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Post by expatmama11 on Jul 24, 2018 19:04:12 GMT -6
What are you most afraid of during this baby journey?
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Post by expatmama11 on Jul 24, 2018 19:08:16 GMT -6
I am most afraid of how my relationship will be with my little guy once baby sister arrives. I am nervous about making sure he still knows how much I love him and trying to focus attention on him when I can. He has been the center of the universe for almost 3 years and it will be such a huge change.
Another big one for me is being afraid breastfeeding will not go great for me again. We made it 6 months last time but the experience overall wasn’t good and never seemed right. I really do not want to go through that again.
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Post by summerrain on Jul 24, 2018 21:20:12 GMT -6
expatmama11 I totally understand the feeling. My DD was 4.5 years younger than my DS and I was so scared of all the unknown with him having been the center of our world for so long. It’s been mostly great though, just took a bit of adjusting.
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Jul 25, 2018 5:53:22 GMT -6
Post by ladybrienne on Jul 25, 2018 5:53:22 GMT -6
Right now my biggest fear is just getting through the early days better than last time. I had PPD with N, and it was rough.
I am glad I have some knowledge and experience on my side, but this shit is hard, it doesn't always matter how equipped you are. This time though going in, I don't feel the need to be perfect. The first few months are legit survival mode, and with a newborn and a toddler, that is going to be how it is for a little while and I am okay with that.
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Post by charlotte on Jul 25, 2018 6:14:22 GMT -6
I feel like I’ve forgotten everything about caring for a newborn.
I’m scared that nursing will be as miserable and difficult the first few weeks as it was the last time (even though it got better).
I’m afraid that I’ll go into labor at the exact wrong time and we won’t have someone to watch DS.
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Jul 25, 2018 6:30:17 GMT -6
Post by jillywilly on Jul 25, 2018 6:30:17 GMT -6
expatmama11, basically exactly what you're afraid of. I'm afraid that this baby is going to somehow negatively impact my relationship with my first kid. I'm also afraid that I'm not going to like this kid as much as the first - I think during the newborn phase last time, a lot of taking care of DS was more survival instinct than love. Love developed, and now I can't imagine life without my three year old, but it's taken three years to get to this point in our relationship. DS was a really hard baby, and I'm not a baby person to begin with, so I'm worried about not being able to love this kid the same way I love DS, even though logically, I know that I will, and the bond will continue to strengthen as the baby grows, just like it did last time. Breastfeeding was also a pain last time. We wound up back in the hospital two days after DS was born because of jaundice, at which point my milk still hadn't come in, so we got into this crazy cycle of nursing, then me pumping, and giving DS bottles of whatever I was able to pump and formula. Which eventually led to him refusing the breast, and me pumping most of his milk, and supplementing with formula until about six months when I finally quit and switched to all formula. I honestly do not think that I can keep up that crazy schedule of pumping/feeding with two kids, so while I'd like to make breastfeeding work this time, and plan on trying again, I'm scared of going into a guilt spiral if it doesn't again. Last time I was very determined to breastfeed, so I had read allllllllll the benefits of it, and my mom also was very anti-formula, so it was a really hard blow for me when it just didn't work. So I'm going into it a lot more open-minded this time in terms of doing whatever becomes the best option for feeding the baby, and hoping it'll result in some better mental health for me this go round.
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Jul 25, 2018 6:45:06 GMT -6
Post by hayleysmith on Jul 25, 2018 6:45:06 GMT -6
I'm afraid of my marriage not making it through another newborn phase. It was rough last time.
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Jul 25, 2018 6:52:48 GMT -6
Post by Dramaphile on Jul 25, 2018 6:52:48 GMT -6
I'm afraid of being able to figure out balance after baby is born and I go back to work. I still struggle with getting any down time/rest since MH stays at home and DD is on me as soon as I get home and wants all my attention. I already struggle with going from work straight to being the primary parent when I get home to passing out after putting my kid to bed - repeat forever. Add to that an infant and sleep deprivation and I'm really worried about my stress level (and MH's stress level with staying home with two). I'm hoping we'll figure it out while I'm on leave.
I also worry about giving DD enough attention after the baby is born, but also getting enough space from her so I can focus on the baby and my recovery. And figuring out how to transition things like DD's bedtime routine to MH since that would be super challenging with a newborn.
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Post by charlotte on Jul 25, 2018 7:16:46 GMT -6
I'm afraid of my marriage not making it through another newborn phase. It was rough last time. I’m also concerned about the strain on our marriage.
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Jul 25, 2018 7:17:50 GMT -6
Post by LoisLoan on Jul 25, 2018 7:17:50 GMT -6
My fears are mainly money-related. I've mentioned before that we were pretty set on being done after two kids and a big reason for that was that we just really can't afford a third. But it's happening so we've gotta figure out how we're gonna make it through. I'm not the best with money and budgeting and all that so I'm already stressing.
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Jul 25, 2018 7:38:17 GMT -6
Post by jense927 on Jul 25, 2018 7:38:17 GMT -6
I am afraid of going early again and having to deal with NICU life and balancing that with DS and just the time and emotional impact that comes with all of that. I am also scared for the newborn stage again. Definitely not my favorite. It is survival in the beginning for me as well. I used to be really nervous about how it would impact DS but I am less concerned about that now. I am not 100% sure why either. Maybe because it took us so long to get pregnant. DS really is truly excited for a sibling and I am excited for him. He is also much older now than when I was first picturing it which I think makes it easier too. I am also scared what it will mean for our relationship in the newborn stage.
There are definitely some fears lurking there but mostly I am just afraid of getting my newborn here safely and healthy.
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Jul 25, 2018 7:55:38 GMT -6
Post by jillywilly on Jul 25, 2018 7:55:38 GMT -6
I'm afraid of my marriage not making it through another newborn phase. It was rough last time. I've made my H promise me that no permanent decisions as to the state of our marriage will be made until this baby's first birthday. I'm hoping that the perspective of the fact that the baby phase does not last forever helps us both stay a little calmer this time around, because the first year of DS' life was rough for us too.
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Jul 25, 2018 8:31:47 GMT -6
Post by hayleysmith on Jul 25, 2018 8:31:47 GMT -6
I'm afraid of my marriage not making it through another newborn phase. It was rough last time. I've made my H promise me that no permanent decisions as to the state of our marriage will be made until this baby's first birthday. I'm hoping that the perspective of the fact that the baby phase does not last forever helps us both stay a little calmer this time around, because the first year of DS' life was rough for us too. That has always been the rule - no marriage decisions can be made the first year after a baby - though changing that to two years because we almost didn't make it to that point with DS.
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Dr. Cox
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Afraid?
Jul 25, 2018 8:45:44 GMT -6
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Post by Dr. Cox on Jul 25, 2018 8:45:44 GMT -6
I’m scared about being strong enough to say no to the lactation consultants at the hospital. I am firm in wanting to formula feed this baby due to mental health issues with my last. Related, I am worried about my mental health in general as I had pretty bad PPD and PPA last time.
I am worried about how I will handle sleep deprivation. I had many breakdowns last time and was a mess.
I’m worried I won’t have the bond I have with my DS.
I have no idea how I will handle two. I SAH with my oldest and feel like some days I barely hold it together as is.
I know this is probably flameful, but I’m scared to give birth vaginally again. I had some complications and hours of pushing and I feel that contributed to how long it took me to heal. If it were up to me, I would have a scheduled c-section, but I have no medical need for one at this time.
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Jul 25, 2018 8:50:46 GMT -6
Post by Dramaphile on Jul 25, 2018 8:50:46 GMT -6
Dr. Cox, Maybe make a sign to put up somewhere about formula only or no lactation visits, please? Then you don't have to talk to them and your wishes are already known.
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Dr. Cox
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Afraid?
Jul 25, 2018 8:59:08 GMT -6
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Post by Dr. Cox on Jul 25, 2018 8:59:08 GMT -6
Dr. Cox, Maybe make a sign to put up somewhere about formula only or no lactation visits, please? Then you don't have to talk to them and your wishes are already known. That is a good idea. I’m going to also mention to my OB to see if she can put anything in my chart.
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Argyle
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Afraid?
Jul 25, 2018 9:30:51 GMT -6
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Post by Argyle on Jul 25, 2018 9:30:51 GMT -6
Dr. Cox I wasn't sure from the tone of your post whether you're interested in advice, please disregard with my apologies if you're not. I would encourage you not to give the lactation/nurse/whoever any reason why it's not possible to breastfeed. Do not give them anything to argue against or explain against. Just say it's not possible or you aren't doing it. When they press, you can say straight up you aren't willing to discuss it any further. Autocorrect edit
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Diordra
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Jul 25, 2018 9:33:54 GMT -6
Post by Diordra on Jul 25, 2018 9:33:54 GMT -6
Dr. Cox , Maybe make a sign to put up somewhere about formula only or no lactation visits, please? Then you don't have to talk to them and your wishes are already known. That is a good idea. I’m going to also mention to my OB to see if she can put anything in my chart. With DD1, it was in my chart, in my hospital birth plan and again at check in mentioned and the nurses put it on my white board that DD was to be FF only. When she ended up in the NICU it was also on her white board. After everyone's initial "oh, okay are you sure" I never had any questions. The lactation consultant came once but realized it was an error and left.
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Diordra
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Jul 25, 2018 9:37:26 GMT -6
Post by Diordra on Jul 25, 2018 9:37:26 GMT -6
I'm worried about whether or not I'll be able to BF this one. As I said above it was set from the get go that I had no interest in it with DD1, but this time I want to give it a try. I have PCOS, and will be having a CSection again so I'm not sure how likely success will be but I'm trying to remain positive that it will work for us. I have no interest in pumping only though, so if we end up in that kind of situation I'll stop.
In addition I'm concerned how the transition is going to go bringing DD2 home because we now live in a multigenerational household and I found with DD1 that I am very do not touch me or my newborn during the first few weeks. Like I know everyone is going to legit want to help and I won't be about that especially if peoples idea of help is here let me hold the baby. NOPE.
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Post by charlotte on Jul 25, 2018 9:50:58 GMT -6
I feel ya Diordra I have a lot of anxiety about people descending upon my home and setting up camp post-partum. I will lose my shit and I am worrying about it way too much considering it’s a while away. I am a big introvert & need my space. The baby blues & learning to nurse were no freaking joke last time. We managed to mostly avoid that with DS but I still worry about it. My IL’s told MH that they were going to drive to stay at the hospital/our house as soon as I was in labor, even though we said no. Guess who didn’t get to know when I was in labor?
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Diordra
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Jul 25, 2018 9:55:08 GMT -6
Post by Diordra on Jul 25, 2018 9:55:08 GMT -6
charlotte with DD1 all of H's family and then some family friends all showed up at one time, we were in an apartment and I lost it. I took DD to her room and sobbed until they all left. Luckily now we are in a house and I can get away much easier if need be, but now H's parents live with us. I have already implemented that the remainder of his family is not allowed to visit until around Lunar New Year as they would be out of town guests that stayed with us.
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Jul 25, 2018 10:52:34 GMT -6
Post by hayleysmith on Jul 25, 2018 10:52:34 GMT -6
I'm actually a little worried I'll bond faster with DD than I did with DS and then actually enjoy the NB stage. Is that a weird thing to worry about? Like I'll then feel guilty for being in such a PPD fog with DS. Logically I know he obviously does not remember me in his newborn days, but what if he does and is like "is she happy? wtf she cried for weeks when I was born" Lol Why am I even thinking about that?
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Jul 25, 2018 11:42:30 GMT -6
Post by meeggaannw on Jul 25, 2018 11:42:30 GMT -6
I have a few of the same fears mentioned above, which is oddly reassuring. My biggest fears right now are all around the birth and right after. I am pretty private so I only have MH in the room during labor and have always said no to people waiting in the hospital for me to give birth. I tried very hard with MH the last 2 times to say no out of town visitors until at least 2 weeks, which is mainly my ILs. It is just such a vulnerable time for me and it is incredibly frustrating to not feel comfortable in my own home. I did not succeed either time, and it has been damaging to me. This time I'm so worried it will happen again, and I won't be able to handle it. I lost my mom this year so I am already an emotional mess and I am so worried that my grief won't be taken into account. I'm also worried about the actual labor. I don't take epidurals correctly, with dd it took on half my body for just the beginning and with ds it didn't take at all. I don't even want to bother trying this time but I also don't really want a drug free/full pain labor.
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Diordra
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Jul 25, 2018 11:51:30 GMT -6
Post by Diordra on Jul 25, 2018 11:51:30 GMT -6
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Jul 25, 2018 11:53:33 GMT -6
Post by Dramaphile on Jul 25, 2018 11:53:33 GMT -6
I have a few of the same fears mentioned above, which is oddly reassuring. My biggest fears right now are all around the birth and right after. I am pretty private so I only have MH in the room during labor and have always said no to people waiting in the hospital for me to give birth. I tried very hard with MH the last 2 times to say no out of town visitors until at least 2 weeks, which is mainly my ILs. It is just such a vulnerable time for me and it is incredibly frustrating to not feel comfortable in my own home. I did not succeed either time, and it has been damaging to me. This time I'm so worried it will happen again, and I won't be able to handle it. I lost my mom this year so I am already an emotional mess and I am so worried that my grief won't be taken into account. I'm also worried about the actual labor. I don't take epidurals correctly, with dd it took on half my body for just the beginning and with ds it didn't take at all. I don't even want to bother trying this time but I also don't really want a drug free/full pain labor. Since you've had epidural issues, have you thought about hiring a doula? They can be really helpful with positioning and comfort/pain-relief measures. And they aren't just for unmedicated birth, so you can try for another epidural if you want and they can still support you (and your husband). Most doulas will do a free consultation where you can get more info and see if you are a good fit.
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Jul 25, 2018 12:00:56 GMT -6
Post by hayleysmith on Jul 25, 2018 12:00:56 GMT -6
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Post by redhead610 on Jul 25, 2018 12:05:29 GMT -6
Dr. Cox I was so nervous about the hospital giving me a hard time for being ff only for ds2 but they didn't at all which was nice. Do you know if your hospital is "baby friendly"? If so that would make me a little more concerned since they push harder for bf, and you should talk to your dr about what they can do.
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Post by expatmama11 on Jul 25, 2018 12:12:46 GMT -6
jillywillyI absolutely refuse to wait so long to start formula this time if things aren’t working right again. I will definitely seek out help first but last time I had such guilt about formula. Once we switched, DS and I were so much happier and he started putting on weight the way he was supposed to.
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Dr. Cox
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Jul 25, 2018 12:29:08 GMT -6
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Post by Dr. Cox on Jul 25, 2018 12:29:08 GMT -6
Dr. Cox I was so nervous about the hospital giving me a hard time for being ff only for ds2 but they didn't at all which was nice. Do you know if your hospital is "baby friendly"? If so that would make me a little more concerned since they push harder for bf, and you should talk to your dr about what they can do. In 2015, the hospital was not baby friendly (I hate that phrase btw, makes you seem like a monster if you disagree with it). They have a nursery and urged me to use it to get some rest and weren’t pushy about breastfeeding, although I was very much wanting to then so they didn’t have to be. Their website seems like it’s still the same, which gives me hope.
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Dr. Cox
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Jul 25, 2018 12:34:06 GMT -6
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Post by Dr. Cox on Jul 25, 2018 12:34:06 GMT -6
I have a few of the same fears mentioned above, which is oddly reassuring. My biggest fears right now are all around the birth and right after. I am pretty private so I only have MH in the room during labor and have always said no to people waiting in the hospital for me to give birth. I tried very hard with MH the last 2 times to say no out of town visitors until at least 2 weeks, which is mainly my ILs. It is just such a vulnerable time for me and it is incredibly frustrating to not feel comfortable in my own home. I did not succeed either time, and it has been damaging to me. This time I'm so worried it will happen again, and I won't be able to handle it. I lost my mom this year so I am already an emotional mess and I am so worried that my grief won't be taken into account. I'm also worried about the actual labor. I don't take epidurals correctly, with dd it took on half my body for just the beginning and with ds it didn't take at all. I don't even want to bother trying this time but I also don't really want a drug free/full pain labor. I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is especially hard during pregnancy. I would have a serious and open discussion with YH about your needs, fears, etc. Tell him that you need him to be your voice and make him your advocate. It’s hard to stand up for yourself when you are exhausted and hormonal post partum or during labor. Having someone to be the squeaky wheel when needed is so helpful.
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