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Post by icedcoffee on Mar 2, 2019 16:53:12 GMT -6
Are you sure the massage therapist isn't a prostitute and "meeting to discuss an investment property" isn't code? I'm kind of here as well. That seems like an odd convo to have. It seems like a cover, even if it was a cover from OP finding the convo and not a prostitute. The property thing is weird.
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Post by icedcoffee on Mar 2, 2019 16:56:05 GMT -6
Can't you just say that you happened to see a text from a girl pop up about meeting up that night? And judge his reaction based off of that? If he stumbles over his words or makes a dumb excuse you know he's probably lying and need to evaluate where you go from here.
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wasabi
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Post by wasabi on Mar 2, 2019 16:56:09 GMT -6
Are you sure the massage therapist isn't a prostitute and "meeting to discuss an investment property" isn't code? The code thing only makes sense because it already doesn’t make so much sense that it feels like it could mean anything. But that would be such a weird code. Like choose something that doesn’t also bring up unrelated breaches of trust?
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lizblue
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Member is Online
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Post by lizblue on Mar 2, 2019 16:57:24 GMT -6
I’m sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there and if it’s true, I will just say that finding out the truth will be a relief and lead to a better day. I promise.
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gussie
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Post by gussie on Mar 2, 2019 17:01:33 GMT -6
Are you sure the massage therapist isn't a prostitute and "meeting to discuss an investment property" isn't code? The code thing only makes sense because it already doesn’t make so much sense that it feels like it could mean anything. But that would be such a weird code. Like choose something that doesn’t also bring up unrelated breaches of trust? Yeah, the first thing I thought was that was the kind of business he is in. But if it isn't, then that would be a very red flag-y code.
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euphony
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Post by euphony on Mar 2, 2019 17:04:54 GMT -6
Are you sure the massage therapist isn't a prostitute and "meeting to discuss an investment property" isn't code? The code thing only makes sense because it already doesn’t make so much sense that it feels like it could mean anything. But that would be such a weird code. Like choose something that doesn’t also bring up unrelated breaches of trust? That is why I ended up wondering. It is weird as hell to discuss investment property with a massage therapist. It would also be a weird cover for him to pick. But if I were in that business, I am sure I would have a well established code I used with my clients and "meeting to discuss investment property" seems innocuous were it sent to a work phone, for example. Just were my mind would go if it were me.
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wasabi
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Post by wasabi on Mar 2, 2019 17:08:16 GMT -6
Let’s not talk negatively about massage therapists though. They can have investment properties too!
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STP
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Post by STP on Mar 2, 2019 17:23:32 GMT -6
I don’t think you need to come up with a story.
Just tell him what you found and demand clarification.
No to tricks to get into phone and whatever. This isn’t a sitcom.
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STP
Diamond
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Post by STP on Mar 2, 2019 17:23:53 GMT -6
*sex worker
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poppet
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Post by poppet on Mar 2, 2019 18:05:40 GMT -6
I hope you get answers.
At first blush, it sounded to me like he was talking "investment opportunities" with her as an excuse to meet up and try to have sex. Or, that it was their code for hooking up.
I can see why you might want to dig for more info before confronting him. Some people are really talented liars.
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Leaf 🌱
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Post by Leaf 🌱 on Mar 2, 2019 18:29:10 GMT -6
This may have been mentioned but if you’re really concerned he’s been meeting women for sex I would not have sex with him until there was some clarity for your safety and health.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 19:05:30 GMT -6
I’m in the minority here, but I’d hold tight and dig deeper before confronting. I say this because he can explain these actions away which will just teach him to be more careful.
Yes, to us it’s obvious, but when you’re in the thick of it you allow yourself to accept those “explanations” because you so badly want to believe it’s not what you think it is. Start collecting evidence. Look at your cell phone bills.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 2, 2019 19:08:57 GMT -6
Does he say hi to random chicks on FB? I mean that coupled with some chick wanting to meet up tonight, plus some chick wanting to meet to talk investment properties. Your intimacy issues are a separate issue, but the above things I would want addressed ASAP. I can tell you he’s up to no good. I don’t know if he crossed a line yet or not, but this shit is not innocent.
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 19:15:23 GMT -6
Did he actually go through with anything financial with the massage therapist or was he just shooting the shit? Do you share a bank account to look through? The biggest causes for concern to me are the chick who asked if he was free tonight and the lack of intimacy. As far as I can tell he didn’t go through anything with her, just said he had a good job and could offer up $50 000 if needed. He actually mentioned tonight at dinner that a mutual friend was looking at buying a rental property but at no point mentioned that he would like us to invest. And we actually know this guy really well.
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 19:17:37 GMT -6
Also when you said he says hi to people on facebook and they sometimes don't answer him, are these women? Or random people you don't recognize, or actual friends? They are people he is friends with on Facebook, he has over 400 friends. I had a second look , it looks like he will randomly do it on people’s birthdays or if he sees an update in their life.
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 19:18:42 GMT -6
I don’t know if this was already mentioned, but my first thought about him talking to another woman about buying investment property sounds like an excuse to meet up with her and talk with her...not that he actually would go through with the purchase. But I could be way off here. And I agree with PPs...trust your your gut, and there is such a thing as non-physical cheating This is the vibe I got, like it’s a way for him to get her out for a night.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 19:22:13 GMT -6
Look, I was never ever going to put my business on here because this place, but with this post and the one from last week I feel like I need to speak up.
Late July I caught (concrete proof) that H was having an affair. I knew something was up. I saw all of the signs and chose to ignore it because I just couldn’t face the truth. Until I stumbled upon an email that was accidentally sent to our shared account, I had no choice but to accept what was actually happening.
That’s why I say dig more. Whatever explanation he gives you right now you’re going to accept it because its better than facing what’s coming your way.
H and I had sex every damn day so do not blame yourself one bit. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
Absolutely do not quote this. And I swear if you heifers make me regret putting this out there.
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Post by suspiciouswife on Mar 2, 2019 19:23:00 GMT -6
The code thing only makes sense because it already doesn’t make so much sense that it feels like it could mean anything. But that would be such a weird code. Like choose something that doesn’t also bring up unrelated breaches of trust? That is why I ended up wondering. It is weird as hell to discuss investment property with a massage therapist. It would also be a weird cover for him to pick. But if I were in that business, I am sure I would have a well established code I used with my clients and "meeting to discuss investment property" seems innocuous were it sent to a work phone, for example. Just were my mind would go if it were me. She is a former stripper and now makes her living as a massage therapist. I don’t think the investment property was a code for sex. He also is in occasional contact with a sister of a friend who is an escort but I don’t think he’d do anything with her but he definitely has easy access to others if he wanted.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 2, 2019 19:24:29 GMT -6
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jabbers
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Post by jabbers on Mar 2, 2019 19:24:56 GMT -6
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gussie
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Post by gussie on Mar 2, 2019 19:26:29 GMT -6
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poppet
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Post by poppet on Mar 2, 2019 19:27:00 GMT -6
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 19:27:06 GMT -6
I joined that Surviving Infidelity forum and every betrayed spouse says the same thing. Without concrete proof they explain everything away and in turn gaslight you making you believe you’re just a paranoid crazy person. Literally every story is the exact same. I was flabbergasted.
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Post by icedcoffee on Mar 2, 2019 19:29:03 GMT -6
Has he already left for the event?
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Post by icedcoffee on Mar 2, 2019 19:29:44 GMT -6
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 19:29:46 GMT -6
After 20 years of marriage and a lot of fucking therapy we are working on things. Right now we are good. Tomorrow is another day.
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gussie
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Post by gussie on Mar 2, 2019 19:32:24 GMT -6
That makes sense, shan-ah-doo, I've caught MH a few times in a lie and he just kept lying until I had factual evidence in front of his face he couldn't deny. It's a really fucked up feeling being lied to, but that person is going to do all they can in the moment to keep their life from blowing up.
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Post by thechickencoop on Mar 2, 2019 19:35:37 GMT -6
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Mar 2, 2019 19:38:40 GMT -6
That makes sense, shan-ah-doo, I've caught MH a few times in a lie and he just kept lying until I had factual evidence in front of his face he couldn't deny. It's a really fucked up feeling being lied to, but that person is going to do all they can in the moment to keep their life from blowing up. And as far as I was concerned we had an amazing relationship. Sex was good, we were best friends. So that’s why I say it has nothing to do with that, they’ll give themselves permission to do it even if they have to make up a reason. He hit middle age and went through a midlife crisis. Got his ego stroked by some bar fly (who is barely average looking btw) and let it happen.
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jenna
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Post by jenna on Mar 2, 2019 19:44:16 GMT -6
shan-ah-doo agree...and the whole “trickle truth” thing is so true. I would dig before I brought up any suspicions...bank accounts, phone bill, anything. I would want to get as much info as possible without making him aware so he could delete/hide stuff. There is something going on for sure. The 50k investment thing is strange as fuck.
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