tj
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Post by tj on Dec 30, 2021 15:32:10 GMT -6
TW for parents who refuse to take care of themselves and end up in bad shape, and addiction.
My dad is in the ER. He is a significant alcoholic who drinks 99% of his calories, and the 1% of actual food he eats is usually bread, cheese, dr. pepper, or sweets. He had a quadruple bypass 20 years ago. When we left today, his breathing was ragged, he was too dizzy to stand, too weak to talk, and his hands shake so badly he can’t even hold an open cup. He has had a “sinus infection” for a month that he is on his third round of antibiotics for. But a sinus infection doesn’t cause the kind of coughing and wheezing and lethargy that I witnessed this week. Waiting on covid test results now, though he tested negative a week ago.
I don’t know what I want. Maybe t&p if you are into that type of thing. I’m just so mad at him that he lets himself get this way. I’m mad at him that I have to yell at him and threaten him with not getting to see his grandkids grow up before he will even call his dr. I’m mad at him that he yells at my mom when she tries to make him take care of himself. I’m mad at him for the fact that none of his grandkids were surprised by his deteriorating health. And I’m mostly mad at myself for being mad at him.
UPDATE: he’s back at the ER right now. Please send good vibes.
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snowmoon
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Post by snowmoon on Dec 30, 2021 16:23:27 GMT -6
I’m sorry tj. I’ve had a lot family members that have struggled with addictions and it’s horrible and exhausting. All of your feelings are valid. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
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DGM
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Post by DGM on Dec 30, 2021 16:28:15 GMT -6
Hugs tj. I could've written a lot of this word for word. You're all in my T&P.
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mapleme
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Post by mapleme on Dec 30, 2021 17:59:18 GMT -6
I am so sorry tj. That is brutal and awful and you have every right to be mad.
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mc13
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Post by mc13 on Dec 30, 2021 18:34:18 GMT -6
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Dec 30, 2021 18:53:41 GMT -6
So sorry TJ - you have every right to be angry. I'm occasionally angry at my dad and he did "everything right". I'll be angry for you, if that helps. But don't beat yourself up.
Hugs friend.
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tj
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Post by tj on Dec 30, 2021 19:02:13 GMT -6
So sorry TJ - you have every right to be angry. I'm occasionally angry at my dad and he did "everything right". I'll be angry for you, if that helps. But don't beat yourself up. Hugs friend. I was thinking of you when I posted this. Thank you friend. 😘
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tj
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Post by tj on Dec 30, 2021 19:03:32 GMT -6
Covid negative and they are admitting him.
I have been worrying that we could have brought Covid but didn’t have symptoms Bc we are vaxed and all kinds of irrational blame game.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Dec 30, 2021 19:06:54 GMT -6
Covid negative and they are admitting him. I have been worrying that we could have brought Covid but didn’t have symptoms Bc we are vaxed and all kinds of irrational blame game. I feel like covid negative is def good for his situation (obvnotadoctor). Also good that they have hospital space. The blame game comes with the anger. I'm also angry at his various doctors because they "failed". Blame all around. Its awful.
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milano
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Post by milano on Dec 30, 2021 20:41:14 GMT -6
I'm so sorry tj. I wish I had more eloquent words, but your feelings are valid. I'll keep both you and your dad in my thoughts ❤
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nikkipal
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Post by nikkipal on Dec 30, 2021 21:07:32 GMT -6
I’m so sorry tj. I’ll keep you both in my thoughts.
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Post by mintyblueair on Dec 30, 2021 21:13:51 GMT -6
I'm so sorry tj. I hope that whatever is going on with him is resolved as best it can be. I don't have any experience with addiction but I can imagine how frustrating and upsetting it must be to watch someone go through that. I'll be thinking of both you and him ♥️
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rugger
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Post by rugger on Dec 30, 2021 22:25:41 GMT -6
You have a right to feel all those feelings. I'm glad COVID was Negative, and hope you get some answers and solutions soon. Thinking of you ♥️
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sarenu
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Post by sarenu on Dec 30, 2021 23:49:57 GMT -6
Sorry TJ.
You have the right to be angry and feel all the feelings.
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jnu76
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Post by jnu76 on Dec 31, 2021 5:42:31 GMT -6
I’ll be thinking about you, TJ.
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Dec 31, 2021 9:48:45 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're in that situation. From my very much not a doctor perspective it kind of sounds like he might have some organ failure of some kind, but I'm glad he's at least in the hospital now where they can treat him appropriately.
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Post by rhymeswithdisco on Dec 31, 2021 10:30:10 GMT -6
Sending you all lots of love teej.
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tj
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Post by tj on Dec 31, 2021 12:25:14 GMT -6
He’s definitely not coming home today. So far his only real diagnoses are dehydration and hypokalemia (an electrolyte imbalance.) Which does cause dizziness, confusion, and fatigue among other things. But the question is why — just Bc he hasn’t been eating? Bc of one of his meds he is on? Kidneys? I also hate the hospital he is in. But the process of transferring him, as well as getting my mom a place to stay, and making sure she would be eating and taking care of herself is way too much. At least at their local hospital she can sleep at home and eat at home.
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Post by charlotte on Dec 31, 2021 14:42:07 GMT -6
Sending love tj. That’s so much to handle and deal with right now.
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DGM
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Post by DGM on Jan 1, 2022 11:07:34 GMT -6
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Post by grumpycakes on Jan 1, 2022 14:49:19 GMT -6
I’m so sorry, TJ. Be mad. Your dad’s choices affect you and it’s ok to have feelings about them. I will keep him in my thoughts. Maybe a hospital visit will help him wake up to taking better care of himself.
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tj
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Post by tj on Jan 1, 2022 15:23:45 GMT -6
I’m pulling my POA card. I got the paperwork showing that I have medical POA, and I’m going in there and not leaving till I get some damn answers. Something happened either overnight or this morning and my mom is getting the run around. I’m putting on my bossy pants.
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Post by mintyblueair on Jan 1, 2022 19:55:08 GMT -6
I’m pulling my POA card. I got the paperwork showing that I have medical POA, and I’m going in there and not leaving till I get some damn answers. Something happened either overnight or this morning and my mom is getting the run around. I’m putting on my bossy pants. I hope you were able to get some answers today.
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tj
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Post by tj on Jan 2, 2022 18:50:28 GMT -6
At least I know what is going on now. But it is all still a waiting game. They were about to send him back to the icu today, but he suddenly woke up. So that is good. But I guess we are less out-of-the-woods than I had thought and that was a harsh reality.
I wish it were easier to support my mom right now. She doesn’t know or understand most of the medical stuff and she gets so anxious about everything. She won’t ask for help so I have to somehow anticipate what she needs. And they are in a very tiny town so there is no Uber or door dash or even restaurants so I can’t just send her things to make life easier. Even Amazon prime doesn’t deliver 2 day shipping there.
Any other ideas I could help support her?
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Jan 2, 2022 19:11:04 GMT -6
They are not near you, right? Is there any friend or neighbor or old friend of yours that could bring her things for you? Or if she's close enough just plan to go have dinner together every other evening; even if in the hospital. (are you allowed in there?)
Are you being conferenced in on medical calls so she doesn't have to decipher it (I know thats a big hurdle).
Not sure there is much else you can do...
Sorry for the not so good news on his progress, even if waking up is good.
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tj
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Post by tj on Jan 2, 2022 19:39:50 GMT -6
They are not near you, right? Is there any friend or neighbor or old friend of yours that could bring her things for you? Or if she's close enough just plan to go have dinner together every other evening; even if in the hospital. (are you allowed in there?) Are you being conferenced in on medical calls so she doesn't have to decipher it (I know thats a big hurdle). Not sure there is much else you can do... Sorry for the not so good news on his progress, even if waking up is good. Sadly I only know of 1 person left in town. I will see if my brother can have him do anything to help her (he’s my brother’s friend, I barely know him.) She is 4 hours away. So I’m the closest family, but it isn’t like I can go there and back in a day very easily. I haven’t been conferenced in so far. But that’s a good idea. Now that they have my POA on file, maybe they will. Thanks for your sage advice friend.
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Post by niko8083 on Jan 3, 2022 6:47:09 GMT -6
Hugs tj. T & Ps for you and your family right now
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Post by rhymeswithdisco on Jan 3, 2022 11:16:08 GMT -6
Oh teej I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard to manage this stuff from far away AND manage your own feelings about it all. I have very similar feelings as you do about parents and their health.
Can you do a local grocery store gift card or a visa gift card so they can buy some essentials?
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tj
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Post by tj on Jan 3, 2022 14:20:27 GMT -6
Oh teej I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard to manage this stuff from far away AND manage your own feelings about it all. I have very similar feelings as you do about parents and their health. Can you do a local grocery store gift card or a visa gift card so they can buy some essentials? Thanks. I know you’ve had some struggles too in this arena. I could send a gift card but they wouldn’t take it.
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milano
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Post by milano on Jan 3, 2022 15:03:27 GMT -6
Tj I don't have any advice but wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this from afar. You're a good daughter and your parents are lucky to have you, even if you feel like you aren't doing "enough".
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