sewfi2
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Post by sewfi2 on Apr 14, 2021 16:55:04 GMT -6
@crazy3dogmom, I’m sorry that you similar parent issues, especially with those additional issues. I totally support the cutting off. Oddly enough, my mom used to lie a lot, but only to her mom and about the dumbest stuff. Sometimes I understood (my grandma was super critical, so sure, a tiny lie to avoid an interrogation was necessary at times), but mostly it was just so weird. She’d lie about dinner, like say we had spaghetti when we actually had rice. And I’ve had the same thought about there being less children of SN parents bc of how people used to be treated. I understand that my grandparents tried to keep my mom from marrying my dad, and then tried to get her to have an abortion. I think if they could have used legal means to prevent it all, they would have. But my parents are just functional enough to not need legal guardians.
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sewfi2
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Post by sewfi2 on Apr 14, 2021 17:00:08 GMT -6
newspapers, hugs. That’s an awful place to be in, to feel like a shell. Can I ask, what’s the worse that will happen if you ask him to go through therapy? As in, will it make life at home that much more unbearable?
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sewfi2
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Post by sewfi2 on Apr 14, 2021 17:03:07 GMT -6
claudia, I’m so sorry. I hope that your and your kids’ test come back clear, and that your health improves quickly.
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Post by newspapers on Apr 14, 2021 17:14:48 GMT -6
sewfi2 ,it will be opening up the topic and setting us up for the Big Argument, which I feel like I can't motivate myself to do when things are calm.
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Post by newspapers on Apr 14, 2021 17:18:06 GMT -6
Rusty Red, I also have GERD, and it can be excruciating. Are you on meds?
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Post by imapenguin on Apr 14, 2021 17:25:08 GMT -6
My mom and I came back from Louisiana today and I got to see my uncle when I took some stuff up to my cousin who’s staying with him. He looks as good as someone who’s just had brain surgery can, but he’s twitching a lot in his sleep (will be sedated until tomorrow) which the nurses seem to be taking as a sign that his brain and body are still communicating, so seeing that with my own eyes made me feel a bit better. I’ve never seen my dad so stressed, so I was glad to be able to give him a semi positive update.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2021 18:07:36 GMT -6
I'm sorry to everyone dealing with these heavy topics
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Post by beertotheface on Apr 14, 2021 18:23:04 GMT -6
First, thank you so much for creating this thread and space for people to share what's heavy on their hearts right now. Second, I have read through all of these posts and just want to say I'm sorry and I'm sending positive thoughts to everyone. ❤️ Third, I am struggling with my dad's health right now. I mentioned here a couple of weeks ago that he had a quadruple bypass surgery (was planned for a double bypass but it was worse than they thought when they opened him up). 1 day after returning home, he had 6-8 small strokes and was re-hospitalized in the ICU for a week. The blocked arteries are too close to his brain for surgery to be an option, so all they can try is medicine to keep his BP up/reduce plaque & cholesterol etc. He is trying to stay positive but he's a physically strong, outdoorsy workaholic who can't stand sitting still, so he is very scared of declining health. It's hard to see him afraid and emotional, and I can't shake the feeling that we're just waiting for the other shoe to fall, and a big stroke is going to kill him anytime. I'm not ready.
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Post by lechemiel on Apr 14, 2021 19:02:12 GMT -6
My thoughts are with all who have posted in this thread.
My mom has been in the ICU since Monday due to a significant stroke. Today was supposed to be the end of a very long journey with endometrial cancer following surgery, 6 rounds of chemo and 28 days of radiation. She was planning to ring the bell signifying completion of treatment. Now I feel like we are back to square one so close to the end. She has been extremly agitated in the hospital and it is difficult to watch. She has regained communication but is still confused, combative and very difficult to deal with. With COVID the hospital only allows one visitor for the duration of stay and it is hard but I know I need to advocate for her. Work never slowed down due to COVID either and is very stressful at times, particularly now. It just neverending.
Thank you for this thread and allowing me to vent. It helps to hear how others are coping with similarly stressful situations.
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Post by cabbagecabbage on Apr 14, 2021 19:22:26 GMT -6
sewfi2 I have a dear friend whose bio parents are both cognitively impaired. She was adopted by her foster family later but raised by her parents for a number of years. She still remembers, knows and communicates with her bio family. She has a lot of the same feelings you describe. She’s so smart and successful but really doubts herself. You are not alone.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Apr 14, 2021 19:50:15 GMT -6
I got a call from my PCP that where they had sent a referral for a second cardio opinion (since my current one is an idiot) had sent them the info for my appointment. I didn't think it would be a big deal but it will be really close to where we had our dirt bike stolen about a year and a half ago. Now I'm stuck replaying that night in my mind and thinking about how close we probably came to dying that night. I'm scared to go to that area again. I've asked H to take the day off and go with me (and he said yes) but I haven't told him why. I might need to have my dr up my anxiety meds if it doesn't chill out in the next day or two.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Apr 14, 2021 19:53:06 GMT -6
I also want to send hugs and love to all who are dealing with heavy shit right now.
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sewfi2
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Post by sewfi2 on Apr 15, 2021 5:37:39 GMT -6
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keg
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Post by keg on Apr 15, 2021 7:56:34 GMT -6
sewfi2 That's all really a lot for anyone to deal with. I do a fair amount of work with parents who have special needs themselves and it's not uncommon but such a difficult situation. You might have some luck calling organizations for adults with disabilities, like the Arc or other local to you options. Many adults who use those programs have children themselves so they may have formal or informal ways of connecting you or providing support/resources. ❤
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Post by Rusty Red on Apr 15, 2021 7:58:51 GMT -6
Rusty Red , I also have GERD, and it can be excruciating. Are you on meds? Yes. Unfortunately everything has stopped working. The next step is a TIF 2.0 procedure but the recovery is hell (similar to gastric bypass in regards to diet) and there's no guarantee it will help; I've read a lot of stories where several months later people are having symptoms again. I'm very hesitant to have it done. Sorry you deal with it too!
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Post by newspapers on Apr 15, 2021 7:59:56 GMT -6
Thanks, sewfi2 . We'll see if it can happen today. And hugs to you. That is a tough situation to navigate.
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sewfi2
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Post by sewfi2 on Apr 15, 2021 8:10:31 GMT -6
keg, thank you for the tip!
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jinkies
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Post by jinkies on Apr 15, 2021 8:54:03 GMT -6
I haven't really told many people this, so I'm going to leave this here.
My father in law died by suicide just about a month ago. It was awful and traumatic. He adamantly did not want a funeral or even an obituary, so once we notified family and his closest friends, there wasn't really an easy way to get the word out to everyone else who we sort of wish knew about it. But that we don't want to individually call. As a result, here we are 4 weeks later and still working on getting the word out. And also still having to gear ourselves up for the "first times" that we see everyone after his death and now we completely understand why funerals are such a necessary thing. Would have been so much easier to get all the condolences and first times seeing people over with at once.
I have a close group of neighbors, and it feels weird that they don't know, but I also haven't seen them in person and I honestly don't know how to notify them. Another person in the group lost a parent right around the same time, and they organized meals for her family while she was out of state managing arrangements. But it felt awkward to reply to that text with "Hey, btw, my father in law died too" because we really didn't need or want meals. I just sort of... wanted them to know.
Anyway. I am also trying to be as supportive of my H as I can. He was the last person to talk to his dad, and it's weighing on him. But at the same time, he has a lot of anger at my parents for just... existing. And for being able to go on living normally when his dad is dead. And while I understand the sentiment, I can't apologize for having living parents. I'm really trying to heavily encourage therapy, but he's still coming around to the idea. It sucks that there are no in-person support groups due to COVID right now. I actually think that would be more helpful to him than therapy, at least right now. But he has no interest in doing them over Zoom, and I can't blame him.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Apr 15, 2021 9:57:54 GMT -6
jinkies, I'm sorry. It's so hard losing someone that way. It just hits you like a truck out of nowhere and I can imagine heaving to break the news over and over again is very difficult. I'm sorry <3
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willow
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Post by willow on Apr 15, 2021 10:00:31 GMT -6
jinkies I am so sorry about your loss. I really hope your H comes around to therapy. I have been in therapy related to my PTSD from my late H dying by suicide 5 years ago and it has been incredibly helpful for me. Suicide adds a layer of complexity to the feelings around grief and it has taken me a long time to unpack, and I'm still unpacking. Sending you strength and support.
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addymac
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Post by addymac on Apr 15, 2021 11:49:18 GMT -6
Rusty Red , I also have GERD, and it can be excruciating. Are you on meds? Yes. Unfortunately everything has stopped working. The next step is a TIF 2.0 procedure but the recovery is hell (similar to gastric bypass in regards to diet) and there's no guarantee it will help; I've read a lot of stories where several months later people are having symptoms again. I'm very hesitant to have it done. Sorry you deal with it too! I mean I know it’s nerve wracking to have something done that may not help but what’s the alternative- doing nothing and things staying the same? Or doing something that may work? Just food for thought.
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pobre
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Post by pobre on Apr 15, 2021 11:53:05 GMT -6
jinkies do you have one neighbor or friend that is close that can tell everyone else? It won't be awkward for you and will be one less thing for you to worry about. I'm sorry for your loss.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Apr 15, 2021 11:54:43 GMT -6
Last year, a young family member died suddenly. Since then we’ve found that we have the biggest known family cluster of a certain genetic mutation. I’m waiting on mine and my kids’ test results. While we were waiting to get the tests, I was hospitalized with covid. I had some abnormal heart tests while hospitalized and so now I’m going through more testing. My kids have been basically living with my parents the last month because I’m not strong enough to take care of them, and I keep thinking dark thoughts about what if I die and my last months I’m not even with them? I know that’s not likely, but it’s just been a lot. Basically the last 9 months of our lives has been dealing with grief and health problems. I have the worst nightmares lately. Girl I had no idea. I’m so sorry. Did the royals at least offer some entertainment for you?
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Post by Rusty Red on Apr 15, 2021 12:32:24 GMT -6
Yes. Unfortunately everything has stopped working. The next step is a TIF 2.0 procedure but the recovery is hell (similar to gastric bypass in regards to diet) and there's no guarantee it will help; I've read a lot of stories where several months later people are having symptoms again. I'm very hesitant to have it done. Sorry you deal with it too! I mean I know it’s nerve wracking to have something done that may not help but what’s the alternative- doing nothing and things staying the same? Or doing something that may work? Just food for thought. Right now I'm ok with staying the same. Surgery will derail my marathon training, and I'm just working too hard to throw it away. I'm going to consider it more after the race. Maybe a dumb priority, but here we are.
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claudia
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Post by claudia on Apr 15, 2021 16:23:11 GMT -6
Last year, a young family member died suddenly. Since then we’ve found that we have the biggest known family cluster of a certain genetic mutation. I’m waiting on mine and my kids’ test results. While we were waiting to get the tests, I was hospitalized with covid. I had some abnormal heart tests while hospitalized and so now I’m going through more testing. My kids have been basically living with my parents the last month because I’m not strong enough to take care of them, and I keep thinking dark thoughts about what if I die and my last months I’m not even with them? I know that’s not likely, but it’s just been a lot. Basically the last 9 months of our lives has been dealing with grief and health problems. I have the worst nightmares lately. Girl I had no idea. I’m so sorry. Did the royals at least offer some entertainment for you? I think my sickness caused some of my recent feistiness.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Apr 15, 2021 16:25:14 GMT -6
Girl I had no idea. I’m so sorry. Did the royals at least offer some entertainment for you? I think my sickness caused some of my recent feistiness. I like it
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Post by wildflower on Apr 15, 2021 17:07:40 GMT -6
I mean I know it’s nerve wracking to have something done that may not help but what’s the alternative- doing nothing and things staying the same? Or doing something that may work? Just food for thought. Right now I'm ok with staying the same. Surgery will derail my marathon training, and I'm just working too hard to throw it away. I'm going to consider it more after the race. Maybe a dumb priority, but here we are. I may have asked this before, but have you ruled out a hiatal hernia? I had one and never ever ending reflux as a young teenager. I had surgery and while the recovery was no joke, it was life changing and I'm thankful every day that I did it.
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