Virtual Buddy Check-in

[rugger]

How's everyone doing these days?
😫😞🙁😕😐🙂☺️😄
🔺

Consider this your safe space to share (or not) and know that we care.

[Speedy]

Everything feels very overwhelming right now, even the very littlest of things. I'm feeling a ton more distracted as a result, because my brain is trying to get away, which just is a vicious cycle because then it makes everything take forever which makes it even more overwhelming.
My hubby at least recognized today that I'm overwhelmed and helped me with tidying up the mess which was our living space.

[DGM]

Apr 7, 2021 16:55:44 GMT -6 Speedy said:

Everything feels very overwhelming right now, even the very littlest of things. I'm feeling a ton more distracted as a result, because my brain is trying to get away, which just is a vicious cycle because then it makes everything take forever which makes it even more overwhelming.
My hubby at least recognized today that I'm overwhelmed and helped me with tidying up the mess which was our living space.

Glad YH is stepping up to the plate! One of my breakdowns this past week was over how MH doesn't help around the house, and it got ugly.

[DGM]

What's bringing me joy though is L only has 30 more days of kindergarten! Homeschooling has gone better than I imagined in spite of no co-op or regular outside activities.

Also, my county moved down a tier today so more things will open again!

[rugger]

Apr 7, 2021 16:55:44 GMT -6 Speedy said:

Everything feels very overwhelming right now, even the very littlest of things. I'm feeling a ton more distracted as a result, because my brain is trying to get away, which just is a vicious cycle because then it makes everything take forever which makes it even more overwhelming.
My hubby at least recognized today that I'm overwhelmed and helped me with tidying up the mess which was our living space.

I'm sorry to hear things are overwhelming. That's good YH noticed and tried to help. I'm sure letting him know you noticed and appreciated his efforts will be good for both of you. Maybe it'll open up a larger dialog and help you get back to feeling more balanced <3

[rugger]

I'm in a better place than I was a couple weeks ago. Everything kinda built up and then snowballed and then S and I opened up the whole can of frozen worms. BUT, I've since talked to a therapist that I like, and we've both read the "everybody fights" book, and we're both trying to get ourselves back to a good place. I feel less tense about things in general and I'm hoping we can stay the course.

[DGM]

Apr 7, 2021 20:14:08 GMT -6 rugger said:

I'm in a better place than I was a couple weeks ago. Everything kinda built up and then snowballed and then S and I opened up the whole can of frozen worms. BUT, I've since talked to a therapist that I like, and we've both read the "everybody fights" book, and we're both trying to get ourselves back to a good place. I feel less tense about things in general and I'm hoping we can stay the course.

I don't know if it would be too religious, but have you guys taken the five love languages test? We took them last week after my meltdown, and it's helped reset my brain on how to talk and interact with MH.

[rugger]

Apr 7, 2021 21:12:13 GMT -6 DGM said:

Apr 7, 2021 20:14:08 GMT -6 rugger said:

I'm in a better place than I was a couple weeks ago. Everything kinda built up and then snowballed and then S and I opened up the whole can of frozen worms. BUT, I've since talked to a therapist that I like, and we've both read the "everybody fights" book, and we're both trying to get ourselves back to a good place. I feel less tense about things in general and I'm hoping we can stay the course.

I don't know if it would be too religious, but have you guys taken the five love languages test? We took them last week after my meltdown, and it's helped reset my brain on how to talk and interact with MH.

We have, but it's been awhile... I'm thinking it might be good to take it again to see if our answers have changed over the years

[Speedy]

Thanks guys. It's been one of those weeks. It amazes me how I can love the little people in my life so much yet be so frustrated and overwhelmed by them at the same time. I'm very much looking forward to getting my garden going so I can get some plant therapy at least lol

[tj]

Apr 7, 2021 21:12:13 GMT -6 DGM said:

Apr 7, 2021 20:14:08 GMT -6 rugger said:

I'm in a better place than I was a couple weeks ago. Everything kinda built up and then snowballed and then S and I opened up the whole can of frozen worms. BUT, I've since talked to a therapist that I like, and we've both read the "everybody fights" book, and we're both trying to get ourselves back to a good place. I feel less tense about things in general and I'm hoping we can stay the course.

I don't know if it would be too religious, but have you guys taken the five love languages test? We took them last week after my meltdown, and it's helped reset my brain on how to talk and interact with MH.

So we know our love languages. But my struggle with that, is that mh says “my love language is acts of service. I show you that I love you by performing acts of service. You should know that Bc you know that is my love language.” But acts of device is not MY love language. So while I know cognitively that he is showing his love by spending hours a day outside working on the yard so that it looks nice, emotionally, instead of feeling the intended love of that, I feel abandoned and left alone to handle the kids and the house and the dinner and the school and the dogs and the bunnies and the dishes and get zero words of affirmation -my love language- in response.

That’s not how it’s supposed to work, right?

[rugger]

Apr 8, 2021 9:58:41 GMT -6 tj said:

Apr 7, 2021 21:12:13 GMT -6 DGM said:

I don't know if it would be too religious, but have you guys taken the five love languages test? We took them last week after my meltdown, and it's helped reset my brain on how to talk and interact with MH.

So we know our love languages. But my struggle with that, is that mh says “my love language is acts of service. I show you that I love you by performing acts of service. You should know that Bc you know that is my love language.” But acts of device is not MY love language. So while I know cognitively that he is showing his love by spending hours a day outside working on the yard so that it looks nice, emotionally, instead of feeling the intended love of that, I feel abandoned and left alone to handle the kids and the house and the dinner and the school and the dogs and the bunnies and the dishes and get zero words of affirmation -my love language- in response.

That’s not how it’s supposed to work, right?

I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to work. You're supposed to understand each other's Love Language to understand the times when they are trying to show love through their own language (like you understanding that his yard work is his way), BUT ALSO to then make a better effort at connecting based on your partner's Love Language.

So, YH should make an effort at giving you words of affirmation. And you should make an effort to do acts of service for him (which, doing all the " care of the living beings" seems like an AOS)

[mapleme]

Yeah, I feel like knowing your partner's LL is so that you know how to fill their bucket. When they have a full bucket, they should be able to turn around and help fill yours. DH's LL actually kind of depletes me, so I would be pissed if he would want to cuddle for my benefit. I mean, it's good to know when they are trying to show you love in their language, but only "talking" in their language is kind of poor communication.

[DGM]

Apr 8, 2021 9:58:41 GMT -6 tj said:

Apr 7, 2021 21:12:13 GMT -6 DGM said:

I don't know if it would be too religious, but have you guys taken the five love languages test? We took them last week after my meltdown, and it's helped reset my brain on how to talk and interact with MH.

So we know our love languages. But my struggle with that, is that mh says “my love language is acts of service. I show you that I love you by performing acts of service. You should know that Bc you know that is my love language.” But acts of device is not MY love language. So while I know cognitively that he is showing his love by spending hours a day outside working on the yard so that it looks nice, emotionally, instead of feeling the intended love of that, I feel abandoned and left alone to handle the kids and the house and the dinner and the school and the dogs and the bunnies and the dishes and get zero words of affirmation -my love language- in response.

That’s not how it’s supposed to work, right?

It's definitely not to work like that. I wanted to throw my phone across the room yesterday when the podcast I was listening to said sometimes I'll need to speak and act on MH's LL even if he doesn't try to speak mine. BUT, BUT, THAT'S WHY I'M SO BITTER! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE MAKING AN EFFORT? Pardon me as I spoke ovenrackese.

Hugs tj. You are a rock star, and this board would be so lonely without you.