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Post by nevertoomanyshoes on Jan 20, 2021 23:31:51 GMT -6
I’ve had very young students with weighted snake or possum type stuffed animals that can double as lap weighted blanket or shoulder or lifting or whatever works for them. Also things like chair push ups or jumping in hoops if he can’t be outside at daycare. Outside- trikes, our daycare has ones without pedals that the kids push each other around on which would be ideal for someone who needs heavy work while also being fun and social. Digger toys and moving rocks around and that sort of thing in a sandbox. There are also fab sensory “finding toys” on Etsy- where the bag is full of beans or coloured rice and there are little toys or wishing stones hidden inside, they have to “find” them all. I’m blanking on the name of them. Some of my students have enjoyed finding little tiny figurines hidden in theraputty.
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Post by nevertoomanyshoes on Jan 20, 2021 23:34:56 GMT -6
Found it, I spy bags they’re often called
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euphony
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Post by euphony on Jan 21, 2021 4:42:33 GMT -6
My kid didn't struggle at daycare, but did routinely beat the hell out of me at home. It can be really rough. I was recommended a visual "feelings thermometer" to get my son to point to to indicate what he was feeling and that had accompanying activities. E.g., I feel FRUSTRATED. I will punch my pillow, snap popsicle sticks...etc.
It is good if you can find a way to reward every act of impulse control or healthy display of emotion in some way. If he can label an emotion or does hold back behaviour, make sure to praise him for it. Kids with these issues are much more motivated by reward. Punishment usually does nothing but amp up their emotions.
My son is tons better at 5, but 3-5 was really draining.
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jessila
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Post by jessila on Jan 21, 2021 6:34:29 GMT -6
My 5 yo is autistic so sensory seeking and avoiding. The body sock is great but a sensory sheet is even better for him. It's like a fitted tube top for their mattress made of the same material as a body sock. None of his therapists had heard of it, I had just stumbled across it on Amazon one day. A trampoline would likely be a good investment for him as well. He can jump or bounce on his knees or butt. Maybe even make up.some games to do with it.
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klw
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Post by klw on Jan 21, 2021 6:40:50 GMT -6
How is his speech? I have had experience with some children being aggressive out of frustration of not being understood?
Another suggestion that I have heard is to try karate or something similar. It gives them an outlet for their aggression. The classes also focus on discipline and respect for others.
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Post by welshi on Jan 21, 2021 6:58:52 GMT -6
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are absolutely not failing him. The role playing exercises, speaking to his pediatrician, trying to talk to him about what he’s feeling all seem like great steps. I wish I had some advice on what you could do in the meantime, but I did want to wish you all the best and hopefully you have answers/a plan soon. Thank you for the kind words. I just feel so defeated. He can be super sweet and I want other people to be able to see that side of him. I just feel like I'm drowning. I totally get this. My son was not dissimilar at that age, and I would always be frustrated that not everybody saw the sweet kid I knew. You’re doing great, really.
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cmb
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Post by cmb on Jan 21, 2021 7:11:44 GMT -6
Your son sounds exactly like my eldest before we began services. Big hugs.
You said you are on waitlists... is one for a child psychologist or developmental pediatrician for ab official evaluation? I would also call your school district and put in a referral for an evaluation by them. By the time you sign the papers for consent, they have 60 days to do the evaluations and make a determination by law. I would start in those two areas.
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Post by theseaword on Jan 21, 2021 8:10:18 GMT -6
I typed and deleted a whole long thing. We went through something similar with DS1 starting at that age, and I'll say it's been a process. There wasn't a magic bullet. Have you had a conversation with his pedi? We started there, then worked with private OT. OT, work on our part and his, and the maturity of his age have brought us to a good place. If you can get OT services, it's definitely helpful as it gives the parent and child vocabulary to discuss what is going on, and tools the child can use to soothe themselves. DS1 was treated for SPD at 3 and got private OT. He was diagnosed ADHD in 1st grade. Now, in third, he's a bright, sweet, well behaved student that his teachers enjoy working with. We have a 504 plan, and of course there are still things he struggled with, but I remember being so anxious with every phone call from the school or at every daycare pickup. I worried that he'd grow to hate school and be miserable and struggle forever. And that hasn't been the case. It sounds like you already in a good place as you are able to identify the sensory seeking and are looking for services. That's a great place to start.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 21, 2021 8:31:25 GMT -6
Thanks everyone. I am trying to catch up an answer questions as best as I can. I know klw asked how his speech was and others were mentioning being able to communicate his feelings. From what I can tell his speech is on par or better than his peers. If it comes to other aspects of day to day he can communicate really well. I have heard through daycare that sometimes the other children don't "get" him when he is trying to play (especially imaginative play) and that causes both parties to be frustrated and then his feelings are hurt.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Jan 21, 2021 8:31:48 GMT -6
Similar to theseaword's lo, R was diagnosed SPD at 4 and ADHD in K. Our pediatrician gave us questionnaires for us and his teachers to fill out to diagnose him and then sent us to OT.
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Post by cabbagecabbage on Jan 21, 2021 9:33:04 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy 😭 I was a babysitter for a kid who sounds just like yours. He just barely didn’t qualify for EI but his parents paid for OT. He had extreme sensory seeking. They had a bunch of things but the biggest help were (and still are tears later) a small indoor trampoline and a swing. He’s now 8 and still jumps on the trampoline for hours a week.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Jan 21, 2021 10:19:39 GMT -6
He sounds like my 3yo: I pretty much have an anxiety attack every day picking him because I’m so nervous about what I’m going to hear.
We do heavy work, weighted blanket, weighted vest, sensory swing, sensory toys, etc. He likes a job. His teachers and I will give him jobs to do so he feels purposeful. We also do a star chart and every morning when we drive to school, I go over the rules and ask what’s his reward for having a great day (since he’s 3, it’s really no skin off my back to let him pick it, it’s typically things like watching a show with his brother or chicken nuggets for dinner). Knowing the behavior is more related to impulse control, the star chart isn’t perfect, but when we do have good days, we make a huge deal out of his reward and talk about how he’s growing up. Does he have something he uses to soothe? My kid has a fleece blanket he likes to rub on himself. We send one to school and when he needs it, the teacher lets him have it. They also put a tent in his classroom. When he’s very overwhelmed, he likes to go in there, set a timer and take a break. It makes him feel back in control. He also likes to wear headphones because noise can bother him. We’ve been emphasizing telling a teacher lately because 3yo’s are 3yo’s so when a kid is impulsive with him, it’s so hard for him not to react. But his reactions are a lot. It’s a work in progress and sometimes we have great weeks and sometimes ... not. I’m sorry. I know how stressful it can be.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Jan 21, 2021 10:39:08 GMT -6
@sweetjane That is a good question. I will call tomorrow and ask. I may also see if they could do a telehealth appointment earlier. I just assumed they would want to actually see him but maybe that's not the case. I think it's also hard for daycare since my kid is so much bigger than his peers. He is one of the youngest in the class but still overwhelms them physically. I can really empathize with this. My DS is huge for his age (he’s 7, but looks 10) and has ADHD and ASD. It’s so hard when kids look older, but have social/emotional delays that lead them to act younger than their age.
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Post by peachtree on Jan 21, 2021 10:43:08 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy 😭 When were having some issues with impulse control and just general inability to be calm we took our kiddo to a martial arts class. He ended up not sticking with it but for the few months he did do it it helped burn that energy and I think for a less timid kid it would be fantastic.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 21, 2021 10:45:45 GMT -6
Cher I'm sorry you can commiserate. The dread of picking him up truly is terrible. I was explaining to my H that my first instinct when daycare calls isn't "oh I hope Ds is okay" it's more like "please don't let this be the call where he is kicked out". I feel bad for saying that but it's where I'm at.he doesn't really have a soother. I wish he did because I feel like it would help. I do notice him chewing on his sleeves sometimes but he didn't like the chew necklace I got for him.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 21, 2021 10:51:15 GMT -6
Prior to covid we had planned to enroll him in soccer and had also tossed around swimming or karate. With the pandemic we have been holding off but hopefully we can get to a place we are comfortable here in the next few months.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Jan 21, 2021 11:01:06 GMT -6
I’ll echo others to say that if he is a sensory seeker, swings, trampolines, a big bean bag chair or cushions to use as a crash pad, and climbing playground equipment are so helpful. Additionally, sensory bins with kinetic sand, water beads, dried rice, play dough, etc... and a variety of small toys were very calming for my child at that age. His preschool teachers would accommodate his sensory needs as much as possible by doing things like letting him bounce around instead of sitting still during story time, taking him for little walks around the building, and by redirecting him to sensory activities when he started to act out.
DS was dual enrolled in a gen Ed morning preschool and a special Ed afternoon preschool at 4 yo. One of the things we found was that we had to advise the gen Ed preschool teachers about how to talk to him in ways that were most effective for him. For example, if they asked him to pick up toys by singing their clean up song, he wouldn’t know where to start and it would seem like he was stonewalling them. However, if they specifically asked him to put the trucks he had been playing with into a bin, he would happily oblige. If they spoke sharply to him because he wasn’t paying attention to directions, he would melt down with emotion, but if they kindly redirected his attention and reminded him what he was supposed to be doing, he’d listen and comply. We had preschool teachers who were happy to work with us to figure out this stuff and he ended up having a great gen Ed preschool experience that really prepared him to be mainstreamed in kindergarten.
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AmyG
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Post by AmyG on Jan 21, 2021 11:38:36 GMT -6
When he answers I dont know when you ask why, Give him ideas of what to do when he doesnt know why hes reacting. He doesnt have the words to actually describe the overwhelmed feeling, or fruatration or whatever.
Read more social stories aimed at get frustrated, dont hit, go over there and sit. Or other easy to remember actions. At school theres rarely a pillow you can hit, but ask teacher for suggestions of what he can do where they are when this usually occurs.like if it was a nonverbal toddler biting, you need more info on what leads up to it, and you need school adults to watch and step in and redirect.
Ask for their eyes on the situation, if its a particular student, words being used, rule out taunting, bullying, or not allowing him to participate, a certain game that ramps him up, etc.
Using large muscle groups is usually good for adhd, autistic, sensory seekers. In lieu of karate type class, get him climbing which uses lots of muscles. So jungle gym, climbing wall.
Also mine did basically batting practice, whole body swings of a bat/stick at the chainlink fence for half hour a day after school to kerp himself able to sit, concentrate and not attack kids at school to fight or wrestle.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Jan 21, 2021 13:00:16 GMT -6
Cher I'm sorry you can commiserate. The dread of picking him up truly is terrible. I was explaining to my H that my first instinct when daycare calls isn't "oh I hope Ds is okay" it's more like "please don't let this be the call where he is kicked out". I feel bad for saying that but it's where I'm at.he doesn't really have a soother. I wish he did because I feel like it would help. I do notice him chewing on his sleeves sometimes but he didn't like the chew necklace I got for him. I could have wrote that first part when R was in daycare. We actually did get a call once that he needed picked up immediately and that if we couldn't get him under control he would be kicked out. Of course they also went on to trying to diagnose him which I made very clear they were not of authority to do so and that we would have an actual trained professional handle that part. But that's another story for another time. But I remember the dread. I remember hating going to pick him up and the other kids telling me all the things he did wrong that day and the looks I felt I was getting from other parents because no doubt their kids were going home and telling them what an asshole my kid had been that day. The brushing was such a change that I never expected to see. That and working with OT really helped him the most.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Jan 21, 2021 14:30:07 GMT -6
Cher I'm sorry you can commiserate. The dread of picking him up truly is terrible. I was explaining to my H that my first instinct when daycare calls isn't "oh I hope Ds is okay" it's more like "please don't let this be the call where he is kicked out". I feel bad for saying that but it's where I'm at.he doesn't really have a soother. I wish he did because I feel like it would help. I do notice him chewing on his sleeves sometimes but he didn't like the chew necklace I got for him. My phone rang today while I was working out with my trainer and I actually said something very similar to him. You’re not alone in that shitty feeling.
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cribs
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Post by cribs on Jan 21, 2021 14:40:58 GMT -6
I didn't read the whole thread but can you see if health insurance will cover OT and that may get him on a separate wait list. My son had OT through our hospital before it was through the school. My daughters PT went from in school to at home because of a change in some stuff and now it's through our insurance
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