Back to school, no?

[jnu76]

I asked J how he likes his kindergarten teacher. He told me she's "kind of bossy. She always tells us what to do."
He's going to have a long 13 years.

[CurlieWhirlie]

Sept 1, 2017 14:36:51 GMT -6 jnu76 said:

I asked J how he likes his kindergarten teacher. He told me she's "kind of bossy. She always tells us what to do."
He's going to have a long 13 years.

E today told me one of the Kindergarten teachers is "really strict." (He's in third, so only would see her on the playground.) I asked him what he meant by strict, and he said "well, she has rules and she wants everyone to follow them, all the time!"

Um. LOL

[milano]

J started preschool today! He was adamant about going in all by himself, but agreed to let me take him in so that I could see his classroom. He did not even acknowledge my goodbye.

I sent him in underwear because he's been doing great about peeing in the toilet but he still won't poop in the toilet so I'm a bit worried.

PDQ

[CurlieWhirlie]

Dang, milano, what a cutie! I hope he has a great day!

[tj]

P starts preschool tomorrow. Omg. How are all these little May babies we like, JUST had, already starting preschool???

[milano]

Ugh. MH picked J up from preschool today. He said the teacher made a huge, loud, deal about telling him that J had to sit in the time-out chair today and that he was the only kid who didn't listen and had to sit in the chair. And that J cried for his mommy while he sat there.

Now, I'm not upset about the time-out chair, I knew that was something they did. But I'm pretty irritated that she basically announced it to everyone at pick-up, and in front of J. MH is pissed and wants to pull him out because he feels like she was a jerk about it and he had a teacher like that when he was little that made him feel terrible and he hated school because of it. I think pulling him out over this is extra, but I do feel irritated. I should just give it some time and hope that J is a better listener, right? There's nothing I can really say? He's not the best listener, this is true, but he's also barely 3 years old.

[rugger]

Ugh, Milano, that's so frustrating. I think that's super unprofessional. It's his first week! They should be helping him learn the rules and routine, not chastising him publicly.

Can YH call and speak to the teacher about it and that he feels it could have been handled better?

If it doesn't improve, I don't think switching schools is over the top if there are other options in your area.

[stringy]

Agree with rugger, - milano,. I would be super annoyed at lots of parts of that. But the public shaming isn't cool at all. Can you call/email/talk to the teacher in some way to find out if that is normally the protocol? Poor J What 3 yo listens all the time? And if you aren't cool with contacting the teacher I'd go to the director before pulling.

[stringy]

I'd also want more info about the context of what he didn't listen to, did he get a warning, did they talk to him about it afterwards, etc.

Like there's a difference between "he didn't listen when he pushed his friend and his friend told him to stop. Then I pulled him aside and talked to him, and he did it again" and "he was chatting with his neighbor at circle time not listening to the story"

[CurlieWhirlie]

Sept 7, 2017 9:58:41 GMT -6 milano said:

Ugh. MH picked J up from preschool today. He said the teacher made a huge, loud, deal about telling him that J had to sit in the time-out chair today and that he was the only kid who didn't listen and had to sit in the chair. And that J cried for his mommy while he sat there.

Now, I'm not upset about the time-out chair, I knew that was something they did. But I'm pretty irritated that she basically announced it to everyone at pick-up, and in front of J. MH is pissed and wants to pull him out because he feels like she was a jerk about it and he had a teacher like that when he was little that made him feel terrible and he hated school because of it. I think pulling him out over this is extra, but I do feel irritated. I should just give it some time and hope that J is a better listener, right? There's nothing I can really say? He's not the best listener, this is true, but he's also barely 3 years old.

Ugh, I'm sorry. And it's really common for adult men to have visceral memories of being shamed in school. You should read the book Raising Cain, about how traditional school sets young boys up for failure by setting expectations for behavior beyond what they are capable of. Actually maybe don't, it might make you more angry at J's teacher. But maybe it will give you some ideas for how to bring it up with the school if you notice a pattern? 

[stringy]

So M won't pee at school.

Update/background. 4.4 years old. Been pee capable for a couple months. Doesn't poop on potty yet. Seems to have major anxiety over it. For the 2 weeks off of school she was in underwear full time at home - for 4-5 days we never offered a pullup - she'd successfully pooped once, freaked out, and so held it for four days. I gave her a pullup to sleep and she pooped in it immediately like 5 days in a row (I was happy for her to empty out at that point). No daytime accidents for a few weeks.

School starts - 4-5 hours/day - They take her to the bathroom at set times (before snack or whenever) - she is welcome to go any other time. I talked to her teacher about having her go alone cuz she doesn't want anyone in there with her (its like 3 open toilets together). She does - but apparently M doesn't go (like goes in and fiddles around). Or says she doesn't need to. Then at pickup she always has wet undies. She's usually in a dress and its not a full pee so no one notices (god knows there's a wet spot somewhere in the room). My parents pick her up so I get minimal information until the next morning - other than she came home wet so we changed. yesterday she full peed on my moms couch. Today she walked her to the bathroom when they got home and made her go.

So as I type this, I guess we go back to pullups? I don't see any other way around it. I don't want her holding it all day. I don't want her peeing in the corner or on furniture. She just doesn't care.

If she was 2 or 3 it'd be simple, yes, not ready, diapers. But she's almost 4.5 and I'm at a loss here.

[milano]

So it sounds like he wasn't listening/sitting or whatever during their "lesson" which is why he was in time out. Their handbook says they do two verbal warnings before the time out chair. But like, it's the second day!! Sitting through a story/lesson of any kind is brand new to him.

We don't do time out at home because it doesn't work. I have him "take a break" on the couch, and I'm right next to him.

I don't know how many people exactly were around when MH picked him up, but if would have preferred her just pull MH aside for a second to give a quick "this happened, this was the result, etc". I wish I had picked him up so I could have responded to her and asked a couple questions.

She's the director, basically, it's a small preschool run through a local Catholic church. She does have an assistant, who I like.

I guess if it happens again I'll be prepared to ask some questions and ask that she not announce it, and go from there. There are other preschool options if we need them.

[rugger]

stringy - I would prob go to pull ups for the reasons you mentioned (not holding it and not peeing wherever). The teacher can still take her separately to encourage using the toilet, but the pull up offers a nice safety net.

milano - I hate time-outs, too. Especially for something as minor as not sitting still during lesson time. I know in A's preschool, they don't do time out unless someone is being physically hurtful/unsafe; otherwise they talk it through and explain and help the kids learn the appropriate behavior.

[milano]

stringy I'd put her in a pull-up. Holding it all in all the time must be so uncomfortable and not healthy. Maybe as she becomes more comfortable in her new classroom she'll get comfortable about going there? She won't do this forever, one day it's going to click for her.

[mapleme]

huge ol' eye roll to making a 3 year old go sit still as punishment for not sitting still. I don't like that one bit.

[charlotte]

milano ugh. The preschools around here don't even do timeout at all. Besides, he is 3 y/o and this is like his first week! . Poor guy. Announcing it in front of others is extra, too. Our DC teachers are so crazy about protecting the privacy of anyone who is struggling that they won't even identify kids who don't nap by name around other parents.

We have been using timeout at home with DS when he isn't listening here recently because it works for him right now, but I think whether you use timeout in your own home is beside the point.

[milano]

Sept 7, 2017 14:27:07 GMT -6 mapleme said:

huge ol' eye roll to making a 3 year old go sit still as punishment for not sitting still. I don't like that one bit.

It's pretty dumb. His teacher seems very old-school and has been teaching preschool for 30 years which I initially viewed as a good thing but now I'm more iffy. Her assistant is much warmer and more relaxed, at least.

[milano]

So I made my H just tell me again, verbatim, what happened. Apparently the teacher made an announcement to the five or six parents and kids that were there at pick-up saying that they were going to start enforcing the time out thing because she wanted everyone to learn to listen, and that some kids were listening really well and others were struggling (No shit? They're three.) And that J was the first kid to sit in the time-out chair this year.

WTF.
Why would she announce his name like that? I'm actually madder now.

So it was J that told MH that he was crying in the chair because he wanted me, and that he told his teacher he was going to be a good listener.

I'm reconsidering my original decision to keep quiet. Time outs have their place but I don't want them to be used constantly- the fact that she announced that she was going to start using them is really bothering me.

[stringy]

milano I would definitely say something. And what will they do if the timeouts don't change the behavior?

[nikkipal]

Sept 7, 2017 18:17:50 GMT -6 milano said:

So I made my H just tell me again, verbatim, what happened. Apparently the teacher made an announcement to the five or six parents and kids that were there at pick-up saying that they were going to start enforcing the time out thing because she wanted everyone to learn to listen, and that some kids were listening really well and others were struggling (No shit? They're three.) And that J was the first kid to sit in the time-out chair this year.

WTF.
Why would she announce his name like that? I'm actually madder now.

So it was J that told MH that he was crying in the chair because he wanted me, and that he told his teacher he was going to be a good listener.

I'm reconsidering my original decision to keep quiet. Time outs have their place but I don't want them to be used constantly- the fact that she announced that she was going to start using them is really bothering me.

This is bullshit. I would definitely say something. Time out is one thing, but shaming your kid in front of his peers and their parents is not ok. I would address that while you understand their policy with time out (though based on his age and the fact that it was DAY TWO, I'd say that's a little much), you'd appreciate their discretion when discussing your son's behavior in front of others.

[CurlieWhirlie]

The part where he tells his teacher he'll be a good listener bothers me, too, milano. Maybe it's my deep cynicism about the Catholic church, but that sounds so wrong, like the three year old is punished and shamed and tearfully promises he'll be "good."

Fuck. That.

[rugger]

Milano, that is awful. I would say something for sure. And I would def be concerned about the "enforcement of time out" comment.

If you want his school to be religious-based, maybe look at an Episcopal Church? Catholic light! LOL. But in all seriousness, sounds like you might want to start looking around at different options, and inquiring about their discipline techniques.

[Dramaphile]

Ugh milano, the whole thing puts a bad taste in my mouth. Definitely have a talk with the teacher and look at your options. When I worked in childcare, we didn't use time outs, except in the form of a "take a break" when a child was having a tantrum or hitting or something severe and then they were simply separated from the other kids and given a quiet activity until they could calm down and rejoin the class. To expect new preschoolers to sit after two days is unrealistic. I would also inquire how long the kids are expected to sit for. Some old school teachers will have 45 minute circle times, which is way too long for 3 year olds to be expected to sit in one spot.

[critter015]

The back to school germs are hitting O hard. He just got over a double ear infection and got diagnosed with strep today. Fingers crossed nobody else comes down with it!

[critter015]

Annnd C came home from school with a fever too. We're back at the doctor now and I'm having them test E just to be safe.

[tj]

Solidarity critter015. We have sinus infections all around. Gotta love those new school germs. :/

[charlotte]

DS has had a new DC teacher for several weeks. We never had a complaint about him in the past 6 months from his old teacher, and it seems his new teacher has a complaint about him every day at pickup. I certainly don't think he's perfect and I believe when she says he has misbehaved, but I'm afraid in her mind he is being labeled as the bad kid.

[rugger]

Sept 10, 2017 18:38:32 GMT -6 charlotte said:

DS has had a new DC teacher for several weeks. We never had a complaint about him in the past 6 months from his old teacher, and it seems his new teacher has a complaint about him every day at pickup. I certainly don't think he's perfect and I believe when she says he has misbehaved, but I'm afraid in her mind he is being labeled as the bad kid.

[kona]

First day of pre school here.


Poof

[mc13]

R had her first day of preschool today. I've been stressing over it because she's never been left with anyone but family...and thankfully, she didn't even care. She actually was even annoyed that I interrupted her playing to say goodbye.