stopped the half unisom, when I wake up MOTN (kid-caused, or not...) I also have trouble falling back to sleep. Blah. Sleep. Funny, when I was on diclegis (same thing) I still didn't sleep a wink. I'm just broken tho.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 9:42:37 GMT -6
I told dh I think I might have an anxiety issue and might need professional help. His response: I need to be able to give you critiques without you feeling like it's the end of the world and getting upset, so if talking to someone means I can tell you issues I have with you without you getting upset then go for it... I did not find this very encouraging. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. He is a wonderful man, and we have a good relationship, we just have such very different personalities and ways of communicating. In the end I'm just sitting on my feelings and doing nothing for now. Communication blows. We don't have similar ways of doing it either and aren't very good at it. He should be able to give you feedback - but there's critiquing and there's suggesting and how its done can make a world of difference. Take care of you - it matters. Sounds like he's gonna do what he's gonna do regardless. But I'm sorry it wasn't encouraging and felt crappy. That doesn't help.
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mapleme
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Post by mapleme on Oct 19, 2017 10:02:25 GMT -6
I told dh I think I might have an anxiety issue and might need professional help. His response: I need to be able to give you critiques without you feeling like it's the end of the world and getting upset, so if talking to someone means I can tell you issues I have with you without you getting upset then go for it... I did not find this very encouraging. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. He is a wonderful man, and we have a good relationship, we just have such very different personalities and ways of communicating. In the end I'm just sitting on my feelings and doing nothing for now. I totally get why this feels crappy on your end, but reading this I was all, "YES!! PLEASE!!!" Because this is an issue that I have with DH. If he's in a good place I can disagree with him on something or tell him when something isn't working for me, but if he's not, something as simple as having a different dinner suggestion for that night can result in a fight where he shuts down and has to spend the rest of the evening alone. My love language is time, so this can feel really shitty and I find myself just not disagreeing with him because I don't know where his mind is at. And then we end up in ridiculous situations like a super awful sex life for both of us when I was pregnant with C in which both of us were mad and neither of us wanted to bring it up and were just hoping it would go away on it's own. Finally he told me that he was mad at me and I was all, "Wait, but I'm mad at YOU!" And in 5 minutes we had solved the entire problem (that had been going on for months). I'm ALL about airing out problems so that they don't fester, but he's kind of slowly pushed me to this place where I balance how much the problem REALLY matters before bringing it up. Which is dumb. And not good for our relationship. And is another problem that we should really solve, but gosh, wouldn't it be nice if it just went away on it's own? So yeah, I totally get what both you and YH are saying.
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Post by mintyblueair on Oct 19, 2017 10:38:19 GMT -6
I have trouble sleeping. My insomnia started when L was born and at first it had to do with dreading him waking up throughout the night. Now it's due to stress and an inability to turn my thoughts off and stop repeating the same thoughts over and over. I am also the type that can usually fall asleep easily but then I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep.
I did take a sleeping pill occasionally before I got pregnant. That's the only thing that ever helped me. I think they're great for getting one or two decent nights of sleep per week. But they obviously don't treat the underlying problem.
I've tried writing down my thoughts to get them out of my head. That strategy hasn't worked for me. I've tried listening to soothing sounds with headphones and that doesn't help either. Basically, I'm at a loss. I'm hoping that once I start seeing a psychologist regularly I will be better able to cope with stress during the day and maybe it won't overwhelm me at night.
The difference in my mood and overall outlook/ability to be hopeful and look forward to things when I get a decent sleep is incredible. I feel that if I could just get myself sleeping regularly I would feel so much better in every other aspect of my life.
I also think I have anxiety related to sleep and that I have always been that way. Before L, I would make sure I got 9 solid hours of sleep every night. I would get agitated or upset if I thought that something was going to interfere with my sleep. I still think often about sleep, fantasize about it, and I start to count up the reasons why I won't get a good night's sleep throughout the day. For example, if I'm sick I'll start thinking about how I won't be able to sleep and then I'll have to get up with L in the morning and be exhausted and I start dreading nighttime and going to bed. I would like to learn to care less about sleep and teach myself that getting through the day tired, while not ideal, is not the end of the world.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 19, 2017 11:00:20 GMT -6
Head Start called this morning to say they have finished S's eval and that she qualifies for speech therapy. And cognitive therapy. (Wait, what?) They would like to have her in half day classes 2x per week. Monday we go in to discuss her results.
Cognitive therapy? No explanation of what that means so I can stew about it all weekend? Thanks. I don't feel like the rug was pulled out from under me at all.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 12:03:43 GMT -6
mimsy, don't beat yourself up. Lots of kids need speech therapy and many other types. Its not anything you did or you could have prevented. The good thing is that she's getting services now and at her young age will likely be able to overcome her challenges quickly. My guess is that the cognitive therapy would be about thinking about the context and order of words -different from the physical way of forming them with her mouth/tongue etc. Did they leave all that in a message? Can you call back? Sorry its so stressful.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 12:06:16 GMT -6
I have trouble sleeping. My insomnia started when L was born and at first it had to do with dreading him waking up throughout the night. Now it's due to stress and an inability to turn my thoughts off and stop repeating the same thoughts over and over. I am also the type that can usually fall asleep easily but then I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. I did take a sleeping pill occasionally before I got pregnant. That's the only thing that ever helped me. I think they're great for getting one or two decent nights of sleep per week. But they obviously don't treat the underlying problem. I've tried writing down my thoughts to get them out of my head. That strategy hasn't worked for me. I've tried listening to soothing sounds with headphones and that doesn't help either. Basically, I'm at a loss. I'm hoping that once I start seeing a psychologist regularly I will be better able to cope with stress during the day and maybe it won't overwhelm me at night. The difference in my mood and overall outlook/ability to be hopeful and look forward to things when I get a decent sleep is incredible. I feel that if I could just get myself sleeping regularly I would feel so much better in every other aspect of my life. I also think I have anxiety related to sleep and that I have always been that way. Before L, I would make sure I got 9 solid hours of sleep every night. I would get agitated or upset if I thought that something was going to interfere with my sleep. I still think often about sleep, fantasize about it, and I start to count up the reasons why I won't get a good night's sleep throughout the day. For example, if I'm sick I'll start thinking about how I won't be able to sleep and then I'll have to get up with L in the morning and be exhausted and I start dreading nighttime and going to bed. I would like to learn to care less about sleep and teach myself that getting through the day tired, while not ideal, is not the end of the world. yea. this sounds like me. the other night M was coughing a lot and I started spiraling on if she was going to have to stay home from school and how that meant I'd prob have to stay home from work and how that happens because BM is up and gone before the kids are up so the option to stay home never even comes on her plate and how that annoys me and and and forever oh look its morning.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 19, 2017 12:17:51 GMT -6
mimsy, don't beat yourself up. Lots of kids need speech therapy and many other types. Its not anything you did or you could have prevented. The good thing is that she's getting services now and at her young age will likely be able to overcome her challenges quickly. My guess is that the cognitive therapy would be about thinking about the context and order of words -different from the physical way of forming them with her mouth/tongue etc. Did they leave all that in a message? Can you call back? Sorry its so stressful. I spoke to the coordinator. I think I was just a bit too dumbstruck to ask what that meant in terms of therapies. She will be attending Monday and Thursdays. Monday's are smaller group more one on one modalities and Thursday's are integrated group days. We did decide on this because I had enough head space to mention we started doing play group at the library on Monday mornings and speech therapy at the medical center is at 11 Tuesday and Thursday. I also mentioned that she isn't potty trained and she said that's okay we work on that here. There is a silver lining! I need a drink.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 19, 2017 12:38:27 GMT -6
I'm eating an ice cream sundae while I pump. This is a win.
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Post by charlotte on Oct 19, 2017 12:48:27 GMT -6
@criscosalad yummm! I want a milkshake so badly right now.
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Post by Dramaphile on Oct 19, 2017 12:55:33 GMT -6
I'm eating an ice cream sundae while I pump. There was a theory going around my local BF support group that ice cream increased your supply. Probably not very accurate (although more fat and calories might work in general). So you can just tell everyone you're eating it to increase your pump output...
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 19, 2017 13:24:12 GMT -6
mimsy , don't beat yourself up. Lots of kids need speech therapy and many other types. Its not anything you did or you could have prevented. The good thing is that she's getting services now and at her young age will likely be able to overcome her challenges quickly. My guess is that the cognitive therapy would be about thinking about the context and order of words -different from the physical way of forming them with her mouth/tongue etc. Did they leave all that in a message? Can you call back? Sorry its so stressful. I spoke to the coordinator. I think I was just a bit too dumbstruck to ask what that meant in terms of therapies. She will be attending Monday and Thursdays. Monday's are smaller group more one on one modalities and Thursday's are integrated group days. We did decide on this because I had enough head space to mention we started doing play group at the library on Monday mornings and speech therapy at the medical center is at 11 Tuesday and Thursday. I also mentioned that she isn't potty trained and she said that's okay we work on that here. There is a silver lining! I need a drink. I also see two mornings to yourself as a silver lining. If it works that way....
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 19, 2017 13:52:44 GMT -6
I totally didn't read the first part where it asked what my greatest struggle was... I was coming in here to post something good. #fail I figured that you were struggling to finish the sundae in good conscious?
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Post by grumpycakes on Oct 19, 2017 20:15:54 GMT -6
I, too, fall asleep easily at the beginning of the night and then struggle if I’m awoken at around 3am. That seems to be my witching hour of non-stop thoughts. I’ve found counting helps. Counting backwards, by threes, in French, whatever takes up brain power is helpful.
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tj
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Post by tj on Oct 19, 2017 22:06:48 GMT -6
I, too, fall asleep easily at the beginning of the night and then struggle if I’m awoken at around 3am. That seems to be my witching hour of non-stop thoughts. I’ve found counting helps. Counting backwards, by threes, in French, whatever takes up brain power is helpful. I also count backwards. I hadn't thought of 3's or French.
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sarenu
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Post by sarenu on Oct 19, 2017 22:30:50 GMT -6
I, too, fall asleep easily at the beginning of the night and then struggle if I’m awoken at around 3am. That seems to be my witching hour of non-stop thoughts. I’ve found counting helps. Counting backwards, by threes, in French, whatever takes up brain power is helpful. I also count backwards. I hadn't thought of 3's or French. I try to do slow breathing. I don't meditate, but I'm guessing it's close to it.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 20, 2017 4:51:48 GMT -6
I, too, fall asleep easily at the beginning of the night and then struggle if I’m awoken at around 3am. That seems to be my witching hour of non-stop thoughts. I’ve found counting helps. Counting backwards, by threes, in French, whatever takes up brain power is helpful. I also count backwards. I hadn't thought of 3's or French. I was told to do it by 7s. But it's real hard lol.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 20, 2017 14:34:29 GMT -6
Great. A denial of services letter for speech. Again. Because there is no physical reason why she has speech issues. Good thing my pedi and ST are willing to appeal.
But it's really not what I needed.
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Post by charlotte on Oct 20, 2017 17:09:09 GMT -6
I have felt pretty good this week... more in control of my emotions & got one really good night’s sleep on Wednesday.
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