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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 7:08:11 GMT -6
Come in and share whatever you are struggling with or feeling.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 7:11:22 GMT -6
I had PPD with my first daughter and am wondering if I might have it this time around too. I am almost a month PP. I am so weepy all the time - I cry at the drop of a hat. And most days I am okay, but when I have a bad day, it is bad enough that everyone around me notices. I have been really withdrawn and haven't been responding to texts/messages just because I don't want to talk to anyone. My husband has been wonderfully sensitive and supportive. I haven't even scheduled my 6 week PP appointment yet (I know, I know 🙈🙈) but I am torn between mentioning it there or reaching out to a therapist and working through it that way.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 7:38:34 GMT -6
I’m pretty sure I may have had borderline PPA with DS1 by didn’t really know it (all I ever knew about was PPD).
I’m watching myself closely right now and I’m already getting nervous for how I feel. I struggle with the whole you just had a baby you need to relax and take a load off and not having a routine. I worry about losing myself so I’m tying to figure out a routine. I’m hoping once baby becomes more alert/awake it will help but he’s still in the tiny newborn stage where he sleeps all the time.
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sarahh
Sapphire
Posts: 2,528 Likes: 7,264 
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Post by sarahh on Feb 19, 2018 7:49:29 GMT -6
I had PPA with DD1 so was on high alert after this baby was born and went on medication for it about a month ago. My anxiety is a lot less but not completely gone. And I am also wondering if I have a little PPD as well. I’ve also been pretty emotional and crying at random times and definitely withdrawing from wanting to see people. I haven’t been a really social person since having DD1 so it’s hard to tell if it’s worse or not. I’m just planning to keep an eye on everything especially since I’m going back to work in a week and a half and last time it got worse around that time.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 9:37:12 GMT -6
sarahh good for you for being proactive! Is the medication helping? Going back to work was definitely a huge trigger for me with DD1 but was much easier with DD2. Good luck, I will be thinking of you. It is so hard regardless of anything else going on :-( kbw I am a routine person too. Having a winter baby is driving me crazy, I want out of the house so badly like to go on walks or to the park and just let the big kids play but the weather is gross and cold! We have spent way too much time in front of the TV. I hope things get better as baby gets older and starts having some semblance of a schedule!
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Post by maddisonrose on Feb 19, 2018 12:11:26 GMT -6
I had pretty bad PPA and some PPD just not as bad. I was pretty young wihDS1 and the only one in my family and friends to have a baby so I had no clue why I was feeling that way. Because I stayed quiet about it for over a year it took me a while to get a handle on it. Eventually I was diagnosed with panic disorder and generalizers anxiety disorder with a bit of PPD and just getting this diagnosis made me feel so much better. This time around I decided I would just go straight to taking medication after M was born because I didn't want to risk going through it again. I have to say that it was the best decision I could have made. I feel SO much better and so much more confident in my abilities to be a mom with a baby and toddler (unfortunately my anxiety stole that the first time around.)
But I will say that if anyone is feeling off or just having a hard time with the transition, it does get better and easier. I hate the hopeless feeling but as someone who got through some pretty rough times I can honestly say there's a light at the end of the tunnel and you are absolutely not alone. These feelings are so normal and in no way a reflection of who you are as a mother and a person ♥️
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 19, 2018 13:53:00 GMT -6
TW and hiding under spoiler. PDQ.
I really believe I had PPD last time around. I had way too many thoughts of suicide - and not welcome at all which caused me a lot of anxiety - and my H started to become careless with locking up his firearm which gave me even MORE anxiety given the thoughts I was having. I never said a word to anyone and never sought help. I never put my DD down in the first four months - which is how long I was home with her - because she was my everything. I could handle everything so long as I was with her.
Honestly, I've never admitted this to anyone and certainly not out "loud". Going back to work was really difficult. But once I was through it I look back and understand why nobody speaks up.
I also had a different pp experience than planned. MH went back to work immediately working long days and I was by myself most of the time. I think that didn't help, too. I also occasionally suffer from SAD when it becomes fall but never anything like I experienced PP with DD. So, I did expect some blues to stick around considering she was born at the end of fall. |
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Post by yellow711 on Feb 19, 2018 17:19:47 GMT -6
With my daughter (4.5 years old), I suffered from PPD/PPA. It took me a while to realize it wasn't just "baby blues" and I needed help. But I also had a hard time reaching out for help. It was one of the lowest points of my life but I am so grateful I sought help. I was put on medication and saw a therapist. My mom was a HUGE help for me.
For this baby, I was proactive and started medication as soon as he was born. It was the best decision for me. There are times I still struggle with anxiety, but I have a better grasp on it and it is WAY less severe than with my first child.
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Post by yellow711 on Feb 19, 2018 17:21:31 GMT -6
Hugs to everyone! <3
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sarahh
Sapphire
Posts: 2,528 Likes: 7,264
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Post by sarahh on Feb 19, 2018 19:36:50 GMT -6
sunfrogger I didn’t have any of those thoughts with DD1 but I have a few times this time around. Mostly around the time that my hormones were crashing. I knew I wasn’t going to act on my thoughts but it was scary that I was having them at all.
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Post by yellow711 on Feb 19, 2018 20:52:30 GMT -6
I am thinking about how different I feel now vs. how I felt after my daughter was born 4.5 years ago.
I felt robbed of enjoying her newborn days and felt so lost in life.
I didn’t share with many people my struggles with PPD/PPA - I almost felt ashamed. I wish there was more awareness on PPD/PPA.
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sarahh
Sapphire
Posts: 2,528 Likes: 7,264
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Post by sarahh on Feb 19, 2018 21:14:20 GMT -6
yellow711 I agree completely. I see similarities between PPA/PPD and miscarriage/ infertility. A lot of people suffer in silence and in actuality know people that have gone through the same thing. I was “lucky” because my sister also went through both of those things so I had someone to talk to about them.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 21:17:13 GMT -6
sunfrogger I think about that a lot. I had PPD and I still don't know the best way to seek help and what resources are available to me! I know a mental health professional is best but what new mom has time for another appointment on her schedule? I am already overwhelmed with DD3's two specialist referrals and as I confessed above I haven't even scheduled my own 6 week appointment yet. Also, it makes me mad that my OB/GYN and pediatrician have no screening for PPA/PPD. My only screening each time has been a questionnaire required before leaving the hospital after giving birth.
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 19, 2018 22:13:05 GMT -6
sunfrogger I didn’t have any of those thoughts with DD1 but I have a few times this time around. Mostly around the time that my hormones were crashing. I knew I wasn’t going to act on my thoughts but it was scary that I was having them at all. Agree 100% on having them at all. Like you I knew I wouldn't act on them but even having them was terrifying. Hugs, momma. |
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Post by watermelonseed on Feb 19, 2018 22:44:02 GMT -6
I certainly had PPA with DD1. The circumstances of her early birth, breastfeeding struggles/underproduction and the determination to find a new job during leave pushed me over the edge. I chose FF around 6 weeks and did end up finding a great job around 10 weeks.
I’m only a week out, but feel really good so far. These issues though are serious and should be publicly talked about much more. Having support and asking for help (in any form) is crucial. Glad this thread is here!
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Post by helloerrbody on Feb 19, 2018 22:57:13 GMT -6
I didn’t have PPD/PPA last time, but the baby blues were terrible the first 2 weeks. I just cried and cried and cried every evening/night. I had 2-3 nights like that this time, but that was all and am feeling good.
I also had intrusive thoughts last time about baby accidentally falling over our railing. I’ve had them a little bit this time, too. I finally read something that said not to try to “not think them” but instead to tackle them by reaffirming why and how that will never ever happen. It’s actually helped me a lot with them.
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Post by helloerrbody on Feb 19, 2018 22:57:59 GMT -6
And sending hugs hugs to all who need them! Hormones are a bitch!!
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 19, 2018 23:02:13 GMT -6
I also had intrusive thoughts last time about baby accidentally falling over our railing. I’ve had them a little bit this time, too. I finally read something that said not to try to “not think them” but instead to tackle them by reaffirming why and how that will never ever happen. It’s actually helped me a lot with them. I had a lot of this too. Continuous bad things. Some unrealistic some not. It was scary. |
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 19, 2018 23:03:14 GMT -6
sunfrogger I think about that a lot. I had PPD and I still don't know the best way to seek help and what resources are available to me! I know a mental health professional is best but what new mom has time for another appointment on her schedule? I am already overwhelmed with DD3's two specialist referrals and as I confessed above I haven't even scheduled my own 6 week appointment yet. Also, it makes me mad that my OB/GYN and pediatrician have no screening for PPA/PPD. My only screening each time has been a questionnaire required before leaving the hospital after giving birth. Agree! I have no time at all to deal with another Dr! Ugh! My ped did have a screening but it was like easy as hell to cheat. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 23:14:35 GMT -6
watermelonseed feeding struggles are a trigger of mine, too! I don't know why I feel so much guilt and failure for switching from BF to FF with my kids when my boobs started slacking. There is no shame in it but why did I feel so shameful? I am dreading that transition this time around myself.
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Post by watermelonseed on Feb 20, 2018 3:07:19 GMT -6
watermelonseed feeding struggles are a trigger of mine, too! I don't know why I feel so much guilt and failure for switching from BF to FF with my kids when my boobs started slacking. There is no shame in it but why did I feel so shameful? I am dreading that transition this time around myself. I know just what you mean. I think right now it’s sort of a society thing depending. I know the women’s hospital I delivered at pushed it really hard. My LC straight said to me as a FTM your baby will love you differently if you BF. That haunted me. I went straight to FF this time and have no guilt around it, but man it was so rough the first time. I actually heard a pump on the other day and it was like an instant trigger of anxiety out of nowhere. So strange. |
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Post by maddisonrose on Feb 20, 2018 4:39:50 GMT -6
@hellorrbody I had intrusive Thoughts all the time last time around. One of the things I had to work on was to just acknowledge each thought every time they occurred and to just simply let it be there and move on a few seconds later without any sort of emotional reaction. The worst thing you can do is "fight" then away by trying not to think them as they will become a focus for your brain and it's all you will think bout for a while. Glad your feeling better this time around!
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 20, 2018 9:50:19 GMT -6
@hellorrbody I had intrusive Thoughts all the time last time around. One of the things I had to work on was to just acknowledge each thought every time they occurred and to just simply let it be there and move on a few seconds later without any sort of emotional reaction. The worst thing you can do is "fight" then away by trying not to think them as they will become a focus for your brain and it's all you will think bout for a while. Glad your feeling better this time around! This is really good advice and until you mentioned it, I didn't realize this is how I dealt with mine too. |
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 20, 2018 9:51:28 GMT -6
Oops. I had c/p part of my post into a text with MH. Whoooops. Not the spoiled part - thankfully. I never shared even with him because I didn't want him to feel guilty about being gone long hours trying to make his new job work (he was a commission based financial advisor at the time). It was lonely.
Whoops. 🙈🙊
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Post by maddisonrose on Feb 20, 2018 10:09:00 GMT -6
sunfrogger I know it can be a delicate topic to talk about with your H, but if there's a way you can word it or approach it to not come off in a bad way I would totally do it. With DS1 I resented MH so much because in a way his life never really changed. He got to wake up, only get himself reads, go to work with people he's friends with, got to go to the bathroom alone, and take regular breaks. Obviously after a while I realized a huge part was the PPD/PPA but when I brought this up to him he made such a huge effort to make sure I was getting a lot of self care time in when he was home. So maybe your hubby could do the same?
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Post by sunfrogger on Feb 20, 2018 12:13:23 GMT -6
sunfrogger I know it can be a delicate topic to talk about with your H, but if there's a way you can word it or approach it to not come off in a bad way I would totally do it. With DS1 I resented MH so much because in a way his life never really changed. He got to wake up, only get himself reads, go to work with people he's friends with, got to go to the bathroom alone, and take regular breaks. Obviously after a while I realized a huge part was the PPD/PPA but when I brought this up to him he made such a huge effort to make sure I was getting a lot of self care time in when he was home. So maybe your hubby could do the same? He's in a different job this time so thankfully he'll actually be home with me for the first three weeks full time and not worrying about income or work. It was just that I didn't ever tell him how hard it was. We've talked since then about how I felt like it was really difficult but not any of the things I spoiled. |
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Post by helloerrbody on Feb 20, 2018 14:08:30 GMT -6
watermelonseed feeding struggles are a trigger of mine, too! I don't know why I feel so much guilt and failure for switching from BF to FF with my kids when my boobs started slacking. There is no shame in it but why did I feel so shameful? I am dreading that transition this time around myself. I know just what you mean. I think right now it’s sort of a society thing depending. I know the women’s hospital I delivered at pushed it really hard. My LC straight said to me as a FTM your baby will love you differently if you BF. That haunted me. I went straight to FF this time and have no guilt around it, but man it was so rough the first time. I actually heard a pump on the other day and it was like an instant trigger of anxiety out of nowhere. So strange. Omg that is absolutely horrendous what that LC said to you!!! Not to mention WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2018 7:10:18 GMT -6
Bumping this for this week. How is everyone doing? <3
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Post by benandjerrys on Mar 4, 2018 20:31:43 GMT -6
Bumping this because today was rough. I don't think I have PPD/PPA, but today I had two meltdowns and cried a lot. That's pretty out of character for me. I'm not even sure what I was upset about. My 6w visit is next week and I'm interested to do the questionnaire again.
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amesie
Emerald
Posts: 12,312 Likes: 29,445
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Post by amesie on Mar 4, 2018 20:43:33 GMT -6
Bumping this because today was rough. I don't think I have PPD/PPA, but today I had two meltdowns and cried a lot. That's pretty out of character for me. I'm not even sure what I was upset about. My 6w visit is next week and I'm interested to do the questionnaire again. hugs. I’ve been feeling similar, except very short tempered. I don’t know if my short temperedness is just PPD manifesting itself as rage? Or if it’s due to the lack of sleep and just being human trying to deal with a moody toddler. I’m a pretty impatient person at baseline, but i usually have it in check. Lately i just havent been feeling like myself in regards to that. My gut tells me it’s not PPD, but I plan on bringing it up to my OB at my apt on Tuesday. |
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