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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 13:29:30 GMT -6
You asked for it. I can only give my take, experiences, observations, and knowledge so please don’t take this as the be all end all on the topic.
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Post by donnameagle on Jan 13, 2021 13:35:23 GMT -6
Were you and your H involved in this lifestyle when you got married, or did you decide to try it out somewhere along the way?
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Post by donnameagle on Jan 13, 2021 13:36:19 GMT -6
Also my BFF also swings (he is gay however, so I am not sure if there are any major differences there) and I have 1000000% picked his brain about it already over lots of wine! hahaah.
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rosalind
Platinum
As You Like It
Posts: 1,717 Likes: 7,170
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Post by rosalind on Jan 13, 2021 13:36:33 GMT -6
How did you determine this was right for you and your partner? Is it all swap based? Groups? Voyeurism?
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 13:38:17 GMT -6
Were you and your H involved in this lifestyle when you got married, or did you decide to try it out somewhere along the way? We were not in the lifestyle until 10 years into our marriage. I had heard about “swingers” but never gave it much thought.
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
Posts: 54,961 Likes: 234,632
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Post by thatgolfb on Jan 13, 2021 13:39:11 GMT -6
I love this.
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Post by coolbeans on Jan 13, 2021 13:40:36 GMT -6
Do you ever get jealous or in fights with your H over something that happens? How do you set rules and boundaries?
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Post by donnameagle on Jan 13, 2021 13:42:54 GMT -6
I just want to hear about all the hot guys you have hooked up with!! And girls if that's part of it too.
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Bookshelves
Emerald
Generally at a 2
Posts: 11,428 Likes: 103,557
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Post by Bookshelves on Jan 13, 2021 13:50:09 GMT -6
I've realized I don't really know what swinging is (other than the obvious basics). same!
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 13:52:58 GMT -6
How did you determine this was right for you and your partner? Is it all swap based? Groups? Voyeurism? I’ll give some backstory. Our very Mormon BFFs (H grew up with them and the religion) who were trying to navigate out of the church came out to us. Let me tell you...mind blown and it took a minute to process. They mentioned going to a club to me after I processed it all and me being the former party girl I was asked which one thinking it was a vanilla club (vanilla is a term used to describe non-lifestyle anything). They said it was a sex club. At this time my sex life was boring. I didn’t have much interest in it and I was bored. It had nothing at all to do with H because he was trying his hardest to come up with ways to spice things up. I was the one shooting everything down. With that said, I saw an opportunity to possibly spice things up. I mentioned it to H who called my bluff thinking I was kidding. We ended up going to the club with absolutely zero intention of ever swinging. We wanted to see what it was about. H, who hated bars and clubs and who had JUST started drinking a month prior (remember, Mormon), loved it. He loved the atmosphere. Everyone was respectful and there were no guys trying to fight each other because someone looked at their lady and no women being catty. It can be whatever you and your partner want it to be. Not everyone swaps or plays (the term used for sexual stuff) and there are some people who like the vibe but aren’t interested in swapping.
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 13:55:28 GMT -6
Is swinging the same as being poly? I hope that's not an offensive question to either side. I've realized I don't really know what swinging is (other than the obvious basics). Yes and no? Poly is where you are in a relationship with another person (if you’re a couple) or another couple. We have friends who prefer that and don’t want to be with anyone else but their one couple. Swinging is not a relationship with anyone (except your SO).
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Post by bellatrix on Jan 13, 2021 13:57:25 GMT -6
What does swapping look like? What if you were into one partner, but your h isn't into the other? Is it an open relationship in that you can both mess around with anyone or does it specifically have to be a partner swap?
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:03:49 GMT -6
Do you ever get jealous or in fights with your H over something that happens? How do you set rules and boundaries? Oh man. This happens but for us it’s only ever happened once. In the beginning I thought I was ready for it all. I was not. We were with a couple. Me with the guy, H with the wife and I couldn’t enjoy my end of things because the wife was very loud and it got to me and I stopped it. I was not angry at H. It was my idea after all but where we screwed up was by not communicating. It is a 100% must to talk to each other before and after and during even. During, assuming it’s same room, you don’t have to talk but a look, a squeeze of the hand, some sort of signal needs to happen for us. You have yo set boundaries and rules beforehand and sometimes you learn the hard way. How we set boundaries is after an experience or even leading up to one we discuss what we’re comfortable with or what we thought/felt. We throw scenarios out and talk about it. Because we may be comfortable with one couple or person doesn’t mean those same rules apply to every couple or person. For us it’s all about communication and each individual situation is handled differently. It can be a lot! Oh, I do get jealous sometimes and H does too but we talk about what set it off in order to work it out.
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djs
Gold
Posts: 814 Likes: 3,931
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Post by djs on Jan 13, 2021 14:12:10 GMT -6
Do you always do it as a couple? or do either of you have days you don't want to participate but the other spouse does?
I guess I don't fully know what differentiates swinger marriages from open marriages.
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Post by bellatrix on Jan 13, 2021 14:12:14 GMT -6
becausewhy you hook up with the other couples in the same room as your h?
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:21:25 GMT -6
What does swapping look like? What if you were into one partner, but your h isn't into the other? Is it an open relationship in that you can both mess around with anyone or does it specifically have to be a partner swap? Let me tell you how many people DO NOT MATCH! One may be hot and the other is not. Couple swapping is hard as hell because finding four people who all connect on some level (because most people I know won’t screw just anyone) is tough. If one of us was into one but not the other it’s a no go. Taking one for the team does not work. Ours is very situational but more couple swap but not open relationship. He doesn’t care if I mess around with women although it bugged him at first. Also, if it’s a couple he trusts and feels very comfortable with he doesn’t mind if I go hang out with them. We’ve done the threesome thing with a female but not a male yet. H isn’t there yet with seeing me with a guy but him not with a wife but he wants to be there.
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:22:54 GMT -6
Do you always do it as a couple? or do either of you have days you don't want to participate but the other spouse does? I guess I don't fully know what differentiates swinger marriages from open marriages. Always as a couple however he is OK with me going off with a couple we trust and he feels comfortable with. He trusts that I won’t go beyond the rules we’ve set for that situation.
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Post by coolbeans on Jan 13, 2021 14:23:22 GMT -6
becausewhy you hook up with the other couples in the same room as your h? I would feel more comfortable with this than having my H in a different room... I would feel better knowing what I can see versus letting my imagination run wild. KWIM?
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:24:00 GMT -6
becausewhy you hook up with the other couples in the same room as your h? Same room. I can’t do separate room yet.
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fb
Platinum
Posts: 2,071 Likes: 11,901
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Post by fb on Jan 13, 2021 14:24:31 GMT -6
I'm trying to formulate questions. I'm so fascinated by this. I'm certain I could never do it because I am an insanely jealous person...but I am fascinated by the idea of it.
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fb
Platinum
Posts: 2,071 Likes: 11,901
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Post by fb on Jan 13, 2021 14:25:06 GMT -6
becausewhy you hook up with the other couples in the same room as your h? Same room. I can’t do separate room. So...are you guys in the same bed? Do you interact with each other?
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:29:00 GMT -6
Same room. I can’t do separate room. So...are you guys in the same bed? Do you interact with each other? We do interact usually. We mess around too or we check in by squeezing an arm or hand to say we’re OK.
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:29:49 GMT -6
I just want to hear about all the hot guys you have hooked up with!! And girls if that's part of it too. There’s been a few. I have been told I am really good at BJs by a few. H said I used to be terrible but now I’m great at it.
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rosalind
Platinum
As You Like It
Posts: 1,717 Likes: 7,170
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Post by rosalind on Jan 13, 2021 14:29:57 GMT -6
How do you determine sexual safety? How has covid affected it?
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Post by donnameagle on Jan 13, 2021 14:32:53 GMT -6
Strangely (in my brain, not that is IS strange) the hand squeeze/checking in thing is.... very hot to me. LOL!
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Post by donnameagle on Jan 13, 2021 14:34:00 GMT -6
I would also have to be in the same room. In my mind it would have to be a joint effort.
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:34:50 GMT -6
How do you determine sexual safety? How has covid affected it? Condoms always. Covid shut everything down in my state but some places managed to skirt around the restrictions like the resorts. Other places opened on the sly and people are still advertising house parties.
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Post by becausewhy on Jan 13, 2021 14:36:13 GMT -6
Strangely (in my brain, not that is IS strange) the hand squeeze/checking in thing is.... very hot to me. LOL! It is! In the meantime your also looking over to see how things are going. The contact makes it much better knowing your both enjoying and on the same page.
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jorkzy
Emerald
Posts: 13,724 Likes: 73,119
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Post by jorkzy on Jan 13, 2021 14:37:04 GMT -6
Which of you usually identifies another couple? How do you decide how far to go?
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rosalind
Platinum
As You Like It
Posts: 1,717 Likes: 7,170
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Post by rosalind on Jan 13, 2021 14:37:11 GMT -6
Do you both consider yourselves heterosexual?
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