Can I word vomit please (TW death) update
Sept 4, 2024 12:50:11 GMT -6
Post by ponyhairs on Sept 4, 2024 12:50:11 GMT -6
My sweet dad passed this morning at 11:25. I miss him already.
So, my dad is dying and I'm a fucking mess. My parents moved down here exactly a month ago and he was in the ER within hours of his arrival with a kidney infection that had gone septic. They transferred him to a well-known local cancer hospital because he was recently diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (obligatory fuck cancer), and he was doing well. They cleared up the infection and were able to start him on treatment for the AML and he was responding positively.
The cancer causes him to have really low blood, and platelet counts so he's been receiving 2 plasma infusions a day to bump up those counts. 2 weeks ago, he had a rare reaction to one of the infusions, transfusion-associated circulatory overload (TACO) which causes excessive fluid buildup in the lungs. He was put on constant dialysis to try and remove as much of the fluid as quickly as possible, but because his kidneys were already damaged that has been a slow process and has caused his heart to get weak as well and he had to be put on a ventilator. He was able to be weaned off the respirator but there is still so much fluid in his lungs that they had to put him back on because he was unable to effectively breathe on his own. We've basically spent the last 2 weeks just trying to mitigate the damage from the TACO and get him strong enough to try and start treatment again. Because hospitals are disgusting germ factories, he has now contracted a weird fungus in his lungs and the treatment for that is causing even more kidney damage.
Today he made the decision to withdraw care. They are going to be taking him off the respirator, etc. tomorrow. We have family flying in today and tomorrow to say their goodbyes. My brother and my parents have a strained relationship and when I talked to him when the transfusion thing happened, to let him know how sick my dad was, he said that his company has switched from unlimited PTO to regular PTO and he's taken so many vacations this year that he doesn't have time left to come out (
). He then told my mom that it would be too hard on him to see my dad this way (to which I said some very VERY unkind things about him to my MIL). He hasn't bothered to even text or call my mom regularly to even ask how my dad is doing since then (my mom also had a birthday in the middle of all of this that he forgot, once again) and we are at a loss as to how to deal with him. I'm so fucking mad at him at how his has handled this and the relationship with my parents that I refuse to even speak with him.
To say that this has all been exceptionally traumatic in light of what we dealt with a mere 9 months with my husband would be an understatement. I'm currently filling out the paperwork for his cremation, so that's a total mind-fuck. I told my sweet C on Monday that her granddad was very sick and there was a chance he wouldn't make it (a mere 2 weeks after having to tell her that another person she loves has Cancer) and am going to have to tell her after school that he's dying and see what she wants to do and if she wants to go and say goodbye. (He was briefly in the hospital where Chris died, and we asked her if she wanted to visit him before he was transferred to the Cancer hospital, and she told me she couldn't go back to that hospital at all). She and my dad's birthdays are one day apart, 10/1 and 10/2 and she's going to have spend her 13th birthday without her dad and now without her granddad. I accidentally weaned off my anxiety and depression meds because I've been spending so many nights at the hospital unexpectedly so I'm dealing with all of this totally unmedicated which is a nightmare. I'm trying to work (and btw, I haven't even been at my new job for a year yet and have to take so much time off that I'm in the negative and thank God my bosses have been so understanding) and am at my desk trying to compose myself while my world falls apart, again.
There is no real point to this post, I'm just sad and broken and had to get it all out because talking about it in real life to people is so hard right now. I'm tired of getting and giving bad news, I'm tired of getting sympathy and pity from people (I know that makes me sound like an asshole, I certainly appreciate all of the love and support I have gotten from the people in my life, but I'm just tired of being the sad widow who also is now going to be fatherless and I'm tired of hearing people say I'm sorry with their sad eyes and faces).
So, my dad is dying and I'm a fucking mess. My parents moved down here exactly a month ago and he was in the ER within hours of his arrival with a kidney infection that had gone septic. They transferred him to a well-known local cancer hospital because he was recently diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (obligatory fuck cancer), and he was doing well. They cleared up the infection and were able to start him on treatment for the AML and he was responding positively.
The cancer causes him to have really low blood, and platelet counts so he's been receiving 2 plasma infusions a day to bump up those counts. 2 weeks ago, he had a rare reaction to one of the infusions, transfusion-associated circulatory overload (TACO) which causes excessive fluid buildup in the lungs. He was put on constant dialysis to try and remove as much of the fluid as quickly as possible, but because his kidneys were already damaged that has been a slow process and has caused his heart to get weak as well and he had to be put on a ventilator. He was able to be weaned off the respirator but there is still so much fluid in his lungs that they had to put him back on because he was unable to effectively breathe on his own. We've basically spent the last 2 weeks just trying to mitigate the damage from the TACO and get him strong enough to try and start treatment again. Because hospitals are disgusting germ factories, he has now contracted a weird fungus in his lungs and the treatment for that is causing even more kidney damage.
Today he made the decision to withdraw care. They are going to be taking him off the respirator, etc. tomorrow. We have family flying in today and tomorrow to say their goodbyes. My brother and my parents have a strained relationship and when I talked to him when the transfusion thing happened, to let him know how sick my dad was, he said that his company has switched from unlimited PTO to regular PTO and he's taken so many vacations this year that he doesn't have time left to come out (
). He then told my mom that it would be too hard on him to see my dad this way (to which I said some very VERY unkind things about him to my MIL). He hasn't bothered to even text or call my mom regularly to even ask how my dad is doing since then (my mom also had a birthday in the middle of all of this that he forgot, once again) and we are at a loss as to how to deal with him. I'm so fucking mad at him at how his has handled this and the relationship with my parents that I refuse to even speak with him. To say that this has all been exceptionally traumatic in light of what we dealt with a mere 9 months with my husband would be an understatement. I'm currently filling out the paperwork for his cremation, so that's a total mind-fuck. I told my sweet C on Monday that her granddad was very sick and there was a chance he wouldn't make it (a mere 2 weeks after having to tell her that another person she loves has Cancer) and am going to have to tell her after school that he's dying and see what she wants to do and if she wants to go and say goodbye. (He was briefly in the hospital where Chris died, and we asked her if she wanted to visit him before he was transferred to the Cancer hospital, and she told me she couldn't go back to that hospital at all). She and my dad's birthdays are one day apart, 10/1 and 10/2 and she's going to have spend her 13th birthday without her dad and now without her granddad. I accidentally weaned off my anxiety and depression meds because I've been spending so many nights at the hospital unexpectedly so I'm dealing with all of this totally unmedicated which is a nightmare. I'm trying to work (and btw, I haven't even been at my new job for a year yet and have to take so much time off that I'm in the negative and thank God my bosses have been so understanding) and am at my desk trying to compose myself while my world falls apart, again.
There is no real point to this post, I'm just sad and broken and had to get it all out because talking about it in real life to people is so hard right now. I'm tired of getting and giving bad news, I'm tired of getting sympathy and pity from people (I know that makes me sound like an asshole, I certainly appreciate all of the love and support I have gotten from the people in my life, but I'm just tired of being the sad widow who also is now going to be fatherless and I'm tired of hearing people say I'm sorry with their sad eyes and faces).
