jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,251 Likes: 43,756
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Post by jewels on May 25, 2017 8:50:43 GMT -6
I'm back and fixed my screen name. I, too, dropped the #s. It took me forever to read through all 14 pages, but I'm going to try to remember everything. kim22 - F anyone who has anything bad to say about this baby. No one should have an opinion about how many children you have (whether it's 0 or 10) except you and your H! Also, I know you're a fellow Jersey girl - I don't know your size or anything but if you happen to be short and chubby, I have a lot of maternity clothes that I keep meaning to post for sale and I haven't. LMK and I can arrange to get some to you! mwhip - not sure what I would do. That's a tough situation. I think I might do it anonymously, just so you have it off your mind. Then it's hers to believe or not believe. And not your problem. I also believe what others said, once you get into a situation where you are checking up on others, it's hard to stop. I was in that situation with my BF before MH. It was before we were really together but it tainted our whole relationship after that. But I stayed FAR longer than I should have. Or then I would have told my girlfriends to. So like you said, it's hard to say what you'd do until you're in that situation.
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cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
Posts: 8,349 Likes: 53,471
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Post by cagoldi on May 25, 2017 9:25:17 GMT -6
I believe that. I know people who's parents remained married "for the kids" and I have heard so many times that they would wish their parents would divorce because it was so miserable. +1 My parents divorced when I was 3 and I *think* I'm doing alright in life. My ILs and a bf's parents stayed together for the kids and got divorced when they were all adults, which I think is actually much harder...puts some guilt on the kids and now their childhood is viewed in a different light knowing the parents weren't happy. My parents divorced when I was 3 as well and I do remember it, but it would have been harder on me if it happened later, I think. My sister was 1 and she doesn't have any memory of it at all and the divorce never seemed to have been much of a concern because of that. Just from observation of family and friends, I think divorce gets harder on the kids the older they get. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,582 Likes: 137,998
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Post by tgrimes on May 25, 2017 9:25:27 GMT -6
I have a lot of feels on the mwhip situation. Some based on my ex husband, some based on my childhood & some based on a scenario with a friend. -I know a friend's husband cheats on her when he goes out of town/country. I wanted to tell her, but we were really just acquaintances at the time. A few years later, we had a talk about cheating. She said what he did when he went out of town was up to him and she can't sit at home & worry about it all the time. Ten years later, they're still married, he still cheats, both of their kids are married and she will never leave him because she doesn't want to be alone. I'm glad I didn't say anything. -2 My childhood was not delightful most of the time. Y'all know my mom is a bitch but my parents used to fight all the time. Mainly my mother yelling, my father would just take it, and then she'd lock us in the bathroom with her and ask who we wanted to live with. Similar to klong11's experience. My parents are still together, but as recently as 2012, my mother was going to leave my father again. I wish they would have just split up a long time ago. It's always a lot of drama with her and everyone is tired of dealing with it. -3 My ex husband was a cheater. I could never catch him in the act or have solid proof of it though. I stayed. He was a good liar and I stayed. My friends kept telling me to leave him, but I couldn't do it. I spoke to a friend that had been through a divorce when her kids were ages 10, 14 & 16. Although it was hard for her and she struggled, she said it was the best thing she ever did. I remember asking her the question, "How do you know when it's over?" She told me that I'd just know. Which at the time, was not very helpful. But she was right. After 5 1/2 years of marriage, I realized I was done. I caught him lying to me on numerous things, and this time I had physical evidence. When I confronted him, he tried to lie his way out again. But the evidence I had was overwhelming. I had been checking his continental one pass account, his bank account, car payments, etc. All of our money was separate but I had his ss# and some work resources that helped me out. All that to say, until you're in that situation, you don't know what you're going to do. All you can do is what's best for you and your family. I'm sorry you're going through this and you deserve so much better. Although I'm one of those people that would want to know, I'm not sure exactly what I would do right now. I'd like to say I'd kick his ass to the curb, but who knows. You're not crazy for "checking on him" and this definitely is not karma. You did nothing to deserve this. We will support you through whatever you decide. If you feel the need to reach out to this person, definitely do it anonymously. Don't tell the husband anything because that will just give him a heads up to come up with an excuse or a plan. tl;dr it's just a bunch of gibberish so skip to the next post
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sing2phins
Silver
And so we beat on, boats against the current
Posts: 380 Likes: 2,337
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Post by sing2phins on May 25, 2017 9:34:12 GMT -6
I missed all of this last night, and this may have been said, but . . . I would not want to be oblivious. This is probably not the first time he's responded to an ad like this, and who knows if it's gone further than that. Not only is it a faithfulness issue, it's a health issue - he could be putting her at risk and she has no idea. As for you, mwhip, you said he "killed" something inside you that used to be happy. That is heartbreaking. Sweet friend, you deserve more from life than a relationship in which your partner has extinguished your happiness.
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Post by kamakaziartist on May 25, 2017 9:39:58 GMT -6
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tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,582 Likes: 137,998
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Post by tgrimes on May 25, 2017 9:42:52 GMT -6
I missed all of this last night, and this may have been said, but . . . I would not want to be oblivious. This is probably not the first time he's responded to an ad like this, and who knows if it's gone further than that. Not only is it a faithfulness issue, it's a health issue - he could be putting her at risk and she has no idea.
As for you, mwhip , you said he "killed" something inside you that used to be happy. That is heartbreaking. Sweet friend, you deserve more from life than a relationship in which your partner has extinguished your happiness. Good point.
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Post by xolastunicornxo on May 25, 2017 10:19:10 GMT -6
I can't say 100% what I would do. Dh and I have talked about it. I *think* I could forgive a one time sip up (drunk, stupid and regretted it) I would have a harder time forgiving an emotional affair. I don't worry about dh at all though. I honk because his mom died when he was nine he is just all About family and would never jeopardize it. The man also can't flirt to save his life. And my parents are still married, but like tgrimes and @klongoria they fought al the fucking time and it was quite honestly traumatizing. They still fight and bicker all the time and it triggers me a bit to be around them too long. Sometimes I wish they would have just gone their separate ways instead of a nine year old me laying in bed listening to every awful and horrible thing they screamed at each other. But the bottom line is this. We love you mwhip. You have to decide what's right for you and your family and we will supportive you, but please know you are worthy and beautiful and deserve a life full of happiness.
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Post by peachsmama on May 25, 2017 10:27:28 GMT -6
I can't say 100% what I would do. Dh and I have talked about it. I *think* I could forgive a one time sip up (drunk, stupid and regretted it) I would have a harder time forgiving an emotional affair. I don't worry about dh at all though. I honk because his mom died when he was nine he is just all About family and would never jeopardize it. The man also can't flirt to save his life. And my parents are still married, but like tgrimes and @klongoria they fought al the fucking time and it was quite honestly traumatizing. They still fight and bicker all the time and it triggers me a bit to be around them too long. Sometimes I wish they would have just gone their separate ways instead of a nine year old me laying in bed listening to every awful and horrible thing they screamed at each other. But the bottom line is this. We love you mwhip . You have to decide what's right for you and your family and we will supportive you, but please know you are worthy and beautiful and deserve a life full of happiness. +1. Obviously they still have issues considering she left a few weeks ago. I have about 5% faith it will work out..
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cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
Posts: 8,349 Likes: 53,471
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Post by cagoldi on May 25, 2017 11:16:42 GMT -6
I'm not wanting to upset you, mwhip, but something else I would consider is Evie's developing an idea of a healthy relationship. She doesn't know it now, obviously, but if she learns her dad does this and continues to do it that's sending a strong message about what she can expect from people she is close to, I would also worry about her shouldering some guilt if she knows your miserable but continue to hang around because of her. I agree with Sing about the health concerns because if someone is not worried about protecting me emotionally then I can't imagine they would be that committed to protecting me from potential STI/STDs. Again, not condemning you for whatever you ultimately do or do not decide. These are things that come to mind the more I sit with these thoughts. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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mwhip
Opal
Posts: 8,763 Likes: 55,164
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Post by mwhip on May 25, 2017 11:47:35 GMT -6
You guys are so sweet. I really appreciate all your kind words, opinions, and experience. This is something I've been working with from the early stages of our relationship. I won't go into detail, but it has happened more than once. I do not have physical proof that he's actually been with anyone else, just email exchanges. It is something I think about daily...some days are better than others. Some days, like yesterday, are shit.
But seriously, thank you all. I know if I need to talk, you guys will be here for me and for that, I can't express how much that means to me. And I'm crying.
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Post by peachsmama on May 25, 2017 12:22:58 GMT -6
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,186 Likes: 296,694
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Post by McBenny on May 25, 2017 12:25:23 GMT -6
She showed me the post McBenny made on the Politics forum which was basically saying she shut off the forum as a joke and was laughing at us. That she's been really hurt by us this past week, she handed over the keys, and will be leaving. It was a temper tantrum basically. For those that asked I don't think there is a risk of it being turned off again. It's being run by Enchanted who is very level headed and neutral. This is our new home. The Politics forum will be shut off later this week. It really wasn't a temper tantrum. It could have been petty. I can be petty sometimes. However, I feel no one really has the right to speak on it unless they walked in my shoes the last week and no one here has. Maybe you would have handled the whole thing better but we will never know.
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wedding
Emerald
Posts: 14,214 Likes: 77,111
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Post by wedding on May 25, 2017 12:37:10 GMT -6
She showed me the post McBenny made on the Politics forum which was basically saying she shut off the forum as a joke and was laughing at us. That she's been really hurt by us this past week, she handed over the keys, and will be leaving. It was a temper tantrum basically. For those that asked I don't think there is a risk of it being turned off again. It's being run by Enchanted who is very level headed and neutral. This is our new home. The Politics forum will be shut off later this week. It really wasn't a temper tantrum. It could have been petty. I can be petty sometimes. However, I feel no one really has the right to speak on it unless they walked in my shoes the last week and no one here has. Maybe you would have handled the whole thing better but we will never know. You are right. I apologize for calling it a tantrum since that dismisses your feelings and I know you were very hurt.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,186 Likes: 296,694
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Post by McBenny on May 25, 2017 12:38:56 GMT -6
It really wasn't a temper tantrum. It could have been petty. I can be petty sometimes. However, I feel no one really has the right to speak on it unless they walked in my shoes the last week and no one here has. Maybe you would have handled the whole thing better but we will never know. You are right. I apologize for calling it a tantrum since that dismisses your feelings and I know you were very hurt. Girl, you don't have to apologize at all. At least you noticed feelings.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
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Member is Online
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Post by Cher on May 25, 2017 12:40:22 GMT -6
klong11 that sounds so hard. I'm sorry you went through that.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
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Member is Online
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Post by Cher on May 25, 2017 12:51:52 GMT -6
Oh woof, catching up. I'm sorry to anyone that went through that. People always act like it must have been so hard on me having my parents divorce. No? I was 4. I got two Christmases, I got to do cool things with my dad on the weekends, they didn't fight. I know there's an association with divorce but I never knew anything different and it was the best for everyone. I remember getting really upset if I ever overheard my mom badmouthing my dad, I couldn't imagine growing up with them in the same house.
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cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
Posts: 8,349 Likes: 53,471
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Post by cagoldi on May 25, 2017 13:09:26 GMT -6
I was upset about my parents divorce, but it was more of a resentment I had for my mom because she was cheating and then left my dad for my future SD.
I think if it had been different circumstances I could have gotten over it sooner. And no, I didn't know that when I was 3, I learned that later but was still pretty young.
PDQ.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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