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Post by peachsmama on Oct 9, 2018 18:54:04 GMT -6
So now that I'm back from vacation and we're going to start TTC: Do I tell my SIL now? or wait until I'm expecting? She just lost Noah and I know it's so hard after a loss when someone else gets pregnant. And my brother won't try for another because he's so scared.. So the choice has kinda been taken away from her and I just don't want to mess up and hurt her more. A tells me I'm over reacting and is 0 help.
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klong11
Ruby
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Post by klong11 on Oct 9, 2018 19:50:50 GMT -6
I would wait a bit. Not necessarily until you're pregnant, but not as soon as you start trying either.
I think your SIL needs to talk about her feelings with her H if she is wanting to try again and he is having reservations.
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jewels
Opal
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Post by jewels on Oct 9, 2018 20:17:27 GMT -6
Personally I wouldn’t say anything until there was something to say
If you tell her now, and it takes a few months for you to get pregnant, I feel like every time she sees you she will be holding her breath waiting for an announcement
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Post by peachsmama on Oct 9, 2018 20:25:50 GMT -6
Personally I wouldn’t say anything until there was something to say If you tell her now, and it takes a few months for you to get pregnant, I feel like every time she sees you she will be holding her breath waiting for an announcement That's a good point. Thank you. |
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trtlcrzy
Moderator 
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Post by trtlcrzy on Oct 9, 2018 20:53:42 GMT -6
Does she know you are planning to have more kids? How open have you been with her about ttc in the past? If you have been very open with her I might mention it, but if you haven’t I’d wait until you are pregnant.
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Post by peachsmama on Oct 9, 2018 21:14:06 GMT -6
Does she know you are planning to have more kids? How open have you been with her about ttc in the past? If you have been very open with her I might mention it, but if you haven’t I’d wait until you are pregnant. Yes. We've talked it before Noah. We both have always wanted more kids than Our spouses so it comes up a lot. We haven't talked about me having more since. She did tell me my brother is scared and not open to trying again. |
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trtlcrzy
Moderator
Posts: 10,085 Likes: 58,458
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Post by trtlcrzy on Oct 9, 2018 21:15:37 GMT -6
Does she know you are planning to have more kids? How open have you been with her about ttc in the past? If you have been very open with her I might mention it, but if you haven’t I’d wait until you are pregnant. Yes. We've talked it before Noah. We both have always wanted more kids than Our spouses so it comes up a lot. We haven't talked about me having more since. She did tell me my brother is scared and not open to trying again. Maybe if she brings it up then I’d say something but I wouldn’t be the first to bring it up at this point. |
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Post by wineallthetime on Oct 9, 2018 23:28:47 GMT -6
Personally I wouldn’t say anything until there was something to say If you tell her now, and it takes a few months for you to get pregnant, I feel like every time she sees you she will be holding her breath waiting for an announcement +1 |
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tgrimes
Diamond
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Post by tgrimes on Oct 10, 2018 10:23:09 GMT -6
I agree with jewels. It's no one's business if you are TTC or not. I get that you're trying to be understanding of her feelings but she doesn't need to know you're TTC. She'll just need to know when you're pregnant. |
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kim22
Amethyst
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Post by kim22 on Oct 10, 2018 10:42:56 GMT -6
I think jewels has it right. It’s really sweet that you are thinking of her. Between my 2 sister’s and I, we have 10 children and 7 losses in 11 years so someone was always pregnant or recovering from a loss and it would have been nearly impossible to plan around all of that. Your SIL’s loss is still very new, they may change their minds. |
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Post by peachsmama on Oct 10, 2018 12:28:15 GMT -6
Thank you all for your advice. I will wait until I'm expecting unless she asks at some point. And we've been talking about it for over 2 years. Once we're in the house, we'll start trying. So I'm sure she knows it's coming. I really hope you're right kim22. I hope as they heal my brother will be more open to trying. I hate for fear to make the choice for them. |
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chrisy01
Emerald
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Post by chrisy01 on Oct 10, 2018 20:40:13 GMT -6
I sort of had a similar experience. S has been going through treatments to get pregnant and has been unsuccessful. I didn’t want to surprise her with a pregnancy announcement but didn’t want to let her know we were trying. I ended up waiting for her to bring it up or if I got pregnant. She ended up asking me and I was honest.
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