sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Apr 16, 2018 7:28:18 GMT -6
In the midst of a 3 day ice storm so I'm starting this early.
The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.
Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.
If you get a BFP, kindly either spoiler alert it or do not post it here at all.
**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**
How are you doing?
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):
Diagnosis (if applicable):
Updates/questions:
Debbie downer (a place to vent ) :
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Post by charliefox on Apr 16, 2018 10:51:19 GMT -6
How are you doing? Fine.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained 2IF
Updates/questions: 2 more days or letrozole, then lots of sex while the ILs are here this weekend...grrrreeeeaaat.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): Feeling more and more guilty that we haven't told anyone about my recent loss and IF struggle. My mom is going to be heartbroken when I do eventually tell her, I know she'll understand (she battled infertility for years) but I also know she would also want to be there for me - I just can't stand anyone "waiting" on us, or reading into every thing I say.
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sammysam
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Apr 16, 2018 11:01:23 GMT -6
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Post by sammysam on Apr 16, 2018 11:01:23 GMT -6
charliefox I hope everything goes well with the in laws there. Don't feel too bad about not telling your mom. We are currently living with my mom so she knew immediately about our loss...she kept telling me stories about her loss...and I know she meant for it to be helpful but at the time it wasn't. At all. ETA my phone hates grammar.
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sammysam
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Apr 16, 2018 14:42:41 GMT -6
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Post by sammysam on Apr 16, 2018 14:42:41 GMT -6
How are you doing? OK.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC
Diagnosis (if applicable): NA
Updates/questions: Nothing today.
Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : I don't want to say I'm hopeful because I don't want to have to feel the let down when AF shows. But I'm cautiously hopeful as always.
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 16, 2018 17:17:05 GMT -6
How are you doing?
I'm ok... I feel like that's the only way to answer that question. It's just so much more complex then that.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):
TTC - almost tww.
Diagnosis (if applicable): Ectopic
Updates/questions: I'm heading into the TWW and really hoping I can control my BSC. I test so early, it's ridiculous. Last cycle though I'd look at my test stash and just couldn't bring myself to test. I was getting so tired of seeing the BFNs. It sucks because I've seen a BFP. I'm always chasing that feeling. If any of you temp which I'm sure you do... how do you keep your BBT quiet. My H is a really light sleeper. I really don't temp as much as I should because of it. The beeping is a little jarring. We HIO everyday so I'm not concerned about missing an opportunity. It's More just wanting confirmation of ovulation. Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : People have been offering baby items to me and I just can't bring myself to accept them. I'm a FTM so it's not like I have items already. I want to believe that we'll have a child but I'm 33 and only have 1 tube. It might be a long time or not at all. I just can't go through the process of giving things away if it doesn't work but it's a knife through the heart any time someone offers. I've turned down 3 cribs and other misc furniture. I just can't bare to bring anything into the house.
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 16, 2018 17:21:41 GMT -6
charliefox I totally get it. I really wish I hadn't told anyone. No one would have known if I hadn't had surgery. It was pretty traumatic and we told people. Now I'm tempted to just say we're not trying anymore just to have some privacy. I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted though. I have to say it was really nice to have support after. Some of my friends were absolutely amazing. Completely there for me. Others.... said all the wrong things. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer of what to do. I mean I don't think any one expects to be in this position and it can be hard to navigate
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 16, 2018 17:25:16 GMT -6
sammysam FX this is your cycle! I really try to manage my expectations but I'm terrible at it! I think you have to keep your hopes up to keep going. One of these months it's gotta be it!
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sammysam
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Apr 16, 2018 17:53:51 GMT -6
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Post by sammysam on Apr 16, 2018 17:53:51 GMT -6
Foxy Sorry things are so hard. I stupidly ordered maternity clothes and a new baby carrier when I got pregnant with our loss...I felt so dumb when I had to pack it up and put it all away after coming home from the hospital. I hope you'll be able to start feeling more hopeful. The waiting and trying and let down of BFNs are just soul crushing. But at some point it's gotta happen. I'm sending you all the hope and optimism that you don't have to wait too much longer for that feeling of happiness again.
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sammysam
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Apr 16, 2018 18:38:40 GMT -6
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Post by sammysam on Apr 16, 2018 18:38:40 GMT -6
Foxy I have the iproven thermometer with the backlight. It flashes instead of beeping if you use it in the dark so there's no noise at all when I temp. I love it so far.
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Yogurt
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Apr 16, 2018 19:02:55 GMT -6
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 16, 2018 19:02:55 GMT -6
Foxy I have the iproven thermometer with the backlight. It flashes instead of beeping if you use it in the dark so there's no noise at all when I temp. I love it so far. oh, that's great!!
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Yogurt
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Apr 16, 2018 19:04:23 GMT -6
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 16, 2018 19:04:23 GMT -6
Foxy I would not be able to buy or take baby stuff if I were in your position. Hell I want to get rid of everything I have some days. I think it's totally relatable and I'm sorry this hasn't been easier on you.
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Yogurt
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Apr 16, 2018 19:07:27 GMT -6
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 16, 2018 19:07:27 GMT -6
How are you doing? Honestly, shitty. I'm so down about this. I mean life in general is fine, but I hate ttc. Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): ttc Diagnosis (if applicable): LC mentioned Nursing my dd was the likely culprit for me not getting KU for the first 8 months. Updates/questions: nothing Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : Just sad and tired of this.
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 16, 2018 21:05:15 GMT -6
Foxy I have the iproven thermometer with the backlight. It flashes instead of beeping if you use it in the dark so there's no noise at all when I temp. I love it so far. Getting on amazon now! thank you for the tip! I cant stand mine. Thank you for the support and the kind words too. It means a lot.
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Yogurt
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Apr 16, 2018 21:09:25 GMT -6
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 16, 2018 21:09:25 GMT -6
Foxy I have the iproven thermometer with the backlight. It flashes instead of beeping if you use it in the dark so there's no noise at all when I temp. I love it so far. Do you have a link to this one? I see they have a few models
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 16, 2018 21:26:29 GMT -6
Yogurt - Thank you, its really tough. I totally get being exhausted. TTC really is shitty and exhausting. I wish it was easier for all of us. I know we all wish that for each other though. I just didn't realize what TTC was going to ACTUALLY be like.
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Post by charliefox on Apr 16, 2018 21:55:59 GMT -6
Foxy , I feel yah on the baby stuff. I ordered a cute rainbow print sleeper recently and at the time of purchase it made me feel really hopeful...then it arrived and it made me feel terrible and I sent it back. Ugh. People will still want to give you things when you are pregnant so, personally, I'd decline for now just to save my own sanity. TW: LC mentioned {Spoiler} Like yogurt said, there are some days I just want to get rid of everything I've saved from DS because it's difficult to look at. I also bought DS a big brother shirt about 6 months into TTC which was a HUGE mistake because now it's just sitting in a drawer and DS has outgrown it. Blah.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 16, 2018 22:00:24 GMT -6
Sloppy hugs for all! 👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩👩❤️👩
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 16, 2018 22:08:41 GMT -6
and getting glass of wine!
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purple
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Post by purple on Apr 17, 2018 7:37:52 GMT -6
Foxy, welcome! I'm sorry I didn't welcome you last week. I'm glad you've found your way here and I hope you don't have a long stay. Yogurt, sammysam, charliefox... much sympathy to you all. This is such a hard place to be and nothing really makes it easier. Love and hugs to everyone.
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purple
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Post by purple on Apr 17, 2018 7:51:28 GMT -6
How are you doing? Not great. Negative thoughts are spiralling.
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): NTNP for health reasons.
Diagnosis (if applicable): N/a
Updates/questions: I wrote a long update about my health in the TFAS thread last week if you want to read it and haven't. Since then I had the first round of tests yesterday but haven't heard anything yet.
Debbie downer (a place to vent ): TW: LC mentioned. Multiple losses.
I am so tired of all this. It took two years to conceive L and that felt endless. It's more than two years since we started trying for a sibling and all we have to show is six losses. I'll be 41 in June. Am I wasting my time? I don't feel our family is complete and I know people have babies well into their forties. But now we have to step back from trying properly for a while I just want to scream. Obviously, we have much more chance of a healthy baby if I'm better going into it than I have been for the last ten months. But it also feels like not trying properly is wasting time. I keep getting into horrible spirals and feeling nothing will ever change.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Apr 17, 2018 9:26:46 GMT -6
Sorry purple . I know how important each and every cycle becomes...especially when we feel ourselves getting older. I can't even imagine the frustration. Hopefully getting your health sorted will have a positive impact on TTC.
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Apr 17, 2018 11:00:58 GMT -6
Is anyone else's H as clueless about ttc as mine. I'm teaching him little by little but he asked me today if I was KU.
I told him last night I had a +opk. That's not how this works. Lol trust me! We ALL wish it did!
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Post by sunshiney on Apr 17, 2018 13:00:50 GMT -6
Hiya, guys. I've been away a while with a pregnancy that ended in my 5th loss, this one at 6 weeks. Took some time off TTC life but I am suddenly feeling like a boat adrift at sea without you all. ***Love and hugs!!!***
One good thing that came from it is that the insurance approved more genetic testing and this weekend we learned there there is a (treatable) reason for the losses - a heterozygous PAI-1 mutation that prevents my body and the placenta from breaking down blood clots that form, which harms implantation and growth of the placenta. (It can cause problems all through pregnancy.) I'm taking baby aspirin daily, on endometrin since ovulation, and they added coQ10 for the follicular phase just in case it helps. I'll start Lovenox shots daily through delivery if/when we get a BFP. The good news is that my other bloodwork was in good shape, especially since I'm on my way to AMA now compared to when I started TTC 9 long f*ing years ago!
So, we're in the TWW now, and DH and I are feeling more hopeful and patient now that we have some answers. Just praying that we don't end up with a loss next randomly, because they can happen to anyone of course, but it would be so scary to wonder if this treatment regimen won't work for us. But the RE says he's had many patients with my mutation have success this way and we are just hoping for the best.
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Post by wildhoney on Apr 17, 2018 13:25:43 GMT -6
Is anyone else's H as clueless about ttc as mine. I'm teaching him little by little but he asked me today if I was KU. I told him last night I had a +opk. That's not how this works. Lol trust me! We ALL wish it did! Yes! My H asked me if we were still in the FW today at 8 dpo
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Post by charliefox on Apr 17, 2018 14:08:02 GMT -6
Is anyone else's H as clueless about ttc as mine. I'm teaching him little by little but he asked me today if I was KU. I told him last night I had a +opk. That's not how this works. Lol trust me! We ALL wish it did! Oh, yeah, MH has very little clue. I tell him stuff but he doesn't quite get it. Now that we're knee deep in fertility treatments he's learned a lot, I'm thankful he's realized that it's important for him to understand this ish too. For the longest time he just told me we needed to have more sex, you know because friend X decided to have sex every day for a month to make sure they got pregnant. It is so hard to make him understand that isn't how it works! He get's it now.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Apr 17, 2018 14:31:38 GMT -6
Is anyone else's H as clueless about ttc as mine. I'm teaching him little by little but he asked me today if I was KU. I told him last night I had a +opk. That's not how this works. Lol trust me! We ALL wish it did! The first time I told SO I had a positive OPK he thought I was pregnant too. He is finally educated and asks about my temps, when my peak days are, etc. He even makes himself a chart each month. Very cute.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Apr 17, 2018 14:34:44 GMT -6
Is anyone else's H as clueless about ttc as mine. I'm teaching him little by little but he asked me today if I was KU. I told him last night I had a +opk. That's not how this works. Lol trust me! We ALL wish it did! Oh, yeah, MH has very little clue. I tell him stuff but he doesn't quite get it. Now that we're knee deep in fertility treatments he's learned a lot, I'm thankful he's realized that it's important for him to understand this ish too. For the longest time he just told me we needed to have more sex, you know because friend X decided to have sex every day for a month to make sure they got pregnant. It is so hard to make him understand that isn't how it works! He get's it now. Oh yes! SO used to say "so and so celebrity just had a baby at 45 so what's the rush"...:/
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Apr 17, 2018 14:36:41 GMT -6
sunshiney So sorry to see you back here and that you had to deal with another loss:( I'm glad they at least were able to find some answers for you. I've got so much hope that things will work out for you soon!
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 17, 2018 15:03:01 GMT -6
Is anyone else's H as clueless about ttc as mine. I'm teaching him little by little but he asked me today if I was KU. I told him last night I had a +opk. That's not how this works. Lol trust me! We ALL wish it did! Omg, my husband is ridiculous. I got a negative hpt one month and he was like, let's try again right now! I was like are you serious bro? Lol
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Apr 17, 2018 15:03:41 GMT -6
Hugs sunshiney Im sorry you are back, but glad you have a plan.
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