Lormor
Platinum
Sometimes I can gif and sometimes I can't.
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Post by Lormor on Sept 5, 2018 8:08:10 GMT -6
I read a Buzzfeed thing about secrets wives have kept from husbands yesterday (and can't find now to link) and one of the secrets was that a wife would watch porn and masturbate in bed next to her sleeping husband. One of the comments was all "gasp! violation! wrong!" about that one.
So, I want to know if you think it's a terrible thing to masturbate while your partner is in bed next to you or not.
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Post by goldenbird on Sept 5, 2018 8:11:20 GMT -6
I voted SS because MH and I have separate bedrooms for several reasons. I wouldn't say it's wrong, but I don't think I could do it. I wouldn't be able to let go enough to O wondering if he would wake up.
I would say it's odd though. Why not get up and go into a different room?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 8:16:52 GMT -6
I have asked for an orgasm a couple times this week. He doesn't have the energy to put in the effort. That's fine, I'll take care of myself...while he snores next to me. I'm very meh on it. We have been together ten years. Our sex activity ebbs and flows but we are on the same page.
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jsgrl
Platinum
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Post by jsgrl on Sept 5, 2018 8:21:38 GMT -6
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But I wouldn't be able to relax enough to do it.
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elodin
Opal
Posts: 9,586 Likes: 26,672
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Post by elodin on Sept 5, 2018 8:21:51 GMT -6
Why would it be wrong? He's dead to the World and has no clue.
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Lormor
Platinum
Sometimes I can gif and sometimes I can't.
Posts: 1,673 Likes: 8,624
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Post by Lormor on Sept 5, 2018 8:23:04 GMT -6
Ah, found the Buzzfeed comment:
"I think #4 is actually a violation. Not the watching porn and masturbating, that's fine, but masturbating in the same bed next to a sleeping person. That feels wrong to me."
And later,
"Uh, so what if they’re married? I wouldn’t just start masturbating next to my spouse if she was awake without asking her first if she feels okay with that/wants to participate/etc. obviously if she’s asleep she can’t give that consent. It also might wake her up, which would be rude AND she would suddenly be in the middle of an unasked for sexual situation. If I need to do that kind of thing after she falls asleep I can just go in the bathroom or living room to do it. If partners give carte blanche consent to each other to do this that’s fine, but I think it’s an icky and unnecessary thing to do without discussing it at all beforehand."
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jsgrl
Platinum
Posts: 2,240 Likes: 9,682
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Post by jsgrl on Sept 5, 2018 8:26:59 GMT -6
methinks there is too much overthinking. if i woke up to my H masturbating in bed next to me i'd be like, "ugh, can you take that somewhere else?" and that would be the end of it.
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gussie
Amethyst
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Post by gussie on Sept 5, 2018 8:31:35 GMT -6
I don't think it's wrong, but maybe weird? I don't have experience because we sleep in separate beds so I can't really answer.
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elodin
Opal
Posts: 9,586 Likes: 26,672
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Post by elodin on Sept 5, 2018 8:32:40 GMT -6
Ah, found the Buzzfeed comment: "I think #4 is actually a violation. Not the watching porn and masturbating, that's fine, but masturbating in the same bed next to a sleeping person. That feels wrong to me." And later, "Uh, so what if they’re married? I wouldn’t just start masturbating next to my spouse if she was awake without asking her first if she feels okay with that/wants to participate/etc. obviously if she’s asleep she can’t give that consent. It also might wake her up, which would be rude AND she would suddenly be in the middle of an unasked for sexual situation. If I need to do that kind of thing after she falls asleep I can just go in the bathroom or living room to do it. If partners give carte blanche consent to each other to do this that’s fine, but I think it’s an icky and unnecessary thing to do without discussing it at all beforehand." JFC 🙄 |
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Sept 5, 2018 8:36:01 GMT -6
I guess it depends on the type of person and marriage. I don’t think it’s wrong, but I’m not sexually, hmmmm, what’s the word I’m looking for? I don’t want to say prude, help me out here.
Not everyone is comfortable with sex. 🤷🏻♀️
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Sept 5, 2018 8:37:12 GMT -6
My H would think it was awesome if he woke to me rubbing one out. 🤷🏻♀️
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Sept 5, 2018 8:38:33 GMT -6
I remember a discussion years ago where some posters considered it cheating if their spouse masterbated/watched porn.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Sept 5, 2018 8:39:30 GMT -6
I don't think it's wrong, but maybe weird? I don't have experience because we sleep in separate beds so I can't really answer. No snark, what makes it weird to you? I’m genuinely curious. |
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Lormor
Platinum
Sometimes I can gif and sometimes I can't.
Posts: 1,673 Likes: 8,624
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Post by Lormor on Sept 5, 2018 8:44:24 GMT -6
I think my puzzlement is about how just because I married him, it doesn't mean he has to be included in all my sexual activities. If I'm masturbating, it's not because I want sex, it's because I want to masturbate. And my bed is the comfiest place to do it. It's unlikely to wake him up. It's not an "unasked for sexual situation" that I've included him in.
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Post by microworm on Sept 5, 2018 8:45:34 GMT -6
Haven't done but would do.
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Sept 5, 2018 8:47:23 GMT -6
I don't feel I can give a general blanket answer. I would need more. Like did you turn down sex to masturbate? etc
aside from that, I am fine with it. |
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Bluebird
Amethyst
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Post by Bluebird on Sept 5, 2018 8:49:28 GMT -6
Have done. NBD.
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gussie
Amethyst
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Post by gussie on Sept 5, 2018 8:58:51 GMT -6
I don't think it's wrong, but maybe weird? I don't have experience because we sleep in separate beds so I can't really answer. No snark, what makes it weird to you? I’m genuinely curious. Maybe because I just personally wouldn’t want to be “caught” I guess? But I’m easily embarrassed by sexual things, it’s something I have to work on. I don’t think I’d care if he was the one doing it. |
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 5, 2018 9:01:29 GMT -6
7 people think it's wrong. Not weird but wrong? EXPLAIN YOURSELVES
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Post by spicysalmonroll on Sept 5, 2018 9:16:25 GMT -6
methinks there is too much overthinking. if i woke up to my H masturbating in bed next to me i'd be like, "ugh, can you take that somewhere else?" and that would be the end of it. I don't even make him take it elsewhere, I'm just praising Jesus for giving me the night off. You're happy and I don't have to do anything? Carry on!! |
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Post by spicysalmonroll on Sept 5, 2018 9:18:25 GMT -6
I do it, he does it, its no big deal. We are open about it so i wouldnt feel "caught" if he woke up, i would just hope he would join in. But the people that think it to be wrong may just have a more prude mindeset. I mean, i know women who say they dont ever masterbate. Not sure if i believe them but if they truly dont, maybe they wouldnt be able to understand it. I don't. I have like negative 1,000 sex drive so the sex we have is plenty to last me a lifetime without ever needing it on my own lol |
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ripper
Opal
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Post by ripper on Sept 5, 2018 9:18:50 GMT -6
I assume the people who think it's wrong are the kind of people who think masturbation is wrong, in general, and that a key purpose of having a partner is that they are responsible for getting you off so you don't burn in hell.
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Post by SweetPotato on Sept 5, 2018 9:34:46 GMT -6
I don’t think is wrong, but I don’t think it’s something I’d want to wake up to.
And I definitely wouldn’t want him to wake up while I was doing it.
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Post by leatherpants on Sept 5, 2018 9:55:39 GMT -6
I guess it depends on the type of person and marriage. I don’t think it’s wrong, but I’m not sexually, hmmmm, what’s the word I’m looking for? I don’t want to say prude, help me out here. Not everyone is comfortable with sex. 🤷🏻♀️ Conservative? Is that a better word? Reserved maybe? |
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Post by purpleiris on Sept 5, 2018 10:06:05 GMT -6
Unless I was woken up by aggressive wanking IDGAF.
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Cher
Global Moderator 
BMB, GD, Special Interests
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Post by Cher on Sept 5, 2018 10:12:06 GMT -6
Not wrong.
Maybe not something that would happen in your relationship for whatever reason. But not wrong.
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Post by miawallace on Sept 5, 2018 11:16:46 GMT -6
I’m answering in context of my relationship with my H and say not wrong.
So depends if your partner is okay with it or not I guess. Every relationship is different. I know friends of mine who would probably not be okay with that.
I can see if your partner is not okay with thah type of thing and get mad to wake up to that.
In my relationship, I do agree that if my H woke up to me handling myself he’d be turned on and we’d eventually bone.
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Post by miawallace on Sept 5, 2018 11:18:11 GMT -6
Unless I was woken up by aggressive wanking IDGAF. Just picturing this is cracking me up. Bed shaking and shit lol. |
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Ls2012
Amethyst
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Post by Ls2012 on Sept 5, 2018 12:20:05 GMT -6
I put wrong, but it would be more accurate to say annoying. I'm a light sleeper. Do not want to be woken up by the bed shaking or whatever while he does his thing.
On the flip side, DH would probably love it if he woke up to me getting off. But he is not a light sleeper, and I'm pretty efficient so I know I would not wake him.
So I guess, as with most things, this is a "know your partner" type of thing.
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Post by Dramaphile on Sept 5, 2018 12:34:31 GMT -6
We sleep in separate beds currently for various reasons (mainly night-waking toddler and my 8000 pregnancy pillows), but if we were in bed together I would be annoyed if he woke me up with his jerking off, but not offended or wronged. MH walked in on me the other night before bed and we just laughed about it. I feel like masturbating is because you want to get off quick for relaxation or whatever and not because you're withholding sex from your SO or something.
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