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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 19:37:51 GMT -6
**PDQ may poof later ***
This is going to be long so I am sorry in advance. My son has been having some issues lately and I am at a lost for what to do. We currently are scheduled to see our pediatrician later this month and are on multiple wait lists to see about getting evaluated and some sort of behavioral help. I just don't know what/if there is anything I can do in the interim.
My son is at an 11 with everything he does. It is to the point where I am getting calls or notes from daycare almost daily. They recommend getting him evaluated but there is a lag in our city. He has a hard time regulating his emotions and appears to be sensory seeking. He doesn't understand personal boundaries and he doesn't realize how strong he is. We do roleplaying every night about various things (hands to yourself, if someone doesn't want to play, how to share etc.) but it just seems like he can't control what he does. For instance he may kick or hit a friend at school, when asked why he just says "I don't know I just did". This is a recurring theme and even when we ask "did you feel happy, frustrated, mad, excited etc" he just says he doesn't know.
Sorry if this is just rambling and doesn't make sense. I am just so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. I feel like we are failing him and I am willing to try anything until we can get a more formal diagnosis.
Eta: He turns 4 this week
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Post by welshi on Jan 20, 2021 19:39:50 GMT -6
How old is he?
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 19:41:47 GMT -6
I knew I would forget something important. He turns 4 on Saturday.
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Post by Sweetjane on Jan 20, 2021 19:43:15 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're going through all this. I don't have any advice, but it sounds like you have a plan and you have calls in to the right places. How old is your son?
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 19:43:52 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're going through all this. I don't have any advice, but it sounds like you have a plan and you have calls in to the right places. How old is your son? Sorry just edited, he is turning 4.
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Post by welshi on Jan 20, 2021 19:49:03 GMT -6
Iām so sorry you are going through this. You are absolutely not failing him. The role playing exercises, speaking to his pediatrician, trying to talk to him about what heās feeling all seem like great steps. I wish I had some advice on what you could do in the meantime, but I did want to wish you all the best and hopefully you have answers/a plan soon.
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cp3
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Post by cp3 on Jan 20, 2021 19:55:21 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you are going through this. And yes the waitlists in our area suck. It took us 8 months to get my DD1 in to for an OT and PT evaluation. There are just not many pediatric specialists where we live unfortunately.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things and being proactive but it doesn't really help in the mean time.
My almost 3 yo is a huge sensory seeker. She just needs constant touch and pressure all day long and it can be a bit much. Her OT recommended a body sock which I ordered last week. We also give her heavy work to do like carrying groceries or laundry. We've also started making her into a sandwich so she will lay on top of a cushion or blanket and then I'll place a few blankets or a weighted blanket and then place another cushion on top. It helps to relax her and gives her the full body pressure she craves.
I can PM you with the OT place we use as well as one that just opened up that my youngest's OT recommended if you would like. They are new and I don't think have a huge waitlist but they are still working out insurance contracts so they aren't accepting all insurances yet.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 19:55:24 GMT -6
Iām so sorry you are going through this. You are absolutely not failing him. The role playing exercises, speaking to his pediatrician, trying to talk to him about what heās feeling all seem like great steps. I wish I had some advice on what you could do in the meantime, but I did want to wish you all the best and hopefully you have answers/a plan soon. Thank you for the kind words. I just feel so defeated. He can be super sweet and I want other people to be able to see that side of him. I just feel like I'm drowning.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2021 19:55:51 GMT -6
Impulse control is still a work in progress at that age. Executive functioning is still emerging.
He may not be experiencing emotion but instead acting on impulse. Or he could be having emotion but either can't identify it or when asked he shuts down from shame/fear/etc.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I hope the pediatrician has solutions.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 19:58:19 GMT -6
cp3 if you could PM me that info I would really appreciate it. We try to give him heavy work and we just ordered a bunch of compression shirts to go underneath his clothes. Maybe I will try to prime a weighted blanket tonight to see if it will help.
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Post by Sweetjane on Jan 20, 2021 20:03:04 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're going through all this. I don't have any advice, but it sounds like you have a plan and you have calls in to the right places. How old is your son? Sorry just edited, he is turning 4. Ohh he is still so little! Does your pediatrician have someone on staff for behavioral questions? I called my pediatrician several years ago about one of my kids for his behavior. I left a message with the nurse line and they called me back for a phone consultation and it was very helpful. My H and I each took a turn talking to the Doctor on the phone. Does your office have this kind of option so you can get some support sooner than the end of the month?
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cp3
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Post by cp3 on Jan 20, 2021 20:06:39 GMT -6
cp3 if you could PM me that info I would really appreciate it. We try to give him heavy work and we just ordered a bunch of compression shirts to go underneath his clothes. Maybe I will try to prime a weighted blanket tonight to see if it will help. I will. Also there is a YouTube read aloud for "The Big Bad Mood" that is a pretty good story and shows how your behavior might make others not want to play with you. He might be too young for it but it helped my 6 year old. I think I have a few other stories in my email we've done with her OT and therapist she sees for anxiety that might help and I can send you the names of those too. I'm sorry. It's very draining trying to navigate this while having to wait to see specialists.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 20:09:24 GMT -6
@sweetjane That is a good question. I will call tomorrow and ask. I may also see if they could do a telehealth appointment earlier. I just assumed they would want to actually see him but maybe that's not the case.
I think it's also hard for daycare since my kid is so much bigger than his peers. He is one of the youngest in the class but still overwhelms them physically.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 20:12:48 GMT -6
cp3 if you could PM me that info I would really appreciate it. We try to give him heavy work and we just ordered a bunch of compression shirts to go underneath his clothes. Maybe I will try to prime a weighted blanket tonight to see if it will help. I will. Also there is a YouTube read aloud for "The Big Bad Mood" that is a pretty good story and shows how your behavior might make others not want to play with you. He might be too young for it but it helped my 6 year old. I think I have a few other stories in my email we've done with her OT and therapist she sees for anxiety that might help and I can send you the names of those too. I'm sorry. It's very draining trying to navigate this while having to wait to see specialists. I will check it out. We have been reading the book "What Should Danny Do" that seems pretty good in regards to choices and consequences that I like. It's a bit of a build your own adventure book, maybe we can tie this in to help him make better decisions.
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rosalind
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Post by rosalind on Jan 20, 2021 20:13:58 GMT -6
We read lots of books about keeping hands to yourself, hands are not for hitting, naming feelings, etc. My kinder strong feelings kid is in therapy, but it is getting better. I am sorry it is so hard.
Please ask daycare to work on problem solving, too. You are not there so to some degree, they need to figure it out. A calm down bottle? Cool down corner? Deep breathing or yoga exercises?
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Post by Nonniedee on Jan 20, 2021 20:22:17 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you are going through this. And yes the waitlists in our area suck. It took us 8 months to get my DD1 in to for an OT and PT evaluation. There are just not many pediatric specialists where we live unfortunately. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and being proactive but it doesn't really help in the mean time. My almost 3 yo is a huge sensory seeker. She just needs constant touch and pressure all day long and it can be a bit much. Her OT recommended a body sock which I ordered last week. We also give her heavy work to do like carrying groceries or laundry. We've also started making her into a sandwich so she will lay on top of a cushion or blanket and then I'll place a few blankets or a weighted blanket and then place another cushion on top. It helps to relax her and gives her the full body pressure she craves. I can PM you with the OT place we use as well as one that just opened up that my youngest's OT recommended if you would like. They are new and I don't think have a huge waitlist but they are still working out insurance contracts so they aren't accepting all insurances yet. We do the body sock and heavy work for my son too. Heās still ..... a lot, but it helps
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 20:28:07 GMT -6
We read lots of books about keeping hands to yourself, hands are not for hitting, naming feelings, etc. My kinder strong feelings kid is in therapy, but it is getting better. I am sorry it is so hard. Please ask daycare to work on problem solving, too. You are not there so to some degree, they need to figure it out. A calm down bottle? Cool down corner? Deep breathing or yoga exercises? They have a "peace table" and have been really going out of their way to accommodate him. Maybe we can incorporate yoga into our morning routine. Do you have any recommendations?
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cp3
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Post by cp3 on Jan 20, 2021 20:28:56 GMT -6
Nonniedee that's good to know. I had never heard of the body sock until her OT mentioned it a couple weeks ago. I hope it helps. I need a break from her constant touch.
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cp3
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Post by cp3 on Jan 20, 2021 20:30:46 GMT -6
We read lots of books about keeping hands to yourself, hands are not for hitting, naming feelings, etc. My kinder strong feelings kid is in therapy, but it is getting better. I am sorry it is so hard. Please ask daycare to work on problem solving, too. You are not there so to some degree, they need to figure it out. A calm down bottle? Cool down corner? Deep breathing or yoga exercises? They have a "peace table" and have been really going out of there way to accommodate him. Maybe we can incorporate yoga into our morning routine. Do you have any recommendations? Both by 6 and almost 3 year old love the various Cosmic kids yoga videos. The 3 year old rarely finishes a whole video but will do quite a bit of it. They also have some deep breathing and meditation type videos on their YouTube channel.
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Post by ambiguousmango on Jan 20, 2021 20:32:16 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy š
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Tlex
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Post by Tlex on Jan 20, 2021 20:47:20 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy š Besides heavy work swimming is the only thing that really tires my sensory seeker out enough physically to have a noticeable difference in behaviour. Not sure if thatās an option where you are right now, and probably not realistic for a before daycare activity. Biking is also pretty good, but winter.
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snowyowl
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Post by snowyowl on Jan 20, 2021 20:50:42 GMT -6
For kids over three, the local public school system is a resource. This can be an easy or difficult process depending on your district, but if contact the special education department of your district and share your concerns.
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rosalind
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Post by rosalind on Jan 20, 2021 21:00:42 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy š We had a lot of success with a trampoline at that age. Lots of red light/green light and animal movement, too. Hop like a rabbit, slither like a snake, walk like a bear, hop like a frog, etc.
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Post by Nonniedee on Jan 20, 2021 21:12:29 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy š Besides heavy work swimming is the only thing that really tires my sensory seeker out enough physically to have a noticeable difference in behaviour. Not sure if thatās an option where you are right now, and probably not realistic for a before daycare activity. Biking is also pretty good, but winter. Yes yes yes, he loves the water. Obviously with COVID, we canāt go swimming, so I put him in the tub and let him rock. He makes a gigantic mess, but heāll spend an hour or more in there āswimmingā. Itās his happiest place.
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cp3
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Post by cp3 on Jan 20, 2021 21:48:19 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy š I know it might not work before daycare but we do a lot of obstacle courses. Or even just set up a crash pad area with pillows and cushions and I let her jump or run into them. She also loves her balance bike so we go on a mile bike ride most days. We've also been doing kid workout videos on YouTube on days it's too cold to go for a walk and that helps. During the summer we set the inflatable pool up a lot and she will swim for hours in it. I know what you mean about tiring them out. I can definitely see a behavior change on days she doesn't get as much physical activity.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Jan 20, 2021 21:49:07 GMT -6
Ok so we dealt with a lot of this with R. At 4 we noticed transitions were especially hard (still are sometimes) so we had daycare impliment a visual timer so he could see how much time was left for the activity and then the teacher also would give 5 and 10 minute warnings so he knew go be wrapping it up. It also helped to keep his hands busy. We gave him a fidget cube but also at daycare if the teacher didn't know where it was but saw him starting to get worked up she would toss him some play doh and the kneading of the dough would mellow him out. We eventually got into OT and they had us do brushing on him which was night and day different.
Other things that have helped us:
Weighted blanket for naps/bed and a small weighted lap blanket for if he's having an extra rough day
Physical exertion. Anything to activate the muscles. Our rock wall does wonders for that at home but at school it was a little harder. I would have him climb the wall a few times before we left for school in the mornings.
Relaxing music. R is both seeking and avoiding so if things get too chaotic for him he knows he can turn on his relaxing music (pandora relaxing radio station) and just chill.
Deep breaths. We taught him when he felt the urge to hit to take 3 deep breaths. If he still wanted to hit someone then take 3 more. Until he was calm. It's not 100% and in the beginning it was a lot of yelling deep breaths when you could see him about to explode from across the room. But when we were side by side we would get down on his level and have him look us in the eye and take 3 deep breaths with him. We also started using it ourselves (somewhat exaggerated, we weren't going to hit anyone but just when something that would have upset R, even if it didn't bother us, we would make a mad face and then take deep breaths and calmly fix the problem) and at 4 they really do pay more attention to how we deal with things than we realize.
Yoga. It helped with both the muscle exertion and also the deep breaths. Somewhere (I feel like it started in daycare) he has picked up meditating. He does the whole sitting criss cross with his hands on his knees with his middle fingers and thumbs touching like you see on movies but he will say that he needs to meditate so he can calm down and will go to his room or sometimes just sit in the middle of the floor. But it helps.
Over time he has learned things that work for him but we have had to help him discover those things in some ways. We have also been big on its ok to feel your emotions. Being mad is ok. Being upset is ok. Nobody is happy 100% if the time. But you have to work through those feelings without hurting anyone else.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Jan 20, 2021 21:55:09 GMT -6
What works to tire out your kids? I swear the amount of endless energy has to at least contribute to the rest of his behaviors. It seems like no matter what we do he still always has energy š We used to have an elliptical. It was a cheapie that I actually picked up for free along the road one day. He was little enough it was hard for him to work it the right way so he would stand both feet on one foot slide thing and he would grab the grab handle and while watching cartoons he would pull on the handle and make it go that way. It's hard to explain but basically he turned the elliptical into an abs and arms machine and would do it while entranced in tv. Kid had a 6 pack doing that!
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cp3
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Post by cp3 on Jan 20, 2021 22:02:45 GMT -6
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FlightView
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Post by FlightView on Jan 20, 2021 22:57:59 GMT -6
Pistol I couldāve written your exact post about DS. I felt like 4 was the worst age for us. It was awful. But the weighted blanket, deep breaths and pressure helped so much. He still needs a weighted lap blanket in school at almost 7 and heās very time anxious. He needs to know what time it is all the time and how much time until XYZ. So the visual timer when he was younger was very helpful. Now he can tell time and itās not as big of an issue, but heās constantly checking and very aware. We had the Learning Resources timer, it would sound and blink yellow to give a warning before the time was up. We used it for everything. We also labeled emotions and gave a reason āyouāre mad because you want candyā keep it simple and short. Giving options like āyou can walk by yourself or Iām going to pick you up to leave, but we cannot stay any longerā usually he would start walking by himself because he hated to be picked up. Like, if anyone besides me or H picked him up it was instant meltdown.
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FlightView
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Post by FlightView on Jan 20, 2021 22:58:29 GMT -6
Pistol I couldāve written your exact post about DS. I felt like 4 was the worst age for us. It was awful. But the weighted blanket, deep breaths and pressure helped so much. He still needs a weighted lap blanket in school at almost 7 and heās very time anxious. He needs to know what time it is all the time and how much time until XYZ. So the visual timer when he was younger was very helpful. Now he can tell time and itās not as big of an issue, but heās constantly checking and very aware. We had the Learning Resources timer, it would sound and blink yellow to give a warning before the time was up. We used it for everything. We also labeled emotions and gave a reason āyouāre mad because you want candyā keep it simple and short. Giving options like āyou can walk by yourself or Iām going to pick you up to leave, but we cannot stay any longerā usually he would start walking by himself because he hated to be picked up. Like, if anyone besides me or H picked him up it was instant meltdown.
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