Moving Through the Grief

[louielouie]

Hi everyone. I was due with a Sept/Oct 2021 baby but there was no heartbeat at my latest appointment on 2/17. I will have a D&C tomorrow. This is my first miscarriage. I have 2 living children at home, and I am really struggling with the grief. It’s only been a few days but I’m already feeling pressure to get back to “normal.” In very simple terms, I feel sad and lost. Does it just take time? I try not to cry all day, but it’s a struggle right now.

Thank you for any support you can give.

[hawkward]

I’m so sorry for your loss. It does take time. And there are ups and downs and good days and bad. It’s not linear. Sometimes it’s okay and sometimes it feels like there is an elephant on your chest. The best thing you can do right now is give yourself some grace and some space to mourn.

[notblanche]

i am so sorry for your loss, louielouie. be kind to yourself. rest, and take care.

[tngrl3]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It does take time and some days are easier than others. Take time for yourself and feel your grief however you need too.

[enchanted]

I'm so sorry. Like the others said, it just takes time. It absolutely sucks at the beginning, especially when you're still in the physical part of loss and healing. We're here, so lean on us.

[louielouie]

Thank you, everyone. The day got better as it went on. Now I’m laying in bed trying to figure out how I’m going to get through saying goodbye to my baby tomorrow at the hospital for my D&C. We had already started so much planning to be ready for this beautiful baby, and now I’m having to let go of those dreams and plans. I really hope I sleep a lot after the procedure is over.

[addymac]

louielouie I’m so, so sorry. Grief comes in waves. In the beginning I never thought I’d feel happiness again, I thought I’d feel this huge sense of loss forever and how would I ever go a day, an hour, a minute NOT thinking of my loss baby. Well, time. Some days and things trigger sadness times, sometimes to the point where my chest feels tight and it hurts to take a breath, and other times I realize it’s been a week, 2 weeks, x amount of time since I’ve thought about it.

I was a mess the day of my d&c. Basically I went home and crawled into bed and hid the rest of the evening, only sitting up to eat ice cream and take my meds (we broke our rule of no food in bed). I cancelled a trip for my dads 75th birthday that weekend (d&c was Thursday, party was Saturday) bc I couldn’t bear to go be near my parents. I called out sick from work for about a week and then forced myself to get back into a routine.

I found ways to honor my loss baby and leaned on these ladies and talked with them and finally opened up about the pregnancy and loss on social media.

I’m so sorry. I hope you can have time to yourself to grieve without having to parent. Sending hugs, love, and strength.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

louielouie, I'm just seeing this thread. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I hope your procedure went okay today. And I hope you're able to sleep for a while. Sending you so much love.

Ignore that pressure to get back to normal. There is no "back" to it, anyway. This grief, while suffocating and all-consuming right now, will become more manageable with time. But just like the grief of any loss of a loved one, it won't ever fully go away. Let yourself grieve. And let those emotions out.

I've always had the best outcome with just accepting the feelings as they come. Telling my husband what my thoughts are. "It has been a hard day" followed by crying on his shoulder for a bit.

I'm not sure how many people in your life know about what happened, but another thing I found over time (I've had 5 losses) is that it's easier, overall, to let people love on you. Let people care about you and show you that they care. One of my closest friends DoorDashed a whole Costco cheesecake to me on the day of my last D&C. And I ate SO MUCH OF IT!! Ha! It made me laugh and smile, which I so desperately needed.

I hope time passes quickly and that you figure out your new normal. <3

[enchanted]

I hope you're getting good sleep right now and the procedure went as well as it could. Thinking of you.

[louielouie]

Thank you so much, everyone. I got home a couple hours ago, ate dinner, and came straight to bed. I am healthy, no pain, and my medical team took very good care of me. Your messages mean so much right now. ❤️

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

louielouie, how are you holding up?

[louielouie]

Physically I’m doing really well, and emotionally I’m feeling a little more like myself. I get moments of sadness through the day, but I let them come. I went back to work last week, but was able to hide away from most people so that was helpful in the transition back. Today is my first “real” day, so I’m a little anxious. I hope staying busy makes it easier. Thank you for asking. 💗

[catlady22]

louielouie I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your day back at work goes quickly for you.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

louielouie, I hope today went okay. Post-loss is exhausting! You're doing great.

[louielouie]

♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ Thank you so much. The work day was smooth. It was really nice to have a little distraction. I miss being pregnant and I miss my baby. I’m so thankful for all of you and your kind messages checking in on me.

[enchanted]

I'm glad work went well. Having something to focus on definitely helps.

[louielouie]

Update: I had my follow-up appointment today and I’m physically doing very well. Emotionally I’m ok, but I have my moments of grief and struggle. We opted for the genetic evaluation and my baby had trisomy 8. He was a boy.

Thank you for giving me a place to talk out my feelings when I knew no one else around me would understand. It’s meant a lot. DH and I are hoping to TTC after a few months have passed. Sending lots of love to everyone. 💗

[addymac]

💛💛💛💛💛💛
Hugs.