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Post by hoosiermama76 on Nov 22, 2017 1:07:16 GMT -6
Hi, I’m hoosiermama, and I am reintroducing myself here. I lurk, but haven’t participated much. I mainly go on the infertility board. I was on the Bump, then TCF, and now here.
A little bit about me. I am almost 42 and have a wonderful 3 year old DD, which we conceived easily. It was a simple and easy pregnancy. Then, we wanted to have another. We started that in June 2016, and despite my age, I thought it would be easy.
Fast forward eight months, and I was still not pregnant. So, we did an IUI and then two rounds of IVF and then several cancelled rounds of frozen embryo transfers, which were cancelled because of lining issues. During the course of that treatment, we had one BFP that ended in a loss at 5 weeks.
Now for the venting:
I feel guilty for wanting another child. It has taken a lot of time, money, hormonal imbalance, and energy, and I am sad I have not been giving my DD my whole self during this period. It is hard to do all of these appointments and such with a toddler, and I’m exhausted. We still have four frozen embryos, and we won’t stop until we transfer them, but it is tiring, and it’s affecting me greatly. I am so appreciative of her and feel guilty for wanting more kids. I feel like I am missing moments with her because I have been laser focused on all of this. How do you all balance everything?
I hope you’ll have me.
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Post by hoosiermama76 on Nov 23, 2017 9:18:36 GMT -6
Well, I am not sure if this board isn’t that active or I said something wrong, but happy Thanksgiving ! Is this board active now on another forum?
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Post by mellyknu on Nov 23, 2017 21:52:42 GMT -6
Hi!! This board is pretty slow, it’s not you. And with Thanksgiving, people are busy. I have no helpful thoughts on your sitch since we don’t know if we’re going to TFAS or not, let alone started trying. I’m sorry that you’re feeling guilty. I doubt it’s really warranted, but I can definitely see how those feelings could come into play! So much luck to you!
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Post by hoosiermama76 on Nov 23, 2017 22:01:29 GMT -6
Hi!! This board is pretty slow, it’s not you. And with Thanksgiving, people are busy. I have no helpful thoughts on your sitch since we don’t know if we’re going to TFAS or not, let alone started trying. I’m sorry that you’re feeling guilty. I doubt it’s really warranted, but I can definitely see how those feelings could come into play! So much luck to you! Thank you so much for the affirmation. Good luck to you on whatever you decide, and happy Thanksgiving! |
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danib
Sapphire
Posts: 4,101 Likes: 12,682 
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Post by danib on Nov 24, 2017 11:14:39 GMT -6
Hi, welcome. Those feelings are so difficult but also pretty common. As for me, I have incredibly difficult pregnancies (I get really sick, not quite HG level sick but pretty close, and have weekly appointments amd ultrasounds due to being high risk). I felt sooooo guilty during my second pregnancy. I spent so much time lying on the couch unable to play with DS1 (who was 2.5-3 at the time), I could hardly cook, and I wasn't even allowed to pick DS1 up (if he hurt himself or needed a cuddle I would have to sit on the floor and have him crawl into my lap). I felt like I wasn't being fair to him or giving him the attention he deserved and it was a real mental/emotional struggle for me. But now I'm able to acknowledge that he was not hurt from the experience and he and his brother love each other so much.
I know it's so hard when you are going through it, but try to give yourself some grace.
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Post by hoosiermama76 on Nov 25, 2017 0:32:02 GMT -6
danib, that is such great insight. I think about all this, too, and I just hope I get to have a second. Some days are like that for me, and I am not pregnant. It’s so hard momming.
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Post by westiemom on Nov 27, 2017 11:01:22 GMT -6
Sorry! I check in like once a week. I totally get this. I feel awful TFAS and feel like my DD will loose out on some of me during this process. However, a good friend once told me that having a sibling is an amazing blessing so it’s worth it to me to try my hardest even though DD May suffer some in the process. Toddlers are resilient little things. Huge hugs. I know it’s so emotional, hard on your body, and the Mom guilt is strong. 💗
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mnj05
Sapphire
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Post by mnj05 on Nov 27, 2017 13:15:26 GMT -6
During IVF and FET for DS2, I made sure to set aside time for DS1. Small trips to Starbucks or target with only him were my normal outings. Most of my appointments were while he was at daycare, but the feeling tired/crappy made me guilty for not being more present with him. It’s hard, I hope you find success in treatment soon.
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Post by hoosiermama76 on Nov 27, 2017 19:11:41 GMT -6
Sorry! I check in like once a week. I totally get this. I feel awful TFAS and feel like my DD will loose out on some of me during this process. However, a good friend once told me that having a sibling is an amazing blessing so it’s worth it to me to try my hardest even though DD May suffer some in the process. Toddlers are resilient little things. Huge hugs. I know it’s so emotional, hard on your body, and the Mom guilt is strong. 💗 , Thank you! Yes (thank God), they seem to be resilient. Thank you for your affirmations! Praying it’s easier for all of us soon! |
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Post by hoosiermama76 on Nov 27, 2017 19:13:50 GMT -6
During IVF and FET for DS2, I made sure to set aside time for DS1. Small trips to Starbucks or target with only him were my normal outings. Most of my appointments were while he was at daycare, but the feeling tired/crappy made me guilty for not being more present with him. It’s hard, I hope you find success in treatment soon. Thanks for this! You’re right. Little errands with DD feel like special time set aside for her. I’m so glad you got your DS2. Thank you! |
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