TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 18, 2019 9:02:27 GMT -6
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 18, 2019 9:46:30 GMT -6
strawberrykiki MH had a hard time connecting initially too... this time even more so. Especially since DD1’s behavior went to shit as soon as we brought S home. They don’t have the maternal instincts like we do, so it takes them a while to catch onto the baby’s needs and to get confident that they can be effective. I’ve noticed as the baby gets more reactive and responsive he connects more and more. And TBH if you asked DD1 who her favorite is, she’d say him 😂🙄
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 18, 2019 10:20:33 GMT -6
strawberrykiki Solidarity on the no sleep/nonstop nursing/visiting mom. MIL just left yesterday after being here since B’s birth day. I’m enormously grateful for the help, especially since we had to leave DS1 unexpectedly, but he’s starting to be a pill with 3 authority figures who have different approaches to things. It’s good to have help, and it’s also good to work out the new baby routine with just your fellow parent.
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 18, 2019 10:31:13 GMT -6
sunshiney oh my goodness congratulations!!! So excited and happy for you! Wishing you a smooth, easy recovery. Enjoy all those peaceful cuddles 💙💙
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 18, 2019 11:26:29 GMT -6
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Post by sunshiney on Feb 18, 2019 13:41:30 GMT -6
Missing the baby... He's been under the bili lights in the nursery since about 3am, and his levels went up a little so now they're keeping him all day and overnight and retesting again in the morning. He doesn't look jaundiced but apparently the issue is I'm O+ and he's A+ and there was a lot of blood exchange through the pregnancy, the antibodies in my blood against his have ended up Pumping around in his body and breaking down his poor little red blood cells. It's not nearly as serious as if I was negative and he was positive rh, but I guess he needs some more eating and pooping to get out all that extraneous bilirubin. He loves eating and sucks hard and fast on his bottle, he's up to 40mL every 3 hours and has pooped three times In his 21 hours of life! But I have only held him briefly three times since he was born, and finally saw/touched his fingers for the first time through the isolette ports just now. So far I'm feeling thankful and content about it, and honestly DH and I are both appreciating the time and space to stay well rested and focus on my recovery (btw it only took a second try for DH to rock the feeding and changing like a boss and feel awesome about it), but it's sad that baby is all alone and his poor skin is getting so dry and even cracked in places, I just want him to be healthy soon and cuddled by his family. In good news, I am proud to be pushing myself hard to hopefully reap the rewards of a faster recovery, just took three circuits around the ward!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 18, 2019 14:47:37 GMT -6
sunshiney, That must be tough. Good job on keeping such a positive outlook about it, though! I hope you're cuddling your little boy sooner rather than later.
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cch
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Post by cch on Feb 18, 2019 15:36:20 GMT -6
sunshiney DD1 was in the nursery for 5 nights when she was born because of her bili levels. I’m O- and she’s A+ so I totally understand and feel for you. It’s tough being away from them, especially in those first couple days. Yay for all his poops though! FX his levels drop soon and you’re able to snuggle him up ASAP! Hugs!
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Feb 18, 2019 17:20:06 GMT -6
sunshiney hopefully the bili lights will do their job quickly and he will be back in your arms before you know it. I know how hard it is when you cant hold them and be with them. Those 24 hours before I got to hold Abby were so tough.
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Feb 19, 2019 9:32:18 GMT -6
Today is my EDD. Hard to believe she has been here for almost 4 weeks.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 19, 2019 9:57:25 GMT -6
tngrl3, She is so sweet. I love that picture!
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Post by strawberrykiki on Feb 19, 2019 13:52:29 GMT -6
tngrl3 oh my goodness she is so adorable!!! ❤️ hrh the last woman standing! I’m glad your doctor isn’t pushing an induction. I can’t help but wonder if I had been allowed to keep waiting maybe I would have gone on my own and not ended up with a c section. I hope you have your carbs and sweets ready for when baby comes!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 19, 2019 14:46:02 GMT -6
A is such a good baby so far but man, she is a chore to wake up to feed. We finally just unwrapped her completely and then she woke right up. Here's a pic! PDQ
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 19, 2019 17:35:48 GMT -6
It seems I’ve developed an allergy or sensitivity to the hospital pads. I switched to Kotex at home with no success. I have a painful raised rash all over my butt Does anyone have suggestions for sensitive-skin friendly pads? I know there’s cloth but I don’t want to spend the money if possible.
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Feb 19, 2019 19:36:53 GMT -6
notagoddess are your wearing the disposable underwear from the hospital? It could be an allergy to those. Some have latex in them if you are sensitive to that. I am very fair skinned and sensitive and have always done well with the Stayfree brand.
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 19, 2019 20:25:46 GMT -6
notagoddess are your wearing the disposable underwear from the hospital? It could be an allergy to those. Some have latex in them if you are sensitive to that. I am very fair skinned and sensitive and have always done well with the Stayfree brand. Yes I am, with both types of pads. Hmm that could be it. I put on some Depends instead, and I can go back to regular underwear and pads too. I did order some disposable pads made with organic cotton.
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 19, 2019 20:39:29 GMT -6
notagoddess no advice, just hugs... that’s the last thing you should have to worry about right now! Ugh!
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cch
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Post by cch on Feb 19, 2019 20:43:16 GMT -6
notagoddess oh no! That sucks. Hopefully switching back to regular panties and changing pads help clear up the rash ASAP. Hugs!
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Post by strawberrykiki on Feb 19, 2019 22:17:00 GMT -6
I just have to vent for a minute. I am feeling disappointed in how MH is being with Finn. When we were in the hospital he was amazing taking care of him. Now that we are home he seems almost bothered by him and he keeps saying what a fussy baby he is. He really isn’t that fussy IMO. He’s a baby! They cry!
He had to go back to work Monday and he works from home. So since Sunday he’s been sleeping in another room and he still is constantly saying how tired he is. MH is a real creature of habit and he has a hard time with change so I don’t know if he’s going through some kind of adjustment period or what. I love being a mother and yes I’m tired but I signed up for this and I love taking care of our baby. I can’t get enough of him! MH just came to tell me good night and he didn’t even kiss Finn or acknowledge him.
Is this normal? I know it can take dad’s longer to bond with the baby but I’m sad that I’m so happy and in love with our baby and he just seems annoyed by him.
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 19, 2019 23:18:52 GMT -6
strawberrykiki that’s so frustrating, but I think very normal. I’m pretty sure MH wanted to return S up until like 2 days ago. We have a biological connection to these babes; they have to create one. It comes with time, and I’ve noticed as DD1 got bigger he got more and more confident in his role. Until then keep asking for help when you need it- specific tasks vs expecting him to know what you need (my biggest flaw and the biggest contribution to frustrations and fights in our house) Know it helps better, but your feelings are valid in the meantime.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 20, 2019 1:29:16 GMT -6
strawberrykiki, I agree with what TashaLa said. And my H was the same with each of ours kids - more attentive in the hospital than at home. But being in the hospital is much easier, I think, because there's only one focus. MH isn't a good multitasker at home and it takes a lot less for him to become frustrated with the kids even though I don't think they're being fussy or bad. You'll figure out your new normal faster than YH will, most likely. It seems like that's the case for all the parents I know. MH bonded better to each of our boys once they reached an age where they were actively engaging with him and it wasn't just him trying to get a reaction from them.
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 20, 2019 3:04:46 GMT -6
strawberrykiki hugs, and +1 to TashaLa and thelittleredm. It’s definitely normal but still sucks. I think MH is better with V than he was with our first two and that largely has to do with us learning—and more importantly, him accepting—that newborns always prefer mama and they don’t do much so it is hard for dads to bond early on. But he has the benefit of perspective now, because he can look at our other two and see what newborns grow into. He has great bonds with them now. The complaining about being tired thing is annoying AF and I have zero patience with it. I resented the hell out of MH when DS1 was a newborn because I literally was sleeping 2 hours a night for months (including when I went back to work btw), and never ever waking him in the night to help, just so he could be resred for his oh-so-important job. DNW to hear about how tired you are after your 6-7 hour unbroken stretch of sleep, asshole. He has toned that way down too (though it hasn’t disappeared entirely).
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 20, 2019 6:08:16 GMT -6
dashook My feelings are very similar about H’s sleep. GTFO of here with that!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 20, 2019 6:26:16 GMT -6
I wanted to tell at H last night but I'm pretty proud of myself for just staring at him in bewilderment. I couldn't sleep at all yesterday so I'd just rested but H had been able to get in decent stretches of naps including a 4hr one about 3 hours after A showed up. So, I'd finally fallen asleep after a feed at 9:30pm and A woke up again at 11:30. She didn't seem interested in eating right away so I woke up H and asked him to check her diaper while I went to the bathroom and changed my pad. He said ok, got out of bed and started to unswaddle her. At this point, I couldn't find any of the giant pads and that's what I wanted since I was planning on sleeping again. As I'm about to finally give up my search and call the nurse's station, H tells me he needs to go to the bathroom and that she might have pooped.
Like, really? He knew I hadn't had a chance to go to the bathroom, yet, AND he wasn't even going to change her??
Pissed. But then I made him rub my back during my feeding cramping so I guess I still came out ahead.
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Post by strawberrykiki on Feb 20, 2019 6:36:59 GMT -6
Thank you ladies! dashook yup. He acts like he is soooo tired he can barely make it. Please. I haven’t gotten more than 2 hours at one time in weeks. And my sympathy is limited on the work thing. I highly doubt baby will be sleeping 8 hours of peaceful sleep a night when I go back to work. I’ll be doing the same thing as now except also working!! thelittleredm good restraint! I would have wanted to yell too. It’s so common sense! Just change the baby!
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k
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Post by k on Feb 20, 2019 8:13:18 GMT -6
strawberrykiki I also agree that it’s normal. MH will flat out say he likes babies much better when they are like 6 months to a year old. I do think if I was the dad of a breastfeeding baby i would also find it hard to bond with baby. He changes diapers, gives baths and rocks/cuddles but the majority of the time baby is with me. Transitioning from 0-1 kid is SO hard, at least IME.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 20, 2019 11:56:26 GMT -6
Finally finished up at the hospital and we're just waiting on discharge papers! So ready to be home. H is going stir crazy and I'm tired of his pacing.
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k
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Post by k on Feb 20, 2019 13:26:33 GMT -6
I keep thinking about all the dads and how they can be less than helpful. I wanted to add that hrh hit the nail on the head with communication being key. I think it’s easy to fall into resentment when you are the one doing everything, whether it be you don’t have a choice (🤱🏻) or it’s just easier, at some point its good to just spell out for them what you need. Moms take on the majority of the mental load already, so the first months (and years 😬) PP are really exhausting not only physically but mentally. I still have most of the mental load but I’ve learned to delegate some of it. MH has been helping with preschool drop offs, grocery shopping, dealing with hospital bills, and cleaning up around the house. I send him lists and give him a heads up about what he needs to do. He’s generally really helpful but none of that would get done unless I specifically asked him to. He offered to come home today to help with naps (he works 5 min away) since DS2 had a snow day and he knows I’m going crazy with all 3 stuck inside. it almost backfired bc it was out of routine, but the thought was nice 🤷🏻♀️. TLDR: tell your SO exactly what you need and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 20, 2019 20:12:58 GMT -6
A is very awake this evening! She's stayed up through most of her last feeding and has been awake for awhile now and is trying to look around while she nurses again. Seems like she has decided early evening is the best time to cluster feed. I won't complain!
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k
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Post by k on Feb 21, 2019 8:22:04 GMT -6
I need to get out of my house like RN.
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