kaimee
Bronze
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Post by kaimee on Apr 11, 2021 16:34:11 GMT -6
A commode/shower chair/hospital bed should be covered by insurance if he gets a prescription for one. The hospital bed can usually be gotten through the hospice company when he gets to that point if he's still in your home rather than in a nursing home. If not, the staff should be able to connect you with a company who supplies them and delivers them to your house.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Apr 11, 2021 16:52:51 GMT -6
The cold is definitely due to the meds and low blood pressure/blood flow. My mom was always freezing. They do have overnight depends. Also maybe a plastic sheet over a sheet protector. Get a shower chair and rails are easy to install. If you don’t have a detachable shower head I’d get one.
They’re really finicky about eating so get ensure and some boosts. The grouchiness will get worse unfortunately. He’ll become mean very mean at times. When he stops eating completely, that’s when you’ll know his time is near. He’ll also stop using the bathroom.
I know you didn’t choose this but know that because of you he won’t die alone. You’re a good human being and I’m confident good karma is on the horizon for you. ❤️
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Apr 11, 2021 16:54:05 GMT -6
And you can find used hospital equipment. Even on fb market.
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wedding
Emerald
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Post by wedding on Apr 11, 2021 16:56:57 GMT -6
Lots of love and support McBenny. I don’t have experience with this but am happy to help any way I can.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Apr 11, 2021 16:57:21 GMT -6
I would try to have a nurse at overnight because he’ll stop sleeping and you’ll need to sleep.
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sudsy
Opal
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Post by sudsy on Apr 11, 2021 16:58:35 GMT -6
I would try to have a nurse at overnight because he’ll stop sleeping and you’ll need to sleep. This. Eventually it’s going to be round the clock care.
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beatch
Amethyst
My ass is self-sufficient
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Post by beatch on Apr 11, 2021 17:23:27 GMT -6
I'm so sorry McBenny. This is so hard. You and your husband are angels. Keeping you in my thoughts.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Apr 11, 2021 17:57:31 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink.
He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it.
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jorkzy
Emerald
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Post by jorkzy on Apr 11, 2021 18:03:01 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink. He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it. I think you’re an angel for doing everything you can to make him comfortable and at peace in his last time. Please let us send you gift cards to help.
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jsgrl
Platinum
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Post by jsgrl on Apr 11, 2021 18:05:23 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink. He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it. I think it's very kind and thoughtful of you. And it's something I would probably do to the best of my ability. I don't think you need to feel obligated to do it every time if it feels too burdensome for any reason. I was also thinking maybe having some different broths around to warm up and he can sip on them throught the day. I've been thinking of you a lot today. Please let us know how we can help.
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kayc
Sapphire
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Post by kayc on Apr 11, 2021 18:07:01 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink. He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it. I would get my mom anything she wanted. She had so little joy near the end that if a mounds bar made her happy, that’s what I got! I will say near the end my mom slept basically all day and night. It’s person and disease-specific, according to the hospice nurse. ETA-but also don’t feel bad if you can’t get what he requests every time! You have to take care of yourself and your family, too.
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Post by lucilleaustero on Apr 11, 2021 18:35:19 GMT -6
McBenny, get it for him, but if you cannot for xyz reason, that is okay too. Some days you cant do it all and that includes being okay with not finding crawfish.
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allisong
Platinum
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Post by allisong on Apr 11, 2021 18:39:26 GMT -6
I don’t have any advice to give but just wanted to let you know how sorry I am.
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Post by nevertoomanyshoes on Apr 11, 2021 18:49:25 GMT -6
I don’t have any more advice than what’s been given. But just sending my thoughts to your family and to tell you you and your H are damn good people. Family or not, that’s a lot to take on. And man I can’t believe that she is still there even now! My gosh. Hope she gets that apartment.
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Post by sunnysideup on Apr 11, 2021 18:50:56 GMT -6
I don’t have any advice but I’m sending all my love and support. You and YH are amazing.
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klw
Opal
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Post by klw on Apr 11, 2021 18:58:43 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink. He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it. Absolutely not. And I would do the same for my loved one. When he was on hospice, my uncle would want egg drop soup. Someone (doctor or nurse) mentioned the sodium content. Like does it really matter now. He would also want a sip of vodka to take his pills. My aunt gave him whatever he wanted. ❤️
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Radley
Sapphire
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Post by Radley on Apr 11, 2021 19:25:45 GMT -6
I don’t have any suggestions that haven’t already been listen here but I didn’t want to read and not comment. I’m so sorry your family is going through this. I can only imagine how hard it must be for everyone. It’s okay to cry too. Hugs and prayers.
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Post by gymngemini on Apr 11, 2021 19:41:58 GMT -6
Everyone has given great advice, so I'll just add a couple of things from my own experience. This has been somewhat covered, but when we dealt with this for my brother I was surprised to learn that there options for hospice care- both independent companies and those associated with hospitals and nursing homes. So it might be worth finding what options are available through different places. They may even be able to get you guys services/items to allow him to stay at home with you to a certain point, then transfer him to a facility when it's closer to the end. And perhaps that was the situation when he was told he didn't qualify- that for the particular hospital, his condition wasn't severe enough for admittance.
As for food, we did similar. He hadn't been able to eat anything for a while, but liked to suck on Popsicles and other random stuff for the taste before spitting it our. Kinda gross but it made him happy.
We took shifts sitting with him and talking or watching over him. My sister and his girlfriend took a lot of the nighttime shifts, I would stay late, my parents would do early mornings. Through the hospice program he had home health most days of the week, and nursing and doctor care that came to us. They were some of the kindest and gentlest people. They answered his questions and ours, gave us suggestions for things, and offered great support. As someone stated upthread, they also told us signs and things to look for when his time was near.
My aunt choose to go to a hospice facility because that's how she was, and my mom and other aunt were able to be with her. My mom said they had some very nice traditions and things they did when people passed. She said it was still very calm and peaceful.
You're doing a wonderful thing for your BIL and your H. You aren't failing anyone. It's an awful thing to go through, for everyone involved. There's not a wrong choice here. I'm thinking of you and your family and sending love and strength.
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Yogurt
Emerald
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 11, 2021 19:49:31 GMT -6
I dont have any helpful advice, but I wanted to send my most sincere love and good thoughts to you. I'm sorry.
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
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Post by sterling on Apr 11, 2021 19:58:43 GMT -6
I don’t have advice, but I’m so sorry. If I can help please let me know how. ❤️
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mb3
Sapphire
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Post by mb3 on Apr 11, 2021 20:11:06 GMT -6
Yes, overnight depends, and then a really good mattress protector. And I know how this sounds, I'm sorry - but the puppy training pads too. There are also fabric ones- quilted- that dont get so warm under you. They can easily be thrown in the washer and dryer. *warm isnt the best describer. I know he’s cold all the time. But it doesn’t keep the damp against your skin and potentially contribute to skin breakdown. If he’s possibly having accidents look at the skin protectant creams.
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gimmeaQ
Opal
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Post by gimmeaQ on Apr 12, 2021 6:46:24 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink. He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it. Absolutely not. And I would do the same for my loved one. When he was on hospice, my uncle would want egg drop soup. Someone (doctor or nurse) mentioned the sodium content. Like does it really matter now. He would also want a sip of vodka to take his pills. My aunt gave him whatever he wanted. ❤️ i would punch someone who told a dying person to watch the sodium content of something they wanted. McBenny i don't think you're crazy. i think you're a kind person with a big heart who is doing everything humanly possible to care for someone in an extremely difficult situation. thank you for being a light in this world.
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Apr 12, 2021 6:54:06 GMT -6
Also is it crazy that when he wants something specific, we get it? I feel he's dying and should have what he wants to eat and drink. He asked me for crawfish last night but I couldn't get it. I think it's just the kind of person you are, with an enormous heart and a well of kindness and generosity.
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Apr 12, 2021 6:56:45 GMT -6
And Benny, remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. Please let us know how we can help you, because you aren't just supporting your BIL, you're also supporting your H. You are all in my prayers.
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apk4
Sapphire
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Post by apk4 on Apr 12, 2021 7:10:17 GMT -6
I'm so sorry McBenny. I echo the others, let us know what you need. I would love to help.
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Post by truffleshuffle on Apr 12, 2021 7:20:39 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you are going through this. We just put my dad in a nursing home a couple of weeks ago. He is wheelchair bound and has alot of some of the issues you mentioned. I tried to read through everything and it sounds like you have been given good advice. I'm not sure how old he is but if you can't get him into a nursing home right away i would suggest reaching out to the council on aging in your town/city, they are a good resource for finding aides or services for in home help. i know you said your husband is doing most of the personal care for him, but i would suggest getting an aide in at least once a day to help with showering, toileting etc. to give your H a break, it can take a toll on everyone. I would also get him a plastic urinal, if he is having wetting issues because he can't get to the bathroom fast enough this helps.
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Post by sheilathetank on Apr 12, 2021 7:33:15 GMT -6
I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, but I want to say how sorry I am that this has been placed on you. You are a fucking saint for handling everything that has been thrown your way with grace and perseverance.
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overboard
Sapphire
Dull normal
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Post by overboard on Apr 12, 2021 7:46:58 GMT -6
I’m sorry your family is going through this. You’ve gotten a lot of good suggestions. For MIL, the adult diapers caused painful diaper rash. I alternated using desitin extra strong diaper cream and a petroleum based cream for discomfort. Regarding nursing homes, we called several and visited a few. There is usually someone who can help with payment advice. We found someone helpful and they guided us through the process. They basically took receipt of MIL’s disability check and billed Medicare for the remainder if I remember correctly. Are you able to ask your doctor about situational meds for depression or anxiety for yourself? This is a lot to handle for anyone.
I’m sorry that the roommate situation is dragging on so long. My brother outstayed his welcome and the time he was given to get back on his feet. I called places for him and texted him links to rental houses. Once he realized I was serious and wasn’t going to give in, he moved out. I hope she gets the heck out soon.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2021 7:58:41 GMT -6
I am just coming off a 12 hour shift and need to sleep but didn't want to read and not comment. I don't have time to RTMFT right now so a lot of this might be repeated info.
Keeping him dry - you need chux and typically in our ICU we only do flat sheets. Get on YouTube and search changing an occupied bed - it's a CNA skill and you basically have the person roll, tuck the sheets under them, place the new sheets on the bed and tuck, then roll the other direction, pull dirty sheets and pull through clean sheets. That is a terrible explanation but I hope it helps.
If you can elaborate more on how mobile or not mobile he is I can share more specific tips. I really don't want to be triggering or insensitive but am just wondering, is it an issue of him not having a poor enough prognosis or an insurance/monetary issue? Would he qualify for home health or home hospice? I hate this country and the way we treat the dying.
You're an amazing person, McBenny, and I'm here for whatever medical questions/advice I can help with. I'm going to sleep now and then I work another 12 tonight so I'm sorry if I am slow to reply but I will do my best. I care for a lot of people on their deathbed and my best friend from nursing school does home hospice now so I am happy to ask her anything you need to know, too.
You probably can never be too liberal with the pain medication.
PDQ ***poof, sorry it wasn't up for long but I need to go to bed***
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Post by angelashly on Apr 12, 2021 8:02:43 GMT -6
Oh McBenny I am really late to this and you have gotten great advice I just couldn't read and not respond. You truly are an amazing person. I will continue to send thoughts and prayers and help in any way
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