Hey everyone - can I join?

[Taitai]

Hi! I just read Marie Kondo’s book, and I loved it. I really appreciate her entire philosophy, and it cemented a few concepts I had about how our relationship with our “stuff” can affect our mood, feelings, sense of fulfillment, outlook on life, etc.

A lot of what she says in the book I already do (only keeping/buying things that spark joy, having “homes” for everything, discarding instead of packing away for no reason, etc.)

There are 2 things I’m struggling with - however- that she didn’t really address in the book. Welcome your thoughts on how you all deal with below:

1) How to get young kids to select things to keep vs discard.

DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 18 months. I don’t think DS2 can grasp that concept yet, but I wonder about DS2? Any of you tried this with your kids? DS2 is good about tidying up - he knows exactly where each toy’s “home” is. However, he doesn’t like to discard and he has too many toys (most of them are gifts from grandparents/friends).

2) Frequent gift givers. How do you handle people who give you things hat don’t spark joy, and then look for the gifts when they visit your home? Any tips on handling those conversations would be great. My secretary is the main person I worry about - I don’t want to hurt his feelings too much, because he’s also an important person in my life - both from a professional and personal standpoint.

Looking forward to contributing here!!

[alwayscheese]

Keep in mind I am not a kon Marie follower, and I come from rather a different culture than you, but I have a couple thoughts.

Toys, if you don't have a truly ridiculous amount of toys and have some storage space, you could try toy rotation. I just started it when DS turned one, but I've seen my cousin and a lot of people on the internets have success with it.

Gifts, idk. Sounds like a frequent occurrence with your secretary, if it's someone that doesn't come to your house as often, maybe you could serve a picture of you "using it" and then release it?? For your secretary, do you give him gifts also? Would there be a tactful way to give him a "consumable" gift(fancy tea, candle, chocolates) and make a comment about how you like giving "consumable gifts" cause we all have too much stuff in our homes? Lol idk that I could plan that ahead and come of tactful 🤷

[beesquared]

For kids I use the container concept from A Slob Comes Clean. They can fit as many dolls as fit in this bin or as many crayons that fit in this box. They naturally choose the items that spark joy first and the rest can find a new how with a kid who needs it. I linked the blog down below, but I much prefer her podcasts. I wasn't sure what platform you could access her podcasts on.

www.aslobcomesclean.com/2010/05/ooooooh-container-now-i-get-it/

[alwayscheese]

Apr 13, 2019 8:23:21 GMT -6 beesquared said:

For kids I use the container concept from A Slob Comes Clean. They can fit as many dolls as fit in this bin or as many crayons that fit in this box. They naturally choose the items that spark joy first and the rest can find a new how with a kid who needs it. I linked the blog down below, but I much prefer her podcasts. I wasn't sure what platform you could access her podcasts on.

www.aslobcomesclean.com/2010/05/ooooooh-container-now-i-get-it/

well this is brilliant! Especially for kids.




Oh.

And especially for me.

[Taitai]

Apr 13, 2019 7:30:39 GMT -6 alwayscheese said:

Keep in mind I am not a kon Marie follower, and I come from rather a different culture than you, but I have a couple thoughts.

Toys, if you don't have a truly ridiculous amount of toys and have some storage space, you could try toy rotation. I just started it when DS turned one, but I've seen my cousin and a lot of people on the internets have success with it.

Gifts, idk. Sounds like a frequent occurrence with your secretary, if it's someone that doesn't come to your house as often, maybe you could serve a picture of you "using it" and then release it?? For your secretary, do you give him gifts also? Would there be a tactful way to give him a "consumable" gift(fancy tea, candle, chocolates) and make a comment about how you like giving "consumable gifts" cause we all have too much stuff in our homes? Lol idk that I could plan that ahead and come of tactful 🤷

We try to do toy rotation, and that definitely helps, but I feel like the kids end up finding their toys (or someone digs them out), and then before I know it, all the toys that I was saving for the next rotation are around. I feel like whittling down the number of toys might be necessary in my case.

The secretary likes to give me little trinkets - like funko pop figurines and other things that are just meant to sit on a shelf and be looked at. I only give him consumables, but I think your suggestion of actually talking about enjoying consumables is a good idea.

I also thought maybe I should give him the KonMari book...lol. Not sure if that would be too heavy handed.

Maybe talking about my huge guilt with plastic would be a good way to start - so he doesn’t give me plastic stuff anymore.

[beesquared]

alwayscheese the container concept really works for me too. I can keep as many shirts as fit in this drawer. It has really helped me curb my shopping. I have a hard time getting rid of things that are functional, but I really don't need every book I have every bought. I can only keep what fits on our shelves.

[Taitai]

Apr 13, 2019 8:23:21 GMT -6 beesquared said:

For kids I use the container concept from A Slob Comes Clean. They can fit as many dolls as fit in this bin or as many crayons that fit in this box. They naturally choose the items that spark joy first and the rest can find a new how with a kid who needs it. I linked the blog down below, but I much prefer her podcasts. I wasn't sure what platform you could access her podcasts on.

www.aslobcomesclean.com/2010/05/ooooooh-container-now-i-get-it/

I love this! What a great idea. I think this will work well for DS1. I am going to give it a try and see what he chooses to put in his containers. Like you said, what doesn’t make the cut probably doesn’t spark joy and we can send it to a new home. Thanks!! I’m going to check out the rest of her blog too.

[beesquared]

Taitai, I used to have the same issue with my assistant. Now she brings me Diet Coke and the occasional chocolate bar. We are a family of 5 living in 1400 sq feet, with minimal storage. I don't know what finally made the change, but I started playing up how overwhelmed I was with cleaning and having too much stuff. I think you could totally give him a copy along with "I loved this book so much! It really spoke to me and I thought you might like it too."

[beesquared]

I'll be honest and say that toy rotation has never worked for me. Probably because basements asrent a thing where I live. The only place I have to put toys away is the playroom closet and they would just get what they wanted out anyway. It worked much better for us to make a home for everything and limit quantities.

[Taitai]

Apr 13, 2019 9:07:44 GMT -6 beesquared said:

I'll be honest and say that toy rotation has never worked for me. Probably because basements asrent a thing where I live. The only place I have to put toys away is the playroom closet and they would just get what they wanted out anyway. It worked much better for us to make a home for everything and limit quantities.

Yes - we don’t have a basement either, and the only storage is closets. I don’t want toys taking up my own personal storage space (in my closet), so they inevitably get stores in DS1 or DS2s room, and then they sneak their way out!

I am happy that we don’t have a basement/garage though...it would be so easy to accumulate stuff we never use by having that bonus space.

[Taitai]

Apr 13, 2019 9:04:38 GMT -6 beesquared said:

Taitai, I used to have the same issue with my assistant. Now she brings me Diet Coke and the occasional chocolate bar. We are a family of 5 living in 1400 sq feet, with minimal storage. I don't know what finally made the change, but I started playing up how overwhelmed I was with cleaning and having too much stuff. I think you could totally give him a copy along with "I loved this book so much! It really spoke to me and I thought you might like it too."

I think I need to get him the book lol. He loves reading, so maybe he’ll also get the message. Part of it is also cultural (which I know you will understand) - he feels that he needs to give me little gifts each time we invite him over, or each time I give him something (like treat him for lunch/coffee or get him something I know he has been wanting). I don’t want to stop treating him to lunch/coffee/Japanese snacks, so I think the book or playing up how overwhelmed I get about “stuff/plastic” is the way to go.

Sawadee Pee Mai Ka BTW 😊🙏

[beesquared]

Awww, thank you Taitai. It's raining here, but we will still go outside with water toys to celebrate. Are you going to participate in Songkran? It's so much fun. I wish you blessings and a fresh start in 2019.

[kona]

I wold recommend the Minimalists podcast, with Josh and Ryan, specially podcast #80 and maybe #141. Their take is a bit different than Kon Marie but they address your question of how to deal with your secretary and the gift giving.

[klw]

Oh. My. God....the toys have taken over my house. Our families have been more then generous with DD1. I have saved everything thinking we could use it for the next one. We'll, DD2 is already getting similar gifts to something that we had for DD1. So now I am giving stuff away that I shouldn't have stored in the first place!

And DD1 gets upset when I pack things up for the basement. Like we just went through the books in her bedroom now that she has a shelf for them. We put all of the Clifford, character books and other easy reader in a box to take to the basement. "But what if I want to read them" she asked. She hasn't read them in 6+ months.

[Taitai]

Apr 13, 2019 21:59:03 GMT -6 klw said:

Oh. My. God....the toys have taken over my house. Our families have been more then generous with DD1. I have saved everything thinking we could use it for the next one. We'll, DD2 is already getting similar gifts to something that we had for DD1. So now I am giving stuff away that I shouldn't have stored in the first place!

And DD1 gets upset when I pack things up for the basement. Like we just went through the books in her bedroom now that she has a shelf for them. We put all of the Clifford, character books and other easy reader in a box to take to the basement. "But what if I want to read them" she asked. She hasn't read them in 6+ months.

Yeah - DS1 also does the same thing when I try to store for toy rotation. That’s why I think limiting him to a container (for duff categories of gifts) will be good. He will pick the ones he likes best, and then I can quietly take the ones that don’t make the cut out for donation. If DS1 sees me doing it, I think he’ll get upset.

[Taitai]

Apr 13, 2019 20:08:33 GMT -6 kona said:

I wold recommend the Minimalists podcast, with Josh and Ryan, specially podcast #80 and maybe #141. Their take is a bit different than Kon Marie but they address your question of how to deal with your secretary and the gift giving.

I will check it out! Thank you!!

[Taitai]

beesquared We’ve been playing with water yesterday and today - so much fun. Our compound puts 2 huge containers and a hose on the curb, so we all go out with our neighbors and building staff in the morning and again in the afternoon. DS1 loves squirting all the cars, but tuk tuks and people walking down the street with water guns are the most fun to play with.

I wish you and your family a happy new year too! 🙏

[Taitai]

Here’s another thing I’m having trouble with as I think more about KonMari...I feel really bad generating so much trash. In her book, Marie Kondo talks a lot about how many garbage bags people generate from the discarding process, and I feel like she never talks about the environmental aspect of it.

She says if you throw something away on accident or realize you need it later, you can just buy another one...but that irks me. I feel like I’m adding to the landfill needlessly, and I should be more judicious about using up what I have. What I am thinking about here are things like makeup/cosmetics/clothes that I am meh on, but still okay to for me to use...just no joy. I can’t donate the makeup/cosmetics, since they are opened...and the clothes are too well loved to donate...but would be fine to keep as lounge around the house stuff.

I would love to just get rid of the stuff, but I have this big guilt about the landfill and not using it up/wearing until threadbare. Sigh.

[alwayscheese]

Apr 14, 2019 0:36:16 GMT -6 Taitai said:

Here’s another thing I’m having trouble with as I think more about KonMari...I feel really bad generating so much trash. In her book, Marie Kondo talks a lot about how many garbage bags people generate from the discarding process, and I feel like she never talks about the environmental aspect of it.

She says if you throw something away on accident or realize you need it later, you can just buy another one...but that irks me. I feel like I’m adding to the landfill needlessly, and I should be more judicious about using up what I have. What I am thinking about here are things like makeup/cosmetics/clothes that I am meh on, but still okay to for me to use...just no joy. I can’t donate the makeup/cosmetics, since they are opened...and the clothes are too well loved to donate...but would be fine to keep as lounge around the house stuff.

I would love to just get rid of the stuff, but I have this big guilt about the landfill and not using it up/wearing until threadbare. Sigh.

Ya I have some of the same issue. I definitely grew up with our financial situation necessitating the "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" mantra. We are a little better off now and I can buy more things, but still have the mindset that I shouldn't throw/donate stuff that I paid money for but doesn't fit etc. But there are things that I keep because I will very probably need some day and I cannot just buy everything again if I need it.

[Taitai]

Apr 14, 2019 7:29:49 GMT -6 alwayscheese said:

Apr 14, 2019 0:36:16 GMT -6 Taitai said:

Here’s another thing I’m having trouble with as I think more about KonMari...I feel really bad generating so much trash. In her book, Marie Kondo talks a lot about how many garbage bags people generate from the discarding process, and I feel like she never talks about the environmental aspect of it.

She says if you throw something away on accident or realize you need it later, you can just buy another one...but that irks me. I feel like I’m adding to the landfill needlessly, and I should be more judicious about using up what I have. What I am thinking about here are things like makeup/cosmetics/clothes that I am meh on, but still okay to for me to use...just no joy. I can’t donate the makeup/cosmetics, since they are opened...and the clothes are too well loved to donate...but would be fine to keep as lounge around the house stuff.

I would love to just get rid of the stuff, but I have this big guilt about the landfill and not using it up/wearing until threadbare. Sigh.

Ya I have some of the same issue. I definitely grew up with our financial situation necessitating the "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" mantra. We are a little better off now and I can buy more things, but still have the mindset that I shouldn't throw/donate stuff that I paid money for but doesn't fit etc. But there are things that I keep because I will very probably need some day and I cannot just buy everything again if I need it.

I also grew up with a similar mindset. The other part that makes this issue so complicated for me is that most of my clothes, nearly all of my jewelry, and about 70% of my makeup are gifts. I really don’t like to have a ton of stuff, so I end up just keeping gifts and being like - okay, I’ll probably use this some day. I rarely go clothes shopping, because I’m like...oh, I literally have 35 shirts/tops that various people have given me and they fit just fine. Same with eye shadow, mascara, lip balm, lipstick. Soooo many gifts that I feel I have to “use up.” So then I don’t really get to shop for myself and pick out things I love.

I think the solution for me moving forward is just to immediately donate things that don’t spark joy, and only keep the ones that do. I did like that part of the book where Marie talked about how she forced a lot of stuff on her younger sister (and how she now realizes it was not a nice thing to do). I feel like I’ve been on the receiving end of that situation for a really long time.

[oliversbear]

Welcome!

I'm not a Kondo person. Frankly she's annoyed me since the folding videos went viral a few years ago. And I immediately take a near violent dislike to anyone who suggests I get rid of my books. I didn't pay to move 18 boxes of books with me to Australia just to get rid of them! I read them. My books are friends and I won't dump them anymore than I'd dump my human friends.

That said, I'm on board with organization. I don't have kids, so I can't help with the toy problems, though my husband is a bit of a "toy" hoarder. and I can't talk too much, I have a collection of crayons & coloring books that go back to when I was in grade school. But we live in a small 2-bedroom house so our space for things is limited. But even so, I manage to keep the things & important papers under control and relatively organized.

I'm no help with gifters either, though I wish I were. I dson't work outside the home, but my husband works in adult education and is all the time getting little gifts from students or, what's far worse for me, produce. We all the time get piles of things we don't or can't eat before they go bad. I always feel terrible about just dropping them in the green bin for council composting. Honestly, just last week, we got over 50 plums! I don't have the space to make & keep plum jam, and I don't like it anyway. So what to do with them?

[alwayscheese]

oliversbear Food Bank?

Eta or soup kitchen?

[oliversbear]

Apr 15, 2019 21:28:43 GMT -6 alwayscheese said:

oliversbear Food Bank?

Eta or soup kitchen?

There isn't one locally.

I live in a rural area, many things/services found in larger cities are not found in the rural areas, which is not to say they are not needed, just that they are not available for whatever reason.  I know my husband has had a very hard time find accommodation for some of his immigrant students fleeing abusive relationships simply because the services are not available in the rural areas, even though the government is requiring some new immigrants to live/work in rural areas for at least 5 years as a condition of their visas. /rant

[Taitai]

oliversbear 50 plums! Omg - I’d also be overwhelmed...and I would have the same guilt over not using/eating the food. That is a big one for me too. Food waste...I just loathe it!

Thanks for the welcome 😊

ETA - I think we might try a trip to Perth sometime next year - I’ve wanted to visit Australia so badly ever since moving to Southeast Asia.

[oliversbear]

Apr 15, 2019 23:37:35 GMT -6 Taitai said:

oliversbear 50 plums! Omg - I’d also be overwhelmed...and I would have the same guilt over not using/eating the food. That is a big one for me too. Food waste...I just loathe it!

Thanks for the welcome 😊

ETA - I think we might try a trip to Perth sometime next year - I’ve wanted to visit Australia so badly ever since moving to Southeast Asia.

Food waste is one of my biggest peeves. I have stopped watching so many cooking shows because of the waste. I love to see all the things people can make ingredients, but the waste really bothers me.

I'm in Victoria so no help on Perth. But it's has long been on my bucket list of places to see. We have a number of friends in Western Australia so maybe one day we'll get out there. Adelaide is gorgeous and well worth a visit, and not too overrun with tourists as it's not on many people's radar when they're visiting Australia.

[Taitai]

Apr 16, 2019 0:23:16 GMT -6 oliversbear said:

Apr 15, 2019 23:37:35 GMT -6 Taitai said:

oliversbear 50 plums! Omg - I’d also be overwhelmed...and I would have the same guilt over not using/eating the food. That is a big one for me too. Food waste...I just loathe it!

Thanks for the welcome 😊

ETA - I think we might try a trip to Perth sometime next year - I’ve wanted to visit Australia so badly ever since moving to Southeast Asia.

Food waste is one of my biggest peeves. I have stopped watching so many cooking shows because of the waste. I love to see all the things people can make ingredients, but the waste really bothers me.

I'm in Victoria so no help on Perth. But it's has long been on my bucket list of places to see. We have a number of friends in Western Australia so maybe one day we'll get out there. Adelaide is gorgeous and well worth a visit, and not too overrun with tourists as it's not on many people's radar when they're visiting Australia.

Adelaide is another one we’d like to check out. Australia is huge and there is so much to see! All in good time I suppose 😊

[ilovelamp]

oliversbear do you have a Facebook swap page for like garage sale items etc? Maybe you can post about the plums there?

[beesquared]

I tend to put bulk food in the staff lounge with a free sign and most of it gets taken within a day or two. I would contact the local public schools and talk to them about donating food. Here we keep food pantries for families and send home food in a backpack program every Friday. Fresh food is always harder to come by, I know they would have loved receiving the plums!


ETA- oliversbear,

[roseinbloom]

Welcome, Taitai, hope things have been going well on your projects!!!

On the food waste topic:

I know not everyone has a place for composting and my rec is $$$$ upfront, but we have a Joraform composter. LOVE IT. With the exception of bones, you can compost pretty much anything compostable (don’t worry about aerobic/anaerobic based on the size and heat produced if you keep it balanced)—even meats, cheeses, cooked veg, etc.!

We don’t pay for trach collection, and go about once a month to the dump for household refuse. We make way, way more recycling than garbage now. 😊 I don’t even know what curbside pick-up costs here, but assuming $100-150 a year, we’ll be reaping the returns soon if not already.

[roseinbloom]

Also, to me, fresh, homemade plum jam is heaven. 😋