A Place for Heavy Topics

[kittyriot]

So much love to everyone in here.

fosterlove, you have every right to your emotions and your pain, you don’t have to turn him in to grieve. Take care of yourself first, always.

[cnf]

Sending so much love and strength to everyone struggling right now.

[kayc]

So much love to everyone.

Even though Mother’s Day is a few weeks away, I’m definitely struggling with this one being the first without my mom.

[imapenguin]

Hugs to all here. I’m with my mom in Louisiana right now because my grandfather died this week (lung cancer, not COVID) and it’s such a mess. It’s impossible to explain it all, but it’s stressing me out and I just want to go home and have a good cry in my own shower.

[Wtfshouldmynamebe]

TheoV2 and @ ponyhairs and everyone else. I’m so sorry.


Thank you for this thread. I’m dealing with a dad that has stage 4 lung cancer (which is unfortunately in remission*) and severe dementia. He is becoming hostile and hard to deal with and my mom is having a hard time. We are afraid he will get kicked out of a home.

*call me an asshole but a cancer death is better than Alzheimer’s.

[aydee]

My heart goes out to all of you here who are dealing with loss and trauma. I hope that you can find each some peace and comfort amidst all this heartache.

Thank you TheoV2 for getting this started so people have a place for support. I'm sorry there hasn't been any justice for your mom. I can't even imagine your anger at the legal system here after everything your family has been through with this loss.

[mc03]

To everyone who posted here, my hearts are with you. It’s unfair to have to carry these heavy burdens. But you are not alone. And others are thinking of you and rooting for you. ❤️

[goldenbird]

Sending love to everyone in here ❤

[toebeans]

My brother and dad have been gone about 4 yrs now and I’m mostly ok. I miss my dad so much and although I didn’t have much of a relationship with my brother out of self preservation (addiction) I sometimes get profoundly sad when I think of how his life must have been. He had so many problems. It’s the death of my niece (brother’s daughter) that just really blindsides me sometimes. I’ll just be driving along to work and a memory will pop up or a song she liked and it’s just like a wave of grief slams into me. It takes my breath away sometimes.

[Deleted]

Wtfshouldmynamebe

I'm so sorry. Alzheimers is so devastating. My dad went through some dementia and mood changes when he was sick and he was kicked out of multiple nursing homes.

It was difficult. But then again it was difficult for him much more than us so after he died we forgave him (and I hope he forgave us too).

I don't want to say the wrong thing to you but I do hope his sickness is not drawn out and agonizing and he and your family can have peace sooner than later.

[Deleted]

My heavy thoughts aren't so much grief as worry. My dad developed ALS when he was 37 and died when he was 43. I was age 5 to 11 so even though I do have grief, I'm definitely in the acceptance stage and we share stories and sometimes I cry.

But I worry about his ALS being genetic and leaving my daughter. Genetic ALS usually develops earlier (40s) and is associated with a family history of dementia which there is in his family. I've already checked into testing for the gene and insurance won't cover unless I already have the diagnosis. I didn't move any farther than that. I just feel like maybe if I can make it to 40 just fine I might be in the clear. But it's a black cloud. I already made sure to get a major life insurance policy because I watched my mom being a single mom with a sick husband with first hospice, then in nursing homes, and then after he was gone. And I would want DH and DD to be very secure. And I worry about passing something to her I wasn't aware of and maybe causing HER to have this horrible disease.

[RunsforWineandCarbs]

sending love to everyone in here.

[Deleted]

I learned a very hard lesson many years ago in my mid-twenties when someone who was very, very close to me was very ill, and I put off seeing him "until tomorrow". He died that night.

I swore to myself I would never again take for granted the time I had with people I loved.

Now, one of my very closest girlfriends is battling cancer, again. She's being upbeat and positive but the prognosis is...well, probably not good. I can't see her. We are in lockdown. She's in her 4th or 5th round of chemo. I can't do any of the things that I would normally do to support her. Take her kids for a day, drop in and clean her house. Bring her an electric blanket. I feel helpless and frustrated.

I feel dumb even typing this in this thread where people are sharing very personal tragedies, but thank you OP for providing a space for me to let this out.

[cnf]

Apr 14, 2021 4:51:34 GMT -6 foxglove said:

My heavy thoughts aren't so much grief as worry. My dad developed ALS when he was 37 and died when he was 43. I was age 5 to 11 so even though I do have grief, I'm definitely in the acceptance stage and we share stories and sometimes I cry.

But I worry about his ALS being genetic and leaving my daughter. Genetic ALS usually develops earlier (40s) and is associated with a family history of dementia which there is in his family. I've already checked into testing for the gene and insurance won't cover unless I already have the diagnosis. I didn't move any farther than that. I just feel like maybe if I can make it to 40 just fine I might be in the clear. But it's a black cloud. I already made sure to get a major life insurance policy because I watched my mom being a single mom with a sick husband with first hospice, then in nursing homes, and then after he was gone. And I would want DH and DD to be very secure. And I worry about passing something to her I wasn't aware of and maybe causing HER to have this horrible disease.

That would be terrifying. I'm sorry it worries you.

My best friend lost her father to ALS a little over a year ago now. It was gut wrenching watching his decline. It's such a horrid disease.

Did you look into the cost for generic testing? I know everyone is different, but it would drive my absolutely insane to think it could be genetic and not know. Or is ignorance bliss in this situation? It's such a hard choice, I'm sorry you're saddled with this black cloud.

[cnf]

@relamp your feelings are truly valid. Please don't think otherwise. I'm sorry you aren't able to help your friend.


I really wish I could hug all of you.

[addymac]

Just want to send hugs and love to everyone here. I’m sorry for everyone’s losses.
💛💛💛💛

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2021 6:09:54 GMT -6 cnf said:

Apr 14, 2021 4:51:34 GMT -6 foxglove said:

My heavy thoughts aren't so much grief as worry. My dad developed ALS when he was 37 and died when he was 43. I was age 5 to 11 so even though I do have grief, I'm definitely in the acceptance stage and we share stories and sometimes I cry.

But I worry about his ALS being genetic and leaving my daughter. Genetic ALS usually develops earlier (40s) and is associated with a family history of dementia which there is in his family. I've already checked into testing for the gene and insurance won't cover unless I already have the diagnosis. I didn't move any farther than that. I just feel like maybe if I can make it to 40 just fine I might be in the clear. But it's a black cloud. I already made sure to get a major life insurance policy because I watched my mom being a single mom with a sick husband with first hospice, then in nursing homes, and then after he was gone. And I would want DH and DD to be very secure. And I worry about passing something to her I wasn't aware of and maybe causing HER to have this horrible disease.

That would be terrifying. I'm sorry it worries you.

My best friend lost her father to ALS a little over a year ago now. It was gut wrenching watching his decline. It's such a horrid disease.

Did you look into the cost for generic testing? I know everyone is different, but it would drive my absolutely insane to think it could be genetic and not know. Or is ignorance bliss in this situation? It's such a hard choice, I'm sorry you're saddled with this black cloud.

It is a hard choice. I'd rather know but my mom thought I was crazy for wanting to know. Because knowing you have the gene doesn't even guarantee you'll get it. So would that be even more anxiety? I don't know lol. I didn't look into cost, I didn't do anything once they told me insurance wouldn't cover it. I was actually pregnant when I finally looked into it cause we were doing the pregnant testing and the genetic counselor asked me if I wanted it.

I guess I could always see what the cost would be.

[justbecause]

My mom and I were talking about all of the funerals we are going to this summer since they’ve been postponed because of COVID.

It’s awful.

[bellatrix]

I just wanted to send my love and support to everyone.

[truffleshuffle]

Sending everyone so much love and strength!

Last month my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cancer, it has spread everywhere though. she was my father's caretaker who is wheelchairbound and has some dementia, she can no longer care for him so we had to put him in a nursing home, he was quarantined for the first couple of weeks due to an aide getting COVID so it has been a hard adjustment and he is declining mentally since going in. He calls me multiple times a day not remembering our previous calls. I don't know how to help my mom, she refuses to stop smoking despite going through radiation and now starting Immunotherapy. I just have a feeling she is going to give up and not want the treatment sooner than later. I've been trying to get down there every weekend, it's 2 hours away and i feel guilty for not being able to help more.

plus my divorce is still not final a year and half later and i'm dealing with all that shit still

[cnf]

Apr 14, 2021 6:25:31 GMT -6 foxglove said:

Apr 14, 2021 6:09:54 GMT -6 cnf said:

That would be terrifying. I'm sorry it worries you.

My best friend lost her father to ALS a little over a year ago now. It was gut wrenching watching his decline. It's such a horrid disease.

Did you look into the cost for generic testing? I know everyone is different, but it would drive my absolutely insane to think it could be genetic and not know. Or is ignorance bliss in this situation? It's such a hard choice, I'm sorry you're saddled with this black cloud.

It is a hard choice. I'd rather know but my mom thought I was crazy for wanting to know. Because knowing you have the gene doesn't even guarantee you'll get it. So would that be even more anxiety? I don't know lol. I didn't look into cost, I didn't do anything once they told me insurance wouldn't cover it. I was actually pregnant when I finally looked into it cause we were doing the pregnant testing and the genetic counselor asked me if I wanted it.

I guess I could always see what the cost would be.

I was just curious. After watching my friend lose her father it just really stuck with me. I don't mean to burden you further.

[Deleted]

truffleshuffle I'm so sorry

[abbandkaa]

my heartfelt sympathies to everyone carrying a heavy emotional burden.

I have been struggling with the sudden death of a childhood friend, we've been best of friends for most of our entire lives, she died in February unexpectedly, too young (not COVID-related, but rather bilateral DVTs causing bilateral PEs). It's been an absolute shock and I've been navigating the tremendous waves of sadness. Many times not navigating well tbh, just treading water. I cry often, and it can be out of the blue, a song comes on, or a memory pops into my head, the smallest thing can send me spiraling. When I can, I try to remind myself of the ball in the box (https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-the-ball-the-box#1) and allow myself the sadness. I know it will pass (and come again). I miss her so fucking much.

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2021 6:59:14 GMT -6 cnf said:

Apr 14, 2021 6:25:31 GMT -6 foxglove said:

It is a hard choice. I'd rather know but my mom thought I was crazy for wanting to know. Because knowing you have the gene doesn't even guarantee you'll get it. So would that be even more anxiety? I don't know lol. I didn't look into cost, I didn't do anything once they told me insurance wouldn't cover it. I was actually pregnant when I finally looked into it cause we were doing the pregnant testing and the genetic counselor asked me if I wanted it.

I guess I could always see what the cost would be.

I was just curious. After watching my friend lose her father it just really stuck with me. I don't mean to burden you further.

Oh no, it's fine. It's a weird spot to be in because I have processed losing my dad and I am at peace with that but now this on top of it is an extra layer of wtf.

I hope your friend is doing okay. Was her dad young? I found my dad's passing to be.. a relief, for lack of a better phrase. And such a weight was lifted in my whole family. And we were so happy he wasn't suffering anymore. We went through the grief phases when he was sick so his death wasn't a shock.

[Rusty Red]

I will start with health and strength for all of those struggling.

It's going to sound silly, probably, but with the ulcers and my GERD getting so much worse, I am TIRED. Pain all the time is no joke. I know the ultimate answer is to cut all of the trigger foods out of my diet, but who wants to live like that? I'm finally at a place where my weight loss and diet are ok with me, and I don't want to lose more food. So I guess I'm selfish and childish when it comes to this. On the other hand, I read so many things that say while the foods may cause more symptoms, they don't actually do more damage, so it's like....damn. Rock. Hard place. I want my good foods!

The pandemic and being at home so much has also taken its toll. I have even more issues with crowds now; I don't even like being between two cars in a parking lot and I feel trapped. I need more out time.

I love it here, though, and appreciate all of you ladies for giving me something daily to which to look forward.

[Rusty Red]

truffleshuffle, I am well familiar with the dragged out divorce. A lot of it was on me because my anxiety kept me from moving forward with the steps, but I know how much it sucks when you just want it done.

[truffleshuffle]

abbandkaa I'm sorry for the loss of your friend

[truffleshuffle]

Apr 14, 2021 7:14:53 GMT -6 Rusty Red said:

truffleshuffle , I am well familiar with the dragged out divorce. A lot of it was on me because my anxiety kept me from moving forward with the steps, but I know how much it sucks when you just want it done.

COVID hasn't helped the process, it just seems there is no end in site

[Wtfshouldmynamebe]

I am sorry to everyone going through so much.

[imapenguin]

We got news last night that my dads brother had a stroke and he is having emergency brain surgery this morning. Prognosis unclear.